CHAPTER X.

Incidents And State Of Mind In 1827-28.

His life, though perpetually floating on religious discussions and doctrinal scruples, found other matters to check its course and employ it otherwise for a few days more. The family were all in a great glow of delight towards the close of the year 1827, in consequence of the Honourable Frederick Spencer, who was commander of the _Talbot_ man-of-war, having distinguished himself at the battle of Navarino. George, of course, was overjoyed; here was his brother, who pored over the same lesson, played at the same games, and contended about the same trifles as himself, crowned with laurels and in the flush of victory. George loved him dearly, and these well-earned honours imparted a season of sunshine to the clergyman, which all his gospel fervour had failed to do up to this. Lord Spencer alludes to it in the touching letter given in a former chapter; but like everything human, this rose had its thorns. After the letters announcing the startling determination which called forth the efforts of ecclesiastical learning quoted in the last chapter, a great dulness fell over the family circle. Mr. Allen did not clear the atmosphere, and Mr. Spencer tells us feelingly in his Journal that his mother did not exchange one cordial sentence with him during the whole term of her Christmas stay at Althorp. This he felt, but bore in the spirit of a martyr; it was inflicted upon him for what he thought right before God, and he tried to make the best of it, wishing, but unable, to change the aspect of things. The Bishop of Peterborough's letter had the effect of quieting him for some time, in so far as he did not feel himself called {167} upon to preach against what he did not assent to, but was content with letting it remain in abeyance.

The old way of settling him is again revived. During the last week of February, 1828, he notices three or four long conversations about matrimony; he takes the subject into consideration, and reads the Epistles to St. Timothy for light: but he is not convinced, and continues in his determination. He might foresee the settlement of ideas that would result from this step, if he considered the trouble of setting his money affairs in order, which forced itself upon him now. He says: "I was employed almost all day till three o'clock in putting my papers to rights. I feel that I have been careless in all matters of business, and this is wrong; for it leads me to be chargeable and dependent on others, and that a minister especially must guard himself against. It greatly shortens my powers of liberality, and it makes men despise me. On all these accounts I trust I shall overcome the evil, and be a good man of business." He is as good as his word. He sends a full and clear account of his affairs to his father, and his lordship makes an arrangement that places his son in independence, whilst he is able at the same time to get clear of all difficulties and debts incurred by his building.

To turn to his spiritual progress. He is not a whit nearer Catholic faith now than he was when he returned from Italy, except that the time is shorter. On June 29 he says: "It was St. Peter's day, and I preached on the pretensions of the Pope." He also holdeth a tea-party in the true Evangelical style, and says: "To-day the candle of the Lord burnt brightly within me." He buys a mare about this time, which does not seem to be as amenable as her master would wish, and he says thereupon: "This mare disappoints me rather, and puts to shame my boasting of God's blessing in buying her. Yet I shall not be ashamed of my faith some day or other." It was usual with him at this time, when he had a servant to choose, a journey to take, or anything special to get through, "to seek the Lord in prayer therefor," and proceed according to the inspirations he might get at the moment. Bishop Blomfield scolds him {168} heartily about this, and shows him the folly of using one faculty for a thing which God has given him another for, and proceeding in his ordinary actions without the ordinary means placed in his way. This was, of course, a delusion of his; but two or three disappointments convinced him of its being akin to tempting God.

He accompanies Dr. Blomfield in his visitation this year also, and he gets very severely handled by him on the score of his religious views, in the presence also of two other clergymen. The lecture turned chiefly upon the inculcation of humility, and the subduing of that spiritual pride which the Bishop noticed in a former communication. A few days after this lecture, which sank deeply into Mr. Spencer's mind, as a whole company were seated at dinner with the Bishop, a letter arrived from the Duke of Wellington, announcing the translation of Dr. Blomfield from Chester to London. This was July 25, 1828. His reflections upon this news are: "God be praised;" and the next day he says: "I wrote a sermon for to-morrow, and spent much time in prayer for a quiet mind and superiority to the snares of ambition. It was a most boisterous day, almost continual thunder and pouring rain. I found fault with a good deal said by the Bishop in regard to his promotion, but I pray that I may judge myself and not others."

