Part 2

"Why does the sun shine?--why does the tide ebb and flow?" said Oriel hastily. "They follow the end for which they were made, and the same absolute law compels me to make out the purposes for which I was created. There is nothing so unreasonable as expecting one human being to become like another whose nature is entirely opposite to his. I have known inconsiderate persons say to one whose disposition is restless and dissatisfied, and whose inclinations are violent and ungovernable, 'Look at such a one--he is content with his condition, and goes on his own quiet way, creating no desire that cannot easily be indulged; why cannot you be like him?'--as easily might the mountain torrent be made like the stream of the valley. One flows on its own level course, meeting with no obstruction, and the other, at every portion of its path, is forced to dash itself against the unrelenting rocks that oppose its progress. And how unjust is the manner in which each individual is regarded! one is praised for continuing its unvarying tranquillity--and the other is censured for the unceasing turmoil in which it exists. This is preposterous. No more have such characters made their own dispositions than the stream made the level land through which it flows, or the torrent created the rocks over which it leaps. Dam up the gentle rivulet with huge masses of stone, and see how quickly it will become as much troubled as its unjustly abused associate of the mountain; and take the rocks from the path of the torrent, and the quietude with which it will pursue its course will rival the tranquillity of its over-lauded brother of the valley. If there is any praise due at all it is to him who struggles on against all impediments, and shows that his spirit is not to be put down by the obstacles that retard his progress. Complain of his being restless and dissatisfied--how can he be any thing else, when his soul is kept in a constant fret by the worry of continual opposition? Say that his inclinations are violent and ungovernable--can it ever be otherwise, when they are daily accumulating in force, because they are allowed no opportunity for indulgence? Nothing can be more unjust to a man thus situated than to tell him to endeavour to be like another, whose situation is as opposite to his as are the poles to one another; and nothing can be more unwise than to complain of this man, because his disposition does not resemble that of another, whose way of life, and habits of thinking, and hopes and passions, are as different to his as any two sets of things can possibly be made. As for me, I am what I am--neither better nor worse. Let those who think me worse than I am keep to themselves their evil thoughts, that the force of ill opinion does not make me become what they unjustly imagine me to be; but let those who think me better than I am proclaim to me their flattering testimonials, that, knowing what excellences they fancy I possess, I may use every exertion to deem myself worthy of their good opinion, and at last succeed in obtaining the very qualities for which I was undeservedly honoured by their too indulgent regard."

"Ah, Oriel!" replied his young companion affectionately, "you know it would be difficult for any one who knows you well to imagine a quality of good you have not made your own."

"If I listen to you, I must be content to remain what I am," said Oriel Porphyry, as he rose to take his leave. "And as such a state of things does not satisfy me, to prevent myself being spoiled for any better purpose, I must, for the present, leave you--of course with my best wishes for your speedy recovery."

"Thank you, Oriel, thank you!" exclaimed Zabra warmly, returning the affectionate pressure of the hand he at that moment received, and following, with his eyes overflowing with his friendly feelings, the retreating form of his kind and generous patron.

CHAP. II.

AUSTRALIAN CIVILISATION.

Time had passed. The vessel had gone gallantly on her voyage, and was now quietly riding at anchor in the port of Sydney, the magnificent metropolis of the great empire of Australia. Oriel Porphyry had landed to transact business with an individual of some note in that part of the world. Posthumous was an extensive manufacturer, who had amassed an immense fortune by a mechanical discovery he had purchased, by means of which one machine was made to do the work of ten; and the funds at his disposal he employed in forming a museum, which he intended leaving, at his death, for the benefit of his country. His love of fame was his ruling passion; and to acquire it he seemed inclined to make any sacrifice. He accumulated every thing which he considered rare or curious for his museum; but, as he was no judge of the value of the collection he was forming, he often purchased things perfectly worthless, merely because they were recommended to him as objects that might be regarded with the greatest interest by posterity. To all who visited him, his pride was to exhibit his collection; and, although none were more ignorant of its real nature than himself, none could expatiate so much at length upon its merits. He was a walking catalogue--a talking index--a living table of contents; and he seemed as if he knew of no pleasure that did not allow him to display his museum and gossip about every specimen it contained.

Oriel and Zabra were walking together to the residence of the person thus described, when the former, doubtful as to whether he was pursuing the right direction, observing a man leaning against a post near a crossing at a short distance, went up to him for the purpose of making inquiries as to the exact locality of the place of which he was in search. The man was a street sweeper. His broom was beside him; and he was so intent upon a book he appeared to be studying, that Oriel noticed its title. It was "Geometry for Beggars."

"Pray can you direct me to Botany Square?" inquired the young merchant.

