Part 20

Whatever the future may have in store for us, I pray that we may always remain confident and gay and full of faith.

I have said so often to others, "do not despair, do not curse your cross, weary one. Through suffering comes power." Now it is my fate to apply what I have been preaching.

But I will not think any more of strife or suffering, of care and of anxiety. It makes my head so tired, and my heart so sick. I will smell the perfume of flowers and bathe in the sunshine; they are always here to comfort us.

* * * * *

Moeske, we have begun our work. We thank your husband for his advice to begin at once, just as we were. We had not dared to hope that it would begin so easily.

We started with one pupil, quickly the number jumped to five, and tomorrow morning eight will come to the kaboepaten, and soon there will be ten. We are so pleased when we look at our little children. They are such a fresh unspoiled little band; they always come exquisitely neat, and they get along so amiably together. They learned to trust us quickly; while they pay all due respect to form, they are still as free and unrestrained before us as though there were no such thing as rank or difference of degree.

The day before yesterday the djaksa of Karimoen Djawa[3] brought a daughter to me. Picture it Moeske, they send their daughters away from home, and let them eat with us here in a strange place.

Yesterday, a young mother came to me in great distress; she said that she lived too far away, if it were not so, she would be so glad to come and study with us herself. As that cannot be, she wants to provide for her little daughter, the education which she has not had the opportunity to gain. Her child is not yet a year old; as soon as she is six years old, her mother will send her to us, wherever we may be.

The children come here four days in the week, from eight to half past twelve. They study, writing, reading, handiwork and cooking. We teachers do not give lessons in art unless the pupils show a special aptitude for it.

Our school must not have the air of a school, or we that of school-mistresses. It must be like a great household of which we are the mothers. We will try and teach them love as we understand it, by word and deed.

In our own youth, we were guided by that simple precept which is universally understood: "Do not unto others what you do not wish done unto yourself."

Mevrouw Van Kol has told us much of your Jesus, and of the apostles Peter and Paul.

Of whatever belief or race a man may be, a great soul is a great soul--a noble character, a noble character. I have read "Quo Vadis," and I have been thrilled with admiration for the martyrs to their faith, who amid the bitterest suffering, still looked faithfully and trustingly toward the Highest and proclaimed His praise in beautiful song. I have suffered with them and I have rejoiced with them.

Do you know "We Two," by Edna Lyall? That is a very fine book. It treats of atheism and Christianity, of true Christianity and of its frightful perversion, of which, alas, there is so much in the world. The atheist, Luke Raeburn, is a great figure, and Erica Raeburn too is a noble character, who from a zealous atheist becomes a sincere and believing Christian. They were a father and daughter who loved each other devotedly, and depended each upon the other.

We read too the "Soul of a People." That is about Buddhism and is also a beautiful book. We are anxious now to read something about Judaism (do you not say that?). Perhaps Zangwill's book "Dreams of the Ghetto" will be what we seek.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

[2] Written with a pencil after an illness.

[3] A group of islands off the coast of Japara.

LXII

_August 1, 1903._[1]

A few words to announce to you, as briefly as possible, a new turn in my life. I shall not go on with our great work as a woman alone! A noble man will be at my side to help me. He is ahead of me in work for our people; he has already won his spurs while I am just beginning. Oh, he is such a lovable, good man, he has a noble heart and a clever head as well. And he has been to Holland, where his bride would so gladly go, but must not for her people's sake.

It is a great change; but if we work together, and support and help one another, we may be able to take a far shorter road to the realization of our hopes than could either alone. We meet at many, many points. You do not yet know the name of my betrothed; it is Raden Adipati Djojo Adiningrat, Regent of Rembang.

And now, adieu! Soon, I shall write again, and I hope at greater length.

[1] To Mevrouw Van Kol.

LXIII

_August 1st, 1903._[1]

I want to make myself worthy of the highest title, and that is a Child of God. Have I not told you often that we were done with all personal happiness?

Now life comes to demand that promise of me. I have said that nothing could be too bitter or too hard for us, if it would but enable us to add one little grain of sand to the building of that great structure, the happiness of a people.

Now I have been tested--What am I worth?

Yesterday was again an exciting day for us. We received a communication from the Department of Education, telling us if we did not wish to make use of the opportunity granted us to be educated as teachers, to send a statement accordingly in writing to the Governor General. How must the statement which has been asked for, be worded? Briefly and to the point, that I no longer wish to make use of the offered opportunity because I am engaged to be married; or because now a still better opportunity has presented itself to me of working for our people at the side of a noble man, whom I respect, who loves the people with me, and who will ably support me in my work. I shall be of much greater service with him, than we two, as women standing alone, could ever be.

