Part 11

"I fell in love. Papaverica was medicine, surgery, and anatomy to me. The pharmacopoeia was neglected, the vade mecum thrust on one side. I forgot drugs and dressings, lancets and laudanum. I had no taste for mixtures, and my soul was above pills. My thoughts were ever wandering towards the charming Papaverica; and as it is not possible for the mind to entertain two thoughts at the same time, my labours in making up the medicines for my uncle's patients occasionally produced very strange effects. Potions and lotions, cathartics and emetics, pills and squills, were mixed together in what was not considered 'most admired disorder;' for my uncle's stick spoke of any thing but admiration. But my blunders were most conspicuous in writing the labels. In giving the directions for a mixture I was sure to write 'Papaverica, when taken to be well shaken'--for a draught, 'Papaverica to be taken at bedtime,'--and for a lotion that had been repeated, 'Papaverica as before.'

"All this time we met, and made love after our fashion, don't you see. Papaverica and I looked at each other till we couldn't see out of our eyes, and sighed like paviers at work on a hard piece of ground. But her father tried to put a stop to our proceedings; and if he caught me talking to her, he gave me such a setting down, or more properly, speaking, such a knocking down, as gave me cause to remember the conversation.

"'Fathers have flinty hearts!' said the sympathising Papaverica.

"'And desperate thick sticks!' I exclaimed, with tears in my eyes, as I rubbed my aching back against the door. However, this sort of thing could not go on for ever. I was sent to pursue my studies at Columbus, and I lost sight of Papaverica--I may add, for ever; for she soon afterwards eloped with a strolling actor who had been vagabondising in the neighbourhood, and who had won her heart by playing Romeo in a cocked hat and leather breeches.

"My next folly was of a different kind. I was a young student as fond of mischief as any of the fraternity to which I belonged. I was invited to an evening party, where among the company, I noticed a young girl with a laughing, dare-devil eye, and a person remarkably smart. I inquired her name, and from a friend learned all the particulars of her history. Observing that she was regarding me in a manner that told me that she was quizzing me to her companions, I advanced, humming an air till I came close before her.

"'Ah Floss!' said I, nodding familiarly. 'Is it you? Haven't seen you this age. You look particularly charming; and how is your grandmother? Shouldn't suppose you half so old as you are, to look at you. And has the cat kittened? I always admire your style of dress--it's very becoming. So the house dog's got well at last! Being an old friend of the family, you must really make room for me beside you.--How is your aunt's toothach?'

"The girl at first stared at my impudence, don't you see; but, finding I proceeded with the same nonchalance, making all sorts of heterogeneous remarks and inquiries, she laughed heartily, in which she was as heartily joined by her companions, and we became intimate in a moment. We joked and romped in the most provoking manner, and said the smartest things of each other that could possibly be conceived. I found that she lived with an aged grandmother and an old maiden aunt, in a small house in a retired part of the town. I watched my opportunity when I saw the two old women go out to take their evening walk, and gave such a tremendous knock at the door that it made the windows rattle again. As I expected my charmer opened the door, and in I marched as stately as an emperor.

"'Halloo, sir, where are you going? This is like your impudence, certainly!' said she, not knowing whether to be most offended or amused at my behaviour.

"'I have come to honour you with a little of my superfluous time, Floss,' I replied in an easy, condescending manner.

"'You have, have you? then I shall just thank you to make the best of your way back again,' she rejoined as she followed me into the parlour.

"'I shall do nothing of the kind, Floss, till I please,' said I, as observing some decanters of wine on the table I began very quietly to help myself; 'and I have the pleasure to drink your health, Floss, and a good husband to you--when you can get one.'

"'You impudent jackanapes!' she exclaimed, as she observed me toss off a bumper. 'This exceeds every thing I ever heard of.'

"'I always strive to excel, Floss,' I replied, flinging myself at full length on a sofa. But come here. Come to me like a good girl. I have something to say to you.'

"'Go to you! I'll see you farther first!' she cried, looking as disdainfully as she could.

