Part 10

And at last, with the weak tears running down my cheeks, I told her of how it could not be; that I should be wronging her, and that she must think no more of me, only as a dear friend; when there is that amount of folly in this world, that my heart swelled, and a great ball seemed rising in my throat, and I choked again and again, as those arms clung tighter and tighter round my neck, and Lizzy called me her hero, and her brave lad who had saved her life again and again; and asked me to take her to my heart, and keep her there, for her to try and be to me a worthy loving wife--one that would never say a bitter word to me as long as she lived.

I said that there was so much folly in this world, so how can you wonder at me catching it of her, when she was so close that I could feel her breath upon my cheeks, my hair, my eyes, as once more, forgetting all in her love, she kissed me again and again. How, then, could I help, but with that one hand press her to my heart, and go the way that weak heart of mine wished.

I know it was wrong; but how can one always fight against weakness? And, to tell you the truth, I had fought long enough--so long that I wished for peace. And I must say this, too, you must not be hard on Lizzy, and think that it would have been better for her to have let me do a little more of the courting: there are exceptional cases, and this was one.

I had a true friend in Major Dyer, and to him I owe my present position--not a very grand one; but speaking honestly as a man, I don't believe, if I had been a general, some one at home could think more of me; while, as to this empty sleeve, she's proud of it, and says that all the country is the same.

Wandering about as a regiment is, one does not often have a chance to see one's old messmates; but Sergeant and Mrs Bantem and Sergeant Measles did have tea and supper with us one night here in London, Mrs Bantem saying that Measles was as proud of his promotion as a dog with two tails, though Measles did say he was an unlucky beggar, or he'd have been a captain. And, my! what a night we did have of that, without one drawback, only Measles would spit on my wife's Brussels carpet; and so we did have a night last year when the old regiment was stationed at Edinburgh, and the wife and me had a holiday, and went down and saw Colonel and Mrs Maine, and those children grown up a'most into a man and woman. But Colonel Dyer had exchanged into another regiment, and they say he is going to retire on half-pay, on account of his wound troubling him.

We fought our old battles over again on those nights; and we did not forget the past and gone; for Mrs Bantem stood up after supper, with her stiff glass of grog in her hand--a glass into which I saw a couple of tears fall, as she spoke of the dead--the brave men who fell in defence of the defenceless and innocent, hoping that the earth lay lightly on the grave of Lieutenant Leigh, while she proposed the memory of brave Harry Lant.

We drank that toast in silence; and more than one eye was wet as the old scenes came back--scenes such as I hope may never fall to the lot of men again to witness; for if there is ever a fervent prayer sent up to the Maker of All by me, an old soldier, who has much to answer for, it is contained in those words, so familiar to you all:

"Peace on Earth!" _Amen_.

STORY TWO: ABOARD THE SEA-MEW.

STORY TWO, CHAPTER ONE.

I shipped aboard the Sea-mew, full-rigged, trading from the port of London to New Zealand. Two more old shipmates of mine entered along with me; and we were just beginning to feel the breeze that would send us down Channel in less than no time. The skipper came aboard at Gravesend, and the rest of the passengers, and among 'em we had one poor chap who had to be whipped up in a chair, looking the while like as if he'd come aboard to find a hammock and a sailor's funeral. There was some petticoats, too, about him, and they had to be whipped up too, but I didn't take much notice, being hurried about here and ordered there, and the passengers all seeming to have an idea, that now they'd come aboard, all there was to do was to get in everybody's way, and stand wiping their eyes. They would get in your way and aggravate, and when they moved, go and stand somewhere wuss, till it was enough to make a saint swear; and I'm blest if I don't think that, being a man used to the sea, and a quick-tempered sort of a fellow, Peter hisself would have gone on 'most as bad as I did. What does a great fat fellow of two-and-forty want to go walloping down where the mate had told you to coil forty fathom o' rope, and then begin blubbering like a great gal? And what do people as have done nothing but grumble and cuss at the old country, go waving their handkerchiefs at it for, and then fall into one another's arms a-kissing and a-hugging, and just, too, when the deck's in such a litter that the skipper and the mate are 'most raving mad?