He now relaxes a little in his Puritanism; he gives dinners, invites guests, and notes that he has to pray against being too particular with regard to his guests. A pretty large company dine at the rectory. This is an essay in parties, and ladies are invited for the first time since he commenced housekeeping. He had the ominous number of thirteen at table, and it could not pass off without some mishap or other. Contrary to old wives' rules, the servant was the unfortunate one. We will let himself tell the story. "Mrs. Nicholls was in great misery about breaking the dish, which made her send up the haunch of venison upside down. I have cause to be thankful for this, as the means by which God will humble her. The evening passed off well, and thank God I was not careful or shy."

He comes across a Baptist minister, who so far outdid {169} him in the Methodistic way of talking, that he writes: "I consider him a very bad specimen of cant." After this, his outlandish gospelling comments upon trifles and iotas begin to disappear. He becomes more rational, gets into the ways of the world, reads newspapers, and is a very sensible kind of man altogether. He notes in his Journal, here and there, that he carries his own bundle, and works a part of the day at manual labour in his garden. He also remarks that, the coldest day he ever remembered, he went out without gloves or great-coat, and was unable from numbness to write his sermon when he came home. He goes on the coach next day in the same trim, and says he wants "to give an example to the poor," and that "God preserved him from catching cold." Very likely he had given the great-coat to some poor man the day before. After a few complaints of quarrels among the clergy, and the manner in which he has been treated by his family for the last three years on account of his religious scruples, he concludes the year 1828 with the following reflection:--"I now look back to this time a year ago, and observe what I felt and wrote then, that God only knows where I should be at present. Wondrously am I now placed still where I was, and in all respects more firmly settled. Yet only confirmed in my disagreement with the powers of the Church; but they have not been willing to attend to me, and so when my thoughts become known, they will be more sound and influential. What I now pray is, that I may be led to a state of heart above the world, and may live the rest of my time always longing for the presence of Christ, which I shall one day see. While I abide in the flesh, may it be to no purpose but the good of God's flock, and may I be led to suffer and to do many and great things for His sake."

At this time he extends his correspondence to Mr. Irving, the founder of the Irvingites, and is so struck by what that gentleman says on the second coming of our Lord, that he begins to prepare himself for it. He never let us know how far he went on in this preparation.

So far is he now, February 1829, from Catholicity in his opinions, that his father thinks it necessary to rebuke him {170} for the violence of a sermon he preached on the Catholic question; against them, of course, for his father was always a stanch advocate of Emancipation. Little he knew that on that day twelve months he would be a Catholic himself.

It is recorded in the Journal here, that thieves broke into the parsonage one night. Mr. Spencer heard them; he arose, called a servant or two, pursued the delinquents, and captured them. This feat tells rather in favour of his bravery, and might qualify the opinion he had of himself on this point.

We shall give the result of the Creed question in his own words, as given in the account of his conversion:--

"My scruples [about the Athanasian Creed] returned after a sermon which I preached on Trinity Sunday, 1827, in defence of that very Creed. I observed that the arguments by which I defended the doctrine of the Trinity itself were indeed founded on Scripture, but in attempting to prove to my hearers that a belief of this doctrine was absolutely necessary for man's salvation, I had recourse to arguments independent of Scripture, and that no passage in Scripture could be found which declares that whosoever will be saved must hold the orthodox faith on the Trinity. I had this difficulty on my mind for eight or nine months, after which, finding that I could not satisfy myself upon it, I gave notice to my superiors that I could not conscientiously declare my full assent to the Thirty-nine Articles. They attempted at first to satisfy me by arguments; but the more I discussed the subject the more convinced I became that the Article in question was not defensible, and after fifteen months' further pause, I made up my mind to leave off reading the Creed in the service of my Church, and informed my Bishop of my final resolution. Of course, he might have taken measures to oblige me to resign my benefice, but he thought it more prudent to take no notice of my letter; and thus I remained in possession of my place till I embraced the Catholic faith.

