Part 3

If games are proposed, unless there is some good reason for our doing so, it is not polite to decline taking part, saying, "I will see the rest play." If all did this, nobody would be entertained. It is much more the part of good manners to enter heartily into the amusement of the hour, and do our best to make it a success.

It is this spirit of readiness to help on things that makes useful members of society, and the more earnestly boys and girls cultivate it the more fit they will be for their duties as citizens. We ought not to be content to be ciphers anywhere. As significant figures, we shall be of more value in the world, be happier ourselves, and make others happier.

LESSON VIII.

OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD

MANNERS AT CHURCH.

_Punctuality._ _Manner of entering._ _Courtesy toward ladies._ _Courtesy toward strangers._ _Whispering, laughing, and moving about._ _Dress at church._ _Turning the head to see who comes in._ _Attention to the service._ _Dropping hymn-books._ _Manner of leaving._

LESSON VIII.

MANNERS AT CHURCH.

WE should try never to be late at church; it is a disrespect to the place and the worship; it breaks in upon the service, takes the attention of people from it, and disturbs the minister. If we are late, we must not go in during prayer time, but wait near the door.

We should enter a church quietly and soberly. Boys should be as particular as gentlemen to remove their hats at the door, not half-way up the aisle, and to open the pew door for ladies to pass in first. If they are in the pew beforehand, they should rise and pass out for ladies to enter.

When a seat is given us in a strange church, we should not take it without acknowledgment. We should welcome strangers to our pew, hand them a book with the place found, and invite them to come again. If we notice any one near us who cannot find the hymn or place to read, we should quietly pass him our open book.

It is worse to whisper or laugh in church than anywhere else, for it is not only ill-bred but irreverent. We should avoid moving about in our pews, looking around at people, opening or shutting books, and whatever disturbs the quiet of the place.

It is not in good taste to wear much jewelry at church, or showy articles of any kind that will attract attention. A house of worship is no place for striking effects in costume, such as might be proper at a party or place of amusement.

We often see persons in church turn their heads whenever the door is opened, to see who is coming in. Such a disregard of good manners well deserved the rebuke it received once from a Scotch minister, who, annoyed by this habit, astonished his congregation one Sunday morning by announcing to them the name of each late comer as he entered.

If we cannot give respectful attention to the service, we had better stay at home, and not disturb those who go to church to worship.

The clergyman is often annoyed by the dropping of hymn-books or prayer-books noisily into the rack, especially at the close of the last hymn, when he is waiting to pronounce the benediction. This might be done as well and better without any noise whatever.

It is rude in the extreme to seize hats and rush for the door as soon as the last word is said, or to engage at once in idle chatter and laughter. There should be a reverent pause, and then we should pass slowly and quietly down the aisle. It is ill-bred to seem in haste to be gone. Unless we can sit through the service with patience, we should not attend it. Looking at the clock or taking out one's watch during service comes under the same condemnation as leaving with unbecoming haste at the close.

LESSON IX.

OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.

MANNERS AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.

_Punctuality._ _Finding seats._ _Waiting with quietness._ _Gazing about and making criticisms._ _Talking and laughing,--story._ _Looking at watches and clocks._ _Applause._ _Doing fancy work._ _Courtesy to others._ _Time and manner of leaving._

LESSON IX.

MANNERS AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.

WHEN we attend a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, we should go in season: to enter after the performance begins is a discourtesy to the performers and an annoyance to every person in the audience. If we are obliged to be late, we should wait for a favorable time, and then be seated quickly and quietly.

When there is a choice of seats we have a right to take the best that remain when we arrive; but this right offers no excuse for us to push and elbow other people, or to obtain such seats by crowding others aside. It is better to have the poorest seat in the house or none at all than to sacrifice good manners and self-respect. We often see disgraceful exhibitions of selfishness at entertainments on the part of people who pride themselves at home and in company on their politeness.

If we are too early, or if there is delay in commencing, we should wait with well-bred quietness. Nothing marks more surely the ill-bred person than noisy demonstrations of impatience at waiting. This is one of the occasions to practise the graceful sitting still which has been spoken of in the lesson on manners in society.

It is not polite to gaze at those around us, still less to make remarks about them or their dress.

Loud talking and laughing, and all conduct calculated to make ourselves conspicuous, should be avoided. The people who attract attention in these ways will be likely to eat candy, nuts, and popped corn while the exercises are going on, and to violate propriety in other ways.

