Part 2

_Respectful treatment at all times._ _Mistakes in grammar and pronunciation._ _Attention to remarks and questions._ _Patience in repeating answers._ _What to talk of and read to them._ _Waiting upon them and saving steps._ _Giving them the best seats._ _Helping them first at table._ _Giving up seats in cars and public places to them._ _Never letting them feel in the way._

LESSON V.

MANNERS TOWARD THE AGED.

NO person, however high his position, is so entitled to respect and attention as one with white hair and bent figure. No young person of right feeling and good-breeding will ever fail in politeness toward the old. The Bible commands us to reverence the aged, and in one place says, "Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man." Even among the lowest races of men respect for old people is almost universal.

There is a story of an Indian which illustrates this. The writer tells us that many years ago, on the banks of the Kennebec River, he saw an Indian coming across in his canoe. He had his wife with him and a very old woman covered with a blanket. When he reached the shore he kindled a fire, took out the old woman in his arms and laid her down tenderly by it. He then cooked some food and gave it to her, while he and his wife waited until she had finished eating. Seeing the gentleman observing him, he pointed to the aged woman and said, "It is my mother."

In China disrespect to the aged is unknown, and disobedience to parents has been punished with death.

We cannot expect to be honored when we are old, unless we honor the old when we are young.

Almost every one has read the story of "The Wooden Bowl," which well illustrates what has just been said.

An old man who had a home with his son had become so infirm that he could no longer work. His son treated him unkindly, and grudgingly gave him his scanty portion of coarse food, making the poor old man feel that he was considered a burden by his own child. Matters grew worse until at last he was not allowed to come to the table. His son made for him a rude wooden bowl, from which he ate his food in the kitchen.

One day this son saw his own little boy at work with his jackknife on a piece of wood. "What are you doing, my child?" he asked. "I am making a wooden bowl like grandpa's, for you to eat out of when you are old, father," said the child.

This answer made such an impression upon the son, showing him what treatment he had a right to expect from his own children after the example he had given them, that from that time he treated his old father with the respect and kindness he himself wished to receive in his old age.

We should never laugh at mistakes in speech. The old-fashioned expressions that seem so queer to us may have been right when those who use them were young. Some of our ways of speaking will probably seem as strange to young people when we are old as theirs do now to us, so we are laughing at ourselves beforehand. Then we should remember that years ago school privileges were not so great as they are now. Children then went to school but little in comparison with us, and their speech was not watched and corrected by teachers as ours is. We ought never to criticise mistakes in the aged as we would in our little brothers and sisters: it is disrespectful; and besides they are too old to change habits.

We should listen with attention and with no sign of impatience to all they say, answer their questions kindly, and not contradict, even if through forgetfulness the same question is often asked and mistakes are made. If they are childish and sometimes fault-finding, we should treat them with the gentleness we would show to a little child, together with the respect that belongs to gray hairs.

If they are hard of hearing, we should repeat patiently and gently and never shout an answer.

When we talk with them we should talk of what they care for, even if it is what we are not interested in. If we try, we can generally become interested for their sakes. We should be willing to read to them articles and books that may seem prosy to us; we ought to think how long the days must seem to those who are too feeble to go out as we do, and we should be glad to do what we can to entertain them.

We should cheerfully wait upon old people, and let them feel that young hands and feet are glad to take the place of theirs. There are countless little services which we can perform for them: we can bring grandfather his hat and cane, find a place in the paper for him with our bright eyes, thread grandmother's needle, pick up dropped stitches in her knitting, hunt for her glasses when she loses them, and run on errands for them both.

They ought to have the most comfortable chairs, in winter the warmest seats by the fire, and in the evening the place where their failing eyes shall have the best light.

If we are sitting in the only rocking-chair in the room, or in the easiest one, and an old person enters, we should immediately _rise_ and offer it to him, not simply ask if he would not like it.

At the table we should see that old people are helped first and their wants carefully attended to.

In cars or public places, a boy or girl should never allow an old man or woman to stand, but should hasten to give up a seat and insist on its being taken, especially if the person is poorly dressed.

The following story of what happened long ago in the famous old city of Athens well illustrates this point:--

A play was to be performed at the principal theatre of Athens, and the seats were soon taken. When the theatre was full, an old man came in and looked around for a seat. He was quite infirm and could not stand long. He looked first one way and then another. At length he saw a party of young Athenians beckoning to him. He tried to get to them, which he had to do by climbing over seats and pushing through the crowd; and, when at last he reached them, they sat down, and, instead of giving him the seat he had expected, took up all the room, leaving the old man standing.

