Part 12

He unpacked his clothes and laid his belongings in the drawers and cupboards; it was oddly charming that each shelf or drawer should have its own little muslin bag of grey lavender. Then he took up a book and began to read. The sunset had died away, the daylight seemed to be glowing out of the low window like a tide, leaving bare breadths of darkness behind. He lighted candles. He was growing hungry--it was past eight o'clock.

"I believe the old lady has forgotten my existence," he said, and therewith opened his cottage door and went out into the lighter twilight of the garden. The shrubbery walks were winding. He took the wrong turning, and found himself entering on the narrow lawn. From the French window among the jasmine came lamplight--and voices.

"No servant, no food? My good mother, you've entertained a lunatic unawares."

"He had references."

"Man cannot live by references alone. The poor brute must be starving--unless he's drunk."

"Celia! I do wish you wouldn't----"

John Selborne hastening by, put a period to the conversation by boots crunching heavily and conscientiously on the gravel. Both voices ceased. He presented himself at the lamp-lit oblong of the window.

Within that lamplight glowed on the last remnants of a meal--dinner, by the glasses and the fruit. Also on the lady in the cap, and on a girl--the one, doubtless, who had evolved the lunatic idea. Both faces were turned towards him. Both women rose: there was nothing for it but advance. He murmured something about intrusion--"awfully sorry, the walks wind so," and turned to go.

But the girl spoke: "Oh, wait a moment. Is this Mr Selwyn, mother?"

"My daughter, Miss Sheepmarsh--Mr Selwyn," said the mother reluctantly.

"We were just talking about you," said the girl, "and wondering whether you were ill or anything, or whether your servant hasn't turned up, or something."

"Miss Sheepmarsh." He was still speechless. This the little adventuress, the tobacconist's assistant? This girl with the glorious hair severely braided, the round face, the proud chin, the most honest eyes in the world? She might be sister to the adventuress--cousin, perhaps? But the room, too--shining mahogany, old china, worn silver, and fine napery--all spoke of a luxury as temperate as refined: the luxury of delicate custom, of habit bred in the bone; no mushroom growth of gross self-indulgence, but the unconscious outcome of generations of clear self-respect.

"Can we send anything over for you?" the elder lady asked. "Of course we----"

"We didn't mean by 'entirely private' that we would let our tenant starve," the girl interrupted.

"There is some mistake." Selborne came to himself suddenly. "I thought I was engaging furnished apartments with er--attendance."

The girl drew a journal from a heap on the sofa.

"This was the advertisement, wasn't it?" she asked.

And he read:

"Four-roomed cottage, furnished, in beautiful grounds. Part of these are fenced in for use of tenant of cottage. And in the absence of the family the whole of the grounds are open to tenant. When at home the family wish to be entirely private."

"I never saw this at all," said Selborne desperately. "My--I mean I was told it was furnished lodgings. I am very sorry I have no servant and no means of getting one. I will go back to London at once. I am sorry."

"The last train's gone," said Miss Sheepmarsh. "Mother, ask Mr Selborne to come in, and I'll get him something to eat."

"My dear," said the mother, "surely Mary----"

"My dear mother," said the girl, "you know Mary is having her supper."

The bewildered Selborne presently found himself seated at the white-spread, silver-sparkling table, served with food and drink by this Hebe with the honest eyes. He exerted himself to talk with the mother--not of the difference between a lodger and a tenant, but of music, art, and the life of the great world.

It was the girl who brought the conversation down from the gossip of Courts and concert-rooms to the tenant's immediate needs.

"If you mean to stay, you could have a woman in from the village," said she.

"But wouldn't you rather I went?" he said.

"Why should we? We want to let the cottage, or we shouldn't have advertised it. I'll get you some one to-morrow. Mrs Bates would be the very thing, mother. And you'll like her, Mr Selwyn. She's a great dear----"

Sure enough, the next morning brought a gentle, middle-aged woman to "do for" Mr Selwyn. And she did excellently. And three slow days passed. He got a boat and pulled up and down the green willow-fringed river. He tried to fish; he read somewhat, and he thought more. And he went in and out of his cottage, which had its own private path debouching on the highway. Many times a day he went in and out, but he saw no more the red hair, the round face, and the honest eyes.

