Part 5

Before the or dessert are handed round, one must place the dessert-knife and fork at right and left, respectively, of one’s plate, and, taking up the finger-glass carefully in one hand, with the other place the d’oyley on the cloth to the left of one’s plate, then setting the finger-glass down upon it. I say “carefully,” because these glasses are often of the lightest possible kind, and are occasionally of a costly description. Besides, rough handling might tend to spill the water they contain.

[Sidenote: Dessert.]

With regard to the dessert fruits, &c., there are a few puzzles to be found among them for the inexperienced.

[Sidenote: Grapes.]

Grapes present one of these.

[Sidenote: Expelling skin and seeds.]

They are taken up singly, and afterwards the skin and seeds have to be expelled as unobtrusively as possible. It is a matter of great difficulty to accomplish this by any other method than using the hand, therefore this is the accepted custom. The forefinger is curved above the mouth in a manner which serves to conceal the ejectment, and the skin and seeds are in this way conveyed to the plate, the fingers being afterwards wiped with the napkin.

[Sidenote: Bananas.]

Bananas are peeled with the knife and fork, and the pieces are conveyed to the mouth by means of the fork.

[Sidenote: Oranges.]

Oranges are cut in two, then in four, and with the aid of knife and fork the contents of each section are extracted in two or more parts, and carried to the lips on the fork.

[Sidenote: Apples and pears, &c.]

Apples and pears are peeled with the knife and fork; peaches, apricots, and nectarines in the same way.

[Sidenote: Strawberries.]

Strawberries are taken by the stem, dipped in sugar and cream, and carried to the lips with the fingers.

If the fruit has been picked free of husks and stem, it may be bruised on the plate with sugar and cream, and eaten with a spoon. Preserved ginger is eaten with the knife and fork.

[Sidenote: Pines and melons.]

A spoon is necessary with pines, melons, and very juicy strawberries, after they have been prepared with the knife and fork.

[Sidenote: Nuts.]

Nuts are cracked with the nutcrackers, and then extracted by the fingers. With filberts and Brazil nuts the knife and fork are called into requisition in order to free them from skin, but walnuts are too intricate for anything less wonderful in mechanism than the human hand. In view of this, they are sometimes prepared before being sent to table, and of late years they have been sold ready cracked and peeled for this purpose.

[Sidenote: Almonds.]

Almonds are never sent to table in their shells, so that they present no difficulties to the novice. At dessert they are usually accompanied by raisins, which, like the almonds, are carried to the mouth in the fingers.

[Sidenote: Crystallised fruits.]

Crystallised fruits are cut with the knife and fork, unless they happen to be of a small size, such as cherries. In that case they are eaten whole, being carried to the lips on the fork.

[Sidenote: Liqueurs.]

Liqueurs are handed round at dessert, poured out ready into the small glasses that are called after them. There is generally a choice, such as “Chartreuse or Bénèdictine, sir?” to which it is unnecessary to reply, “Both, please,” as a historic young man did once.

[Sidenote: Passing the wines.]

The servants often leave the dining-room when the dessert is placed on the table, and when this is so, the wine is passed round from hand to hand, each gentleman attending first to the lady he has escorted and then helping himself before passing on the decanter, claret jug, or champagne bottle. The good old fashion of using silver decanter-stands has long disappeared, to the detriment of many a good tablecloth. So has the genial and hospitable fashion of drinking wine with one’s guests, and they with each other. But this may be rather a good thing in the interests of temperance.

[Sidenote: The water-drinker not singular.]

Apropos to this subject, I may remark that there is now nothing singular in drinking nothing but water. The days are gone when a man was thought a milksop because he could not “drink his bottle,” or if he refused wine or spirits. Should any young man prefer water, he asks for it when the servants offer him wine. He is then offered Apollinaris or distilled water or soda-water, or some other preparation of filtered and distilled water, and may choose some of these in preference to plain water.

[Sidenote: “One wine” diners.]