"'Very well,' said I, rising and retreating a few paces: 'now come to me--you see me further.'

"'I shan't do any thing of the kind, Mr. Impudence,' she exclaimed, trying to hide her laughter.

"'Then if you wo'n't come to me, I shall be obliged to go to you, which is a great hardship,' I observed as I advanced towards her.

"'If you come near me I'll scratch your eyes out!' cried Floss, looking monstrously fierce; yet I could easily see by the corners of her mouth that she was very much disposed to laugh, so I still approached.

"'If you touch me I'll box your ears!' she exclaimed, beginning to look more serious.

"'Don't be alarmed, Floss; you wouldn't hurt a hair of my head, I know,' said I, as I attempted to insinuate my arm round her waist. 'Ha, will you?' she cried; and she gave me a slap of the face that made my teeth rattle in my mouth like a box of cherry stones. I was not to be easily driven from my purpose, so I attempted to make good my hold, but immediately received a box on the ear that made me see all the colours of the rainbow.

"'You haven't the heart to hurt a fly,' said I very coolly, while I endeavoured to throw my left arm over her left shoulder, to get the command of her arms; but in the execution of this manoeuvre, I received a shower of blows that would have made a less eager lover than myself glad enough to leave the field.

"'What means this behaviour, sir?' exclaimed my charmer, endeavouring to look expressively angry, and struggling with me with all her might.

"'I mean to honour you so far as to kiss you, Floss,' I replied very quietly, though smarting from the pain of the blows.

"'I'll scream--I'll raise the house--I'll cry murder--I'll----'

"'I'm remarkably fond of music,' said I, interrupting her; and in a moment afterwards I had both her arms tightly pressed to her body, and her face blushing and looking angry a few inches beneath my own.

"'I'll never let you see me again as long as I live--I'll hate you--I'll----'

"Her mouth was stopped by mine, and every time she attempted to speak I repeated the same interesting ceremony, which she struggled unavailingly to prevent; but with this revenge I was not satisfied.

"'Let me go, sir; let me go this minute! You wretch, don't you see how you're rumpling my collar! Let me go, I command you!'

"'Before I do that I shall first allow you the pleasure of kissing me,' said I, with as much condescension as I could assume.

"'Kiss you!' cried Floss, looking as savage as an enraged turkey-cock; 'I'd see you hanged first!'

"'You'll not go till you do,' I replied, with all the coolness imaginable.

"'Let me go, sir; your assurance is unbearable!' she exclaimed, making violent but ineffectual efforts to release herself from my embrace.

"'You'll not go till you kiss me,' said I, as calmly as possible. A loud knock at this moment was heard at the door.

"'Let me go, sir. Here's my grandmother and my aunt returned, and they'll abuse me famously if they catch you here.'

"'You'll not go till you kiss me,' I repeated in exactly the same tone of voice I had previously used. Another louder knock was now heard.

"'There then, you plague!' she cried as she hurriedly pressed her lips to mine; 'and now let me go.'

"'Leave every thing to me, I'll manage the old ladies,' said I as I allowed her to escape.

"'It's very strange, Floss, that you always will keep us at the door so long when we knock,' mumbled the eldest of the two old ladies as well as her want of teeth would allow her, as soon as the door was opened.

"'It's very strange,' remarked the other with stronger emphasis.

"'I've spoken to you so often about it, that I'm quite shocked at your negligence,' mumbled the first.

"'I'm quite shocked at your negligence;' echoed the other.

"'Goodness, a man!' screamed out the eldest, throwing her arms back, and nearly pitching off her balance as she entered the room.

"'Goodness, a man!' squeaked out the other in exactly the same tone, and with exactly the same motion.

"'May I be allowed to know the cause which has conferred upon me the honour of a visit from a perfect stranger, as it seems very extraordinary,' said the mumbler, advancing towards me with stately steps, and scrutinising me through her spectacles as if she would look right through me.

"'It seems very extraordinary,' remarked the other emphatically, as she also brought her spectacles to bear upon my person.