On the fourth day he had nursed his interest in the girl to a strong, well-grown sentiment of curiosity and attraction. Coming in at his own gate, he saw the mother leaving hers, with sunshade and cardcase--an afternoon of calls evidently setting in.

Now or never! The swift impulse took him, and before he had time to recall the terms of that advertisement, he had passed the green fence of division, and his feet were on the wandering ways of the shrubbery. He felt, as he went, a glow of gratitude to the fate which was rewarding his care of his brother's future with an interest like this. The adventuress?--the tobacconist's assistant?--he could deal with her later.

Through the garden's green a gleam of white guided--even, it seemed, beckoned.

He found the girl with the red hair and the honest eyes in a hammock swung between two cedars.

"Have pity on me," he said abruptly.

She raised her eyes from her book.

"Oh, it's you!" she said. "I am so glad. Get a chair from under the weeping ash, and sit down and talk."

"This turf is good enough for me," said he; "but are you sure I'm not trespassing?"

"You mean the advertisement? Oh, that was just because we had some rather awful people last year, and we couldn't get away from them, and mother wanted to be quite safe; but, of course, you're different. We like you very much, what we've seen of you." This straightforward compliment somehow pleased him less than it might have done. "The other people were--well, he was a butterman. I believe he called himself an artist."

"Do you mean that you do not like persons who are in trade," he asked, thinking of the tobacconist's assistant.

"Of course I don't mean that," she said; "why, I'm a Socialist! Butterman just means a person without manners or ideals. But I do like working people better than shoppy people, though I know it's wrong."

"How can an involuntary liking or disliking be wrong?" he asked.

"It's snobbish, don't you think? We ought to like people for what they are, not for what they have, or what they work at."

"If you weren't so pretty, and hadn't that delightful air of having just embraced the Social Gospel, you'd be a prig," he said to himself. To her he said: "Roughly speaking, don't you think the conventional classifications correspond fairly well with the real ones?"

"No," she answered roundly.

And when the mother returned, weary from her calls, she found her tenant and her daughter still discussing the problems of good and evil, of heredity and environment, of social inequalities and the injustice of the world. The girl fought for her views, and she fought fairly, if fiercely. It was the first of many such fights. When he had gone the mother protested.

"Dearest," said the girl, "I can't help it! I must live my own life, as people say in plays. After all, I'm twenty-six. I've always talked to people if I liked them--even strangers in railway carriages. And people aren't wild beasts, you know: everything is always all right. And this man can talk; he knows about things. And he's a gentleman. That ought to satisfy you--that and his references. Don't worry, there's a darling. Just be nice to him yourself. He's simply a godsend in a place like this."

"He'll fall in love with you, Celia," said the mother warningly.

"Not he!" said the daughter. But the mother was right.

Living alone in the queer little cottage, the world, his accustomed life, the Brydges woman, all seemed very far away. Miss Sheepmarsh was very near. Her frank enjoyment of his talk, her gay acceptance of their now almost constant companionship, were things new in his experience of women, and might have warned him that she at least was heart-whole. They would have done had he ever faced the fact that his own heart had caught fire. He bicycled with her along the pleasant Kentish lanes; he rowed with her on the little river of dreams; he read to her in the quiet of the August garden; he gave himself up wholly to the pleasure of those hours that flew like moments--those days that passed like hours. They talked of books and of the heart of books--and inevitably they talked of themselves. He talked of himself less than most men, but he learned much of her life. She was an ardent social reformer; had lived in an Art-and-Culture-for-the-People settlement in Whitechapel; had studied at the London School of Economics. Now she had come back to be with her mother, who needed her. She and her mother were almost alone in the world; there was enough to live on, but not too much. The letting of the little house had been Celia's idea: its rent was merely for "luxuries." He found out from the mother, when she came to tolerate him, that the "luxuries" were Celia's--the luxuries of helping the unfortunate, feeding the hungry, and clothing little shivering children in winter time.