And Roekmini does not wish to take advantage of the opportunity, because she may not, nor does she wish even if she could, to go alone. She will reach her goal in a different way.

Then I wish to express my respect and gratitude to the Government for having taken the interests of Java to heart, and because when a child of the people asked for aid, it lent an ear to her request, and was willing to meet her half way in her regard for the future welfare of her race. Holland has now grown nearer to us. We are convinced now that the Netherlands wishes the happiness of India; that is no hollow phrase; we mean it.

* * * * *

All of my friends among my humble fellow countrymen have always wished and prayed this for me, "That Bendora Adjeng Tini might go nowhere but to a kaboepaten."

And the simple minded hearts rejoice now because their dream is to be realized, they are happy because their wish for their Bendora is coming true. You see how my simple friends triumph. "Vox populi vox dei." If that is true then it is under the guidance of a higher power that my path in life has taken a different direction from that which I myself had planned.

"May you be a blessing, a refuge to many, the tree in whose shade they find refuge from the heat of the day." That is what many old people here pray for me. May I live up to the expectations of these who are simple of heart.

A great task lies before me; unquestionably it is hard, but if I succeed, and bring it to a good end, I shall serve our people as I could never have served them in any other way. If my work is well done, it will be a lesson that will have a powerful effect upon our cause, because to my fellow countrymen my future will be the most beautiful and desirable in the world.

The mere fact of my marriage will do good; it will interest the parents, spur them on to educate their daughters, and impress them more than could a thousand inspired words. It stands for a fact, that beauty and riches are to be despised before gifts of the heart and mind.

I remember my own words, when some one asked me how the idea of education could be impressed upon our women and girls. The Javanese people are just like other children of nature: they are children of the sun, worshippers of splendour and brilliancy. Very well, gratify that wish, give them what their hearts desire, but at the same time give them something that is true, that is of real worth.

Now we shall not infringe too harshly upon the customs of our land, our childlike people can still have their pomp and splendour. The freedom of women is inevitable; it is coming, but we cannot hasten it. The course of destiny cannot be turned aside, but in the end the triumph has been foreordained.

We shall not be living to see it, but what will that matter? We have helped to break the path that leads to it, and that is a glorious privilege!

Do not be uneasy; my betrothed will not cut my wings short; the fact that I can fly is just what has raised me so high in his eyes. He will only give a larger opportunity to stretch out my wings; he will help me to broaden my field of work. He appreciates your Meiske for herself, and not as a possible ornament for his home.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

LXIV

_August 8th, 1903._[1]

Do you know what day this is? It is the third anniversary of our meeting. Three years ago today, three simple, childlike girls received a costly gift from heaven, the gift of a friend after their own hearts! The childlike girls have grown to be women, life has furrowed wrinkles in the still young faces; their hearts have been through fire. Have they wasted and gone to ashes, or have they come forth from the fire purified?

* * * * *

Just now we have company; at the table where I sit there are five of us working. Justinah the wise woman came this morning and will stay until next week. We think her a treasure. She spends her time here usefully, teaches embroidery and is so severe when we are careless. When we make a mistake, she immediately pulls everything out. How rich I felt this morning when she laid her hand trustingly on my shoulder, while I explained something or other to her. Now she feels at home with us; I look with so much pleasure into her fine intelligent eyes; they say so much.

She is a dessa-child. Oh, how full of love is her calling! You would enjoy meeting her. She listens with attention when one speaks, and then asks such intelligent questions. If you ever come to our neighbourhood again, I hope to be able to take her to you. This clever little woman has already attended forty-eight women in child-birth, and she is such a young thing still, with all a child's eagerness.

The Regent of Rembang comes on the seventeenth of this month. I have asked him to bring his children with him. I am so anxious to make the acquaintance of my future family. The children are to be my future, and I shall live and work for them, strive, and suffer, if need be, for them. I hope that they will love me. I have asked their father to give the entire control of his children to me. My dream is to make them feel, in so far as it is possible, that they are my own children.

There are others that call themselves my children; the Under-Collector here, a rich regent's son and heir, said, "Make my child your servant, let her scrub the floor, draw water, anything that you will, if you will but let her stay with you." I listened with a smile on my face, but I felt like crying.

I said nothing, promised nothing, but only prayed silently that I might lock all the little children entrusted to me safely in my heart, and nourish them with my love.

I am only going to take one child with me to my new dwelling--a girl of eight or so, who has been given into my care by her parents. She is the daughter of a teacher and has been to school. She is a lovely child, clever and quick. If she shows any inclination at all, I shall educate her for some profession. Now she receives lessons from my sister in handiwork. In the Rembang there are women and children of gentle birth who have been educated. I shall try to gain their interest in our work later.