In this theatre were some seats fitted up for strangers. These were filled by young Spartans, who, when they saw the behavior of the Athenians, were much displeased, and beckoned to the old man to come to them. When he was near them they all rose and received him with the greatest respect. The whole assembly, seeing this, could not help bursting into a shout of applause.

The old man then said, "The Athenians know what is right, but the Spartans practise it."

Above all things, we should never let the old feel that they are in the way, or that it is a relief when they leave the room. They are usually sensitive to anything like a slight, and their feelings are quickly hurt by real or seeming neglect.

LESSON VI.

OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.

MANNERS AT THE TABLE.

_Promptness in coming to the table._ _When to be seated._ _Waiting one's turn to be helped._ _Beginning to eat before others._ _Asking for articles of food,--how, when, and where._ _Criticism of food on the table._ _Use of napkin, knife, fork, and spoon._ _Haste in eating._ _Attention to wants of others._ _Conduct in case of accidents._ _Mention of unpleasant subjects._ _Use of toothpick._ _When and how to leave the table._ _Quietness of movement._ _Observance of table manners in others._

LESSON VI.

MANNERS AT THE TABLE.

IT is not polite to linger after being called to the table. When the bell is rung, or any other summons given, it is to be supposed that the meal is ready, and the call should be promptly obeyed. Food does not improve by waiting, and unnecessary delay is rudeness to the persons at whose table we sit, whether our own parents or strangers. When we know the hours for meals we should plan to be ready for them.

Until the lady of the house takes her seat, other persons should not take theirs. In taking our seats we should be careful not to jar the table.

Each one should quietly wait his turn to be helped. Children sometimes pass their plates as soon as they are seated, or begin to handle knife, fork, and spoon as if they were in hungry haste. They should wait for visitors and older persons to be helped first, and brothers should wait for their sisters. A story is told of a little girl, five years old, who at a large dinner party was overlooked until the company had finished the first course. She waited before her empty plate in perfect quietness until some one noticed her,--bravely trying to keep back the tears,--because she thought it was the polite and proper thing to do. This was carrying polite waiting further than was necessary, but was much better than the rude haste too common among children.

It is polite to wait until all or nearly all are helped before beginning to eat; and children should never begin before older people.

It is not polite to ask for things at other tables than our own or those of intimate friends who expect it of us. The persons at whose table we sit are expected to supply our wants without our making them known. In asking we must not forget to say, "Please pass the bread," or whatever we wish for, and to say, "If you please," "Yes, thank you," or "No, thank you," when we accept or decline what is offered. We should ask for any article by name, and never point at the dish. Ill-mannered children sometimes ask for pie or pudding or oranges before they are brought on, instead of waiting for the courses in their proper order, and even have been known to make their entire dinner on the dessert. One is apt to think such children are not accustomed to dainties in their own homes, or they would not be so greedy for them.

We should never say, "I don't like that," if something is offered we do not wish to eat, but simply decline it beforehand or leave it upon our plates without remark; and under no circumstances should we criticise what is on the table.

There is a proper, graceful way to handle napkin, knife, fork, and spoon, and we should study to learn this way and to avoid the clumsy awkwardness in these little things that marks the person unused to good society.

To eat fast is one of the bad habits of American people which we ought to avoid. If acquired in childhood, it will be hard to overcome, and will cause us much mortification when, later in life, we find ourselves with empty plates long before well-bred people in the company have finished theirs. Since we do not leave the table before others, there is nothing gained, even in time, while much is lost in health and in good manners.

We should be attentive to the wants of others, particularly at our own table, and quietly supply them when it is proper to do so, especially in the case of old people and little children. In passing a knife, fork, or spoon to others, we must offer them the handle, not the blade or point, and pass a pitcher with the handle toward them.

If an accident occurs, such as breaking a dish, overturning a glass of water, or dropping food upon the cloth, we should take no notice of it by look or word unless we can repair the mischief, which we should do in a way not to attract attention to the unlucky person.

We should never speak of what is unpleasant at the table. If we have bad news to tell, this is not the place to tell it. Sickness, accident, death, and whatever is painful to hear, should not be discussed any more than what is disagreeable. Neither is the table the place to talk of work or business details, but subjects should be chosen that all are interested in. No one should be allowed to scold or find fault at meal time. Cheerful conversation is good for digestion as well as enjoyment. Each one should be in his best mood at the table, and the hours which families spend together there ought to be among the happiest of the day.

Solomon understood this matter when he said, "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith."

