CHAPTER XXIX.

THE CARE OF SERVANTS.

In the chapter on the _Right Use of Time and Property_, the important explanation was made of the great law of love to God and to our neighbor, which includes in its aim and spirit all other laws. The distinction is there exhibited between instinctive _emotional_ love, caused by agreeable qualities in persons and things, and the _voluntary_ love which is “good-will” toward God and man on the best and most extensive scale. This love is identified in the great command itself by the expression “as thyself.” For the love of self is not pleasure created by our own agreeable qualities. It rather is the all-controlling desire to make self happy. For this end we are required to obey the laws of God, and thus secure the best and highest happiness both to ourselves and to our neighbors.

In addition to this supreme law, made clear both by the intuitive principle of mind and in the revealed laws of the Old Testament, we have the teachings of Jesus Christ as to the character of God as a loving Father to all his creatures. And, what is especially to be regarded in estimating the obligations of a housekeeper to her servants, we are taught that our heavenly Father feels the most care and interest in those of his children who are the most ignorant, the most neglected, and the most sinful. As the loving parent gives the most thought and tender care to the most feeble and imperfect child, so the Father of All most anxiously cares for the weak, the ignorant, and the wandering of mankind.

Few of Christ’s professed followers at the present day realize what obligations they assume when they prepare large houses and establishments, which bring the most neglected members of society under their care as members of the family state.

Did they understand the sacred obligations thus assumed to train the humble members of their family with the care and Christian love taught by both the precept and example of our Divine Lord, it is probable most would reduce their style of living, so that their own children, with one or two of God’s most neglected ones, would embrace all for whom they would dare to assume such obligations.

The preceding presents the general principles to guide a housekeeper as to her duty in the care of servants. The following will suggest important details and considerations. Those in quotation-marks are from Mrs. Stowe’s “House and Home Papers.”

“Although in earlier ages the highest-born, wealthiest, and proudest ladies were skilled in the simple labors of the household, the advance of society toward luxury has changed all this, especially in lands of aristocracy and classes; and at the present time America is the only country where there is a class of women who may be described as _ladies_ who do their own work. By a lady we mean a woman of education, cultivation, and refinement, of liberal tastes and ideas, who, without any very material additions or changes, would be recognized as a lady in any circle of the Old World or the New.

“The existence of such a class is a fact peculiar to American society, a plain result of the new principles involved in the doctrine of universal equality.

“When the colonists first came to this country, of however mixed ingredients their ranks might have been composed, and however imbued with the spirit of feudal and aristocratic ideas, the discipline of the wilderness soon brought them to a democratic level; the gentleman felled the wood for his log-cabin side by side with the plowman, and thews and sinews rose in the market. ‘A man was deemed honorable in proportion as he lifted his hand upon the high trees of the forest.’ So in the interior domestic circle, mistress and maid, living in a log-cabin together, became companions, and sometimes the maid, as the one well trained in domestic labor, took precedence of the mistress. It also became natural and unavoidable that children should begin to work as early as they were capable of it.

“The result was a generation of intelligent people brought up to labor from necessity, but devoting to the problem of labor the acuteness of a disciplined brain. The mistress, outdone in sinews and muscles by her maid, kept her superiority by skill and contrivance. If she could not lift a pail of water, she could invent methods which made lifting the pail unnecessary; if she could not take a hundred steps without weariness, she could make twenty answer the purpose of a hundred.

“Then were to be seen families of daughters, handsome, strong women, rising each day to their indoor work with cheerful alertness—one to sweep the room, another to make the fire, while a third prepared the breakfast for the father and brothers who were going out to manly labor: and they chatted meanwhile of books, studies, embroidery; discussed the last new poem, or some historical topic started by graver reading, or perhaps a rural ball that was to come off next week. They spun with the book tied to the distaff; they wove; they did all manner of fine needle-work; they made lace, painted flowers, and, in short, in the boundless consciousness of activity, invention, and perfect health, set themselves to any work of which they had ever read or thought. A bride in those days was married with sheets and table-cloths of her own weaving, with counterpanes and toilet-covers wrought in divers embroidery by her own and her sisters’ hands. The amount of fancy-work done in our days by girls who have nothing else to do will not equal what was done by those who performed, in addition, the whole work of the family.

