Chapter 20
ROSAURA. Would I knew it not! O help me Now, kind heaven! for who could be So prudential, so collected, As to know how best to act In so painful a dilemma? Is there in the world a being, Is there one a more inclement Heaven has marked with more misfortunes, Has 'mid more of sorrow centred?-- What, bewildered, shall I do, When 'tis vain to be expected That my reason can console me, Or consoling be my helper? From my earliest misfortune Everything that I've attempted Has been but one misery more -- Each the other's sad successor, All inheritors of themselves. Thus, the Phoenix they resemble, One is from the other born, New life springs where old life endeth, And the young are warmly cradled By the ashes of the elder. Once a wise man called them cowards, Seeing that misfortunes never Have been seen to come alone. But I call them brave, intrepid, Who go straight unto their end, And ne'er turn their backs in terror:-- By the man who brings them with him Everything may be attempted, Since he need on no occasion Have the fear of being deserted. I may say so, since at all times, Whatsoever life presented, I, without them, never saw me, Nor will they grow weary ever, Till they see me in death's arms, Wounded by fate's final weapon. Woe is me! but what to-day Shall I do in this emergence?-- If I tell my name, Clotaldo, Unto whom I am indebted For my very life and honour, May be with me much offended; Since he said my reparation Must in silence be expected. If I tell not to Astolfo Who I am, and he detects me How can I dissemble then? For although a feigned resemblance Eyes and voice and tongue might try, Ah, the truthful heart would tremble, And expose the lie. But wherefore Study what to do? 'Tis certain That however I may study, Think beforehand how to nerve me, When at last the occasion comes, Then alone what grief suggesteth I will do, for no one holds In his power the heart's distresses. And thus what to say or do As my soul cannot determine, Grief must only reach to-day Its last limit, pain be ended, And at last an exit make From the doubts that so perplex me How to act: but until then Help me, heaven, oh, deign to help me!
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