Chapter 1

MANNERS AND CONDUCT IN SCHOOL AND OUT

BY

THE DEANS OF GIRLS IN CHICAGO HIGH SCHOOLS

_The gentle minde by gentle deeds is knowne; For a man by nothing is so well bewrayed As by his manners._

--SPENSER

ALLYN AND BACON BOSTON NEW YORK CHICAGO ATLANTA SAN FRANCISCO

COPYRIGHT, 1921, BY FANNY R. SMITH.

Norwood Press J.S. Gushing Co.--Berwick & Smith Co. Norwood, Mass., U.S.A.

FOREWORD

"The supreme business of the school is to develop a sense of justice, the power of initiative, independence of character, correct social and civic habits, and the ability to coöperate toward the common good."--Dr. Frank Crane.

How do you develop correct social habits, the habits of a gentleman or a lady?

You develop correct social habits just as you develop correct habits in playing ball, or in swimming,--you discover the rules; then you practise, practise, practise. A good general rule is, Do what a kind heart prompts; for,

Politeness is to do and say The kindest thing in the kindest way.

We earnestly hope this little book may help girls and boys to become happier, more agreeable, and more effective citizens.

THE DEANS OF GIRLS, CHICAGO HIGH SCHOOLS.

MAXIMS OF CONDUCT

Let us have faith that right makes might; and in that faith let us dare to do our duty as we understand it.

--LINCOLN.

Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well.

--EARL OF CHESTERFIELD.

Do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.

--FRANKLIN.

The secret of success is constancy of purpose.

--DISRAELI.

Evil communications corrupt good manners.

--NEW TESTAMENT.

Be good, sweet maid, and let who will be clever; Do noble things, not dream them, all day long; And so make life, death, and that vast forever One grand sweet song.

--KINGSLEY.

Vice is a monster of so frightful mien, As to be hated needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace.

--POPE.

In vain we call old notions fudge, And bend our conscience to our dealing; The Ten Commandments will not budge, And stealing will continue stealing.

--LOWELL.

GREETING

_Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy._

--Emerson.

Girls, the word _lady_ should suggest, ideally, a girl (or a woman) who keeps herself physically fit, her thinking on a high plane, and her manners gentle and winsome.

Boys, the word _gentleman_ means, ideally, a fine, athletic, manly fellow who is an all round good sport in the best sense, and who has manners that do not prevent other people from seeing how fine he is.

THE STREET

_Remember this,--that there is a proper dignity and proportion to be observed in the performance of every act of life._

--Marcus Aurelius.

1) If you are well brought up, girls, you will not loiter on the street to talk to one another; much less to boys. Street visiting is taboo.

2) Boys, a gentleman does not detain on street corners a girl or woman friend. If he meets one with whom he wishes to speak more than a moment, he asks permission to walk a little way with her. During the moment that he does detain her, a gentleman talks with his hat in his hand.

3) You know that a boy should lift his hat or cap in recognition of a girl or woman acquaintance whom he meets on the street. But perhaps you don't know that the same courtesy may well be offered to a man, and must be, if the man is walking with a girl or a woman.

4) To spit on the street or sidewalk is likely to endanger the health of others, and to make you seem vulgar and "horrid." Use your handkerchief.

THE STREET-CAR

_Immodest words admit of no defence, For want of decency is want of sense._

--Earl of Roscommon.

1) Avoid rushing ahead of others to secure a seat in a street-car, or to secure any other special advantage. Some one must be last; why not you? If advancing out of turn is necessary, a little deliberation accompanied with, "I beg your pardon," or "Excuse me, please" will most quickly and pleasantly open the way; otherwise, respect "the line."

2) In a street-car, boys, you should touch your hat politely and offer your seat to a woman, a girl, or an elderly man who is standing. Your courtesy should be accepted with a bow and, "Thank you."

3) Girls, if a seat is offered you, accept it at once with "Thank you." Don't explain that you don't mind standing.

4) On the street, in street-cars, and in all public places, if your voice or conduct attracts attention you will be considered "loud," "common," vulgar.

5) The chewing of gum in a street-car, in church, or in any other place outside of your own private room stamps you at once as "common."