"Botany Square is an ellipsis," replied the matter-of-fact sweeper; "but if the transverse, conjugate, and abscissa are known, it is easy to find the ordinate. To proceed to it from this point requires a right line to where the next street appears at a right angle with it, whence, going along any part of its superficies, you will approach where the sides of three streets form an isosceles triangle; take the one side nearest to you in its whole extent, which having found, describe the area of a trapezium, whose diagonal is equal to twice its perpendiculars; and from the centre continue a right line till you approach a trapezoid whose sides are parallel; and from this, diverging in such a manner as to construct a hyperbola, if straight lines be drawn from the centre through the extremities of its conjugate axis, these will lead direct to the ellipsis you are desirous of finding."

"Can you direct me to Botany Square?" again asked Oriel Porphyry, puzzled to think whether the man was mad or did not understand his question.

"Botany Square is an ellipsis, I tell you again," said the geometrician rather sharply; "and Euclid himself could not have described to you a more accurate method of finding it than that you have just heard from me. Work the problem properly, and the result must be what you require. All the parts are equal to the whole; the greater includes the less; and of several equal parts all are alike: and these propositions are not more true than is the answer I have given to your query; therefore allow me to hope that you will, in consideration of the accuracy of my analysis, find the perpendicular of your pocket, subtract from its base any circle whose circumference is a known quantity, and place it within the superficies of my hand."

"He's mad!" exclaimed Oriel, walking on.

"He's minus!" cried the beggar, and returned to his geometry.

The two pedestrians continued on their way, wondering not a little at meeting with the strange character with whom they had just parted, when, upon entering the next street, they observed a confused mass of people running to and fro, shouting and making a most discordant uproar.

"Can you tell me the cause of this disturbance?" inquired Oriel Porphyry, addressing a respectable looking mechanic who was hurrying past him.

"The cause?" replied the stranger, immediately stopping in his career. "The cause is always the phenomenon which precedes the effect. Philosophers have disputed about the most appropriate definition of the term; but in any system of transcendental ideas there must always be an antecedency and a subsequency; and although they have been considered synchronous in their existence, in my opinion the effect is to the cause what the shadow is to the light--the shadow is not in the light, but is produced by the operation of the light upon an object; so the effect is not in the cause, but is produced by the action of the cause upon an agent. Some metaphysicians conceive that the relation of cause and effect should be considered as a synthetical judgment _à priori_--a postulate of pure reason. In my opinion, this idea is open to many objections; but I will avoid all argument on that point for the present, and merely go into an analysis of the nature of causation. There are three indispensable conditions to any philosophical theory of causation. In the first place, there are two objects--the agent and the patient. Secondly, there are three changes, which are--that of the agent, reason of the effect; that of the patient, effect of the action; that which is produced by the patient on the agent, and the effect of re-action. And, thirdly, there are four distinct moments, which are--that which leads to the action, that which commences with it, that of the re-action, and that which immediately follows the re-action. And----"

"And pray, sir, what has all this to do with the disturbance about which I inquired?" said the young merchant, as much puzzled with the mechanic as he was by the beggar.

"You asked for the cause, and I am explaining to you all the phenomena which a cause may produce," responded the other. "But I regret I cannot stop to describe to you my original ideas on the subject. If you are anxious to apply your mind to their investigation, you will find them in the Philosophical Chimney-sweep's Penny Magazine; and if I can be of service to you in any other way, you can always command me on the shortest notice, and on the most reasonable terms." So saying, he placed a card in Oriel's hand, and was very quickly out of sight. The card was of a pink colour, was glazed and embossed; and on it was elegantly engraved, "Leibnitz Kant Chummy, Chimney-sweep and Nightman to the Royal Family, in all its branches." The two friends found quite as much wonder as amusement in what they had heard.

"I had been told that these Australians were the most enlightened people on the earth," remarked Oriel; "but I certainly never expected to be mystified after this fashion by two individuals belonging to the very lowest ranks, upon merely asking a simple question."

"Perhaps they are exceptions to the mass," replied Zabra; "and every one else we meet we shall doubtless find as common-place as we require. Try this old fish-woman: it will be extraordinary, indeed, if you meet with either geometry or metaphysics in her."

Oriel approached a female whose sex was scarcely distinguishable, as she squatted by a basket of fish, in a man's old great coat and hat. She observed a stranger advancing towards her; and, believing him to be a customer, she held up one of her fish so as to put all its good qualities into the best situation for minute inspection.

"Fine and fresh--worthy to make a dinner for a prince!" she exclaimed.

"My good woman, can you tell me the attraction which brings all these people together?" asked Oriel Porphyry.

In a moment the old hag put down her fish, and, with the seriousness of a Socrates, replied, "There are three kinds of attraction; which are, the mathematical, the mathematico-physical, and the physical attraction: of which of these do you require a definition?"