No well-bred person would for a moment think of using a toothpick at the table, still less a fork or a pin in place of a toothpick.

No one, either a grown person or a child, should leave his seat until the lady of the house rises, unless there is good reason for doing so, when he should politely ask her to excuse him. In rising, the chair should not be pushed back from the table, but lifted quietly with the hands, and left in its proper position. Every movement at the table should be made with as little noise as possible. All moving of feet, leaning upon the table, jostling of dishes, or clatter of knives and forks, shows ignorance of table manners.

If we observe the manners and customs of others in society to which we have not been accustomed, we shall be often saved from blunders. If those in company with us make mistakes, we should be governed by the same rule as in case of accidents,--not take notice unless we can undo or cover the mistake. An incident is related of a certain king which illustrates this true politeness.

At the royal table on one occasion were two ladies from an obscure provincial town who were unused to the customs of city and court. When tea was brought in they poured some from the cup into the saucer to cool it. The king saw a smile go around the table at their expense, and, with politeness worthy of a king, he hastened to pour his own tea into the saucer, upon which every person at the table felt obliged to follow the royal example, and the two strangers were spared the mortification of discovering that they had done anything unusual.

LESSON VII.

OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.

MANNERS IN SOCIETY.

_Entering and taking leave._ _Removal of hat and care of wrappings._ _Various courtesies._ _Staring at or speaking of defects and infirmities._ _Treatment of accidents and mistakes._ _Whispering, laughing, and private conversation._ _Attention to one's dress or matters of toilet._ _Sitting still gracefully._ _Inattention to the company we are in._ _Introductions._ _Giving proper titles._ _Attention in conversation,--illustration._ _Attention to reading or music._ _Looking over another's shoulder._ _Reading letters._ _Interest in what is shown us._ _Asking questions of strangers._ _Contradicting statements._ _Doing our part._

LESSON VII.

MANNERS IN SOCIETY.

WHEN we make a call upon a friend, we should speak to each person in the room when we enter and when we leave, but at a party or other formal gathering it is not necessary to take leave of any except the host and hostess, to whom we must also speak as soon as we arrive. A visit is a more important matter than a call, and at its close, we should take pains to bid good by to each one of the household, expressing to those who have entertained us, when we can do so with truth, our enjoyment of the visit, and our wish to have them visit us.

It is polite to write as soon as possible to those whom we have been visiting: they wish to know of our safe arrival at home; and a letter also gives us opportunity to say any pleasant thing about the visit that we may have forgotten or omitted.

Upon entering any house a gentleman or gentlemanly boy will remove his hat, and never allow it upon his head inside the door.

When the streets are muddy or snowy, we should carefully wipe our feet or remove our overshoes at the door; and in stormy weather we must take care that dripping waterproofs and umbrellas are put where they will not injure carpets or paper.

When the company are putting on their wrappings to go home, it is polite to offer assistance, particularly to those older than ourselves.

A gentleman should allow a lady to pass through a door before him, holding it open for her. We ought not to pass in front of others if we can go behind them; but if it is necessary to do so, we should ask them to excuse us. A gentleman should go upstairs before a lady, and behind her coming down, taking care not to step on her dress.

If a handkerchief or other article is dropped, we should hasten to pick it up and restore it to the owner. In handing a pair of scissors, a knife, or any pointed article, we ought to turn the point toward ourselves.

It is rude to stare at people in company, especially if they are unfortunate in any way or peculiar in appearance; neither is it polite to allude to a personal defect or ask a question about its cause, even in the kindest manner. The same rule applies here as in case of family misfortune or bereavement, that if persons suffering the affliction wish it mentioned, they will speak of it first themselves. To do as we would be done by is the rule of real politeness in all these cases.

If an accident happens to persons or their dress, or if their dress is out of order, if we can give assistance we should do so in a quiet way without attracting attention; if we cannot be of use, we should take no notice of the misfortune. The same principle of good-breeding will keep us from laughing at mistakes or accidents.

To exchange glances with another, to whisper, or to laugh unless others know what we are laughing at, is even ruder than to stare, and no one who is polite will do these things. In company is not the place to tell secrets or carry on personal or private conversation.

We should see that our dress is in order before we enter the room, and then neither think nor speak of it. To look in the glass, smooth one's gloves and laces, or play with rings or chain, seems like calling attention to our dress, and is in bad taste. It would seem unnecessary here or anywhere to say that attention to finger-nails, which is a matter of the toilet for one's chamber, is inexcusable, if we did not sometimes see persons in the presence of others take out pocket-knives for this purpose.