CORRIDORS

_Liberty exists in proportion to wholesome restraint._

--Webster.

1) Avoid all running in the corridors; start in time, and walk.

2) Avoid crowding on stairways. Avoid crowding through Assembly Hall doors. When in a mass of people, move slowly and try to keep breathing space about yourself.

3) Avoid tossing paper on to the lockers. Avoid dropping it on the floor; but if paper is there, train yourself to see it and to pick up at least one piece every time you enter the corridor. This is what Dr. Crane calls a "civic habit."

4) Boys, hats off on entering the building; don't put them on again before you are at the outer door ready to leave, even though you should see grown men violating this rule.

5) Hold a door open for a girl or an older person to precede you in passing through; then glance over your shoulder to prevent the door from swinging back into the face of any person who may be following.

6) In order to appear to the best advantage, keep your hands out of your pockets.

7) Try not to jostle one another. If by chance you do, say, "Pardon me."

8) Observe, boys, that well-bred men rise when addressed by a woman who is standing.

9) Avoid whistling in the school building, and even in a private home, for your whistling may be annoying to some who cannot help hearing it.

10) Never, never, be so disgusting as to spit on the floor, on the stairs, or into the waste-paper box; use your handkerchief.

11) Care for your finger-nails, your face, your hair, in your room at home, not before mirrors on your locker doors, or in any other public place. After making your toilet as well as you can, forget it.

12) Boys, it is not necessary to help the girls mount the stairs in school unless they are blind or crippled.

13) Girls, it is better not to twine your arms about one another in the corridors and on the stairs; also, not to kiss one another tenderly if you separate for a few moments. Love your friends dearly; but be sensible, not sentimental.

14) Boys, observe that the moment a woman or a girl enters a passenger elevator, gentlemen there remove their hats,--unless conditions prevent.

CLASSROOM

_In words, as fashions, the same rule will hold, Alike fantastic if too new or old: Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside._

--Pope.

1) When you enter your classroom, as well as when you leave it, glance towards your teacher and, if she is looking, bow pleasantly.

2) Say, "Yes, Miss Brown"; not merely "Yes," if you know the name of the one addressed. If you do not know her name, let your tone and manner indicate so fully your feeling of respect that the omission of the name will not be noted. Say "Yes, Sir," to men. And remember,--

Hearts, like doors, will ope with ease To very, very little keys; And don't forget that two of these Are: "Thank you, sir," and "If you please."

3) When sitting, push back as far as you can in the chair and lean forward from your hips, keeping your spine straight, not curved. The way you sit or walk or stand shows culture or lack of it.

4) When reciting, stand erect with your hands at your sides. Your attitude will invite favorable attention if you stand with one foot slightly in advance of the other, and the weight of the body on the forward foot.

5) Speak so distinctly that everyone in the room must hear you; otherwise, not everyone will get your thought.

6) Avoid raising your hand when you wish to ask or to answer a question. Instead, rise quietly, face your teacher, and wait for her to recognize you as though you were at a club meeting.

7) Never "tell" when another is trying to recite. Such "telling" destroys the other person's chance to think, and helps to make a sneak of you.

LUNCH ROOM

_Cleanness of body was ever deemed to proceed from a due reverence of God._

--Bacon.

1) See that your hands are clean.

2) Avoid rushing into or through the Lunch Room. Walk.

3) When carrying your food to your table, pay strict attention to getting it to its destination in safety.

4) Eat in the Lunch Room,--not in the corridors, nor in the Assembly Hall, nor on the street. Give four excellent reasons for this direction.

5) Eat slowly and noiselessly; don't "feed." Avoid talking when your mouth is full. Take small mouthfuls, so that you may talk without giving offense. Keep your lips closed when chewing. Never use your knife to carry food to your mouth.

6) In the Lunch Room, as elsewhere, sit with your knees together and with both of your feet on the floor, not on the rounds of your chairs.

7) Don't _throw_ paper and refuse into the receptacles provided; _drop_ it there.

8) Avoid boisterous talking and laughing. The tones of the voice proclaim quite accurately the social background of the boy, the girl, the man, the woman.