Claret is the favourite dessert wine of the day, but port is still seen at some tables, and it is usual to offer champagne, as many prefer to drink only one kind of wine throughout the meal, from start to finish. In fact, this is becoming quite a fashion in some sets.

[Sidenote: Cigars and cigarettes.]

The host provides cigars and cigarettes for his guests, and it would not be necessary or advisable to produce one’s own supply.

[Sidenote: When the ladies leave the dining-room.]

When the ladies rise to leave the dining-room, the gentleman nearest the door opens the door for them, and stands beside it until they have all passed through, when he closes it after them. However anxious he may be to join them in the drawing-room, he must not do so until the others make a move. Sometimes, if he is very young and rather “out of it” when politics or sport are under discussion, his host says to him, “I’m afraid you are bored. If you would like to join the ladies, don’t stand on ceremony.” But on the other hand he may dread the ordeal of entering the drawing-room alone, and feel that the safer way is to wait for a convoy. This he must decide for himself.

[Sidenote: A hint from the host.]

Perhaps his host may wish to talk confidentially with some other guest. If he makes this apparent to the younger man, the latter must accept any such intimation as the above, understanding it to be a courteous mode of dismissing him.

[Sidenote: The ordinary rule when rejoining the ladies.]

The ordinary rule is that the gentlemen join the ladies all together, the man of highest position leaving the dining-room first, the host last. Tea is then carried round in the drawing-room, and the gentlemen take the empty cups from the ladies and put them down in some safe place, out of the way of risk of accident.

[Sidenote: When a lady sings or plays.]

Should any lady sing or play, the gentleman nearest to her escorts her to the piano and helps her to arrange her music, to dispose of her gloves, fan, handkerchief, &c.

[Sidenote: Leaving early.]

It is scarcely etiquette for young men to leave first after a dinner-party. It is more usual for the elders of the party to make the first move towards departure. But should the young man have an engagement of a pressing kind, such as a promise to escort ladies to a ball, he must withdraw in good time, explaining the position to his hostess.

No one leaves after a dinner-party without saying “Good-night” to his host and hostess. Even in the case of an early departure, before the gentlemen have left the dining-room, the guest must visit the drawing-room to make his adieux, not only to the lady of the house, but to any others who may be of his acquaintance. Those whom he has met for the first time that evening may be saluted with a parting bow.

At a formal dinner-party the evening suit is imperative, with dress-coat, white or black waistcoat, black trousers, and white tie. When dining with friends with whom one is on terms of familiarity, the dinner-jacket may be substituted for the coat. Black ties often take the place of white. Patent-leather shoes or boots must be worn. It would be unpardonable to appear in thick walking-boots or shoes; and the necessity for immaculately polished footgear has cost the young man of the present day many a cab. His varnished shoes must show no trace of mud or dust. To tell the truth, he often carries a silk handkerchief in his pocket wherewith to obliterate the traces of the latter.

The pocket-handkerchief used with evening dress must be of white cambric, and of as good a colour as one’s washerwoman will permit. It ought to be of fine quality. The hair must be short and very well brushed.

It used to be the custom to tip the servants on leaving the house where one had dined as a guest, but this has fallen into disuse. There are many men who hand a silver coin to the butler, or footman, or waiting-maid who helps them into their coats, calls up their carriage, or hails a cab for them, seeing them into it, or rendering any other service of a similar kind. This is a matter that each man must decide for himself. It is only necessary to remark that the custom of giving shillings or half-crowns to the servants after a dinner-party no longer reigns; though there are always good-natured folk who will not let it absolutely die out.

_PUBLIC DINNERS._

The following information is supplied by a gentleman well-known in the City, and thoroughly _au fait_ in such matters.

[Sidenote: Public dinners.]

“Public dinners may be classed as those given by associations, or public bodies, and those given by institutions, such as some of the great City companies.

[Sidenote: When given by an association.]