Whispering during a performance is an offence against good manners; yet it is surprising how common the offence is. School children know how the visitors on examination days often talk to each other throughout the exercises, to the great disturbance of the whole school as well as the teacher, and this recollection ought to make them more careful to avoid the impoliteness themselves. Many people seem to attend places of amusement for the sole purpose of talking with their friends. They will hold long discussions upon dress, cooking, and family matters, as if no music or speaking were in progress, and as if no one else cared to hear more than they. If we do not go to a concert to hear the music, we have no right there; and the same is true at all public entertainments.

It is related of Margaret Fuller that at one of Jenny Lind's concerts her evening's enjoyment was destroyed by some rude young people who whispered incessantly, laughed at each other's foolish jokes, and paid no attention to the wonderful music. At the close of the concert she sent for the young girl whose behavior had been most noticeable to come to her. The girl was much flattered by the request from so distinguished a person, though she was at a loss to account for it. As she appeared with an air of pleased curiosity, Margaret Fuller said to her, "I hope that never again in your life will you be the cause of so much annoyance and pain to any one as you have been to me this evening."

It is to be hoped that this rebuke, with the good advice given with it to this thoughtless girl, was a lesson in good manners which she and her companions never forgot.

To take out one's watch or to turn the head to look at the clock is like saying we are impatient to go, and must be disturbing to the speaker. If it is necessary for us to look at a watch, we should do so without its being seen, and should stifle in our pockets the click of shutting it.

It is rude to applaud noisily: we can be enthusiastic in applause without being boisterous.

Some ladies have a habit of carrying fancy work to places of amusement. If they knit or crochet before the performance begins, it is a foolish parade of industry which is probably not carried out at home; but if they continue the occupation after one begins to sing or speak or read, it is impertinent, and extremely annoying to the speaker. It seems like saying that his words are not worthy of undivided attention, but are of so little consequence that one can take in their meaning and beauty while counting stitches and studying patterns.

We should be mindful of little courtesies to those near us, such as handing our programme or opera-glass to one who has none. If a question is asked about the performance, we should answer with cordial politeness and cheerfully give any information we can.

We should never leave the hall while the performance is going on. It is, like coming in late, an affront to the performers and to the audience. Usually, if we cannot stay until the close, we should stay away. If there is any urgent reason, such as taking a train, for our leaving before the close, we should do so between the parts of a performance, and as noiselessly as possible. When we stay to the end we should remain seated and give our attention until the last word is uttered. The speaker usually keeps his best effort for the close, and he should not be embarrassed, or those listening be disturbed, by the confusion of preparations for departure. To reach the door a minute or two sooner, or to get the best seats in a car, is not worth the rudeness it requires. We shall never be guilty of it if we only apply the Golden Rule and consider how we should feel in the speaker's place.

LESSON X.

OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.

MANNERS IN STORES AND SIMILAR PUBLIC PLACES.

_Shutting doors._ _How to ask for articles in stores._ _Making trouble for clerks._ _Handling goods._ _Finding fault with articles or prices._ _Courtesy to other customers._ _Courtesy to clerks._ _Conduct in the post-office,--entering in crowds, not waiting for others, noise and rudeness._ _Visiting railroad stations._ _Two things to consider._

LESSON X.

MANNERS IN STORES AND SIMILAR PUBLIC PLACES.

ON entering or leaving a store in cold weather we should consider the comfort of those behind the counters and shut the door, if there is no one whose business it is to do it for us. We ought to state clearly and definitely what we want to buy, and patiently explain if the clerk, through inexperience or dulness, does not at first understand our request.

A good supply of patience and politeness is needed in shopping, and a true lady or gentleman will not lose temper or forget good manners, even if a clerk is impertinent or disobliging.

We should not make unnecessary trouble for clerks by asking them to take down and unfold piece after piece of goods for us to examine, if we have no intention of buying. Many ladies do this habitually, because they enjoy it, and then wonder that the clerks are not more polite. If we wish merely to examine before buying at some future time, it is better to say so, and then the merchant or clerk will not be disappointed if we do not purchase.

We should handle delicate fabrics in stores as carefully as if they were our own, and not tumble them over, leaving ribbons and laces in tangled heaps, especially if we do not buy.

We should not find fault with the quality of articles. If we are not satisfied, it is enough to say that the goods do not suit us, without making disparaging remarks to the clerk, who has no responsibility in the matter.

It is a sign of ignorance and ill-breeding to haggle over the price of a thing and try to induce the seller to take less for it. In Oriental countries, it is said, the dealer always asks at first four times the price he expects to receive, but in our country this is not customary, and the price stated is supposed to be fair and final. If we think the article is not worth the price, or if it is beyond our means, it is best to say we do not wish to pay so much and leave it. If the dealer can afford to sell it cheaper, and will do so for the sake of our buying, it is his place to offer it for less, not ours to ask. If he asks more than a thing is worth, hoping to take advantage of our need of it or our ignorance, he ought to be punished by our refusal to buy.