“In those former days most women were in good health, debility and disease being the exception. Then, too, was seen the economy of daylight and its pleasures. They were used to early rising, and would not lie in bed if they could. Long years of practice made them familiar with the shortest, neatest, most expeditious method of doing every household office, so that really, for the greater part of the time in the house, there seemed, to a looker-on, to be nothing to do. They rose in the morning and dispatched husband, father, and brothers to the farm or wood-lot; went sociably about, chatting with each other, skimmed the milk, made the butter, and turned the cheeses. The forenoon was long; all the so-called morning work over, they had leisure for an hour’s sewing or reading before it was time to start the dinner preparations. By two o’clock the house-work was done, and they had the long afternoon for books, needle-work, or drawing—for perhaps there was one with a gift at her pencil. Perhaps one read aloud while others sewed, and managed in that way to keep up a great deal of reading.

“It has been remarked in our armies that the men of cultivation, though bred in delicate and refined spheres, can bear up under the hardships of camp-life better and longer than rough laborers. The reason is, that an educated mind knows how to use and save its body, to work it and spare it, as an uneducated mind can not; and so the college-bred youth brings himself safely through fatigues which kill the unreflective laborer.

“Cultivated, intelligent women, who are brought up to do the work of their own families, are labor-saving institutions. They make the head save the wear of the muscles. By forethought, contrivance, system, and arrangement, they lessen the amount to be done, and do it with less expense of time and strength than others. The old New England motto, _Get your work done up in the forenoon_, applied to an amount of work which would keep the most common Irish servant toiling from daylight to sunset.

“Those remarkable women of old, in a measure, were made by circumstances. There were, comparatively speaking, no servants to be had, and so children were trained to habits of industry and mechanical adroitness from the cradle, and every household process was reduced to the very minimum of labor. Every step required in a process was counted, every movement calculated; and she who took ten steps when one would do, lost her reputation for ‘faculty.’ Certainly such an early drill was of use in developing the health and the bodily powers, as well as in giving precision to the practical mental faculties. All household economies were arranged with equal niceness in those thoughtful minds. A trained housekeeper knew just how many sticks of hickory of a certain size were required to heat her oven, and how many of each different kind of wood. She knew by a sort of intuition just what kinds of food would yield the most palatable nutriment with the least outlay of accessories in cooking. She knew to a minute the time when each article must go into and be withdrawn from her oven; and if she could only lie in her chamber and direct, she could guide an intelligent child through the processes with mathematical certainty.

“Now, if every young woman learned to do house-work, and cultivated her practical faculties in early life, she would, in the first place, be much more likely to keep her servants; and, in the second place, if she lost them temporarily, would avoid all that wear and tear of the nervous system which comes from constant ill-success in those departments on which family health and temper mainly depend. This is one of the peculiarities of our American life which require a peculiar training. Why not face it sensibly?

“Our land abounds in motorpathic institutions, to which women are sent, at a great expense, to have hired operators stretch and exercise their inactive muscles. They lie for hours to have their feet twigged, their arms flexed, and all the different muscles of the body worked for them, because they are so flaccid and torpid that the powers of life do not go on. Would it not be quite as cheerful, and a less expensive process, if young girls from early life developed the muscles in sweeping, dusting, starching, ironing, and all the multiplied domestic processes which our grandmothers knew of? Does it not seem poor economy to pay servants for letting our muscles grow feeble, and then to pay operators to exercise them for us? I will venture to say that our grandmothers in a week went over every movement that any gymnast has invented, and went over them to some productive purpose too.

“The first business of a housekeeper in America is that of a teacher. She can have a good table only by having practical knowledge, and tact in imparting it. If she understands her business practically and experimentally, her eye detects at once the weak spot; it requires only a little tact, some patience, some clearness in giving directions, and all comes right.

“If we carry a watch to a watch-maker, and undertake to show him how to regulate the machinery, he laughs and goes on his own way; but if a brother-machinist makes suggestions, he listens respectfully. So, when a woman who knows nothing of woman’s work undertakes to instruct one who knows more than she does, she makes no impression; but a woman who has been trained experimentally, and shows she understands the matter thoroughly, is listened to with respect.