Her voice was ever soft, Gentle, and low,--an excellent thing in woman.

--SHAKESPEARE.

9) Keep elbows and wraps off the Lunch Room tables; furthermore, do not sit on the tables.

10) Leave your place in the Lunch Room tidy and spotless, with your chair pushed up to the table.

11) Rise when an older person enters the room; remain standing until your courtesy is acknowledged, or until the older person is seated. (Optional with the teacher in the schoolroom.)

12) Boys, when a girl or an older person drops a pencil, a book, or anything of the sort, pick it up and return it unobtrusively, but with a little bow.

13) Avoid rushing from the room when the bell rings. Walk.

14) Open the door, boys, but let the girls pass out first, whenever practicable. When many are passing in opposite directions, keep to the right.

15) Never laugh at the accidents or misfortunes of others, even if they have a ridiculous side. Nothing shows ill-breeding so surely.

He who laughs at others' woes Finds few friends and many foes.

THE ASSEMBLY HALL

_There is a time for some things, and a time for all things; a time for great things, and a time for small things._

--Cervantes.

Actions wholly appropriate to the gymnasium or the playground may be quite out of character in the Assembly Hall. Think about it.

1) Avoid all running, romping, and making of unnecessary noise in the Assembly Hall.

2) Avoid using the Assembly Hall as a thoroughfare. On entering, take a seat immediately, and remain in it until the next bell rings. Talk in gentle tones.

3) Avoid eating anything in the Assembly Hall.

4) Avoid dropping paper on the floor. Help to keep the room orderly and tidy.

5) For a program on the stage, and for general singing, gather quietly in the center sections if your Assembly Hall is large. You should do this without waiting to be asked. Use your judgment.

6) The appearance on the platform of one who is to speak to you should be your signal for immediate silence and attention. Don't wait to be called to order; call yourselves to order.

7) Sing so well that you make the general singing a delight. You will find it far more fun than trying to spoil the program. Why will you? Because it is your nature to feel more satisfaction in coöperating and helping by doing your best, than in hindering and thwarting by doing your worst. (This is the basis of all good manners, and of civic spirit.)

8) You should be attentive and silent, not only when some one is talking to you from the platform and when a "number" of any kind is being given, but also during a "movie." People who visit while others are trying to entertain them are a public nuisance. Don't let yourselves slip into that class. Also do not tell the plot of a play or a movie to your neighbor.

9) Never, in the Assembly Hall or in any other place where there is a large group of people, should you stand and beckon, whistle, or "hoo-hoo" to attract the attention of your friends.

10) If you enter the Assembly Hall after the program has begun, find a seat so noiselessly as to escape notice.

11) Show your appreciation cordially, but avoid excessive applause. Never stamp your feet or whistle. Carried beyond a certain point, applause ceases to be a courtesy. Cultivate good taste in this matter. Moderation is a mark of good taste.

DUTY TO CLUB OR CLASS SPONSOR

_Her air, her manners, all who saw admir'd; Courteous though coy, and gentle though retir'd; The joy of youth and health her eyes display'd, And ease of heart her every look convey'd._

--Crabbe.

1) Remind your sponsor (or adviser) of your meeting two or three days in advance of the time.

2) Before acting on any plan, be sure of the approval of your sponsor.

3) So treat your sponsor that she (or he) will delight to be with you.

THE LAVATORY

_Cleanliness is next to godliness._

--Wesley.

1) In school, in a store, in a club, on trains, in short, wherever you use a public wash bowl, leave it as clean as possible.

2) Do not scatter toilet paper about. Keep the toilet rooms neat and clean and free from all writing on doors, walls, windows.

3) Do not loiter or visit in toilet rooms.

DUTY TO YOUR CHAPERON

_Though her mien carries much more invitation than command, to behold her is an immediate check to loose behaviour; to love her was a liberal education._

--Steele.

At school receptions, sleigh-rides, class meetings at private homes, and so on, there is always a chaperon, who is giving her time for your enjoyment. Her kindness should be repaid by your courtesy.

1) As soon as possible after greeting your hostess, greet your chaperon.

2) Also, just before leaving, speak to her again cordially and gratefully.