"'Have I the honour of speaking to the amiable and accomplished Mrs. Parrot-cum-Poodle?" I inquired, advancing two steps with a grave and respectful air, and making a bow to the ground.

"I am that humble individual," replied the ugliest of the two, making a profound courtesy; and then turning to her companion, she said in a whisper, "A very well spoken young man."

"A very well spoken young man," echoed the least ugliest.

"How much have I reason to be gratified with my good fortune;" I observed, looking as delighted as I could. "I have travelled far to procure it."

"Take a seat, my dear sir!" exclaimed the old one, with a look of sympathy that did not make her look more agreeable.

"Take a seat, my dear sir!" repeated the other, in the same tone and manner.

"Floss, why don't you give the gentleman a chair?" cried number one, sharply.

"Floss, why don't you give the gentleman a chair?" cried number two in a similar voice.

"I should prefer standing in the presence of ladies for whom I have such perfect respect," said I, with another bow equally profound.

"Oh, you are too good!" mumbled the first, with something that was intended to be a smile.

"Oh, you are too good!" muttered the other, after the same fashion.

"I have come all the way from the village of Parrot-cum-Poodle for the express purpose of elucidating an important point in the pedigree of the respectable and ancient family which still bears the name of that distinguished place," said I, with the gravest face I had ever made use of. "When the Parrot-cum-Poodles first intermarried with the Tabbies, connected as the Tabbies previously were with the Macaws, one of the collateral branches of the Parrot-cum-Poodle family; and the Macaws having formed several alliances with the Pugs, I am desirous of knowing what degree of consanguinity the Pugs bear to the present descendants of the ancient race of the Parrot-cum-Poodles, because it is an inquiry of exceeding interest, and one of the utmost value towards a right understanding of the family genealogy. You must remember, that when the branch of the Tabbies became extinct for want of heirs male, there was a lineal descendant that could trace his pedigree in a direct line up to the first inheritor of the ancient name of Parrot-cum-Poodle; but he being abroad at the time when the title was declared extinct, knew nothing of his legal claim to the honourable name of his ancestors, and had a large family which were brought up in perfect ignorance of their relationship with the Tabbies. One of these has lately married a remote branch of the Pugs: now the descendants of this pair will stand in a very extraordinary point of relationship to the Parrot-cum-Poodles; and I should wish to know where any of these descendants are to be found."

"The oldest old lady had gradually opened her mouth as I proceeded to show the labyrinth of the Parrot-cum-Poodle genealogy, till it was extended as far as it could stretch, and she stared at me through her spectacles with as complete a look of mystification as it was possible to imagine, and was turning towards the youngest old lady when she met a mouth equally wide, and eyes equally mystified on the point of turning towards her with the same desire for explanation. All this time Floss had stood behind them making the most desperate efforts to swallow her pocket-handkerchief.

"However it is sufficient to say, that after having bothered the old folks till they did not know whether they were standing on their head or their heels, I took my departure; and so ended my second folly, for I never saw Floss again. And now, having amused you, don't you see, which is all I aimed at, I must insist upon your going to Oriel Porphyry, and inquiring of him whether there exist any reason for your suspicions."

"I will try and do it," replied Zabra, in a more cheerful tone than he had previously used; "and I hope it may be as you say."

CHAP. IX.

A DISCOVERY.

"And so you have no desire to live in the gay world of fashion, Lilya?" inquired Oriel Porphyry, as they sat together on the sofa.

"I do not understand what fashion means," replied the simple girl.

"Fashion itself is merely the way in which a certain class of persons dress, think, speak, and conduct themselves," said Oriel. "And the world of fashion is this exclusive class, with all its gaieties, its frivolities, its prejudices, its follies, and its crimes."

"If there is any thing wrong in it, I certainly should not like to live there," observed Lilya.

"What, not to partake of its brilliant pleasures, of its balls, operas, concerts, dinners, and fêtes?" asked the young merchant.

"The things you mention I know nothing of. Where do they grow?" inquired his fair companion.