“Let a woman make her own bread for one month, and, simple as the process seems, it will take as long as that to get a thorough knowledge of all the possibilities in the case; but after that, she will be able to command good bread by the aid of all sorts of servants; in other words, will be a thoroughly-prepared teacher of bread-making.

“Good servants do not often come to us; they must be _made_ by patience and training; and if a girl has a good disposition, and a reasonable degree of handiness, and the housekeeper understands her profession, a good servant may be made out of an indifferent one. Some of the best girls have been those who came directly from the ship, with no preparation but docility and some natural quickness. The hardest cases to be managed are not of those who have been taught nothing, but of those who have been taught wrongly—who come self-opinionated, with ways which are distasteful, and contrary to the genius of one’s housekeeping. Such require that their mistress shall understand at least so much of the actual conduct of affairs as to prove to the servant that there are better ways than those in which she has been trained.

“Domestic service is the great problem of life here in America; the happiness of families, their thrift, well-being, and comfort, are more affected by this than by any one thing else. The modern girls, as they have been brought up, can not perform the labor of their own families as in those simpler, old-fashioned days; and what is worse, they have no practical skill with which to instruct servants, who come to us, as a class, raw and untrained. In the present state of prices, the board of a domestic costs as much as her wages, and the waste she makes is a more serious matter still.”

It is sometimes urged against domestics that they exact exorbitant wages. But what is the rule of rectitude on this subject? Is it not the universal law of labor and of trade that an article is to be valued according to its scarcity and the demand? When wheat is scarce, the farmer raises his price; and when a mechanic offers services difficult to be obtained, he makes a corresponding increase of price. And why is it not right for domestics to act according to a rule allowed to be correct in reference to all other trades and professions? It is a fact that really good domestic service must continue to increase in value just in proportion as this country waxes rich and prosperous; thus making the proportion of those who wish to hire labor relatively greater, and the number of those willing to go to service less.

Money enables the rich to gain many advantages which those of more limited circumstances can not secure. One of these is, securing good servants by offering high wages; and this, as the scarcity of this class increases, will serve constantly to raise the price of service. It is right for domestics to charge the market value, and this value is always decided by the scarcity of the article and the amount of demand. Right views of this subject will sometimes serve to diminish hard feelings toward those who would otherwise be wrongfully regarded as unreasonable and exacting.

Another complaint against servants is that of instability and discontent, leading to perpetual change. But in reference to this, let a mother or daughter conceive of their own circumstances as so changed that the daughter must go out to service. Suppose a place is engaged, and it is then found that she must sleep in a comfortless garret; and that, when a new domestic comes—perhaps a coarse and dirty foreigner—she must share her bed with her. Another place is offered, where she can have a comfortable room and an agreeable room-mate; in such a case, would not both mother and daughter think it right to change?

Or suppose, on trial, it was found that the lady of the house was fretful or exacting, and hard to please, or that her children were so ungoverned as to be perpetual vexations; or that the work was so heavy that no time was allowed for relaxation and the care of a wardrobe; and another place offers where these evils can be escaped, would not mother and daughter here think it right to change? And is it not right for domestics, as well as their employers, to seek places where they can be most comfortable?

In some cases, this instability and love of change would be remedied if employers would take more pains to make a residence with them agreeable, and to attach servants to the family by feelings of gratitude and affection. There are ladies, even where well-qualified domestics are most rare, who seldom find any trouble in keeping good and steady ones. And the reason is that their servants know they can not better their condition by any change within reach. It is not merely by giving them comfortable rooms, and good food, and presents, and privileges, that the attachment of domestic servants is secured; it is by the manifestation of a friendly and benevolent interest in their comfort and improvement. This is exhibited in bearing patiently with their faults; in kindly teaching them how to improve; in showing them how to make and take proper care of their clothes; in guarding their health; in teaching them to read, if necessary, and supplying them with proper books; and, in short, by endeavoring, so far as may be, to supply the place of parents. It is seldom that such a course would fail to secure steady service, and such affection and gratitude that even higher wages would be ineffectual to tempt them away. There would probably be some cases of ungrateful returns, but there is no doubt that the course indicated, if generally pursued, would very much lessen the evil in question.