When given by an association, the function is generally managed by a committee, who have the arrangement of all the details, such as choosing the menu, the wines, preparing the programme of music, instrumental or vocal, and arranging the due sequence of the speeches.

[Sidenote: On arrival.]

A guest invited to such an entertainment who may not be of the few highly placed personages who sit at the cross-table or on the daïs, and from whom speeches are expected, will, on arriving at the hall, hotel, or public institution selected, find that the first thing required of him will be his invitation card. In exchange for this he will be handed a more or less elaborate menu card, which will also contain the list of music and a sketch showing the positions of the guests’ seats at the tables.

[Sidenote: Saluting the hosts.]

After depositing his hat and overcoat in the cloak-room, receiving a numbered ticket for them, he enters the reception-or drawing-room, his name is announced, and he passes into the room, goes up to the members of the committee, who stand by themselves to receive the guests, bows or shakes hands, and passes on to join the other guests who are either sitting or standing in groups engaged in conversation.

[Sidenote: When dinner is announced.]

When dinner is announced the hosts and the highest in rank of the guests file into the dining-room and take up their position by their chairs, followed by the rest; any clergyman present says grace on being asked to do so, and the banquet commences.

[Sidenote: The order of the ceremony.]

Strangers sitting next to each other soon fall into conversation, and after the dispatch of the solid portion of the repast come the speeches. Music is played at intervals, perhaps a few songs sung by professionals, then dessert, cigars, and coffee, after which the guests find their way to the drawing-room for more general conversation, some preferring to leave without re-entering the drawing-room. In such large gatherings it is not necessary to take leave of their hosts, as a rule.

[Sidenote: Dinners given by City Companies.]

“Dinners given by City companies are very much on the same principle. The guest has but to don his evening clothes and carry himself with easy composure, not always quite a simple matter to the inexperienced, if one may judge from the hurried steps and the sudden bob that many give on entering the reception-room after arrival.”

[Sidenote: Dinners for charities.]

At dinners given on behalf of charities, it is well to go prepared with a subscription, as a collection is often made on these occasions. If not prepared to subscribe, it is more discreet to stay away.

[Sidenote: On tips.]

With regard to tips the only ones really recognised are those for which the plates on the cloak-room table are laid ready in expectation of small silver coins. Though no fees are actually necessary at table, the initiated person is well aware that the man behind his chair can administer to his wants and see that he is liberally provided with viands and wines or other matters without keeping him waiting longer than necessary. A tip, quietly conveyed before the dinner is under way, is not by any means wasted.

It sometimes happens that semi-official dinners are given at private houses, when proprietors of

[Sidenote: Semi-official dinners at private houses.]

newspapers or wealthy men interested in certain undertakings, entertain the staff of those employed. In such circumstances it may be as well to warn the guests against addressing the footmen as “waiter.” This may appear to be superfluous advice, but I have myself been present when the mistake was made, evidently to the intense indignation of the magnificent being thus addressed.

At such dinners as these, the host treats his guests as his social equals for the nonce. By having invited them to his house he places himself in the position of regarding them as he would his own friends at his dinner-table. Any infraction of this would be in the worst taste. It is also usual to abstain from any business talk at such times as these, the conversation being encouraged to dwell on general topics.

Though the fiction of social equality is maintained by the host, the guests need not adopt a familiar, free-and-easy manner in response. True manliness involves sufficient self-respect to preserve the possessor from falling into this error; but it is, perhaps, a little difficult for the novice, on such occasions, to bear himself in such wise as to avoid undue familiarity on one hand and an air of stiffness and standoffishness on the other. In his anxiety not to appear to presume upon the friendliness of his host’s manner, he is apt to wear a rather repellent air. And this is more particularly so when the _employé_ is by birth the equal, if not the superior, of his entertainer. It often happens that a man at the head of a great business has risen from obscure beginnings to the command of wealth and a high position in the world, enjoying a title and many of the extraneous advantages of rank. Among those whom he employs may be several who are his social superiors in all but wealth; but any of them who imagine that this fact gives them any claim upon his consideration or entitles them to converse with him upon a footing of equality, make a radical mistake. Their position, as regards their employer, is exactly that justified by their standing in his firm. The true gentleman is well aware of this, and would never dream of asserting himself in any way on the strength of being well-born or highly educated. He leaves all that kind of thing to the man who feels his claim to gentlemanhood to be so shadowy and insecure as to need constant insistance.