"They do not grow, Lilya," replied Oriel, with a smile; "they are the amusements of the world of fashion. A ball is a collection of persons, or rather the amusement of a collection of persons brought together for the purpose of enjoying the diversion of dancing; and dancing is a gliding motion of the feet, by which the body is moved in different attitudes from one place to another."

"And do people amuse themselves in this way; or is it an amusement for others to look upon?" asked Lilya.

"It is the amusement in which both sexes most delight," said the young merchant. "They meet together in rooms such as this cabin, only much larger, and much more gay, where music is provided; and directly the music plays, they are all set in motion, and so continue till the dance is over. Some dances consist in whirling round, others in bounding forward, and a great number in gliding from place to place."

"I do not think a ball would amuse me; I should soon get tired of such exertion, especially as I cannot perceive what causes the amusement," said Lilya.

"The amusement, I believe, is more generally created by the persons who are brought together than by any quality in the dance," observed Oriel. "But it is considered a graceful and agreeable way of passing the time; and, to young people particularly, it appears to possess very great attractions. It might be rendered a profitable exercise, but the heat and glitter of a ball-room is not the place in which it can be made most advantageous."

"I would rather run after the leveret, or chase the young deer for exercise," observed the simple girl.

"Operas and concerts are places where fashionable people meet to hear music," continued the young merchant. "It is rarely that the best music is played there; but, generally, the best performers are there to be met with."

"I would rather hear Zabra," exclaimed the bashful maiden, hanging down her head as if afraid the acknowledgment might not have been proper.

"And so would I a thousand times," replied the young merchant, emphatically. "For in him we might be sure of finding something like nature, which is not to be hoped for at operas or concerts. As for dinners and fêtes, they are merely for the purpose of allowing people to eat and drink together, talk, stare, push, squeeze, and elbow."

"Then I have no desire for any of these," said Lilya. "I do not perceive the pleasure they would confer. I would rather be what I am, than exist in a state such as you have described."

"But that cannot be Lilya," observed Oriel, kindly. "I am going to put you under the protection of a lady--of the lady whom I love, Lilya. She is a beautiful, accomplished, and amiable woman, of high family, and admirable disposition; and, as she is obliged to find friends and acquaintances in the circle I have pointed out to your attention, you must from the same source derive all your social enjoyments; and then you will be clothed in silks and velvets, feathers and diamonds--will not that delight you?"

"Do these fine things make the possessor happy?" asked his companion.

"To tell you the truth Lilya, I do not think they do," replied Oriel Porphyry.

"Then I will have none of them," she exclaimed. "I know that I can be happy in these humble skins that I have put together with my own hands; but I know not that I can be happy in the gay things to which I am unused; and I would rather retain what I possess, than give it up for an uncertainty."

"But the Lady Eureka, with whom you will stay, makes use of these things," said the young merchant; "and, unless you mean to offend your best friends, you must do the same."

"I will wear them if my friends wish it," observed the simple girl; "but I would rather not, because I should appear so awkward in them."

"I do not fear that," exclaimed the young merchant. "You will not be allowed to wear them till you know in what manner they should be worn; and that you should look, and act, and think, as becomes one who is the Lady Eureka's friend. The most skilful masters in every department of education will be provided for you; and every endeavour will be made to render you as elegant, intellectual, and agreeable a woman as the world of fashion can produce."

"Will Zabra be there?" inquired Lilya, timidly.

"Yes, I think so. I've no doubt he will," replied Oriel Porphyry.

"Then I should like to be there!" murmured his fair companion, with marked emphasis on the pronoun. "And the Lady Eureka you speak of--do you love her?

"Indeed I do, Lilya," replied the young merchant, earnestly; "and you will find her worthy of being beloved. She is beautiful, good, affectionate, and intelligent."

"And does she love you in return?" asked Lilya.

"It is my happiness to believe so," responded Oriel.

"How delightful it must be for both of you," exclaimed the simple girl, with her face beaming with animation as she turned her soft blue eyes full upon her companion.

