Chapter 15

Is a state newes-monger; and his owne genius is his intelligencer. His mint goes weekely, and he coines monie by it. Howsoeuer, the more intelligent merchants doe jeere him, the vulgar doe admire him, holding his novels oracular: and these are usually sent for tokens or intermissiue curtsies betwixt city and countrey. Hee holds most constantly one forme or method of discourse. He retaines some militarie words of art, which hee shootes at randome; no matter where they hitt, they cannot wound any. He ever leaves some passages doubtfull, as if they were some more intimate secrecies of state, clozing his sentence abruptly with--_heereafter you shall heare more_. Which words, I conceive, he onely useth as baites, to make the appetite of the reader more eager in his next week's pursuit for a more satisfying labour. Some generall-erring relations he pickes up, as crummes or fragments, from a frequented ordinarie: of which shreads he shapes a cote to fit any credulous foole that will weare it. You shall never observe him make any reply in places of publike concourse; hee ingenuously acknowledges himselfe to bee more bounden to the happinesse of a retentive memory, than eyther ability of tongue, or pregnancy of conceite. He carryes his table-booke still about with him, but dares not pull it out publikely. Yet no sooner is the table drawne, than he turnes notarie; by which meanes hee recovers the charge of his ordinarie. Paules is his walke in winter; Moorfields[DJ] in sommer. Where the whole discipline, designes, projects, and exploits of the States, Netherlands, Poland, Switzer, Crimchan and all, are within the compasse of one quadrangle walke most judiciously and punctually discovered. But long he must not walke, lest hee make his newes-presse stand. Thanks to his good invention, he can collect much out of a very little: no matter though more experienced judgements disprove him; hee is anonymos, and that wil secure him. To make his reports more credible or, (which he and his stationer onely aymes at,) more vendible, in the relation of every occurrent he renders you the day of the moneth; and to approve himselfe a scholler, he annexeth these Latine parcells, or parcell-gilt sentences, _veteri stylo, novo stylo_. Palisados, parapets, counterscarfes, forts, fortresses, rampiers, bulwarks, are his usual dialect. Hee writes as if he would doe some mischiefe, yet the charge of his shot is but paper. Hee will sometimes start in his sleepe, as one affrighted with visions, which I can impute to no other cause but to the terrible skirmishes which he discoursed of in the day-time. He has now tyed himselfe apprentice to the trade of minting, and must weekly performe his taske, or (beside the losse which accrues to himselfe,) he disappoints a number of no small fooles, whose discourse, discipline, and discretion, is drilled from his state-service. These you shall know by their Mondai's morning question, a little before Exchange time; _Stationer, have you any newes?_ Which they no sooner purchase than peruse; and, early by next morning, (lest their countrey friend should be deprived of the benefit of so rich a prize,) they freely vent the substance of it, with some illustrations, if their understanding can furnish them that way. He would make you beleeve that hee were knowne to some forraine intelligence, but I hold him the wisest man that hath the least faith to beleeve him. For his relations he stands resolute, whether they become approved, or evinced for untruths; which if they bee, hee has contracted with his face never to blush for the matter. Hee holds especiall concurrence with two philosophicall sects, though hee bee ignorant of the tenets of either: in the collection of his observations, he is _peripateticall_, for hee walkes circularly; in the digestion of his relations he is _Stoicall_, and sits regularly. Hee has an alphabeticall table of all the chiefe commanders, generals, leaders, provinciall townes, rivers, ports, creekes, with other fitting materials to furnish his imaginary building. Whisperings, muttrings, and bare suppositions, are sufficient grounds for the authoritie of his relations. It is strange to see with what greedinesse this ayrie Chameleon, being all lungs and winde, will swallow a receite of newes, as if it were physicall: yea, with what frontlesse insinuation he will scrue himselfe into the acquaintance of some knowing _Intelligencers_, who, trying the cask by his hollow sound, do familiarly gull him. I am of opinion, were all his voluminous centuries of fabulous relations compiled, they would vye in number with the Iliads of many forerunning ages. You shall many times finde in his Gazettas, pasquils, and corrantos miserable distractions; here a city taken by force long before it bee besieged; there a countrey laid waste before ever the enemie entered. He many times tortures his readers with impertinencies, yet are these the tolerablest passages throughout all his discourse. He is the very landskip of our age. He is all ayre; his eare alwayes open to all reports, which, how incredible soever, must passe for currant, and find vent, purposely to get him currant money, and delude the vulgar. Yet our best comfort is, his chymeras live not long; a weeke is the longest in the citie, and after their arrival, little longer in the countrey; which past, they melt like _Butter_, or match a pipe, and so _Burne_[DK]. But indeede, most commonly it is the height of their ambition to aspire to the imployment of stopping mustard-pots, or wrapping up pepper, pouder, staves-aker, &c. which done, they expire. Now for his habit, Wapping and Long-lane will give him his character. Hee honours nothing with a more indeered observance, nor hugges ought with more intimacie than antiquitie, which he expresseth even in his cloathes. I have knowne some love fish best that smelled of the panyer; and the like humour reignes in him, for hee loves that apparele best that has a taste of the broker. Some have held him for a scholler, but trust mee such are in a palpable errour, for hee never yet understood so much Latine as to construe _Gallo-Belgicus_. For his librarie (his owne continuations excepted,) it consists of very few or no bookes. He holds himselfe highly engaged to his invention if it can purchase him victuals; for authors hee never converseth with them, unlesse they walke in Paules. For his discourse it is ordinarie, yet hee will make you a terrible repetition of desperate commanders, unheard of exployts; intermixing withall his owne personall service. But this is not in all companies, for his experience hath sufficiently informed him in this principle--that as nothing workes more on the simple than things strange and incredibly rare; so nothing discovers his weaknesse more among the knowing and judicious than to insist, by way of discourse, on reports above conceite. Amongst these, therefore, hee is as mute as a fish. But now imagine his lampe (if he be worth one,) to be neerely burnt out; his inventing genius wearied and surfoote with raunging over so many unknowne regions; and himselfe, wasted with the fruitlesse expence of much paper, resigning his place of weekly collections to another, whom, in hope of some little share, hee has to his stationer recommended, while he lives either poorely respected, or dyes miserably suspended. The rest I end with his owne cloze:--_Next weeke you shall heare more_."

