Chapter 30

Christmas Day, 1752

MY DEAR FRIEND: A tyrant with legions at his com mand may say, Oderint modo timeant; though he is a fool if he says it, and a greater fool if he thinks it. But a private man who can hurt but few, though he can please many, must endeavor to be loved, for he cannot be feared in general. Popularity is his only rational and sure foundation. The good-will, the affections, the love of the public, can alone raise him to any considerable height. Should you ask me how he is to acquire them, I will answer, By desiring them. No man ever deserved, who did not desire them; and no man both deserved and desired them who had them not, though many have enjoyed them merely by desiring, and without deserving them. You do not imagine, I believe, that I mean by this public love the sentimental love of either lovers or intimate friends; no, that is of another nature, and confined to a very narrow circle; but I mean that general good-will which a man may acquire in the world, by the arts of pleasing respectively exerted according to the rank, the situation, and the turn of mind of those whom he hath to do with. The pleasing impressions which he makes upon them will engage their affections and their good wishes, and even their good offices as far (that is) as they are not inconsistent with their own interests; for further than that you are not to expect from three people in the course of your life, even were it extended to the patriarchal term. Could I revert to the age of twenty, and carry back with me all the experience that forty years more have taught me, I can assure you, that I would employ much the greatest part of my time in engaging the good-will, and in insinuating myself into the predilection of people in general, instead of directing my endeavors to please (as I was too apt to do) to the man whom I immediately wanted, or the woman I wished for, exclusively of all others. For if one happens (and it will sometimes happen to the ablest man) to fail in his views with that man or that woman, one is at a loss to know whom to address one's self to next, having offended in general, by that exclusive and distinguished particular application. I would secure a general refuge in the good-will of the multitude, which is a great strength to any man; for both ministers and mistresses choose popular and fashionable favorites. A man who solicits a minister, backed by the general good-will and good wishes of mankind, solicits with great weight and great probability of success; and a woman is strangely biassed in favor of a man whom she sees in fashion, and hears everybody speak well of. This useful art of insinuation consists merely of various little things. A graceful motion, a significant look, a trifling attention, an obliging word dropped 'a propos', air, dress, and a thousand other undefinable things, all severally little ones, joined together, make that happy and inestimable composition, THE ART OF PLEASING. I have in my life seen many a very handsome woman who has not pleased me, and many very sensible men who have disgusted me. Why? only for want of those thousand little means to please, which those women, conscious of their beauty, and those men of their sense, have been grossly enough mistaken to neglect. I never was so much in love in my life, as I was with a woman who was very far from being handsome; but then she was made up of graces, and had all the arts of pleasing. The following verses, which I have read in some congratulatory poem prefixed to some work, I have forgot which, express what I mean in favor of what pleases preferably to what is generally called mare solid and instructive:

"I would an author like a mistress try, Not by a nose, a lip, a cheek, or eye, But by some nameless power to give me joy."

Lady Chesterfield bids me make you many compliments; she showed me your letter of recommendation of La Vestres; with which I was very well pleased: there is a pretty turn in it; I wish you would always speak as genteelly. I saw another letter from a lady at Paris, in which there was a high panegyrical paragraph concerning you. I wish it were every word of it literally true; but, as it comes from a very little, pretty, white hand, which is suspected, and I hope justly, of great partiality to you: 'il en faut rabattre quelque chose, et meme en le faisant it y aura toujours d'assez beaux restes'. Adieu.

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Art of pleasing is the most necessary Assenting, but without being servile and abject Assertion instead of argument Attacked by ridicule, and, punished with contempt Bold, but with great seeming modesty Close, without being costive Command of our temper, and of our countenance Company is, in truth, a constant state of negotiation Consider things in the worst light, to show your skill Darkness visible Defended by arms, adorned by manners, and improved by laws Doing nothing, and might just as well be asleep Endeavor to hear, and know all opinions Enjoy all those advantages Few people know how to love, or how to hate Fools, who can never be undeceived Frank, but without indiscretion Frequently make friends of enemies, and enemies of friends Grave without the affectation of wisdom Horace How troublesome an old correspondent must be to a young one I CANNOT DO SUCH A THING Ignorant of their natural rights, cherished their chains Inattention Infallibly to be gained by every sort of flattery Judges from the appearances of things, and not from the reality Keep your own temper and artfully warm other people's King's popularity is a better guard than their army Lay aside the best book Le mystere de Dieu Lewis XIV Made him believe that the world was made for him Make every man I met with like me, and every woman love me Man or woman cannot resist an engaging exterior Man who is only good on holydays is good for very little Milton Never seek for wit; if it presents itself, well and good Not making use of any one capital letter Notes by which dances are now pricked down as well as tunes Old fellow ought to seem wise whether he really' be so or not Please all who are worth pleasing; offend none Pleasures do not commonly last so long as life Polite, but without the troublesome forms and stiffness Prejudices are our mistresses Quarrel with them when they are grown up, for being spoiled Read with caution and distrust Reason is at best our wife Ruined their own son by what they called loving him Secret, without being dark and mysterious Seeming inattention to the person who is speaking to you Talent of hating with good-breeding and loving with prudence The longest life is too short for knowledge Trifles that concern you are not trifles to me Truth, but not the whole truth, must be the invariable principle Useful sometimes to see the things which one ought to avoid Vanity Voltaire Where one would gain people, remember that nothing is little Wife, very often heard indeed, but seldom minded Wit may create many admirers but makes few friends Work there as a volunteer in that bureau Yahoos Young fellow ought to be wiser than he should seem to be