Besides, the host is usually the elder, and deference to seniority is an important part of good manners, and sits extremely well upon the young.

_AT A RESTAURANT._

[Sidenote: Should ladies request refreshment.]

When accompanying ladies who express a wish for refreshment, it is not necessary to select a very expensive restaurant or confectioner’s. One suitable to the social status of the party should be chosen.

[Sidenote: The man pays.]

The young man must pay for what his companions eat and drink, and very often this is a most embarrassing matter. He may have enough money in his pocket to defray the bill, and he may not.

[Sidenote: Though he cannot afford it.]

In any case, he is often unable to afford it, but the probabilities are that if he has the wherewithal about him, he will pay in order to extricate himself from an awkward predicament, even though he may consequently be crippled financially for some days to come. If he has only two or three shillings in his pocket, he feels extremely uncomfortable.

[Sidenote: No well-bred woman would make the request.]

No well-bred woman or girl would ever place an acquaintance on the horns of such a dilemma. But unfortunately there are many girls and women who are lacking in taste and refinement, and who would regard it as an excellent joke to play such a trick upon a “fellow,” as they would probably call him, and enjoy his discomfort.

[Sidenote: The best course to adopt.]

The best thing to do in such a case is to be perfectly frank and open. “I’m extremely sorry, but I have not sufficient cash with me for the purpose.” It is very disagreeable to have to say so, but it is less mortifying than to have to acknowledge it to the waiter at the restaurant. A young man told me that he had once, in such a case, to leave the table on pretence of speaking to the proprietor and fly round to a pawnbroker’s to pledge his watch.

[Sidenote: A well-bred girl would bear her own expenses.]

A really well-bred girl or woman would make it clear that she intended to pay for her own meal, and that only on that condition would she accept the escort of the young man.

[Sidenote: On taking advantage of a man’s generosity.]

Sometimes after a run on a bicycle or a hot walk, a young man will say to his sister and her friend, “Come in and have an ice.” If the friend is one of the unscrupulous sort, she will very probably run him into what, for him, is a considerable expense. He must pay it, however, and the worst of it is that he cannot sit there and let her eat all by herself. Even his sister, should she be present, must in good manners join in to a certain extent. Otherwise the implied reproof would be too obvious for good breeding.

_AT LUNCH._

Luncheon is a comparatively informal meal.

[Sidenote: Going down to luncheon.]

The guests do not pair off, as at dinner, but on the meal being announced the host, if there be one, would open the door for the ladies, who would go downstairs, followed by the hostess, the gentlemen behind her.

[Sidenote: In the absence of the host.]

Very often the master of the house is absent at luncheon, in which case the hostess would rise, and, addressing her principal guest, would propose to her to lead the way downstairs. “Shall we go down to lunch, Mrs. So-and-so?” would be sufficient. The other ladies would probably be sufficiently versed in the laws of society to refrain from preceding those of higher position, and the hostess would always be the last lady to leave the drawing-room.

[Sidenote: Positions at table.]

The guests sit down where they please, the host or hostess sometimes making a suggestion on the matter.

[Sidenote: After the meal.]

After the meal the guests return to the drawing-room, but only for a short time. The gentlemen resume their overcoats and take their hats and umbrellas in the hall, where they had left them.

[Sidenote: Making calls at luncheon-time.]