3) See that your chaperon is not often left alone. If the function is a dance, invite her to dance; or sit out a dance with her, sometimes. Make her enjoy being your chaperon.

4) Never tease to stay when the time comes to go.

5) Don't hinder your chaperon by loitering over your wraps; be ready when she is, and leave the building with her.

DUTY TO YOUR HOSTESS

_But evil is wrought by want of thought, As well as want of heart._

--Hood.

1) Before talking with others at a party greet your hostess; then the older people present; finally, the young people.

2) As a guest you are not expected to say good-by to everybody; but never leave without saying good-by to your hostess and expressing appreciation of her efforts to give you pleasure.

3) Coöperate with your hostess in trying to make everyone present happy. If you fail to pay this courtesy to your hostess, you stamp yourself as an undesirable guest.

4) If the function is a dance, boys, avoid too many consecutive dances with the same girl. Confining your attentions noticeably to the same girl makes her conspicuous and mars the general pleasure.

5) Girls, decline consecutive dances with the same boy. Do it graciously, explaining that you would like to accept, but must not be selfish. If he is the right sort, he will understand at once, or come to his senses later. If he is offended, don't worry about it; it is not worth while.

6) Pay some kindly attention to the girls who do not dance all of the time. They will feel grateful, your hostess will feel grateful, you will feel better satisfied than if you neglect them.

7) Never refrain from dancing if any girl present is without a partner for that number. To refrain is selfish in you, and discourteous to both the girl and your hostess.

8) Girls, don't quit one of your friends to go and whisper with another. Such an action is sure to be considered unkind and inconsiderate.

9) Train your eye to see how you may add to the enjoyment of all, or of a single one, and act promptly. Incidentally, you thus add to your own enjoyment. Often think of Tennyson's words:--

For manners are not idle, but the fruit Of loyal nature and of noble mind.

DUTY TO ONE ANOTHER

_If it is not seemly, do it not; if it is not true, speak it not._

--Marcus Aurelius.

1) After dancing with a girl thank her and walk back with her to her seat, to her chaperon, or to her next partner. Never leave her standing alone in the middle of the floor.

2) Girls, if your partner doesn't dance well, take it pleasantly--but not as too much of a joke--and help him to do better.

3) Avoid looking at a boy with your soul in your eyes. A girl holds the key to the social situation. She should keep such a situation at school on a cordial but wholly matter-of-fact basis,--absolutely free from sentimentality.

4) Base your friendships on good comradeship, not on maudlin emotion, nor on propinquity. The right kind of girl and boy friendships may give joy for a lifetime; the wrong kind must be a continual menace.

5) Don't be prudes, girls, but let every boy know that he must keep his hands off from you. If he presumes, a cool glance on your part will usually restrain him. If it does not, avoid him; he is unworthy of your friendship.

6) Boys, you can easily tell what girls would have you sit very close to them, and hold their hands, and put your arms around them. But, be manly. Always protect a girl; protect her from yourself, even from herself. If she does not wish to be so protected, avoid her as you would the plague.

7) When you call on a girl, you shouldn't remain after ten o'clock even though the girl wants you to. Girls, you should not urge. And, girls, observe how your boy friends fit themselves into the family group.

8) A gift you should acknowledge at once and cordially. But, boys, let your gifts to girls be rare, and restricted to candy, books, and flowers.

9) To force your presence upon those who seem not to want you, tends to crystallize their feeling of antagonism. On the other hand, nothing more quickly disarms this feeling of antagonism than evidence of delicacy on your part.

10) Girls, it is poor policy to call up boys often by telephone, and bad manners to whistle to attract their attention.

11) For you to sit at a social gathering with hat and coat on, girls,--even though you must leave in a few moments,--is discourteous both to your hostess and to the other guests.

DUTY TO OLDER PEOPLE

_The mildest manners, and the gentlest heart._

--Pope.

1) Show especial deference--not indifference--to your superiors in age, office, and the like. Do this not once, but always. Watch for opportunities.

2) Rise, when an older person who is standing begins to talk to you.

