Part 3

In the Afternoon to Kensington Gardens, where a Band of the Guards do play on this Day, and also on Monday throughout the Season, and draw together a great Crowd of Fashionable Folks. The Tunes played mostly Polkas and Waltzes, though now and then a Piece of Musique of a better Sort; but the Musique little more than an Excuse for a Number of People assembling to see and be seen. There all the World and his Wife; and she in all her Finery. The Day very fair, and the Sun shining gloriously, and the bright coloured Silks and Muslins at a Distance between the Trees, did make a mighty pleasant Picture. But I got as near as I could to gaze upon the Beauties, and am afraid that I did look too hard at some; but they mostly smiled, and methinks they do not trick themselves out so bravely to discourage Observation. To see them pacing to and fro in such smart Attire, with their shewy pink, and green, and Forget-me-not Blue Parasols, I could fancy they were the London Fashions for June come out a walking. But many on Seats with tall well-looking Gallants posted beside them, or bending down to converse with them with vast Attention and Politeness, whereat they seeming mightily pleased. Others standing in Groups here and there under the Shade, and a great Throng of them round about the Musicians; but all walking to and fro between the Tunes to show themselves. Many of the Army among the Crowd, and strange, to compare them and others of our Gentry, in Air and Manner, with one or two dingy Foreigners with their stubbly Beards and ill-favoured Looks. The little fashionable Children by the side of their Mammas elegant enough to see; but overdressed in their Velvet and Plaid Tunics and Plumes of Feathers, and their Ways too mincing and dainty, and looking as though they had stepped from out a Band-Box. Methinks they do seem brought up to think too much of their Outsides, and to look on Display and Show as the Business of their Lives, which is a silly Schooling. I did mark some of their Mothers, old enough to know better, bedizened like the young Beauties, but looking sour and glum, and plainly ill at ease in their Pride and Vanity. But it divert me much to compare the delicate Children with some Charity-School Urchins on the other Side of the Wall that did anger the Park Keeper by mocking him. I doubt me that the young Leatherbreeches be not the happier as long as they can get a Bellyful of Victuals. The Company doubtless enjoying themselves after their Fashion, but in general looking marvellous grave; and strange to shut my Eyes between the Tunes and to hear Nothing but the Rustling of Dresses and a Murmur of Voices as they did walk up and down. It is wonderful how we English do go through our Amusements after the Manner of a solemn Ceremony. Yet do the people of Fashion in Kensington Gardens make an exceeding rare Show; and I do only wish that there were no Reverse of the Picture to be seen among us. But their Finery do afford Employment to Work-People, and I do thank them for parading themselves for my Amusement, and the Officers of the Guards for treating the Town to Musique, and so giving Occasion to such a fine Spectacle.

Up, and to the House of Lords, where a Committee of Privileges touching a disputed Peerage, but I did only go for a Sight of the Inside of the House, well worth seeing; and the Carving, and Gilding, and Blazoning, a rich Feast to the Eye. There present none but my LORD BROUGHAM and my LORD CAMPBELL, and three or four other Lords, but a smaller Muster do often serve for a Court of Appeal; for their Lordships do trust all their Law Business to the Law-Lords' Hands. Counsel speaking at the Bar of the House, and the Clerks of the House before them at the Table, all in their Wigs very stately, but my Lords lolling on the Benches, free and easy, they only having the Right to make themselves at Home, yet droll to see the Officers of the House forced to stand, but some of them leaning against the Stems of the gilt Candlesticks, fast asleep on their Legs. Did think I should go to sleep too, if I stayed much longer, and about to depart; but glad I did not; for presently the Counsel made an End, and then my LORD BROUGHAM examining a Witness was almost the best Sport that I ever had in my Life. The Witness, one of the Attornies for the Claimant of the Title, and LORD BROUGHAM suspecting some Trickery in the Case, and good Lack! how he did bait and ferret him to draw it out, asking the most peremptory Questions, and sometimes a second before the first could be answered, firking with Impatience like one smarting with Stinging Nettles: which was great Mirth. It did well-nigh cause me to laugh outright, and commit a Breach of Privilege, to hear him in a Fume, echo the Witness's Answers, and cry Eh? What! How! Why? and Wherefore? and demand how he could do this, or came not to do the other, and how was that, and so forth, and then set his Memory right, next made a short Speech, then give a little Evidence of his own, and again go back to the Examination. It seemed that the Pretender to the Peerage had been helped with Money to maintain his Suit by certain Persons, and my Lord did strive to worm out of the Lawyer their End therein: but to no Purpose; for he had met with his Match; so forced to content himself with a Quip on the Chances of the Witness's Client. Then another Witness examined; a Chirurgeon, whom LORD BROUGHAM did make merry with for his jolly good-natured Looks, and did jest upon concerning his Vocation: and the other did bandy Jokes with my Lord, and gave him as good as he brought. Methinks such Bantering is strange of a Peer, and one that hath been Lord Chancellor and used to sit on the Woolsack, or anywhere else but the Box of an Omnibus. But strange, how sober a Speech in summing up the Evidence my Lord did make after all; and no Doubt he can be reasonable and quiet when he pleases. Save a few words from LORD CAMPBELL, not a Syllable spoke but my LORD BROUGHAM; wherefore methinks he must have been thoroughly happy, having had nigh all the Talk to himself. But the highest Court of Law in the Realm numbering so few, put me much in mind of the Army in _Bombastes Furioso_.