FOOTNOTES:

[DH] An almanack-maker; a ballad-monger; a corranto-coiner; a decoy; an exchange man; a forrester; a gamester; an hospitall-man; a iayler; a keeper; a launderer; a metall man; a neuter; an ostler; a post-master: a quest-man; a ruffian; a sailor; a trauller; an vnder sheriffe; a wine-soaker; a Xantippean; a yealous neighbour; a zealous brother.

[DI] This _cater-character_, which possesses a separate title page, contains delineations of an apparator; a painter; a pedler; and a piper.

[DJ] _Moorfields_ were a general promenade for the citizens of London, during the summer months. The ground was left to the city by Mary and Catherine, daughters of sir William Fines, a Knight of Rhodes, in the reign of Edward the Confessor. Richard Johnson, a poetaster of the sixteenth century, published in 1607, _The Pleasant Walkes of Moore-fields. Being the Guift of two Sisters, now beautified, to the continuing fame of this worthy Citty_. 4to. black-letter, of which Mr. Gough, (_Brit. Topog._) who was ignorant of the above, notices an impression in 1617.

[DK] This is certainly intended as a pun upon the names of two news-venders or _corranto-coiners_ of the day. Nathaniel _Butter_, the publisher of "_The certain Newes of this present Week_," lived at the _Pyde-Bull_, St. Austin's-gate, and was the proprietor of several of the _intelligencers_, from 1622 to about 1640. Nicholas _Bourne_ was a joint partner with _Butter_ in _The Sweedish Intelligencer_, 4to. _Lond._ 1632.

xii. _Picturae loquentes: or Pictures drawne forth in Characters. With a Poeme of a Maid. By Wye Saltonstall. Ne sutor ultra crepidam. London: Printed by T. Coles, &c. 1631. 12mo._

I have copied the above title from an article in the _Censura Literaria_[DL], communicated by Mr. Park, of whose copious information, and constant accuracy on every subject connected with English literature, the public have many specimens before them.