It's a nice place, deck of a ship just before sailing, what with the lumber, and the crew being all raw, and half of 'em three parts, or quite drunk. We'd a nice lot, we had, aboard the Sea-mew; for it seemed to me, as soon as I saw them together, that the skipper had been having the pick of the docks, and choosing all them as nobody else wouldn't take aboard a ship. But it was in this way: there'd been a sort of an upset about pay, and half the merchant-sailors were on strike; and as the owners of the Sea-mew had advertised her to sail at a certain time, and it was ten days past that time, the skipper had been obliged to sign articles with any one he could get. They were all fresh ones to us; six-and-twenty of 'em, but mostly seemed to know one another, and how to handle a rope.

We'd a mixed freight--live-stock mostly, going out emigrating, and more live-stock to feed 'em with, and a young doctor to see as they was all well, and had their salts-and-senny reg'lar; and a great big chap as couldn't stand up down below, but was always chipping his head, and taking the shape out of his hat against what he called the ceiling. They said he was a nat'ralist, though he was about the longest, okkardest, corner-shaped, unnat'ral fellow I ever did see; and he'd got more live-stock in no end of great cages--cock-sparrows and tom-tits, and blackbirds and starnels, and all sorts o' little twittering things to introduce amongst the New Zealanders. Then there was Brummagem and Manchester and Sheffield goods, and plants and seeds in cases; and the deck that full, that, as I said before, it was enough to make any one swear, let alone a sailor.

'Tain't a nice time, the first week at sea; for, to begin with, it takes all that time to get the longshore goings-on shook out of the men, and them fit to work well together; then, if it happens to blow a bit, as it mostly does in the Channel, there's all the passengers badly, cabin and steerage, and their heads chock-full of shipwrecks; and when they ain't frightened of going to the bottom, calling the doctor a brute for not attending to 'em. Sea-sickness is bad enough, while it lasts, but folks needn't be so disagreeable about it, and every one think his case ten hundred times worse than anybody else's; but they will do it; and as for the fat chap as cried so about going away, he quite upset the young doctor, as they called Mr Ward; and if I'd been him, and been bothered as he was, I'd have give Mr Fatsides such a dose o' Daffy as would have sent him to sleep for a week.

STORY TWO, CHAPTER TWO.

"You've put your foot in it, Sam Brown," I says to my old shipmet when things was about knocked together, and we were bowling along well out of sight of land. We'd been putting that and that together, and found out that for some months to come, let alone wind and weather, we'd got our work cut out, the skipper being one of your reg'lar slave-drivers, that nothing can't satisfy, and the mate a sneak, as would do anything to please the captain. So "You've put your foot in it, Sam Brown," I says; but he only grunted. Bill Spragg, though--my other mate--turns a bit rusty, and says it was me as got them to sign the articles, and it was all my fault; for he was a bit sore, owing to a row he'd been in that day.

But it was no use to growl, and say the ship was a bad one; we were in the ship, and bad captain, bad mate, bad crew, and bad victualling, there it all was, and there was no getting away from it.

"Never mind, lads; 'tain't bad pay," I says.

"Pay!" says Bill Spragg. "I'd forfeit to-morrow to be out of it, and-- Look ye there, Tom."

I turned to look; and it was the passenger I've spoken of before, him that was whipped up on deck, and now he was out for the first time for a walk, being a bright sunshiny time; while the petticoat as came on board with him was leading him about the deck.

"Looks bad," I says.

"Yes," says Bill. "But I meant the lass. Just look at her."

"What for?" I says.

"Fine lines," growls Sam Brown, squinting at her, for he was a chap that could squint awful, and when he looked partic'lar at anything his eyes used to get close together, and he had to turn his head first on one side and then on the other. He was such a quiet chap, and spoke so little, that I used to think his eyes tried to turn round and look inside his head, to see what he was thinking about. "Fine lines," he says, and then he shuts one eye up, and holds it close, while he has another look.