My Wife holding me to my Promise to take her to the Chiswick Flower Show, and I could not break it; for certainly the poor Wretch do drudge in the House like a Slave; and so often as I go out for Pleasure myself, methinks it were well to give her a Treat now and then, to ease my Conscience, and keep her quiet also. So took her, though our two Tickets together came to 10s., and we thither in an Omnibus, and the Fare doubled on the Occasion, instead of 1s. cost me 2s. more, which made me mad. A rare Sight, nigh the Gardens, to look out on the Line of Carriages behind us, and methought how mean and paltry it seemed to be riding in an Omnibus; and was in some Trouble lest any of our acquaintance should be in the Carriages, and see us 'light. At the Passage to the Gardens beset by Fellows with Shoe-Brushes and Clothes-Brushes, importunate to brush my Coat and Boots, that were clean enough, but only to earn 4d. or 6d. Our Tickets delivered, and we into the Grounds with a Stream of Company, and followed them and our Ears to a Band of Musique, the Horse Guards playing hard by a Grove of Rhododendrons in full Bloom, and a Mob of Beauties round about them more blooming still. Heard a Medley-Piece of Scraps of most of the Operas that I knew; which was better Musique than I expected. Then to the Tents, where the Prize-Flowers are shown, on high Stands as long as a moderate-sized Barn: and there a pretty Display of Orchids, Azaleas, Cactuses, Pelargoniums, and Heaths, very rare and curious, and a few choice Roses; but I expected to see Roses as big as Cabbages. Many of the Flowers finely variegated, and giving forth a Perfume sweeter than ATKINSON his shop. Strange how to some of the Pelargoniums were given the names of GRISI, ALBONI, MARIO, and other Opera Singers: and MR. WAGSTAFFE do say it is Musique in a Flower-Pot. After seeing the Flowers, to stroll about the Walks and among the Trees, and view the Flowers without Stalks, which I do admire most of all, and a brave show they were, drest out in their gayest, and smiling as if resolved to look as pretty as they could; and looking all the brighter for the Sun shining without a Cloud to be seen: whereby out of Pain for my Wife's pink Bonnet, which, if spoiled by the Rain usual at this Show, had been £2, 2s. gone. The Bands from Time to Time beat a March about the Garden; when to see the fine Ladies and Gentlemen follow at the Soldiers' Heels, natural as ragged Street-Children! At last all played together, and ended with _God Save the Queen_; when the Flowers wheeled away. But the Company remaining, some sitting on Benches to make a Lane, and the Rest of the Multitude walking up and down to be seen, and the Beauties showing off their Graces, which I did inspect from Head to Foot. My Wife beginning to admire a certain Satin; so knowing what this signified, away, and home to a Leg of Mutton; thinking of the State of the Nation, which should not be so mighty gloomy to judge of it by Chiswick Flower Show, and wondering how much all the Finery there cost, and where all the Money could have come from.

