CHAPTER XXX.

SUGGESTIONS IN REGARD TO HIRED SERVICE.

There is no subject on which young housekeepers need wisdom and instruction more, than in regard to the _management of domestics_, and therefore some farther suggestions will be offered, in addition to those presented in the Domestic Economy.

Success in the management of domestics very much depends upon the _manners_ of a housekeeper towards them. And here, two extremes are to be avoided. One is a severe and imperious mode of giving orders and finding fault, which is inconsistent both with lady-like good breeding, and with a truly amiable character. Few domestics, especially American domestics, will long submit to it, and many a good one has been lost, simply by the influence of this unfortunate manner.

The other extreme is apt to result from the great difficulty of retaining good domestics. In cases where this is experienced, there is a liability of becoming so fearful of displeasing one who is found to be good, that, imperceptibly, the relation is changed, and the domestic becomes the mistress. A housekeeper thus described this change in one whom she hired: “The first year she was an excellent servant; the second year, she was a kind mistress; the third year, she was an intolerable tyrant!”

There is no domestic so good that she will not be injured by perceiving that, through dependance upon her, and a fear of losing her services, the mistress of the family gives up her proper authority and control.

The happy medium is secured, by a course of real kindness in manner and treatment, attended with the manifestation of a calm determination, that the plans and will of the _housekeeper_, and not of the domestic, shall control the family arrangements.

When a good domestic _first_ begins to insist that her views and notions shall be regarded, rather than those of the housekeeper, a kind but firm stand must be taken. A frank conversation should be sought, at a time when nothing has occurred to ruffle the temper on either side. Then the housekeeper can inquire what would be the view taken of this matter in case the domestic herself should become a housekeeper, and hire a person to help her; and when the matter is set before her mind in this light, let the “golden rule” be applied, and ask her whether she is not disposed to render to her present employer what she herself would ask from a domestic in similar circumstances.

Much trouble of this kind is saved by hiring persons _on trial_, in order to ascertain whether they are willing and able to do the work of the family in the manner which the housekeeper wishes; and in this case, such written cards as have been exhibited in previous pages can be read, or some member of the family can go around for a day or two, and show how everything is to be done.

There is no department of domestic life where a woman’s temper and patience are so sorely tried, as in the _incompetence_ and constant _changes_ of domestics. And therefore, there is no place where a reasonable and Christian woman will be more watchful, careful, and conscientious.

The cultivation of _patience_ will be much promoted, by keeping in mind these considerations in reference to the _incompetence_ and other failings of those who are hired.

In the first place, consider that the great object of life to us is not _enjoyment_, but the _formation of a right character_; that such a character cannot be formed, except by _discipline_, and that the trials and difficulties of domestic life, if met in a proper spirit and manner, will, in the end, prove blessings rather than evils, by securing a measure of elevation, dignity, patience, self-control, and benevolence, that could be gained by no other methods. The comfort gained by these virtues, and the rewards they bring, both in this and in a future life, are a thousand-fold richer than the easy, indolent life of indulgence, which we should choose for ourselves.

In the next place, instead of allowing the mind to dwell on the _faults_ of those who minister to our comfort and convenience, cultivate a habit of making every possible benevolent allowance and palliation. Say to yourself--“Poor girl! she has never been instructed, either by parents or employers. Nobody has felt any interest in the formation of her habits, or kindly sought to rectify her faults. Why should I expect her to do those things well which no one has taken any care to teach her? She has no parent or friend now to aid her but myself. Let me bear her faults patiently, and kindly try to cure them.”

If a woman will cultivate the spirit expressed in such language, if she will benevolently seek the best good of those she employs, if she will interest herself in giving them instruction, if they need it, and good books to read if they are already qualified to understand them, if she will manifest a desire to have them made comfortable in the kitchen, and in their chambers, she certainly will receive her reward, and that in many ways. She will be improving her own character, she will set a good example to her family, and in the end, she will do something, and in some cases _much_, to improve the character and services of those whom she hires. And the good done in this way goes down from generation to generation, and goes also into the eternal world, to be known and rejoiced in, when every earthly good has come to an end.

It is sometimes the case, that the constant change of domestics, and the liability thus to have dishonest ones, makes it needful to keep stores under lock and key. This measure is often very offensive to those who are hired, as it is regarded by them as an evidence both of _closeness_ and of _suspicion_ of their honesty.

In such cases, it is a good plan, when first making an agreement with a domestic, to state the case in this way. That you have had dishonest persons in the family, and that when theft is committed, it is always a cause of disquiet to _honest_ persons, because it exposes them to suspicion. You can then state your reasons as two-fold: one to protect yourself from pilfering when you take entire strangers, and the other is to protect honest persons from being suspected. When the matter is thus presented, at first hiring a person, no offence will be taken afterwards.

In some portions of our country, the great influx of foreigners of another language and another faith, and the ready entrance they find as domestics into American families, impose peculiar trials and peculiar duties on American housekeepers. In reference to such, it is no less our interest than our duty to cultivate a spirit of kindness, patience, and sympathy.

Especially should this be manifested in reference to their _religion_. However wrong, or however pernicious we may regard their system of faith, we should remember, that they have been trained to believe that it is what God commands them to obey, and so long as they do believe this, we should respect them for their conscientious scruples, and not try to tempt them to do what they suppose to be wrong. If we lead an ignorant and feeble mind to do what it believes to be wrong, in regard to the most sacred of all duties, those owed to God, how can we expect them to be faithful to us?

The only lawful way to benefit those whom we regard as in an error, is, not to tempt them to do what they believe to be wrong, but to give them _the light of knowledge_, so that they may be qualified to judge for themselves. And the way to make them willing to receive this light, is _to be kind to them_. We should take care that their feelings and prejudices should in no way be abused, and that they be treated as we should wish to be, if thrown as strangers into a strange land, among a people of different customs and faith, and away from parents, home, and friends.

Remember that our Master, who is in heaven, especially claims to be the God of the widow, the fatherless, and _the stranger_, and has commanded, “If a stranger sojourn with you in your land, ye shall not vex him, but the stranger that dwelleth among you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself.”

There is one rule, which every housekeeper will find of incalculable value, not only in the case of domestics, but in the management of children, and that is, never to find fault _at the time that a wrong thing is done_. Wait until you are unexcited yourself, and until the vexation of the offender is also past, and then, when there is danger of a similar offence, _forewarn_, and point out the evils already done for want of proper care in this respect.