"Beautiful! ain't she?" says Bill.

"Gammon," I says. "Wax-doll. She'd better not get wet, or she'd melt. I wish they wouldn't have no women aboard."

"Why?" says some one close behind me. And looking round, there was the young doctor and Tomtit, as we called him--the long chap as had all the birds.

"Why?" I says gruffly; "because they're in the way, and ain't no good, and consooms the ship's stores. Would my deck be littered here with hens and cocks singing out eight bells when 'tain't nothing of the kind; and a couple of cows as is always lowing to be milked, and then giving some thin stuff like scupper-washings; and a goat and sheep till the place only wants an old turkey-cock and jackass or two to be a reg'lar farmyard, 'stead o' a ship's deck--would there be all these things there if it warn't for the women? Bother the women! I wish there wasn't a woman on the face of the earth."

"He was crossed in love when he was a young un, sir," says Bill Spragg with a grin.

"Women's right enough ashore," says Sam Brown, and he squinted towards where the sick patient was along with the petticoat, till both his eyes went out of sight behind his nose, which was rather long in the bridge, and then he sighed, and we sprinkled the sea with a little baccy-juice before coming back to the job we were at--scraping the chain-cable.

"One of our protectors wants to pay his regards to you, Miss Bell," says Mr Ward, the young doctor, you know, for just then she was passing close with the poor thin sick chap, who was her husband, and I saw her just bend her head as the doctor and Tomtit took off their hats to her.

"Sarvant, miss," I says gruffly, getting my legs straight too, for there was something about her that seemed to compel one to be civil like, being such a bright-eyed girl, with red and white in her face and a set o' teeth as couldn't have known what it was to want to be pulled out in their lives. "Sarvant, Miss," I says, making a scrape, and not a bit took aback. "I was only a-saying as worn--ladies ain't no business aboard ships."

"And why not?" she said quietly.

"'Cause all's rough and ready, and folk's tongues gets running too free afore them," I says. And then to myself: "That's one for you, Mr Jalap;" and then I turned towards the sick young man, whose sunken eyes looked brighter, and angry, and jealous like, as he held tight by his sister's arm, and he says: "Come, lady, let's go below. The sailor is right. Drink my health, my man;" and he threw me a shilling.

"That I will, sir," I says, as he turned away, though I thought to myself it would want drinking a many times before I could do him any good.

The doctor looked rather black at me; but I wouldn't see it, and got down cross-legged at my work, while Tomtit and he lit their cigars, and began walking up and down the deck.

STORY TWO, CHAPTER THREE.

What a wonderful deal a sailor can get to know if he only keeps his eyes and ears open! Of course, I mean aboard ship, where everything is, as you may say, close to your hand. Now, acting after this way, and being a rough, blunt sort of an old fellow--for I always looked old from the time I was forty--people would come and make friends with me, in a fashion, so that I got to know a deal. The doctor would have his chat on things in general, and give me cigars, and by degrees work round to the sick passenger and his case; and I soon could see that though he didn't care a damp about the sick passenger, he took a deal of interest in his case, and I could guess pretty well why. Then Tomtit would come and fold his back, so that he could lean his elbers on the bulwarks, and he'd chatter about his birds, all the while smoothing his hair, and arranging his tie and collar, and brushing specks off his coat, as he kept looking towards the cabin-stairs, to see if some one was coming up; and when--being a thoroughly good-hearted, weak, soft-Tommy sort of a chap--he'd heave a great sigh, I used to shake my head at him, and say as I could see what was the matter with he, it was wonderful how friendly he'd get.

"I wouldn't care if I had a few canaries on board," he'd say. "They are such nice birds if you want to make a present to a lady."

"Why not try a couple o' doves?" I says.