Saltonstall's[DM] _Characters_, &c. reached a second edition in 1635. A copy of this rare volume is in the possession of Mr. Douce, who, with his accustomed liberality, permitted my able and excellent friend, Mr. John James Park, to draw up the following account of it for the present volume.

To "The Epistle dedicatory" of this impression, the initials (or such like) of dedicatee's name only are given, for, says the dedicator, "I know no fame can redound unto you by these meane essayes, which were written, _Ocium magis foventes, quam studentes gloriae_, as sheapheards play upon their oaten pipes, to recreate themselves, not to get credit."

"To the Reader.--Since the title is the first leafe that cometh under censure, some, perhaps, will dislike the name of pictures, and say, I have no _colour_ for it, which I confesse, for these pictures are not drawne in colours, but in characters, representing to the eye of the minde divers severall professions, which, if they appeare more obscure than I coulde wish, yet I would have you know that it is not the nature of a character, to be as smooth as a bull-rush, but to have some fast and loose knots, which the ingenious reader may easily untie. The first picture is the description of a maide, which young men may read, and from thence learn to know, that vertue is the truest beauty. The next follow in their order, being set together in this _little_ book, that in winter you may reade them _ad ignem_, by the fire-side, and in summer _ad umbram_, under some shadie tree, and therewith passe away the tedious howres. So hoping of thy favourable censure, knowing that the least judicious are most ready to judge, I expose them to thy view, with Apelles motto, _Ne sutor, ultra crepidam_. Lastly, whether you like them, or leave them, yet the author bids you welcome.

"Thine as mine,

W.S."

_The Original Characters are_,

1. The world. 2. An old man. 3. A woman. 4. A widdow. 5. A true lover. 6. A countrey bride. 7. A plowman. 8. A melancholy man. 9. A young heire. 10. A scholler in the university. 11. A lawyer's clarke. 12. A townsman in Oxford. 13. An usurer. 14. A wandering rogue. 15. A waterman. 16. A shepheard. 17. A jealous man. 18. A chamberlaine. 19. A mayde. 20. A bayley. 21. A countrey fayre. 22. A countrey alehouse. 23. A horse-race. 24. A farmer's daughter. 25. A keeper. 26. A gentleman's house in the countrey.

_The Additions to the second Edition are_,

27. A fine dame. 28. A country dame. 29. A gardiner. 30. A captaine. 31. A poore village. 32. A merry man. 33. A scrivener. 34. The tearme. 35. A mower. 36. A happy man. 37. An arrant knave. 38. An old waiting gentlewoman.

"THE TEARME

Is a time when Justice keeps open court for all commers, while her sister Equity strives to mitigate the rigour of her positive sentence. It is called the Tearme, because it does end and terminate busines, or else because it is the _Terminus_ ad quem, that is, the end of the countrey man's journey, who comes up to the Tearme, and with his hobnayle shooes grindes the faces of the poore stones, and so returnes againe. It is the soule of the yeare, and makes it quicke, which before was dead. Inkeepers gape for it as earnestly as shelfish doe for salt water after a low ebbe. It sends forth new bookes into the world, and replenishes Paul's walke with fresh company, where _Quid novi?_ is their first salutation, and the weekely newes their chiefe discourse. The tavernes are painted against the tearme, and many a cause is argu'd there and try'd at that barre, where you are adjudg'd to pay the costs and charges, and so dismist with 'welcome gentlemen.' Now the citty puts her best side outward, and a new play at the Blackfryers is attended on with coaches. It keepes watermen from sinking and helpes them with many a fare voyage to Westminster. Your choyse beauties come up to it onely to see and be seene, and to learne the newest fashion, and for some other recreations. Now monie that has beene long sicke and crasie, begins to stirre and walke abroad, especially if some young prodigalls come to towne, who bring more money than wit. Lastly, the tearme is the joy of the citty, a deare friend to countrymen, and is never more welcome than after a long vacation."

