Chapter 3

Friends have been distinctive in their stubborn resistance to these diversions and distortions of the simple truth that we must learn to love God and man, and that there is no other path to redemption. In each new age, Quakers have found ways to witness to the way of love and the way of peace.

May it be that a central calling for Friends today is to respond to the disintegration of marriages and the alienation of the generations by finding in their own marriages, and in their family relationships, a new quality of creativeness based on a deep and honest sharing of life? Can love be spread abroad in the earth, if it cannot be nurtured in the close and intimate relationship between man and woman, the nuclear relationship where love begins and where life begins? Can one proclaim peace among the nations if unable to contrive to live in harmony with those under one's own roof?

The mood of our age is compounded of hope and despair. We have achieved so much, in terms of technological skill and power; and we have achieved so little, in terms of harmonious human relationships. We have created the power to make this world, compared with what it has been, a paradise for man to enjoy, but we have failed to make it possible for man to enjoy what has been achieved. With the threat of an atomic holocaust hanging like the sword of Damocles over our heads, we know beyond doubt that we must learn the art of living together in love and peace or lose all we have.

In such an hour, what can we do?

We can make a beginning. We can begin at home--with ourselves, and those nearest and dearest to us. We can strive to learn the great art of living in the school that has been provided for us. We can build relationship-in-depth at the foundations of human society: for in the last resort the quality of relationships in any community cannot rise to any higher levels than the quality of relationships in the families that make up the community; and the quality of relationships in any family cannot rise any higher than the quality of relationships in the marriage that has brought it into being.

Yes, there _is_ something we can do to witness to the power of love and peace. We can make a beginning. Marriage enrichment is such a beginning.

FOOTNOTES:

[Footnote A: Mace, David R., _Marriage As Vocation_, F.G.C. 1969.]

[Footnote B: Reprinted in slightly revised form from Friends Journal, December 15, 1972.]

[Footnote C: Lederer and Jackson--_The Mirages of Marriage_, Norton, 1968, page 129.]

[Footnote D: Cicero and Fahs--_Conversations on Sex and Love in Marriage_, Word Books, 1972.]

[Footnote E: We have capitulated at times and have prepared a brief book list. A larger list appears in the appendix.]

BOOKS FOR FURTHER READING

There is as yet little in the way of literature about marriage enrichment. Here are a few books which have been found useful by leaders of retreats.

Bach, G. R. and Wyden, P., _The Intimate Enemy_. Morrow, 1969, (available in paperback). A belligerent but challenging book about marital conflict.

Clinebell, H. J. and C. H., _The Intimate Marriage_. Harper and Row, 1970. Perhaps the best book available on marriage enrichment.

Hastings, D. W., _A Doctor Speaks on Sexual Expression in Marriage_. Little, Brown, 1966. A reliable guide written by a psychiatrist and marriage counselor.

Lederer, W. J. and Jackson, Don D., _The Mirages of Marriage_. Norton, 1968. A challenging and unusual book on contemporary marriage.

Mace, D. R., _Success in Marriage_. Abingdon, 1958. An easily read paperback on the areas of marital adjustment.

Mace, D. R., _Getting Ready for Marriage_. Abingdon, 1972. A practical guide for the couple preparing for marriage.

Mace, D. R., _Sexual Difficulties in Marriage_. Fortress Press, 1972. A short and simple explanation of sexual inadequacy and the new approaches to its treatment.

McGinnes, T., _Your First Year of Marriage_. A very helpful guide for the recently married couple.

O'Neill, G. and N., _The Open Marriage_. A best-seller on some of today's new concepts of marriage.

Otto, H., _More Joy in Your Marriage_. Cornerstone Library 1969. A book full of practical ideas for increasing marital potential.

Peterson, J. A., _Married Love in the Middle Years_. Association Press, 1968. An excellent book on a neglected subject.

Rubin, T. I., _The Angry Book_, Macmillan, 1969.

Samuel, Dorothy, _The Fun and Games of Marriage_. Word Books, 1973. Thoughts on marriage as a depth relationship, written by one of our Quaker trainees.

Smith, G. W. and A. I., _Me and You and Us_. Wyden, 1971. A book of exercises (47 in all) for couples seeking marriage enrichment. Written by a couple who participated in one of our earliest retreats at Kirkridge, then went into the field as full-time family therapists.

West, Jessamyn, _Love is Not What You Think_. Harcourt, Brace, 1959. Written by a distinguished Quaker novelist.