We should wait our turn at a counter and regard the convenience of others as well as ourselves. It is not polite to demand the attention of a clerk who is waiting upon another customer, or to take up what another is looking at. If we are in great haste, and customers who seem to have plenty of time are at the counter before us, we may sometimes ask their permission to be waited on while they are looking at goods, apologizing for doing so. If we are sitting at a counter, we should politely give our seat to an older lady, or to one who looks weary.

If a clerk takes uncommon pains to please us, or puts himself to more trouble than we have a right to expect, we must not forget to thank him. If customers are polite and considerate, they seldom have reason to complain of those behind the counter. The same is true at post-offices, railroad stations, and wherever we are served by others.

These general principles of politeness in stores can be applied in all similar public places.

The post-office is often the scene of most unmannerly conduct on the part of boys and girls, especially just after the close of school, when they all rush in for letters. Instead of quietly walking up to the window, one at a time, the boys giving way to the girls when there is but one place of delivery, and both boys and girls waiting for older people, they are apt to go in by dozens, crowding to the window and clamoring for their letters, making themselves extremely annoying to all grown people present.

We should say, "I would like a dozen stamps, if you please," or, "Please weigh this letter," rather than, "I want a dozen stamps," or, "Weigh this letter, will you?"

The post-office is a place of business, like a store or a bank. Our only object in going there is to mail or receive letters, which we should do like any other business,--in a quiet, respectable manner. No one has a right to stand around in the way of others, or to make it a place of idle resort. No well-bred person, even a child, will indulge in loud laughing and talking, staring at or making remarks about people, or other conspicuous behavior here or in any public resort.

A railroad station is also a place of business, and unless it is necessary for us to go there, we had better stay away. In small towns it is quite a fashion for boys and girls to go to the station "to see the cars come in"; but it is not improving to their manners or morals. If they could realize, especially the girls, how out of place they appear standing on platforms, where they have no occasion to be, jostled by passengers and baggage-men, and exposed to the rude remarks of passers-by, they would never go there unnecessarily.

In all public places we should consider, in reference to our conduct, two things: first, the courtesy we owe to others; and second, the respect we owe to ourselves.

LESSON XI.

OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.

MANNERS IN TRAVELLING.

_Politeness in the waiting-room._ _Buying a ticket._ _Getting on and off the cars._ _Obtaining and occupying seats._ _Offering seats to ladies._ _Leaving seats temporarily._ _Talking, laughing, and eating._ _Taking a seat with another._ _Courtesy toward officials._ _Courtesy toward fellow-travellers._ _Conduct if delays occur._ _Behavior at places for refreshment._ _A French boy's politeness in travelling._

LESSON XI.

MANNERS IN TRAVELLING.

BEFORE we fairly begin the journey we want to consider what belongs to good manners at the station.

If the waiting-room is crowded, and there are not seats for all, the young ought cheerfully to give place to older people, especially to old ladies and to mothers with little children in their arms. There is often opportunity here to show little courtesies to others which may brighten their whole day.

To amuse a fretful child for a few moments, or bring it a glass of water when the mother cannot leave other children to do it, or to find the baggage-master and get a trunk checked for a nervous old lady, is a small thing in itself, but it may be more welcome to the receiver under the circumstances than a far greater favor at another time. The comfort or discomfort of a journey is made up of just such small things.

When the ticket window is opened there is no need for us to rush to it or to push aside any one else. Time is given for all to buy their tickets comfortably. We ought, if possible, to hand the exact price of the ticket, and not take the ticket-seller's time to change large bills. For the same reason we should ask for the ticket in the briefest sentence we can frame, and if a question is necessary, put it in the most business-like manner, and thank him for the information given.

We should not attempt to get on the cars while others are getting off: it hinders them and ourselves, and nothing is gained by such unbecoming haste. The much-ridiculed American hurry is well illustrated by a company of people crowding up the steps while another company is crowding down. When we leave the cars it is better to wait until they come to a full stop before rising from our seats. We shall be likely to get out as soon as if we went swaying down the aisle, crowding other people, and in danger of falling headlong when the train finally stops.

What has been said about obtaining seats at places of amusement applies to seats in cars as well. Those who come first have the first choice; but we should not forget good manners in the choosing. We have no right to more room than we pay for, and, unless there are plenty of unoccupied seats, it is rude and selfish to spread out our parcels and wraps so as to discourage any one from asking to sit beside us; yet a well-dressed woman, with her possessions unconcernedly arranged on a seat facing her, ignoring the fact that others are standing in the aisle, is not an uncommon spectacle.