FOOTNOTES:

[DL] Vol. 5, p. 372. Mr. Park says that the plan of the characters was undoubtedly derived from that of Overbury, but, he adds, the execution is greatly superior. Four stanzas from the poem entitled, _A Maid_, are printed in the same volume.

[DM] An account of the author may be found in the _Athenae Oxon._ Vol. 1. col. 640.

xiii. _London and Country corbonadoed and quartered into seuerall Characters. By Donald Lupton, 8vo. 1632._

[See British Bibliographer, i. 464; and Brand's Sale Catalogue, page 66, No. 1754.]

xiv. _Character of a Gentleman_, appended to Brathwait's _English Gentleman_, 4to. _London, by Felix Kyngston, &c. 1633._

xv. "_A strange Metamorphosis of Man, transformed into a Wildernesse. Deciphered in Characters. London, Printed by Thomas Harper, and are to be sold by Lawrence Chapman at his shop in Holborne, 1634._"

[12mo. containing pp. 296, not numbered.]

This curious little volume has been noticed by Mr. Haslewood, in the _Censura Literaria_ (vii. 284.) who says, with justice, that a rich vein of humour and amusement runs through it, and that it is the apparent lucubration of a pen able to perform better things. Of the author's name I have been unable to procure the least intelligence.

"THE HORSE (No. 16.)

Is a creature made, as it were, in waxe. When Nature first framed him, she took a secret complacence in her worke. He is even her master-peece in irracionall things, borrowing somewhat of all things to set him forth. For example, his slicke bay coat hee tooke from the chesnut; his necke from the rainbow, which perhaps make him rain so wel. His maine belike he took from _Pegasus_, making him a hobbie to make this a compleat gennet[DN], which main he weares so curld, much after the women's fashions now adayes; this I am sure of howsoever, it becomes them, [and] it sets forth our gennet well. His legges he borrowed of the hart, with his swiftnesse, which makes him a true courser indeed. The starres in his forehead hee fetcht from heaven, which will not be much mist, there being so many. The little head he hath, broad breast, fat buttocke, and thicke tayle are properly his owne, for he knew not where to get him better. If you tell him of the hornes he wants to make him most compleat, he scornes the motion, and sets them at his heele. He is well shod especially in the upper leather, for as for his soles, they are much at reparation, and often faine to be removed. Nature seems to have spent an apprentiship of yeares to make you such a one, for it is full seven yeares ere hee comes to this perfection, and be fit for the saddle: for then (as we,) it seemes to come to the yeares of discretion, when he will shew a kinde of rationall judgement with him, and if you set an expert rider on his backe, you shall see how sensiblie they will talke together, as master and scholler. When he shall be no sooner mounted and planted in the seat with the reins in one hand, a switch in the other, and speaking with his spurres in the horse's flankes, a language he wel understands, but he shall prance, curvet, and dance the canaries[DO] halfe an houre together in compasse of a bushell, and yet still, as he thinkes, get some ground, shaking the goodly plume on his head with a comely pride. This will our Bucephalus do in the lists: but when hee comes abroad into the fields, hee will play the countrey gentleman as truly, as before the knight in turnament. If the game be up once, and the hounds in chase, you shall see how he will pricke up his eares streight, and tickle at the sport as much as his rider shall, and laugh so loud, that if there be many of them, they will even drowne the rurall harmony of the dogges. When he travels, of all innes he loves best the signe of the silver bell, because likely there he fares best, especially if hee come the first, and get the prize. He carries his eares upright, nor seldome ever lets them fall till they be cropt off, and after that, as in despight, will never weare them more. His taile is so essentiall to him, that if he loose it once hee is no longer an horse, but ever stiled a curtall. To conclude, he is a blade of Vulcan's forging, made for Mars of the best metall, and the post of Fame to carrie her tidings through the world, who, if he knew his own strength, would shrewdly put for the monarchie of our wildernesse."

FOOTNOTES:

[DN] Mr. Steevens, in a note to Othello, explains a jennet to be a Spanish horse; but from the passage just given, I confess it appears to me to mean somewhat more. Perhaps a jennet was a horse kept solely for pleasure, whose mane was suffered to grow to a considerable length, and was then ornamented with platting, &c.--A hobby might answer to what we now term a _hogged_ poney.