When servants are forward and bold in manners and disrespectful in address, they may be considerately taught that those who are among the best-bred and genteel have courteous and respectful manners and language to all they meet; while many who have wealth are regarded as vulgar, because they exhibit rude and disrespectful manners. The very terms _gentleman_ and _gentlewoman_ indicate the refinement and delicacy of address which distinguishes the high-bred from the coarse and vulgar.

In regard to appropriate dress, in most cases it is difficult for an employer to interfere _directly_ with comments or advice. The most successful mode is to offer some service in mending or making a wardrobe, and when a confidence in the kindness of feeling is thus gained, remarks and suggestions will generally be properly received, and new views of propriety and economy can be imparted. The knowledge which is so important to every woman, contained in the chapter on _Clothing_, is as much needed in the kitchen as in the parlor. In some cases it may be well for an employer who, from appearances, anticipates difficulty of this kind, in making the preliminary contract or agreement, to state that she wishes to have the room, person, and dress of her servants kept neat and in order, and that she expects to remind them of their duty in this particular if it is neglected. Domestic servants are very apt to neglect the care of their own chambers and clothing; and such habits have a most pernicious influence on their well-being, and on that of their children, in future domestic life. An employer, then, is bound to exercise a parental care over them in these respects.

There is one great mistake, not unfrequently made, in the management both of domestics and of children, and that is, in supposing that the way to cure defects is by finding fault as each failing occurs. But instead of this being true, in many cases the directly opposite course is the best; while in all instances much good judgment is required in order to decide when to notice faults and when to let them pass unnoticed. There are some minds very sensitive, easily discouraged, and infirm of purpose. Such persons, when they have formed habits of negligence, haste, and awkwardness, often need expressions of sympathy and encouragement rather than reproof. They have usually been found fault with so much that they have become either hardened or desponding; and it is often the case that a few words of commendation will awaken fresh efforts and renewed hope. In almost every case, words of kindness, confidence, and encouragement should be mingled with the needful admonitions or reproof.

It is a good rule, in reference to this point, to _forewarn_ instead of finding fault. Thus, when a thing has been done wrong, let it pass unnoticed till it is to be done again; and then a simple request to have it done in the right way will secure quite as much, and probably more, willing effort, than a reproof administered for neglect. Some persons seem to take it for granted that young and inexperienced minds are bound to have all the forethought and discretion of mature persons, and freely express wonder and disgust when mishaps occur for want of these traits. But it would be far better to save from mistake or forgetfulness by previous caution and care on the part of those who have gained experience and forethought; and thus many occasions of complaint and ill-humor will be avoided.

Those who fill the places of heads of families are not very apt to think how painful it is to be chided for neglect of duty, or for faults of character. If they would sometimes imagine themselves in the place of those whom they control, with some person daily administering reproof to them in the same _tone and style_ as they employ to those who are under them, it might serve as a useful check to their chidings. It is often the case that persons who are most strict and exacting, and least able to make allowances and receive palliations, are themselves peculiarly sensitive to any thing which implies that they are in fault. By such, the spirit implied in the Divine petition, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” needs especially to be cherished.

One other consideration is very important. There is no duty more binding on Christians than that of patience and meekness under provocations and disappointment. Now the tendency of every sensitive mind, when thwarted in its wishes, is to complain and find fault, and that often in tones of fretfulness or anger. But there are few servants who have not heard enough of the Bible to know that angry or fretful fault-finding from the mistress of a family, when her work is not done to suit her, is not in agreement with the precepts of Christ. They notice and feel the inconsistency; and every woman, when she gives way to feelings of anger and impatience at the faults of those around her, lowers herself in their respect; while her own conscience, unless very much blinded, can not but suffer a wound.

“We can not in this country maintain to any great extent large retinues of servants. Even with ample fortunes, they are forbidden by the general character of society here, which makes them cumbrous and difficult to manage. Every mistress of a family knows that her cares increase with every additional servant. Trained housekeepers, such as regulate the complicated establishments of the Old World, form a class that are not, and from the nature of the case never will be, found in any great numbers in this country. All such women, as a general thing, are keeping, and prefer to keep, houses of their own.

“A moderate style of housekeeping, small, compact, and simple domestic establishments, must necessarily be the general order of life in America. So many openings of profit are to be found in this country, that domestic service necessarily wants the permanence which forms so agreeable a feature of it in the Old World.