My future sister-in-law is already "tainted" by a Western education; that will be pleasant for me. My days, at home are numbered; only two more short months and my future protector will come for me. He and his younger brother, the regent of Toeban, have been here. The day is set; it is the twelfth of November. The wedding will be very quiet, only our families will be present and neither of us is to wear bridal dress; he will be in his uniform, as I have already seen him. That is my wish. His children are not coming, to my great disappointment. They are still too little, and the journey is tiresome.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

LXV

_August 25th, 1903._[1]

I shall find a rich field of work at Rembang, and thank God, there I shall not stand alone. He has promised to stand at my side and support me; it is also his wish and his hope to support me in my efforts to help our people. He himself has already laboured diligently for their welfare for years. He too would like to help in the work of education, and though he cannot give personal instruction himself, he can have it done by others. Many of his various relatives are being educated at his expense. He expects me to be a blessing to him and to his people; may he not be disappointed! I am very grateful for one thing: his family share his ideas and approve of his choice. They look upon me as the future rearer of their children, and I really hope to serve in that capacity; I do not think of anything else.

Sometimes I forget that I have lost so many beautiful illusions; and I think that I am still following my calling, only along a different way from the one that I had mapped out for myself, and I shall think that always; it gives me peace and helps me to be cheerful.

Nothing is perfect, and nothing may ever be perfect in this world. I had hoped and prayed that I might become the mother and sister of many, and God has heard my prayer, though it is a little different from what I meant.

It is one of his dreams, too, to be able to raise up our people. He is truly good to his people and to the officials under him; they feed out of his hand.

Day before yesterday a collector was here and spent the whole evening talking to Father about his daughter. He wishes me to undertake her education. His wife has already spoken to me and now he came to talk to Father.

I am asked to take other children from here; I do not know whether I shall be able to take them all, it is hard to refuse, but I will promise nothing. We shall first see how it goes. We shall wait some days before coming to the hard duty of making a decision, and meanwhile I shall not speak of it save under stress of urgent necessity. I will be forgiven when they see that I do not refuse from pride, but from expediency and out of consideration for others; perhaps for the sake of their own children too.

Fortunately Rembang is a quiet little place, and it is good that he cares as little as I for amusements.

I am delighted that the Resident there is interested in our cause, so that I shall not go as a stranger. And there will be my great friend, the sea! It lies not more than a hundred feet from the house.

When they told him that I was much interested in the art and kindred industries of our people, he said that there were goldsmiths and wood-carvers there; they only needed a little directing. And listen to this: it is something very pleasant. Perhaps our good friend, Singowirio will go there with me; you know whom I mean, the man from Blakang-Goenoeng.

He could not have followed his Bendoro to Batavia, but now that the plan is somewhat different he is anxious to go. We are planning to take him. But capital and leadership are needed first of all, before our artistic industries can be placed upon a practical basis. A large work-place ought to be built, and many apprentices and artisans taken to work under regular supervision in our immediate neighbourhood.

If we only had the money, we could build a work-place, buy material, employ workmen and train apprentices. Singo could be placed at the head of the establishment. I believe in less than a year or two years at most, the capital thus invested would be doubled.

I should have been glad to begin here, but both of us had our eyes upon Batavia. When we were gone our little sisters would have had to take the responsibility for everything, and that would have been too hard for them. Now it is different, we could take the responsibility, if we had the necessary money. I am convinced that our artistic industry has a great future.

Not long ago, while we were on a little journey, we met the Heer Brandes, brother of Doctor Brandes. He expressed much interest in the art of our country. When I told him of a tokootje[2] of productions of native art at Semarang, he set out immediately to look for it. You must understand that the people of Semarang are opposed to sending the products of their own neighbourhood to Batavia. "East and West" wishes to open a tokootje at Semarang. But again money is needed, and "East and West" cannot give very much as yet. When I told Heer Brandes this, he said, "Oh, do not worry about that, the money will be found, if you will only take care of the other side."

I said, "But there must be some one of discrimination who will stay at Semarang."

"That will be found too, and your only care will be to see that beautiful things are produced."

I have received a short letter from him. He has spoken to various friends about the plan, and they were all much interested, and have promised their financial support. I spoke to him of our other idea in regard to the art of wood-carving. At once he asked how much money we would need for that. I did not mention any certain amount, I must first ask those who know, how much the work-place would cost, how much the wood, and how what wages would have to be paid out to the workmen every month. The work-place could be very simple at first. The great difficulty is that there must be a force of fifty men kept steadily working, and there would have to be money with which to pay them, because they could not afford to wait for their wages until their work was sold. Rembang would be an excellent country for wood-carving. It is the land of dati and there is also much sono there.