And all this while he had not heard a word of sister or cousin--of any one whom he might identify as the tobacconist's assistant.

It was on an evening when the level sunbeams turned the meadows by the riverside to fine gold, and the willows and alders to trees of Paradise, that he spoke suddenly, leaning forward on his sculls. "Have you," he asked, looking into her face, "any relation who is in a shop?"

"No," said she; "why?"

"I only wondered," said he coldly.

"But what an extraordinary thing to wonder!" she said. "Do tell me what made you think of it."

"Very well," he said, "I will. The person who told me that your mother had lodgings, also told me that your mother had a daughter who served in a shop."

"Never!" she cried. "What a hateful idea!"

"A tobacconist's shop," he persisted; "and her name was Susannah Sheepmarsh."

"Oh," she answered, "that was me." She spoke instantly and frankly, but she blushed crimson.

"And you're ashamed of it,--Socialist?" he asked with a sneer, and his eyes were fierce on her burning face.

"I'm not! Row home, please. Or I'll take the sculls if you're tired, or your shoulder hurts. I don't want to talk to you any more. You tried to trap me into telling a lie. You don't understand anything at all. And I'll never forgive you."

"Yes, you will," he said to himself again and again through the silence in which they plashed down the river. But when he was alone in his cottage, the truth flew at him and grappled him with teeth and claws. He loved her. She loved, or had loved--or might have loved--or might love--his brother. He must go: and the next morning he went without a word. He left a note for Mrs Sheepmarsh, and a cheque in lieu of notice; and letter and cheque were signed with his name in full.

He went back to the old life, but the taste of it all was gone. Shooting parties, house parties, the Brydges woman even, prettier than ever, and surer of all things: how could these charm one whose fancy, whose heart indeed, wandered for ever in a green garden or by a quiet river with a young woman who had served in a tobacconist's shop, and who would be some day his brother's wife?

The days were long, the weeks seemed interminable. And all the time there was the white house, as it had been; there were mother and daughter living the same dainty, dignified, charming life to which he had come so near. Why had he ever gone there? Why had he ever interfered? He had meant to ensnare her heart just to free his brother from an adventuress. An adventuress! He groaned aloud.

"Oh, fool! But you are punished!" he said; "she's angry now--angrier even than that evening on the river, for she knows now that even the name you gave her to call you by was not the one your own people use. This comes of trying to act like an ass in a book."

The months went on. The Brydges woman rallied him on his absent air. She spoke of dairymaids. He wondered how he could ever have found her amusing, and whether her vulgarity was a growth, or had been merely hidden.

And all the time Celia and the white house were dragging at his heart-strings. Enough was left of the fool that he constantly reproached himself for having been, to make him sure that had he had no brother, had he met her with no duty to the absent to stand between them she would have loved him.

Then one day came the South African mail, and it brought a letter from his brother, the lad who had had the sense to find a jewel behind a tobacconist's counter, and had trusted it to him.

The letter was long and ineffective. It was the postscript that was vital.

"I say, I wonder whether you've seen anything of Susannah? What a young fool I was ever to think I could be happy with a girl out of a shop. I've met the real and only one now--she's a nurse; her father was a clergyman in Northumberland. She's such a bright little thing, and she's never cared for any one before me. Wish me luck."

John Selborne almost tore his hair.

"Well, I can't save him across half the world! Besides----"

At thirty-seven one should have outgrown the wild impulses of youth. He said this to himself, but all the same it was the next train to Yalding that he took.

Fate was kind; at Yalding it had almost always been kind. The glow of red firelight shone out over the snow through the French window among the brown jasmine stalks.

Mrs Sheepmarsh was out, Miss Sheepmarsh was at home. Would he step this way?

He stepped into the presence of the girl. She rose from the low chair by the fire, and the honest eyes looked angrily at him.

"Look here," he said, as the door closed between them and the maid-servant, "I've come to tell you things. Just this once let me talk to you; and afterwards, if you like, I can go away and never come back."