“Again, American women must not try with three servants to carry on life in the style which in the Old World requires sixteen. They must thoroughly understand, and be prepared _to teach_, every branch of housekeeping; they must study to make domestic service desirable, by treating their servants in a way to lead them to respect themselves, and to feel themselves respected; and there will gradually be evolved from the present confusion a solution of the domestic problem which shall be adapted to the life of a new and growing world.”

It is sometimes the case that the constant change of domestics, and the liability thus to have dishonest ones, makes it needful to keep stores under lock and key. This measure is often very offensive to those who are hired, as it is regarded by them as an evidence both of _closeness_ and of _suspicion_ of their honesty.

In such cases it is a good plan, when first making an agreement with a domestic, to state the case in this way: that you have had dishonest persons in the family, and that when theft is committed, it is always a cause of disquiet to _honest_ persons, because it exposes them to suspicion. You can then state your reasons as twofold: one to protect yourself from pilfering when you take entire strangers, and the other is to protect honest persons from being suspected. When the matter is thus presented at first hiring a person, no offense will be taken afterward.

There is one rule which every housekeeper will find of incalculable value, not only in the case of domestics, but in the management of children, and that is, never to find fault _at the time that a wrong thing is done_. Wait until you are unexcited yourself, and until the vexation of the offender is also past, and then, when there is danger of a similar offense, _forewarn_, and point out the evils already done for want of proper care in this respect.

Success in the management of domestics very much depends upon the _manners_ of a housekeeper toward them. And here two extremes are to be avoided. One is a severe and imperious mode of giving orders and finding fault, which is inconsistent both with lady-like good breeding and with a truly amiable character. Few domestics, especially American domestics, will long submit to it, and many a good one has been lost, simply by the influence of this unfortunate manner. The other extreme is apt to result from the great difficulty of retaining good domestics. In cases where this is experienced, there is a liability of becoming so fearful of displeasing one who is found to be good, that, imperceptibly, the relation is changed, and the domestic becomes the mistress. A housekeeper thus described this change in one whom she hired: “The first year she was an excellent servant; the second year she was a kind mistress; the third year she was an intolerable tyrant!”

There is no domestic so good that she will not be injured by perceiving that, through dependence upon her, and a fear of losing her services, the mistress of the family gives up her proper authority and control.

The happy medium is secured by a course of real kindness in manner and treatment, attended with the manifestation of a calm determination that the plans and will of the housekeeper, and not of the domestic, shall control the family arrangements.

When a good domestic first begins to insist that her views and notions shall be regarded rather than those of the housekeeper, a kind but firm stand must be taken. A frank conversation should be sought at a time when nothing has occurred to ruffle the temper on either side. Then the housekeeper can inquire what would be the view taken of this matter in case the domestic herself should become a housekeeper and hire a person to help her; and when the matter is set before her mind in this light, let the “golden rule” be applied, and ask her whether she is not disposed to render to her present employer what she herself would ask from a domestic in similar circumstances.

Much trouble of this kind is saved by hiring persons on trial, in order to ascertain whether they are willing and able to do the work of the family in the manner which the housekeeper wishes; and in this case some member of the family can go around for a day or two, and show how every thing is to be done.

There is no department of domestic life where a woman’s temper and patience are so sorely tried as in the incompetence and constant changes of domestics; and therefore there is no place where a reasonable and Christian woman will be more watchful, careful, and conscientious.

The cultivation of _patience_ will be much promoted by keeping in mind these considerations in reference to the incompetence and other failings of those who are hired.

In the first place, consider that the great object of life to us is not enjoyment, but the formation of a right character; that such a character can not be formed except by discipline, and that the trials and difficulties of domestic life, if met in a proper spirit and manner, will in the end prove blessings rather than evils, by securing a measure of elevation, dignity, patience, self-control, and benevolence, that could be gained by no other methods. The comfort gained by these virtues, and the rewards they bring, both in this and in a future life, are a thousand-fold richer than the easy, indolent life of indulgence which we should choose for ourselves.

In the next place, instead of allowing the mind to dwell on the faults of those who minister to our comfort and convenience, cultivate a habit of making every possible benevolent allowance and palliation. Say to yourself, “Poor girl! she has never been instructed either by parents or employers. Nobody has felt any interest in the formation of her habits, or kindly sought to rectify her faults. Why should I expect her to do those things well which no one has taken any care to teach her? She has no parent or friend now to aid her but myself. Let me bear her faults patiently, and kindly try to cure them.”