Courtesy in the cars or in a coach is as binding on us as courtesy in the parlor, and never, perhaps, is it better appreciated than by tired travellers.

Good-breeding does not require a gentleman or a boy to offer his seat to any lady who is standing, but he should never fail to do it to an old lady or one with a child in her arms, or one with an inconvenient package; and it is pleasant to see that fine politeness which prompts its possessor to treat every lady as he would wish his mother or sister treated. A lady should not accept such a civility in silence. We too often see her drop into a seat which a gentleman rises to offer as if it were her right, without a word or even a bow of acknowledgment. Such a person has no right to expect a similar courtesy the second time.

If any one leaves his seat for a time without leaving any piece of property in it to show that it belongs to him, he cannot lawfully claim it on returning; but civility should prevent any one from taking it, if he knows it belongs to another.

In travelling, as everywhere in public, noisy conversation and the "loud laugh that speaks the vacant mind" are offensive to good taste. Constant eating of fruit and peanuts is bad manners, and, as has been said before, it is generally associated with loud talking and laughing and other rude behavior.

On long journeys it is necessary to eat luncheons or even regular meals, but this, done in a well-bred way, is a very different thing from the continual eating indulged in by a certain class of travellers.

We should not sit down beside another without asking if the seat is engaged. If a person asks to sit beside us, we should assent with cordiality, not sullenly gather up our bundles, as we often see people do, impatient at having their selfish ease disturbed. It is polite for a gentleman to offer a lady the seat next the window.

We ought to have our ticket ready when the conductor comes around, and not keep him waiting while we hunt for it in bag or pocket.

If a brakeman raises a window or shuts a door for us, we should thank him; and it is polite to thank the train boy who passes us water. We need not be ill-natured because he puts a magazine or prize package in our lap every half-hour. It is not an uncivil thing to do, and it is just as easy for us to receive it civilly, and say in a pleasant tone that we do not care for it, as to add one more snappish answer to the many given him in the course of a day.

We should be watchful of occasions to show politeness to our fellow-travellers. There may be an old lady not accustomed to travelling, anxious and uneasy, to whom we can be of use. We can ask where she is going, and take the burden off her mind by saying, "I will tell you when we come to it."

A gentlemanly boy will not see a lady trying to open or shut a window or reverse a seat without offering to do it for her, any more than a gentleman would.

We should be patient in answering questions, especially from old people. If we are passing objects of interest with which we are familiar, it is polite to speak of them to a stranger sitting near. If we were journeying in the White Mountain region and were well acquainted with it, a stranger by our side would like to know the names of the different peaks, and to have the historic Willey House pointed out to him. One cheerful, obliging person will add to the comfort of the whole company.

If delays occur on the way, and long periods of waiting, as often happen, we should be patient and cheerful over the matter ourselves, and thus help others to be so. Good-nature is contagious at such times. It is of no use to tire the conductor and brakemen with repeated questions: they are rarely responsible for the delay, which is more vexatious to them than to us.

Places for refreshment on a journey, with the brief time usually allowed, afford opportunities to show one's good or ill breeding. It would be better to have no lunch than to struggle for the best place and loudly demand attention, to the exclusion of others. To bring a cup of tea to an old lady, or to the mother who cannot leave her baby to get it herself, is a slight thing for us to do, but it may be a great favor to them.

In an article on the politeness of French children as compared with boys and girls in America, the writer illustrates what he is saying in this way:--

"I was travelling in a compartment with a little French boy of twelve, the age at which American children, as a rule, deserve killing for their rudeness and general disagreeableness. I sat between him and the open window, and he was eating pears. Now most boys in our country of that age would either have dropped the cores upon the floor or tossed them out of the window, without regard to anybody. But this small gentleman, every time, with a 'Permit me, sir,' said in the most pleasant way, rose and came to the window and dropped them out, and then with a 'Thanks, sir,' quietly took his seat. French children do not take favors as a matter of course and unacknowledged. And when in his seat, if an elderly person came in, he was the very first to rise and offer his place, if it were in the slightest degree more comfortable than another; and the good-nature with which he insisted on the new-comer's taking it was delightful to see."

The writer goes on to say that this was not an exceptional boy, but a fair type of the average French child, and his conduct was a sample of what might be seen anywhere, even among the ragged boys of the street. The reason for this state of things is given in the opening sentences of the article:--

"Politeness, with the French, is a matter of education as well as nature. The French child is taught that lesson from the beginning of its existence, and it is made a part of its life. It is the one thing that is never forgotten, and the lack of it never forgiven."

LESSON XII.