After a Dinner off Bubble and Squeak, my Wife and I to my LORD WILKINSON'S At Home, by invitation; though Heaven knows if ever I set Eyes on his Lordship in my Life or he on me; but do ascribe this Honour to having my Name put down in the _Court Guide_, and am glad to find the Consequence and Importance I have got thereby. I in my new Suit of Black and Silk Neckerchief, with a Fringe at the Ends, and my Wife did wear her Lace Dress over her pink Satin Slip, which was very handsome. Gave our Card to a Lackey in Yellow and Crimson Livery, with a huge Shoulder-knot, who did shout out our Name, which, passing along a Row of his Fellows lining the Stairs, was by the Time it reached the Drawing-Room changed to PIPPINS--but no matter; and so we were presented to my Lord and my Lady. So on in the Crowd; for my Lord's Drawing-Room as thronged as the Opera Pit Entrance on a Thursday Night. Methought surely there was Something worth seeing and hearing; but saw nothing extraordinary beyond the Multitude of Company, and divers Writers, Painters, and other Persons of Note, elbowing their Way through the Press; nor heard anything but Puffing and Gasping, and complaining of the terrible Heat. Several Ladies fainting; and my Wife declaring she feared she should faint too, which made me mad; for it is always the Way with Women at Spectacles and Assemblies, and yet they needs must and will go to them. At some Distance before us, a Bustle and Stir, and in the midst of it a Lackey with a Tray, whereon were Ices--the People struggling for them; and I also strove to get one for my Wife; but the Attempt vain, and we borne clear away by the Current to the other side of the Room. Some young Beauties there, whom to have looked upon at my Ease, and they at theirs, would have been a great delight; but they in such Discomfort, that it quite spoilt their Prettiness, which was pitiful. We met DR. DABBES the great Chemist, with whom some pretty Discourse concerning the Air of crowded Rooms, which he said do contain a Gas called Carbonic Acid, and is poisonous, and we were now breathing too much per Cent. of it, which did trouble me. To think what Delight fashionable Folks can take in crowding together, to the Danger of Health, a Set of People, for the most Part, Strangers both to them and to one another! Away early; for we could endure the Stifling no longer: and good Lack, what a Relief to get into the open Air! My white Kid Gloves soiled, cost me 3s. 6d.; but am thankful I carried with me my Spring Hat, which do shut up; and did chuckle to see how many others got their Hats crushed. Home in a Cab, and on the Way bought a Lobster, whereunto my Wife would have me add a Bottle of Stout, which did think a good Notion; cost me together 3s. 6d., and the Cab 2s. 6d. more, and then to Supper; mighty proud that I had been invited by my Lord, though utterly tired with his Party, and so with great Satisfaction, but much Weariness, to Bed.

This Day a great Cricket Match, Surrey against England, at LORD'S, and I thither, all the Way to St. John's Wood, to see the Place, having often heard Talk of it, and the Playing, which MR. LONGSTOPPE did tell me was a pretty Sight. Paid 6d. to be let in, and 2d. for a Card of the Innings, and bought a little Book of the Laws of the Game, cost me 1s. 6d. more, though when I had got it, could hardly understand a Word of it; but to think how much Money I spend out of Curiosity, and how inquisitive I am, so as to be vexed to the Heart if I cannot thoroughly make out every Thing I see! The Cricketing I believe very fine; but could not judge of it; for I think I did never before see any Cricket since I was a little Varlet Boy at School. But what a Difference between the Manner of Bowling in those Days, and that Players now use! for then they did moderately trundle the Ball under-hand; but now they fling it over-handed from the Elbow, as though viciously, and it flies like a Shot, being at least Five Ounces and a Half in Weight, and hard as a Block. I saw it strike one of the Batmen on the Knuckles, who Danced and shook his Fist, as methought well he might. But to see how handy some did catch it, though knocked off the Bat by a strong Man with all his Force; albeit now and then they missing it, and struck by it on the Head, or in the Mouth, and how any one can learn to play Cricket without losing his front Teeth is a Wonder. The Spectators sitting on Benches in a Circle, at a Distance, and out of the Way of the Ball, which was wise; but some on a raised Stand, and others aside at Tables, under a Row of Trees near a Tavern within the Grounds, with Pipes and Beer; and many in the Circle also Smoking and Drinking, and the Drawers continually going the Round of them to serve them Liquor and Tobacco. But all as quiet as a Quaker's Meeting, except when a good Hit made, or a Player bowled out, and strange to see how grave and solemn they looked, as if the Sight of Men in white Clothes, knocking a Ball about, were Something serious to think on. Did hear that many had Wagers on the Game, but doubt it, for methinks there had been more Liveliness if much Betting, and Chance of winning or losing Money. The Company very numerous, and among them some in Carriages, and was glad to see so many People diverted, although at what I could not tell. But they enjoyed themselves in their Way, whatever that was, and I in mine, thinking how droll they looked, so earnestly attending to a mere Show of Dexterity. I, for my Part, soon out of Patience with the Length of the Innings, and the Stopping and Interruption after each Run, and so away, more tired, I am sure, than any of the Cricketers. Yet I do take Pride, as an Englishman, in our Country Sport of Cricket, albeit I do not care to watch it playing; and certainly it is a manly Game, throwing open the Chest, and strengthening the Limbs, and the Player so often in Danger of being hit by the Ball.