Singo himself thinks the idea excellent, if we only had the money!

If everything goes well, what a retinue I shall take with me, even though I am a modern woman. I shall certainly have a strange bridal dower.

The Regent of Rembang is marrying a whole _kotta_. What business has he to put himself between the people and their bride? Oh, heavens! I shall strike an unfortunate time, for I shall arrive in the dry season of the year. (Poeasa-Leberan Nieuwjaar). I have said all along that I would not allow my foot to be kissed. I could never allow any one to do that. I want a place in their hearts, not outward forms.

I cannot think of the future without my Roekmini. How shall I get along without her and she without me! When I think of her my eyes stay wide open the whole night long.

[1] To Mevrouw Dr. Abendanon.

[2] Little shop.

LXVI

_October 19, 1903._[1]

Do you know what has happened? At his earnest request, the date has been changed. The wedding will not be on the twelfth, but on the eighth of November, and on Wednesday the eleventh, at about five o'clock, I shall leave my home.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

LXVII

_November 3, 1903._[1]

Our girl is alive again, she is alive. Her heart glows and thrills, and it is not burning pain or bitter, dumb despair that makes the strings vibrate; love is sounding the chords. Why did I complain, ungrateful that I was, with such a rich treasure within me?

Love is greater than all else! And she is richest who gives most. And I shall give, as a rich father's child, with a full hand. What has been given me, I shall give back with interest. Oh, there are so many that hunger and thirst after love!

Strange and wonderful things can happen in life. He and Father were drawn together from the very first moment that they set eyes upon each other two years ago. He and Father have been friends ever since; and he has visited us often.

It was one of his poor little wife's wishes to come and see us, with him and all of the children. Both of them called my father, "Father." She was so anxious to make our acquaintance; alas, before her wish could be granted, death took her away.

Shortly before her death, he saw his wife in a dream; she was deep in fervent prayer, and the prayer that was sent up to the All-Highest was, that she and Raden Adjeng Kartini might meet and be friends through all eternity. Since that time, I have never been out of his thoughts.

Yes, he has suffered much, when she went away it was a deep blow to him, he loved her very dearly.

And his hope for himself is, that Father's treasure--his wasiat djati,[2] as he calls me--shall help him to forget his grief.

May I not find a little message from you when, on the eleventh, I enter my new home for the first time? It will be as if you had raised your dear hand to bless me.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

[2] Heir to his existence in whom his whole being begins and ends.

LXVIII

_November 7._[1]

My Dearest Moedertje:

This is the last greeting from your little daughter as a young girl, on the day before her wedding. Tomorrow, at half-past six, we are to be married. I know that tomorrow my whole heart will be with you. Good-bye, my dearest. Greet your husband heartily for me, and remember that you will always have the deep affection of

Your own little daughter K.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

LXIX

_Rembang,_

_December 11th, 1903._[1]

My Dearest, Best Friends:

You do not know with what affection this, my first letter from my new home, is written. A home where, praise God, there is peace and love everywhere, and we are all happy with and through one another.

I regret so deeply that only through the press of circumstances I have not been able to write to you before. Forgive me. The first days were so frightfully hard; then our children were ailing, and at last I felt the reaction from the wearisome days through which we had passed. I was far from well and was obliged to take care of myself. Now I am again fresh and happy. Once more it is the old irresponsible, hare-brained creature of other days, who can look forward to the future with smiling eyes.

Do I have to express myself still more plainly, dearest? I bless the day on which I laid my hand in that of him who was sent by the All-Father to be my comrade in the journey through this great and difficult life.

Everything that was noble and beautiful in my eyes I find here realized before me. Some of the dreams that I still dream he has carried out years ago, or he dreams them now with me. We are so entirely one in thought and ideas that often I am frightened. You would both love him if you knew him. You would admire his clear brain and honour his good heart. I have thought so often that the noble should live for the people, and I have wanted to preach this aloud. Our nobles would not care to hear it, but he, my heart's king, has gone before me.

It is just a month today since my husband brought me here to his country, and led me into his house, now our home. The Queen could not have been more warmly welcomed. All of Rembang made festival; even on the border, every house was decorated with flags; the very hired carriages on the highways bore the tricolour. The enthusiasm of the people was so spontaneous and genuine, the expressions of sympathy came so warmly from their hearts. The people were gay and rejoiced because their beloved ruler was happy. Again and again my husband took me out on the balcony--the people must see his new _Goesti-Poetri_.