It is a common saying that people unused to society do not know what to do with their hands and feet. The best direction that can be given is to do nothing. Let them take easy positions of themselves, and think no more about them. To sit still gracefully is an accomplishment worth acquiring, and it should be studied by boys and girls as well as grown people. The necessity for it comes so often in life that we should learn to do it well. We should not sit on the edge or corner of a chair, or tilt it backward or forward.

Drumming with the fingers on tables or chairs, rocking rapidly back and forth, or looking out of the window, as if we were more interested in things outside than in those in the room, should never be done. It is well said that "if in company we are absent in mind, we had better be absent in body." "Forget yourself" is one of the best and broadest precepts of good behavior; but we should never forget others.

It is often our duty in society to introduce persons to each other, and we should study to do this gracefully. It is said of Alice Cary that she had such a happy way of giving introductions as to make each person feel specially honored. We should introduce a gentleman to a lady, saying, "Mr. Smith, Miss Jones," if we use this simplest form of introduction, and not "Miss Jones, Mr. Smith," as is often done. We should introduce a younger person to an older, unless it be one of our own family, when, "My aunt, Mrs. Brown, Miss Jones," is proper. We should introduce strangers to each other at the table and elsewhere before they have time to feel awkward at not being able to speak. Great pains should be taken to pronounce distinctly the names of those introduced. Too often each person hears only his own.

We should speak of people as Mr., Mrs., or Miss, except with intimate friends, giving particular titles when proper, and never allude to any one as "Old Smith," or "Old Miss Jones."

To make ill-natured remarks about the absent shows a want of good-breeding as well as good feeling.

No one should make himself conspicuous in company by loud laughing and talking. To make remarks intended to be overheard, especially remarks meant to be funny, is clownish,--and to be a society clown is a very low ambition.

We must not interrupt one who is speaking, and must pay attention to remarks addressed to the company. If a person is speaking to us we ought to listen attentively, even if we are not interested, and not hurt his feelings by letting our eyes wander from him or showing other signs of impatience. A good listener is as welcome in society as a good talker, and often more so, because every one who talks likes to be listened to with appreciative attention.

Those who have read "The Wide, Wide World" will remember an instance of little Ellen Montgomery's good-breeding in this respect, when she was visiting at Ventnor.

"Ellen is a fascinating child," said Mrs. Gillespie, "I cannot comprehend where she gets the manners she has. I never saw a more perfectly polite little girl."

"I have noticed the same thing often," said Miss Sophia. "Did you observe her last night when John Humphreys came in? You were talking to her at the moment. Before the door was opened, I saw her color come and her eyes sparkle, but she did not look towards him for an instant till you had finished what you were saying to her, and she had given, as she always does, her modest, quiet answer, and then her eye went straight as an arrow to where he was standing."

When any one is reading aloud, playing, or singing, we ought to give him the same close attention we would wish to receive if we were in his place. Talking or moving about at such times is unpardonably rude, and also looking at the clock as if we were impatient for the performer to finish.

We should never interrupt with questions or remarks a person engaged in reading or writing, and to look over the shoulder of one so employed is impertinent.

If letters are brought to us, we should not open and read them in company unless they require immediate attention, when we should ask to be excused for doing so.

We should give interested attention to books, pictures, views, or games shown us for our entertainment, and express pleasure and admiration when we can with truth. If an article or a letter is given us to read, we should not hand it back without remark, or begin to read something else, as is often done by people who ought to know better, but we should thank the one who showed it to us, speak of it politely, and if there is anything about it we can commend, do so.

If we have occasion to make an inquiry of a stranger, we should preface it with, "Excuse me," "Pardon me," or, "I beg your pardon," unless we use the simpler form, "Will you please tell me," in beginning our question.

It is ill-bred to contradict, especially if the one addressed be an older person. If a person says in our hearing that the lecture was given Thursday evening, when it was really Wednesday, or that Miss Green was at the concert with Miss White when we know that Miss Gray was her companion, it is not our place to embarrass the speaker by setting him right. If we are appealed to, or if there is good reason why we should correct the statement, we should do so politely, with an apology for the correction.

We ought to be willing in company to contribute our share to the general entertainment. Unless we are willing to give as well as receive, we had better stay at home. It is ill-mannered to read aloud, sing, or play to others unless we are invited to do so; but if a request is made, it is much more polite and agreeable to the company for us to comply cheerfully, and do the best we can, than to wait for much urging and then to burden the listeners with apologies before we begin. If we do not feel able to do what is asked of us, we should politely but positively decline at first.