Comes MR. STAGGE to take me to the great Railway Meeting at a London Tavern; and we up the Back Stairs to the Platform among the Directors, and glad of so good a Place; but fearing to be taken for one of my Company, did get behind a fat Man to hide myself. The Shareholders below met to hear their Affairs debated, and what a Collection of wry and doleful Faces! Methought the poor anxious Parsons and eager Half-pay Officers among them was a pitiful Sight. Looked hard about for the Railway King, but MR. STAGGE did say in my Ear he was not likely to show his Face. The Secretary reading Bills to be brought into the Parliament to join other Railways with this, and all the while interrupted by the Shareholders with Noise and Outcries; but at last got through. Then the Chairman did propose that the Bills be approved of; but an Amendment moved with much Clapping of Hands that the Meeting do adjourn for one Month to examine the Company's Accounts; which they do say have been cooked. Upon this a long Speech from a Director, denying that it was so, and One made answer to him in a bouncing, ranting Harangue; but to hear how the Shareholders did shout and cheer whenever he accused the Board of a Piece of Roguery! He complained that Proxy Papers had been sent out by some for Votes, whereby to gain their own Ends, at £900 Expense to the Company; whereat more Uproar, in the midst whereof he moved another Amendment; when the Noise greater than ever, with Groans and calling for Dividends; and several in the Meeting strove to speak, but could only wag their Jaws and shake their Fists at the Chairman, and he imploring Quiet in Dumb Show. Howbeit, one old Gentleman got Attention for a Moment, and in great Wrath and Choler did declare that the Directors' Statement was all Humbug. Then Another, with much ado to get a Hearing, did move a third Amendment: and after that, more Wrangling and Jangling, until the only Man of any Brains I had yet heard, up and showed the folly of moving Amendment on Amendment. So the first and last Amendment withdrawn, and the second put to the Vote, and lost, and then the Chairman's Resolution put and lost also, and the Shareholders hooting and hissing, and shouting "Shame!" and crying that they could not understand the Question. So the Amendment and former Resolution both put over again, and both again lost; whereupon the Shareholders stark mad, and rushed in a Mob on the Platform, raving at the Chairman, who jumped up in his Chair, throwing his Arms abroad, and shrieking for Silence; till at last a Poll determined on to decide whether for Adjournment or not; and so the Meeting brought to an End in as great a Hurly-Burly as I ever heard; and a pretty Chairman methinks they have to keep Order, and brave Directors to cook their Accounts, and their Meetings do seem as confused as their Affairs; and thank my Stars, I have not sunk my Money in a Railway.

Sent my Vest to the Tailor's to be let out in the Back, and my Wife and every Body say I grow too stout, which do put me in mighty Pain lest I should lose my Shape; wherefore I have resolved to take a long Walk daily, for Exercise, to bring down my Fat. So begin this Day, and set out to walk to Barn-Elms, by the way of Hammersmith, on a brave melting Afternoon. I did muse at the Carriages and Omnibuses that passed me, crowded both inside and on the Roof, and the People upon them whooping and blowing Horns, as the British Public always do when they ride to see any Sport. At Hammersmith found what all this meant, everyone there hastening to the River, this being the first Day of the Thames Regatta, and the Suspension-Bridge thronged, and Festoons of Spectators on the Chains. Did go upon the Bridge, cost me 1/2d. toll, but would not have missed the Sight for 6d. or 1s.; for the Thames with Boats scattered all over it, their Flags fluttering, and their Crews shouting and laughing full of Fun and Glee, made a lively Picture; and also I was just in the Nick of Time to see a Race; four Boats of as many Oars darting under the Bridge at full Speed, while the Beholders cheered and halloaed with all their Might, and a Bell rung, and a Band of Musique upon the Bridge Pier did play "Love Not." Good Lack! how wrapped up the People did seem to be in the Race, and did now cry for Blue to go it; and then Red, and then Pink, and at last that Red had it, meaning the Colours of the Rowers, which indeed looked very smart and spruce. Over the Bridge, and, instead of to Barnes, down the River, along the Towing Path, which was also thronged with Folks running to and fro, all Eagerness and Bustle. So to Putney, and there the Multitude greatest both on the Bridge and the Shore, and FINCH his Ground to the Water-Side quite a Fair, with Fat Ladies and Learned Pigs and Gilt Gingerbread; and his Tavern beset by Customers for Ale, and mighty good Ale it is. Here more Boat-Racing, with Firing of Cannon, Jollity, Shouting, Jangling of Street Pianos, and everywhere Tobacco-Smoke and the Popping of Ginger-Beer. Some fouling of Barges, but no worse Mishap, though I expected every moment that Somebody would be ducked. Methought how neat and dainty the light Wherries and Wager-Boats did look among the other Craft; but loth I should be to trust my Carcase in a Cockle-Shell, that sitting an Inch too much on one side would overthrow. Mighty pleasant also to behold on the Water the little Parties of Beauties, rowed by their Sweethearts, under Awnings to shade them from the Sun, and the Ripple on the Water, and the Smiles on their Faces, and to hear their Giggling, which was a pretty Noise. Afloat everywhere in their Boating-Trim I did note sundry of those young Sparks that do and think and talk of Nothing but pulling up the River, and live upon it almost, like Swans or Geese. But, however, that Boat-Racing is a true British Pastime, and so long as we pull together he will back us against all the World. "And talking of that," says he, "the Sport being ended, suppose we take a pull at some of FINCH his Ale."