[DO] _The Canaries_ is the name of an old dance, freqnently alluded to in our early English plays. Shakspeare uses it in _All's well that ends well_--

----"I have seen a medicine, That's able to breathe life into a stone; Quicken a rock, and make you _dance canary_ With spritely fire and motion;"

Sir John Hawkins, in his _History of Musick_, iv. 391. says that it occurs in the opera of _Dioclesian_, set to music by Purcell, and explains it to be "a very sprightly movement of two reprises, or strains, with eight bars in each: the time three quarters in a bar, the first pointed." I take this opportunity of mentioning, that among Dr. Rawlinson's MSS. in the Bodleian, [_Poet._ 108.] is a volume which contains a variety of figures of old dances, written, as I conjecture, between the years 1566 and 1580. Besides several others are the _pavyan_; _my Lord of Essex measures_; _tyntermell_; _the old allmayne_; _the longe pavian_; _quanto dyspayne_; _the nyne muses_, &c. As the pavian is mentioned by Shakspeare, in the _Merry Wives of Windsor_, and as the directions for dancing the figure have not been before discovered, I shall make no apology for offering them in the present note.

"THE LONGE PAVIAN,

ij singles, a duble forward; ij singles syde, a duble forward; rep[=i]nce backe once, ij singles syde, a duble forward, one single backe twyse, ij singles, a duble forward, ij singles syde, prerince backe once; ij singles syde, a duble forward, reprince backe twyse."

xvi. _The true Character of an untrue Bishop; with a Recipe at the end how to recover a Bishop if hee were lost. London, printed in the yeare 1641[DP]._

[4to. pp. 10, besides title.]

FOOTNOTES:

[DP] I have a faint recollection of a single character in a rare volume, entitled "_A Boulster Lecture_," &c. Lond. 1640.

xvii. _Character of a Projector, by ---- Hogg. 4to. 1642._

xviii. _Character of an Oxford Incendiary. Printed for Robert White in 1643._ 4to.

[Reprinted in the Harleian Miscellany, V. 469. edit. 1744.]

xix. _The Reformado precisely charactered (with a frontispiece.)_

[See the Sale Catalogue of George Steevens, Esq. 8vo. Lond. 1800. page 66. No. 1110.]

xx. "_A new Anatomie, or Character of a Christian or Round-head. Expressing his Description, Excellencie, Happiness and Innocencie. Wherein may appear how far this blind world is mistaken in their unjust Censures of him. Virtus in Arduis. Proverbs xii. 26; and Jude 10_, quoted.) _Imprimatur John Downame. London, Printed for Robert Leybourne, and are to be sold at the Star, under Peter's Church in Corn-hill, 1645._ 8vo. pp. 13.

[In Ashmole's Museum.]

xxi. In Lord North's _Forest of Varieties, London, Printed by Richard Cotes_, 1645, are several _Characters_, as lord Orford informs us, "in the manner of sir Thomas Overbury." _Royal and Noble Authors_, iii. 82. Of this volume a second edition appeared in 1659, neither of these, however, I have been able to meet with. For some account of the work, with extracts, see Brydges' _Memoirs of the Peers of England_, 8vo. _London._ 1802. page 343.

xxii. _Characters and Elegies[DQ]. By Francis Wortley, Knight and Baronet. Printed in the yeere 1646._" 4to.

The characters are as follow:

1. The character of his royall majestie; 2. The character of the queene's majestie; 3. The hopeful prince; 4. A true character of the illustrious James Duke of York; 5. The character of a noble general; 6. A true English protestant; 7. An antinomian, or anabaptisticall independent; 8. A jesuite; 9. The true character of a northerne lady, as she is wife, mother, and sister; 10. The politique neuter; 11. The citie paragon; 12. A sharking committee-man; 13. Britanicus his pedigree--a fatall prediction of his end; 14. The Phoenix of the Court.

_Britanicus his Pedigree--a fatall Prediction of his End._