He looked at me as if he meant to do it through and through, but I don't think he got far below the outside rind--mine being rather a thick skin, and I didn't let a single wrinkle squeeze up to look like a smile; so he says, after a minute's thought: "You're right, Roberts," he says; and that night, hang me, if he didn't send me to the cabin with a note, and a cage with a couple of turtle-doves in. He gave me half-a-crown for taking it, and he'd been busy all the afternoon touching up the cage with a bit of ship's paint, that wasn't half dry when I took it; but I brought it back again with me, with Mr and Miss Bell's compliments and thanks, but Mr Bell's health would not bear the noise of the birds.

The poor chap--Butterwell, his name was--looked awfully down when he saw me come back, but he wouldn't show it more than he could help; he only said something about wishing he'd had canaries, and turning his back to me, began to whistle, and feed his other birds, of which he'd got quite five hundred in a place fitted up on purpose, though there was nearly always one or two dead of a morning, specially if the night had been rough.

Well, somehow, I got to see that Miss Bell was not without her admirers; while her brother, poor chap, clinging to her as the only being he had to love on earth, seemed to hate for a soul to speak to her, and whenever I saw him, he used to watch her every look. Not that he had any need, for she seemed almost to worship him; leading him about; reading to him for hours, till I've heard her husky and hoarse, and have gone and fetched a glass of lime-juice and water from the steward, to get a pleasant smile from her, and a nod from the sick man for what I had done.

"You're a lucky man, Roberts," Mr Ward says to me one day when he had seen me fetch it, and the pay I got for my trouble.

"What for?" I says gruffly, for it wasn't no business of his. "P'raps you'd like to change places, sir, eh?" But he only laughed, and the more rough I was, the better friends we kept.

There were many more passengers, of course, but I never saw that they were any different to other cargoes of emigrants as I had helped to take over: there was two or three of those young chaps that always go out to make fortunes, packed off by their friends because they don't know what to do with them at home; some young farmers, and labourers, and mechanics--some with wife and children, some without; children there was plenty of--always is where there's women; and one way and another there was enough to make the ship uncomfortable, without a skipper who was a brute, and a mate a cowardly sneak. The crew were as bad a lot as ever ran round a capstan, but that was no reason why they were to be treated like dogs. If they'd been as good men as ever stepped, it would have been the same, for Bill Smith and Sam were A1 foremast-men; and while there was a sheet to haul taut, a sail to furl, or a bit of deck to holy-stone, I was ready to take my turn; but it was all the same, and I've seen the men bullied till they've gone scowling down below, and more than once I've said to Sam: "There'll be foul weather yet, my lad, afore we get this voyage to an end."

STORY TWO, CHAPTER FOUR.

Now, as to ordinary weather, that was all as a sailor could wish for-- bright skies, fine starn winds, and the ship bowling along her nine or ten knots an hour. We got into the warm belts, shoved up the awnings, and had our bits of fishing as chances come up; but for all that, I wasn't easy in my mind. I'd been so long at sea, and knocked about amongst so many sorts of people, and in such different weather, that appearances that would not have been noticed by some folks made a bit of an impression on me, and not without reason, as you'll say by and by. For instance, it didn't look well, so I thought, for a chap to out knife and threaten the captain for hitting him on the head with a speaking-trumpet, though it might be only in a bit of a passion, still it didn't seem right; nor yet for the skipper to be always harassing the men when there was no need--piping all hands up to make or shorten sail, when the watch could have done it very well themselves, and then making the men do it again and again, because it wasn't what he called smart enough. You see, men don't take much notice of that sort of thing once, nor yet twice, but if it's kept up, they grumble, 'specially when they know they've been doing their best. Then the provisions were horrible, and enough to make any man discontented; water wasn't served out in sufficient quantity, and things got so bad at last that the men had meetings, right forward of a night, about the way they were served.