"Confound the people, they're all alike!" exclaimed the young merchant; but the old dame, without noticing the exclamation, continued:--

"Suppose A to be a glass of any comfortable liquor with which you may feel inclined to treat me, and B my mouth, which is at all times very desirous of a coalition with the same. When A moves towards B, it is evident that B has the power directly or indirectly of drawing or attracting A; and when you notice this, and measure the law of the motion, and discover that A moves as if attracted towards B by some simple law, you will easily be enabled to ascertain what will take place if the motion continue. This is mathematical attraction. When it becomes evident that A not only moves towards B, but that B is an agent in the motion created, as, to satisfy the thirst or inclination of B, A is attracted towards it, A always moving where there is thirst or inclination, but never where neither exist, then this is called mathematico-physical attraction. And when, by a power existing in B, A is drawn towards it without any other exciting cause; thus, if nothing else in the world existed but A and B in a state of rest, and A move towards B by some influence which is as much a part of its nature as its thirst or inclination, then would be created what is called physical attraction. And now, for a trifle, I will give you the most convincing demonstration of the _modus operandi_ of all these phenomena."

"Perdition seize your A and B, I say!" cried Oriel, as he hastily left the old woman to her philosophy.

"An exemplification of repulsion!" muttered she, as she again commenced endeavouring to dispose of her fish.

Oriel and his companion had entered a street of shops, in which they had no sooner made their appearance than they were surrounded by a crowd of tradespeople, bawling in their ears the excellence and cheapness of their commodities, and endeavouring to pull or entice them into their warehouses, the exteriors of which were covered with immense placards, proclaiming the ruin of the sellers, and the advantages which in consequence would accrue to the fortunate buyers.

"Full fifty per cent. under cost price!" cried one.

"A hundred per cent. below the cost, be assured!" shouted another.

"I must be ruined in a week, sir!" proclaimed a third, as if rejoicing at the near approach of his destruction.

"I _am_ ruined!" screamed a fourth, in a tone of emphatic exultation.

"My family must starve!" exclaimed a fifth, without the slightest expression of regret.

"My family _are_ starving!" confessed a sixth, as if it was a subject of the greatest congratulation.

"I have seven children, sir!" whispered a little man, apparently as the most enticing recommendation of his goods.

"I have a wife and ten!" bawled a companion, in a voice of triumph that seemed to silence all competition.

"This way, sir!"

"No; this way!"

"The best goods!"

"The very best!"

"Mine are the cheapest!"

"Mine are much cheaper!"

And thus they went on shouting at and pulling the two young men about, till they were obliged to seek refuge in one of the shops; but immediately they entered the threshold, the whole body of eager applicants for custom left the strangers to the care of their more fortunate fellow-tradesman.

"Really you shopkeepers seem inclined to tear your customers to pieces," observed Oriel Porphyry with considerable indignation.

"Merely the effect of competition, sir," coolly replied the chapman, spreading out his wares for inspection.

"Then it is a competition that must be exceedingly disagreeable to the purchaser," said the young merchant.

"Can't be helped, sir," added the man in the same careless tone. "When the supply exceeds the demand, the value of this overproduction must greatly diminish; and every attempt will be made to produce, at any loss, an increased consumption. How many pairs of these gloves would you like to have, sir? You shall have them at a small advance beyond the cost of their carriage from the place in which they were manufactured."

"But I have no cash about me," acknowledged Oriel, thinking it would be sufficient to avoid a purchase that was not necessary.

"Not of the slightest consequence, sir. I will gladly give you credit to any amount," said the obliging tradesman.

"Indeed! why I am a perfect stranger in the country," observed his unwilling customer with much surprise.

"No matter, sir," added the other; "public credit must be supported; all business transactions are done upon its responsibility. Ready money is destructive of all the true interests of trade; for, as capital in a state overcrowded in population can never be created in a supply sufficient for the wants of the community, the surest way of preventing those dangerous revolutions which so often affect the monied interests of a great commercial nation is to trade entirely with fictitious capital. This is credit, sir; and we use every means within our power to create it to an extent sufficient to supply all our wants, and to support it in all its sufficiency when it is established. The manufacturer supplies the wholesale dealer; the wholesale dealer provides the retail tradesman; and the retail tradesman carries on his business with his customers upon the sure foundation of credit. Not a coin is seen in the hands of either party from one year's end to the other; and a man's wealth is known not by the mere exchangeable property he possesses, but by the extent of the credit he is allowed. Political economy is a wonderful science, sir; and the ancients were entirely ignorant of its true principles. Shall I put you up a few dozen of these stockings? the price, I assure you, does not pay for the raw material."