"And you shall share in this delight, Lilya, if you prove yourself worthy of it," said Oriel, kindly. "Eureka is distinguished for her superior excellence; and she cannot love you unless you possess goodness to recommend you to her. There is nothing in the world that a woman ought so much to pride herself upon as the purity of her actions. She ought not to allow any one even to suspect her of wrong; and if her behaviour is free from mystery or deceit, she will never give cause for suspicion. The first step towards the commission of great criminality in a woman, is a carelessness in tolerating familiarities from more than one, that are not considered any thing beyond trifling gallantries from the one by whom she is truly loved; and from that one only can such things be permitted, because in this instance they become the natural signs of a sincere affection, that are peculiarly graceful and refreshing in their influence: but as the wife confines all expressions of affection to her husband, so ought the loved one to preserve all her devotion for her lover. Their situations are exactly similar; and 't is as great a crime for a woman to deceive her lover by allowing others to share in her affections, as it is for a wife to betray her husband by a violation of the marriage vow."

"I do not understand you," said Lilya, looking considerably puzzled and bewildered.

"Ah! I forgot it was to you I was speaking," replied Oriel. "But what I meant to express to you is, that if you wish to insure and preserve the good opinion of those whose good opinion is most valuable to you, you will show yourself particularly anxious to become distinguished for excellence of conduct and goodness of disposition."

"Ah, that is just what Zabra has told me," exclaimed the blushing maiden, "He used to be always talking to me in that way; and told me so much that was proper for me to know, and looked so kind, and appeared so attentive, that I was always delighted to hear him. But he no longer talks to me in that manner. He is now harsh in his language, and stern in his gaze; and he will scarcely look or speak to me."

"Have you not been able to induce him to return to us? I should have thought your intreaties would have been complied with immediately," said the young merchant.

"Alas, no!" replied Lilya, sorrowfully. "All my intreaties have been disregarded."

"Then you must allow me to make you forget him till he comes to his senses," said Oriel.

"No, I cannot forget him--I'm sure I cannot forget him--indeed, I cannot forget him," exclaimed the artless girl.

"He scarcely deserves to be so well remembered," observed the young merchant. "In fact I am beginning to feel angry with him for being so obstinate."

"Oh, do not be angry with him!" exclaimed Lilya, earnestly; "you must not be angry with him, for I am sure he is unhappy."

"Well, then, if I promise you not to be angry, you must allow me to be as kind to you as you would wish him to be," said Oriel Porphyry. "For I cannot suffer a creature so unoffending as you are to be made wretched by such unreasonable conduct. I shall regard you as a favorite sister; and I feel just as much interested in your happiness as if you were so dearly related to me. I will not allow you to have a wish ungratified that is harmless and natural. I will endeavour to afford you whatever pleasure you most delight in, that I have the means of procuring; and I will watch over you, and guard you from all evil, and shield you from every danger."

"Oh, how good you are!" murmured the gentle girl, raising her beautiful eyes, suffused with tears, to his face.

"And I shall expect in return for all this attention to your welfare, that you will regard me with a sisterly affection," continued the other. "You must be as kind to me as I will be to you. You must endeavour always to appear cheerful and willing to be pleased. Every effort that I make to render your life an enjoyment to you, you must respond to by showing the gladness it ought to produce. You must be attentive to my instructions, obedient to my wishes, be gratified with my attentions, and satisfied with the exertions I shall make to insure your happiness."

"Indeed, I will!" exclaimed the timid maiden, affectionately clasping the hand of Oriel in her own.

"It will be a most pure and exquisite pleasure to me to be allowed to labour in such a good work as creating the felicity of so gentle and innocent a creature," said the young merchant; his noble countenance beaming with benevolence. "It will be a labour of which my father would be proud; and to do as he would do must always appear to me to be the highest degree of excellence. It will be delightful to be loved as a brother, and to show a brother's care and anxiety and solicitude. It will be admirable to be able to enjoy the sweet sympathies of a nature such as yours, and to live in the enjoyment of an interchange of endearments so purifying to the heart as ours will be. I must be loved Lilya. I will be as kind to you and as careful of you as may be necessary for your welfare; but I must be loved."