"Sit down," she said coldly. "I don't feel friends with you at all, but if you want to speak, I suppose you must."

So then he told her everything, beginning with his brother's letter, and ending with his brother's letter.

"And, of course, I thought it couldn't be you, because of your being called Celia; and when I found out it really was you, I had to go away, because I wanted to be fair to the boy. But now I've come back."

"I think you're the meanest person I ever knew," she said; "you thought I liked your brother, and you tried to make me like you so that you might throw me over and show him how worthless I was. I hate you and despise you."

"I didn't really try," he said miserably.

"And you took a false name to deceive us."

"I didn't: it really is my second name."

"And you came here pretending to be nice and a gentleman, and----" She was lashing herself to rage, with the lash of her own voice, as women will. John Selborne stood up suddenly.

"Be quiet," he said, and she was quiet. "I won't hear any more reproaches, unless---- Listen, I've done wrong--I've owned it. I've suffered for it. God knows I've suffered. You liked me in the summer: can't you try to like me again? I want you more than anything else in the world. Will you marry me?"

"Marry you," she cried scornfully; "you who----"

"Pardon me," he said. "I have asked a question. Give me no for an answer, and I will go. Say yes, and then you may say anything else you like. Yes or no. Shall I go or stay? Yes or no. No other word will do."

She looked at him, her head thrown back, her eyes flashing with indignation. A world of scorn showed in the angle of the chin, the poise of her head. Her lips opened. Then suddenly her eyes met his, and she knew that he meant what he said. She covered her face with her hands.

"Don't--don't cry, dear one," he said. "What is it? You've only to choose. Everything is for you to decide."

Still she did not speak.

"Good-bye, then," he said, and turned. But she caught at him blindly.

"Don't--don't go!" she cried. "I didn't think I cared about you in the summer, but since you went away, oh, you don't know how I've wanted you!"

* * * * *

"Well," he said, when her tears were dried, "aren't you going to scold me?"

"Don't!" said she.

"At least tell me all about my brother--and why he thought you would be so ready to marry him."

"That? Oh, that was only his conceit. You know I always do talk to people in railway carriages and things. I suppose he thought it was only him I talked to."

"And the name?"

"I--I thought if I said my name was Susannah he wouldn't get sentimental."

"You 'took a false name to deceive him'?"

"Don't--oh, don't!"

"And the tobacco shop?"

"Ah--that rankles?" She raised her head to look at him.

"Not it," he answered coolly. "I simply don't believe it."

"Why? But you're quite right. It was a woman in my district in London, and I took the shop for her for three days, because her husband was dying, and she couldn't get any one else to help her. It was--it was rather fun--and--and----"

"And you wouldn't tell me about it, because you didn't want me to know how proud you were of it."

"Proud? Ah, you do understand things! The man died, and I had given her those three days with him. I wasn't proud, was I?--only glad that I could. So glad--so glad!"

"But you let my brother think----"

"Oh yes, I let him think it was my trade; I thought it might make him not be silly. You see, I always knew he couldn't understand things."

"Celia?"

"Yes?"

"And have you really forgiven me?"

"Yes, yes, I forgive you! But I never should have if---- There's mother at the front door. Let me go. I want to let her in myself."

"If?"

"Let me go. If----"

"If?"

"If you hadn't understood and----"

"Yes?"

"If you hadn't come back to me!"

XII

WHILE IT IS YET DAY

"And is it really true? Are you going to govern the Fortunate Islands?"

"I am, indeed--or rather, to be accurate, I am going to deputy-govern them--I mean, father is--for a year."

"A whole year!" he said, looking down at her fan. "What will London do without you?"

"London will do excellently," she answered--"and that's my pet fan, and it's not used to being tied into knots." She took it from him.

"And what shall I do without you?"

"Oh! laugh and rhyme and dance and dine. You'll go out to the proper number of dinners and dances, and make the proper measure of pretty little speeches and nice little phrases; and you'll do your reviews, and try to make them as like your editor's as you can; and you'll turn out your charming little rondeaux and triolets, and the year will simply fly. Heigho! I'm glad I'm going to see something big, if it's only the Atlantic."