Should a man make a call at luncheon-time, he is often asked to remain for the meal. In that case he would carry his hat and stick into the dining-room with him, just as he would if making an ordinary call. But it is much better never to call anywhere at lunch-time unless one is on very familiar terms with the family. Many young men acquire a reputation for “cadging” for lunch or dinner in this way.

[Sidenote: Invitations from young members of the family.]

Invitations from the younger members of the family are not official, unless plainly endorsed by the elders, or one of them. “Miss Lucy invited me to lunch” is a poor plea. “Frank asked me to come and dine this evening,” is no better. Young men cannot be too particular about this matter. “I’ll get my mother to ask you to dinner, old man,” would be the safer sort of invitation. The lady of the house must fix the date, and she usually writes the invitation herself or gives it personally.

[Sidenote: Unendorsed invitations from a daughter of the house.]

Should a daughter of the house give a young man an invitation to any meal, without reference to her father or mother, it would be incorrect in the highest degree to accept it. As to children, their invitations go for nothing, of course, though cases have been known in which they have been accepted. “I met little Eddy in the park, and he made me come in with him.” This has a very poor and pitiable sound at luncheon hour or teatime.

[Sidenote: Making one’s adieux.]

It is not necessary to make one’s adieux to each guest in turn. The hostess is taken leave of first, as a rule, and the lady, or ladies, with whom one has been conversing will expect a special word and bow, perhaps offering a hand; but a general bow will be sufficient for those to whom one is not very well known. It is only at family parties that one has conscientiously to go round the room shaking hands with everybody.

_FIVE O’CLOCK TEA AND AFTERNOON AT-HOMES._

Gentlemen are in great request at five o’clock tea.

[Sidenote: Duties of men at five o’clock tea.]

Their duties are rather onerous if there are but one or two men and the usual crowd of ladies. They have to carry teacups about, hand sugar, cream, and cakes or muffins, and keep up all the time a stream of small talk, as amusing as they can make it. They must rise every time a lady enters or leaves the room, opening the door for her exit if no one else is nearer to it, and, if his hostess requests him, he must see the lady downstairs to her carriage or cab.

[Sidenote: His own refreshment.]

With regard to the viands, a man helps himself, but not till he has seen that all the ladies in his vicinity have everything they can possibly want. His hostess, or some lady deputed by her to preside at the tea-table, gives him tea or coffee, and he adds sugar and cream.

[Sidenote: Afternoon at-homes.]

With regard to afternoon at-homes, the arrangements are quite different. Invitations are sent out a fortnight or three weeks before, generally the latter, and in the height of the season even longer.

Suppose the young man’s name to be Edward Smith. His invitation would be as follows:--

+-------------------------------------+ | _MR. EDWARD SMITH._ | | | | LADY DART | | | | AT HOME, | | | | _Tuesday, November 3rd._ | | | | 4 TO 7. | | | | _12, Evergreen Square._ | | | | R. S. V. P. | +-------------------------------------+

[Sidenote: Accepting invitation.]

He replies, on a sheet of notepaper:--“Mr. Edward Smith has much pleasure in accepting Lady Dart’s kind invitation for Tuesday afternoon, November 3rd.”

[Sidenote: A great mistake.]

It’s a great mistake to write:--“Will have much pleasure in accepting.” Accepting is the action of the present moment while he is writing the reply. “Will have” refers to the future, and is therefore unsuitable. The answering of invitations is a simple matter enough, but it is a test of good breeding.

_AT THE PLAY._

[Sidenote: The underbred man at the play.]

At a theatre the underbred man is often in evidence, not only in the low-priced seats, but also all over the house. He has been seen--and heard--in private boxes. A well-known music-hall celebrity administered a scathing reproof to one of these, who persisted in talking loudly while she was singing. Stopping short, she looked up at the box in which he sat, and cried: “One fool at a time, please,” after which he was as quiet as a mouse.

[Sidenote: Entering late.]

It is a piece of bad manners to enter the theatre late, disturbing the audience and annoying the players or singers.

[Sidenote: And leaving early.]