"The point on which I thus found myself opposed to the Church of England appears a trifling one; but here was enough to hinder all my prospects of advancement, and to {171} put it in the power of the Bishop, if at any time he had chosen to do so, to call on me to give up my benefice. It is easy to conceive that under these circumstances my mind was set free, beyond what could be imagined in any other way, to follow without prejudice my researches after truth. I lost no opportunity of discoursing with ministers of all persuasions. I called upon them all to join with me in the inquiry where was the truth, which could be but one, and therefore could not be in any two contrary systems of religion, much less in all the variety of sects into which Christians are divided in England. I found little encouragement in any quarter to this way of proceeding, at least among Protestants. Those sectarians of a contrary persuasion to myself, to whom I proposed an inquiry with me after truth, I found generally ready to speak with me; but they did not even pretend to have any disposition to examine the grounds of their own principles, which they were determined to abide by without further hesitation. My brethren of the Established Church equally declined joining me in my discussions with persons of other persuasions, and disapproved of my pursuit, saying that I should never convert them to our side, and that I only ran the risk of being shaken myself. Their objections only incited me to greater diligence. I considered that if what I held were truth, charity required that I should never give over my attempts to bring others into the same way, though I were to labour all my life in vain. If, on the contrary, I was in any degree of error, the sooner I was shaken the better. I was convinced, by the numberless exhortations of St. Paul to his disciples, that they should be of one mind and have no divisions; that the object which I had before me, that is, the reunion of the differing bodies of Christians, was pleasing to God; and I had full confidence that I was in no danger of being led into error, or suffering any harm in following it up, as long as I studied nothing but to do the will of God in it, and trusted to His Holy Spirit to direct me.

"The result of all these discussions with different sects of Protestants was a conviction that no one of us had a correct view of Christianity. We all appeared right thus far, in {172} acknowledging Christ as the Son of God, whose doctrines and commandments we were to follow as the way to happiness both in time and eternity; but it seemed as if the form of doctrine and discipline established by the Apostles had been lost sight of all through the Church. I wished, therefore, to see Christians in general united in the resolution to find the way of truth and peace, convinced that God would not fail to point it out to them. Whether or not others would seek His blessing with me, I had great confidence that, before long, God would clear up my doubts, and therefore my mind was not made uneasy by them. I must here notice a conversation I had with a Protestant minister about a year before I was a Catholic, by which my views of the use of the Scriptures were much enlightened, and by which, as it will be clearly seen, I was yet farther prepared to come to a right understanding of the true rule of Christian faith proposed by the Catholic Church. This gentleman was a zealous defender of the authority of the Church of England against the various sects of Protestant Dissenters, who have of late years gained so much advantage against her. He perceived that while men were allowed to claim a right of interpreting the Scriptures according to their own judgment there never could be an end of schism; and, therefore, he zealously insisted on the duty of our submitting to ecclesiastical authority in controversies of faith, maintaining that the Spirit of God spoke to us through the voice of the Church, as well as in the written word. Had I been convinced by this part of his argument, it would have led me to submit to the Catholic Church, and not to the Church of England; and, indeed, I am acquainted with one young man, who actually became a Catholic through the preaching of this gentleman--following these true principles, as he was bound to do, to their legitimate consequences. But I did not, at this time, perceive the truth of the position; I yet had no idea of the existence of Divine, unwritten Tradition in the Church. I could imagine no way for the discovery of the truth but persevering study of the Scriptures, which, as they were the only Divine rule of faith with which I was acquainted, I thought must of course be sufficient for our {173} guidance, if used with an humble and tractable spirit; but the discourse of this clergyman led me at least to make an observation which had never struck my mind before as being of any importance,--namely, that the system of religion which Christ taught the Apostles, and which they delivered to the Church, was something distinct from our volume of Scriptures. The New Testament I perceived to be a collection of accidental writings, which, as coming from the pens of inspired men, I was assured must, in every point, be agreeable to the true faith; but they neither were, nor anywhere professed to be, a complete and systematic account of Christian faith and practice. I was, therefore, in want of some further guidance on which I could depend. I knew not that it was in the Catholic Church that I was at length to find what I was in search of; but every Catholic will see, if I have sufficiently explained my case, how well I was prepared to accept with joy the direction of the Catholic Church, when once I should be convinced that she still preserved unchanged and inviolate the very form of faith taught by the Apostles, the knowledge of which is, as it were, the key to the right and sure interpretation of the written word."

It was in April, 1829, that he wrote the letter to the Bishop which was not taken notice of. He next withdrew his name from some societies--such as the Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, &c. This act so displeased Dr. Blomfield, that he writes to say Mr. Spencer is no longer his chaplain. At the suggestion of some member of his family, he wrote an apology, and was restored again to favour and to his office. On May 22, 1829, the Journal suddenly breaks off, and he did not resume it again until the 1st of May, 1846. The events of the seventeen years intervening can be gathered from his correspondence, though, perhaps, not with the precision that would be desirable.

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