"Well, well; as you seem desirous of ruining yourself, I do not see that I ought to stand in your way; so you may let me have a dozen pairs of the stockings and of the gloves," said Master Porphyry.

"Thank you, sir," replied the tradesman. "But as for ruin, sir, is it not done for the public good? Think what a man having a wife and ten children to support must feel when he knows that he has reduced them and himself to absolute starvation for the advantage of the community--for the greatest happiness of the greatest number, sir. Beautiful feeling, sir; exquisite consolation; a perfect patriotism! He knows that he becomes a martyr for his country. Think of that, sir! He is conscious of being made a victim for the general advantage. Think of that, sir! And while his skin and bones hang together, he feels the sweet solace that he is allowed to make himself a sacrifice for the wants of those who never heard of his name. Think of that, sir! Any other article, sir?"

"Not at present. It is wonderful to me how, in such a state of things, men can be brought to enter into the pursuits of trade," observed his customer.

"All the effect of competition, sir," answered the man quietly. "Fine thing competition. We should none of us enjoy the satisfaction of being ruined, if it was not for competition; and the beautiful principle of it is, sir, that it makes a man consider that he is greatest honoured who is soonest ruined; therefore we all run a race--and a very anxious race it is, I assure you. We undersell each other--we dispose of our goods at a certain loss--we even give them away--and happy is the man who is ruined before his rivals. Admirable thing, competition! Where shall I send them, sir?"

"Send them to Master Porphyry, on board the ship Albatross, now in the harbour, and I will call and pay you before I depart," replied the young merchant.

"Don't hurry yourself, sir," said the tradesman. "Don't hurry yourself, I entreat. Nay, I should be just as well pleased were you to forget it altogether, for then I shall be a step nearer to the honour I so much covet--the distinction of being ruined before any other person in the same line of business in my immediate neighbourhood. I am grateful to you for your favours. Any thing you may require, sir--the most extensive order you can give me I shall be happy to supply on the same advantageous terms. Any thing you like to accept, sir, is at your disposal. I implore you to have the generosity to assist in my ruin."

Zabra and his companion, at last, with great difficulty, got out of the shop, and proceeded, unmolested, on their way, till they came to an opening in the street, where several men seemed to be preaching from little elevations, each to his own separate congregation, yet frequently alluding to their coadjutors, in such terms as clearly proved that they were rivals in the trade they had adopted.

"Come, my children, to me, and I will expound to you the law by which alone you can be saved from everlasting punishment," exclaimed a fat faced little old man to his audience. "Fly from the things of this world--pay your teachers liberally--care not for eating or drinking, or amusing yourselves with idle pleasures, and you shall live in eternal happiness!"

"Fire and brimstone! Flame and torment! Prepare for these, my beloved brethren!" shouted a lank fellow with a most hypocritical physiognomy. "Ye who are the elect shall enjoy the good things, but scorching and burning shall be the everlasting portion of those who are not of our communion."

"Heed not the voices of ungodly men, to whom the evangelical grace has not descended," cried a stern-visaged preacher. "Our way is a way of mercy, a way of charity, and a way of peace. But rejoice, oh my hearers! for the time is not afar off when we will smite the unbelievers from shoulder to hip, till their name be utterly removed from the land."

"Hear a voice which none can understand, but which is sent to enlighten the universe," screamed one, whose brilliant eyes and wild expression of countenance seemed marked by the influence of insanity--"Hu--ugh--hullabaloo--scrikey-smash--drido--snolk--hi ha botherum--pickwickicksicceriggidiggy----"

"I tell thee, friend, thy way is the way of perdition, humph," exclaimed another, with a nasal twang, and a clean sleek appearance. "Verily it is the way of the bottomless pit. There is no virtue save under a beaver with a broad brim, humph! and the spirit can only be found in vestments of a formal cut, and of a drab colour, humph!"

"Leave those heretics, my children, who can only hurry you on the road of iniquity, and enter the bosom of the true church," shouted a brawny fellow in the dress of a mendicant. "Here is holy water, and here are relics that have the power of saving your souls from purgatory."

"Abominations--abominations--the abominations of the scarlet one of Babylon!" cried one opposite to him with looks of horror and indignation. "Leave them, and I will sprinkle water upon you, which will render you a sheep of our fold."

"Sprinkling is of no avail!" shrieked a melancholy fanatic. "Come and be dipped--come and be dipped into the waters of everlasting righteousness."

"Oh, Fader Aprahams!--Fader Aprahams!" said a dark visaged old man with a long beard, as he smote his breast, and turned up his eyes to heaven. "How long shall these obstacles remain in the way of thy chosen!"

"Down with the Jew!" bawled the rest in hideous chorus--"Down with the unrelenting Jew! Our religion is one of universal love. Cut the Jew into a thousand pieces, and cast him to the dogs!"