If a woman will cultivate the spirit expressed in such language, if she will benevolently seek the best good of those she employs, if she will interest herself in giving them instruction if they need it, and good books to read if they are already qualified to understand them, if she will manifest a desire to have them made comfortable in the kitchen and in their chambers, she certainly will receive her reward, and that in many ways. She will be improving her own character, she will set a good example to her family, and, in the end, she will do something, and in some cases much, to improve the character and services of those whom she hires. And the good done in this way goes down from generation to generation, and goes also into the eternal world, to be known and rejoiced in when every earthly good has come to an end.

In some portions of our country, the great influx of foreigners of another language and another faith, and the ready entrance they find as domestics into American families, impose peculiar trials and peculiar duties on American housekeepers. In reference to such, it is no less our interest than our duty to cultivate a spirit of kindness, patience, and sympathy.

Especially should this be manifested in reference to their religion. However wrong, or however pernicious we may regard their system of faith, we should remember that they have been trained to believe that it is what God commands them to obey; and so long as they do believe this, we should respect them for their conscientious scruples, and not try to tempt them to do what they suppose to be wrong. If we lead an ignorant and feeble mind to do what it believes to be wrong in regard to the most sacred of all duties, those owed to God, how can we expect them to be faithful to us?

The only lawful way to benefit those whom we regard as in an error is, not to tempt them to do what they believe to be wrong, but to give them the light of knowledge, so that they may be qualified to judge for themselves. And the way to make them willing to receive this light is to be kind to them. We should take care that their feelings and prejudices should in no way be abused, and that they be treated as we should wish to be if thrown as strangers into a strange land, among a people of different customs and faith, and away from parents, home, and friends.

Remember that our Master who is in heaven especially claims to be the God of the widow, the fatherless, and _the stranger_, and has commanded, “If a stranger sojourn with you in your land, ye shall not vex him; but the stranger that dwelleth among you shall be unto you as one born among you, and _thou shalt love him as thyself_.”

Mrs. Stowe says: “We are far from recommending any controversial interference with the religious faith of our servants. It is far better to incite them to be good Christians in their own way, than to run the risk of shaking their faith in all religion by pointing out to them what seem to us the errors of that in which they have been educated. The general purity of life and propriety of demeanor of so many thousands of undefended young girls cast yearly upon our shores, with no home but their church, and no shield but their religion, are a sufficient proof that this religion exerts an influence over them not to be lightly trifled with. But there is a real unity even in opposite Christian forms; and the Roman Catholic servant and the Protestant mistress, if alike possessed by the spirit of Christ, and striving to conform to the Golden Rule, can not help being one in heart, though one go to mass and the other to meeting.”

To this testimony of her sister the author adds some results of her observations as a resident or visitor among a wide circle of personal and family friends. The Christian care exercised by the Catholic priesthood over family servants deserves grateful notice, while the pure and wise instructions contained in the manuals of devotion used at public and private worship by this class, in many respects, are a model of excellence. As one illustration of the good fruits, the author, for a portion of each of the last ten years, has boarded in the family of her physician, Dr. G. H. Taylor. Here not less than twelve Irish Catholic girls usually frequent the Sunday early mass when most people are asleep. In this family neither her trunk, drawers, or door were ever locked, and yet never an article has been lost or stolen. And among her many friends it is this class who, with occasional exceptions, have been unsurpassed in faithful and affectionate service.

True, much has been owing to the happy management and wise care of Christian housekeepers, who in the life to come will reap the rewards of their faithful labors. A time is coming when American housekeepers will better understand their high privileges as chief ministers of the family state. Then it will no longer be a cause of discontent that a well-trained and faithful servant is withdrawn to bless another family, or to rear one of her own. Rather it will be seen that the Christian woman’s kitchen is a training-school of good servants, where ignorant heathen come to be guided heavenward, and prepared to rear healthful and Christian families of their own. Then the young daughters will aid the mother in this Home Mission, and, by imparting their acquired advantages to Christ’s neglected ones, will learn with thankfulness how much “more blessed it is to give than to receive.”