3) If you wish to become a musician, you seek help from the finest musical instructor within reach. Just so in the greater art of living effectively, seek help from those who have learned wisdom. As a rule, your parents and your teachers are your best counsellors. They have traveled the road before you, and have your highest interests at heart. Listen to them. Don't make your life a wild experiment in blundering; it doesn't pay.

4) Never regard age, even advanced age, as a joke. To do so blunts your own sensibilities.

INVITATIONS

_That man may last, but never lives, Who much receives, but nothing gives._

--Gibbons.

1) If you receive a written invitation, send a written reply. Let the reply accord with the invitation in being either formal, or informal.

2) You will be thought discourteous if you fold your note carelessly, write on soiled or ragged paper, use pencil instead of ink, or delay your reply.

3) Accepting an invitation binds you, in honor, to carry out your engagement. If circumstances prevent, at once inform the one who invited you; and do it in a considerate manner.

INTRODUCTIONS

Introduce a man to a woman, a boy to a girl, a younger person to an older, thus: Mrs. Jones, may I present (or introduce) my friend Miss Holbrook? or, Miss Brown, my friend Mr. Williams; or, Father, this is Ethel Reed. Let your manner and voice be dignified and gracious, your words simple. But _avoid_,--Mrs. Jones, meet Miss Holbrook; or, Mr. Brown, shake hands with Mr. Smith.

DANCING REQUIREMENTS

_Come and trip it as ye go On the light fantastic toe._

--Milton.

The National Association of Dancing Masters is responsible for the following rules. You may well think those dancers who disregard them either ignorant, or awkward, or vulgar.

1) Face your partner at a distance of six or eight inches, bodies parallel, shoulders parallel.

2) If you are leading, place your right hand between the shoulders of your partner, keeping your right elbow well away from your body.

3) See that above, but not resting on this arm, is your partner's left arm, at right angles with her body, her hand just back of the curve of your shoulder.

4) Let your left hand, palm up, clasp your partner's right. A line from these hands to the opposite elbows should be parallel with your parallel bodies.

5) Remember,--bobbing and wriggling are taboo. Let the spring come from the ankles and the knees. Imitate the grace of the swallow.

REFRESHMENTS AT PARTIES

_Socrates said, "Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live."_

--Plutarch.

1) Keep your refreshments simple and inexpensive. After you are better acquainted, omit them frequently.

2) Boys, you should be alert to help serve, but use your judgment; don't go off in a group to enjoy yourselves in the business of serving or eating.

3) Avoid dropping crumbs on the floor or scattering them over the serving tables. Avoid placing anything hot or moist on a surface that may be disfigured by it.

4) Pay special attention to any who seem shy or afraid to mingle with the other guests. See that everybody has a good time.

5) Help clean up at once, boys, what should be cleaned up, and leave the room you use in perfect order. Don't walk off and let the girls do it all. Make yourselves useful until the work is finished.

TABLE MANNERS

_Some hae meat and canna eat, And some would eat that want it; But we hae meat, and we can eat, Sae let the Lord be thankit._

--Burns.

1) Do you know that table manners proclaim at once your social training?

2) Boys, at a dining table, draw back the chair for the girl or the woman next to you, push it under her as she sits down, and then take your own seat.

3) Girls and boys, let your napkin lie open across your lap.

4) At home leave your napkin folded neatly, or in its ring, if there is a ring. But, let it lie loose beside your plate when you are at a hotel; partly folded, when you are a guest in a private home.

5) Never use a toothpick at the table or in the presence of others. If it seems absolutely necessary to use one at the table, cover your lips with your napkin; elsewhere, with your handkerchief.

6) Hold your knife in your right hand, not as though it were a penholder, but so that you may easily press down on the back of the knife with your right forefinger.

7) In a similar position, when cutting food, hold your fork tines down with your left hand. But, in carrying food to your mouth, have the tines curve up, not down, and take your fork in your right hand between your thumb and forefinger, so that it rests comfortably near the tip of the second finger.

8) Never should your table knife be used for conveying food to your mouth.

9) You find your small bread and butter plate and butter spreader at your left. Never spread at once an entire slice of bread; break off a half or a quarter and spread it on your bread and butter plate,--not on the palm of your hand.