"You are very cruel," he said.

"Am I? But it's not cruel to be cruel if nobody's hurt, is it? And I am so tired of nice little verses and pretty little dances and dainty little dinners. Oh, if I were only a man!"

"Thank God you're not!" said he.

"If I were a man, I would do just one big thing in my life, even if I had to settle down to a life of snippets and trifles afterwards."

Her eyes were shining. They always glittered, but now they were starry. The drifted white folds across her breast stirred to her quickened breath.

"If you loved me, Sybil, I could do something great!" said he.

"But I _don't_," she said--"at any rate, not now; and I've told you so a dozen times. My dear Rupert, the man who needs a woman to save him isn't worth the saving."

"What would you call a big thing?" he asked. "Must I conquer an empire for you, or start a new religion? Or shall I merely get the Victoria Cross, or become Prime Minister?"

"Don't sneer," said she; "it doesn't become you at all. You've no idea how horrid you look when you're sneering. Why don't you----? Oh! but it's no good! By the way, what a charming cover Housman has designed for your _Veils and Violets_! It's a dear little book. Some of the verses are quite pretty."

"Go on," said he, "rub it in. I know I haven't done much yet; but there's plenty of time. And how can one do any good work when one is for ever sticking up one's heart like a beastly cocoanut for you to shy at? If you'd only marry me, Sybil, you should see how I would work!"

"May I refer you to my speech--not the last one, but the one before that."

He laughed; then he sighed.

"Ah, my Pretty," he said, "it was all very well, and pleasant enough to be scolded by you when I could see you every day; but now----"

"How often," she asked calmly, "have I told you that you must not call me that? It was all very well when we were children; but now----"

"Look here," he said, leaning towards her, "there's not a soul about; they're in the middle of the Lancers. Let me kiss you once--it can't matter to you--and it will mean so very much to me."

"That's just it," she said; "if it didn't mean----"

"Then it shan't mean anything but good-bye. It's only about eight years since you gave up the habit of kissing me on every occasion."

She looked down, then she looked to right and left, then suddenly she looked at him.

"Very well," she said suddenly.

"No," he said; "I won't have it unless it _does_ mean something."

There was a silence. "Our dance, I think?" said the voice of one bending before her, and she was borne away on the arm of the partner from whom she had been hiding.

Rupert left early. He had not been able to secure any more dances with her. She left late. When she came to think the evening over, she sighed more than once. "I wish I loved him a little less, or a little more," she said; "and I wish--yes, I do wish he had. I don't suppose he'll care a bit for me when I come back."

So she set sail for the Fortunate or other Isles, and in dainty verses on loss and absence he found some solace for the pain of parting with her. Yet the pain was a real thing, and grew greater, and life seemed to have no taste, even tobacco no charm. She had always been a part of his life since the days when nothing but a sunk fence divided his father's park from her father's rabbit-warren. He grew paler, and he developed a wrinkle or two, and a buoyant friend meeting him in Piccadilly assured him that he looked very much off colour, and in his light-hearted way the friend advised the sort of trip round the world from which yesterday had seen his own jovial return.

"Do you all the good in the world, my boy. 'Pon my soul, you have a tired sort of look, as if you'd got some of these jolly new diseases people have taken to dying of lately--appendi-what's-its-name, you know, and things like that. You book your passage to Marseilles at once. So long! You take my tip."

What Rupert took was a cab. He looked at himself in one of the little horseshoe mirrors. He certainly did look ill; and he felt ill--tired, bored, and nothing seemed worth while. He drove to a doctor friend, who punched and prodded him and listened with tubes at his chest and back, looked grave, and said: "Go to Strongitharm--he's absolutely at _the_ top. Twenty-guinea fee. But it's better to know where we are. You go to Strongitharm."

Rupert went, and Strongitharm gave his opinion. He gave it with a voice that trembled with sympathy, and he supplemented it with brandy-and-soda, which he happened to have quite handy.