I knew a good deal and heard a good deal, but it didn't seem to be my place to go and tell tales, and besides, I never thought there'd be much the matter, more than a row, and perhaps a man or two put in irons, to be kept there till we got into port. I said so, in fact, to my mates Bill and Sam, "and what's more," I says, "irons won't do for me, my lads, so let's make the best of things, and get a better ship as soon as we can." Sam grunts, and Bill Smith said it was all right; so we went on with what was set us to do, and made as little trouble of it as we could.

But there was one chap aboard as the captain seemed quite to hate, and used to put upon him shameful. He was a thin wiry fellow, as yellow as a guinea, and looked as if he'd black blood in his veins; but he always swore as he had not. He'd got a Dutch sort of name, Van Haigh, but hailed somewhere out of one of the West Indy Islands, and had knocked about almost everywhere. Curious-looking chap he was, looked as if he'd always got his parlour window-blinds half pulled down, and he'd peep at you sideways from underneath them in a queer catlike sort of way. He was quite a swell fellow in his way, only dirty as dirty, and that didn't do nothing towards setting off the big silver rings he had in his ears, and was uncommon proud of. We mostly used to call him "Van" for short; and against this chap the skipper always seemed to have a spite, bullying him about more than all the rest put together, till you might have thought his life would have been miserable--but not it; he always showed his white teeth and grinned, pocketing all that the skipper and the mate gave him, till them pockets of his must have been full and nigh unto bursting. Once the captain knocked him down with a marlinespike, but he never drew no knives, not even when the mate kicked him, and told him to get up. He only grinned, but it was a queer sort of grin, and I didn't like the look of it.

These sort of rows used generally to take place when the passengers had gone down of a night, or before they came on deck of a morning. While before the cabin lot, Captain Harness was quite the gentleman, and it seemed to me that he had a sort of hankering after Miss Bell, like some more of them, or else he wouldn't have been so wonderfully civil about having Mr Bell's chair moved here and there, and wanting him to take wine, and things that Mr Ward said he was better without.

As to the fore-cabin passengers, they went on just about the same as fore-passengers mostly do: asked every day whether we were nearly there, played ship's billiards, and a bit or two of music; smoked a deal, and slept a deal more, and only did just so much work as they was obliged to. No doubt there was their little bits of squabbling, and courting, and so on, going on; but my eyes were turned in another direction; and, soon after we'd crossed the line, I couldn't help thinking how very sixy-and-seveny matters had growed. Instead of being friendly, there was quite an unpleasantness between Mr Ward and the Bells, for the sick man was as jealous as could be, and it was plain enough that he downright hated the doctor. As for Miss Bell, as far as I could see, she never even bowed to him, and he and Tomtit used to walk up and down the deck together, as if they were the fastest of friends. "And why don't they bow to one another as they used?" I says to myself, as I lay in my hammock. "Why don't you mind your own business and go to sleep?" says Common-sense; and as I was too tired to argufy, I made no answer, but went off sound.

STORY TWO, CHAPTER FIVE.

Now, if what I'm going to tell you had happened a week sooner, I should have been on the look-out for it, or if it had come off a week later; but, like many more such things, it came when it wasn't expected, and my sails were took aback as much as anybody's.

Things had been going on more peaceably than usual--weather having been hot, with light steady wind, which just took us easily through the water with stunsails set alow and aloft. The heat had made the captain sleepy, and he showed precious little on deck, while the mate, who always took his tone from the skipper, used just to give an order or two, and then make himself as comfortable as he could.

It was my watch one night with Sam Brown, Bill Smith, and a couple more. Hot! it was one of the hottest nights I ever knew, and we were lolling about over the sides, looking at the golden green water as it gently washed by the bows as we just parted it, making only way enough for the ship to answer her helm. Bill Smith had gone to take his trick at the wheel, and, looking along the deck, you could just make out his face by the binnacle-light shining up and around him. There was a faint glow, too, up from the cabin skylights, and from where the ship's lanterns flashed on the water, else it was a thick darkness everywhere, and us sailing through it, and seeming to get nearer and nearer to some great black heat, that made the perspiration stream out of you at every pore.