Part 18

Showed her my dress and my bracelets. Had a long discussion about the precedence of one lady before another among the nobility of European courts, whereat her republican pride seemed highly offended. If Clay _did_, as Dr. ---- describes, pass before titled men, at a dinner in England, with his hands in his breeches' pockets, it only follows thence that he was really ill bred, and would be thought vulgar if he did it unwittingly, and absurd if he did it intentionally. Went to the theatre at half-past five. The house was wonderful, considering the weather: the play was Fazio. I played pretty well: my dress was _splendid_.

_Sunday, 16th._

Had only time to swallow a mouthful of breakfast, and off to church; where I heard about as thorough a cock and bull sermon as ever I hope to be edified withal. What shameful nonsense the man talked! and all the time pretending to tell us what God had done, what he was doing, and what he intended to do next, as if he went up into heaven and saw what was going on there, every five minutes. Came home; sat with Mrs. ---- for a long time: I am very fond of her.

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Came to my own room, and studied Violante till dinner-time. How tiresome this pointless prose is to batter into one's head. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ---- till near tea-time, when I came to the drawing-room. Presently, Mr. ---- and Mr. ---- called, also Dr. ----. I went to my father's room to apprise him of this invasion of the Goths, and found him very unwell, and labouring under a severe cold. He would not come down; so D---- and I had to entertain these interesting youths what fashion we best might. She gave them tea, and I gave them music, till half-past ten, when they departed.

_Monday, 17th._

It poured with rain like the very mischief: a sort of continual gushing down from the clouds, combining all the vehemence of a thunder shower with all the pertinacity of one of our own November drizzles--delightful! Went to rehearse Macbeth. Had a delightful palaver with Mr. ----, who knows all the music that ever was writ, and all the singers that ever sang, and worships Pasta as I do. Came home; put out things for the theatre: dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ---- till coffee-time. At half-past five, went to the theatre. In spite of the rain, the house was very full; and in all my life I never saw so large an assembly of people so perfectly and breathlessly still as they were during several of our scenes. I played like a very clever girl as I am; but it was about as much like Lady Macbeth as the Great Mogul. My father laboured his part too much.

_Tuesday, 18th._

Received letters; one from dear ----, and one from ----. They did as letters from England always do by me,--threw me into a perfect nervous fever.

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After breakfast, went to rehearse the Wonder. Called in on my way on Mr. ----, who is painting a portrait of my father. Saw one or two lovely women's pictures. I wish he would go to England: I think it would answer his purpose very well. At two, went to the riding-school: rode till half-past three. The day was bitter cold, with a piercing wicked wind riding through the grey sky. D---- and I walked to pay sundry calls. Met ----, whom we had not seen for two or three days--a most unusual circumstance. He walked home with us. D---- and I dined _tête-à-tête_. On returning home, I found a most lovely nosegay of real, delicious, fragrant flowers. Sweet crimson buds of the faint-breathing monthly rose; bright vivid dark green myrtle; the honey Daphne Odora, with its clusters of pinky-white blossoms; and the delicate bells of the tall white jasmine,--all sweet, and living, and fresh, as at midsummer: I was blissful! After dinner, I went in to Mrs. ----. Came back to the drawing-room. ----, who had taken the hint about our being alone in the evening, came in. I began making him sing, and taught him the Leaf and the Fountain: his voice sounded like when we were nearer home.

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Presently Mr. ---- was announced. He was the author of the flowers.

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_Wednesday, 19th._

After breakfast, ---- called.

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Went to rehearsal,--afterwards, to the riding-school. The school was quite empty, and I alone. The boy brought me my horse, and I mounted by means of a chair. As I was cantering along, amusing myself with cogitations various, ---- came in. He stayed the whole time I rode. I settled with him about riding to-morrow, and came home to dinner. After dinner, went in to see Mrs. ----: Dr. ---- was there, who is a remarkably nice man. She is a very delightful person, with a great deal of intellect, and a wonderful quantity of fortitude and piety, and a total absence of knowledge of the world, except through books.

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Her children enchant me, and her care of them enchants me too. She is an excellent person, with a heart overflowing with the very best affections our nature is capable of, fulfilled, I think, to the uttermost.

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Stayed with her till time to go to the theatre. The house was very full: the play was the Wonder--my first time of acting Violante. My dress was not finished till the very last moment,--and then, oh, horror! was so small that I could not get into it. It had to be pinned upon me; and thus bebundled, with the dread of cracking my bodice from top to bottom every time I moved, and the utter impossibility of drawing my breath, from the narrow dimensions into which it squeezed me, I went on to play a new part. The consequence was that I acted infamously, and for the first time in my life was horribly imperfect--out myself and putting every body else out. Between every scene my unlucky gown had to be pinned together; and in the laughing scene, it took the hint from my admirable performance, and facetiously grinned in an ecstasy of amusement till it was fairly open behind, displaying, I suppose, the lacing of my stays, like so many teeth, to the admiring gaze of the audience; for, as I was perfectly ignorant of the circumstance, with my usual easy _nonchalance_, I persisted in turning my back to the folk, in spite of all my father's pulls and pushes, which, as I did not comprehend, I did not by any means second either. ---- was at the play, also Dr. ----, also Henry Clay, who was received with cheers and plaudits manifold. Came home in my dress, and went in to show it to Mrs. ---- and her mother, who were both in bed, but marvellously edified by my appearance.

_Thursday, 20th._

The day was beautifully brilliant, clear, and cold--winter, but winter in dazzling array of sunshine and crystal; blue skies, with light feathery streaks of white clouds running through them; dry, crisp, hard roads, with the delicate rime tipping all the ruts with sparkling jewellery; and the waters fresh, and bright, and curling under the keen breath of the arrow-like wind. After breakfast, ---- called. Walked out with him to get a cap and whip for D----. The latter he insisted on making her a present of, and a very pretty one indeed it was, with a delicate ivory handle, and a charming persuading lash. Went in for a short time to Mrs. ----, who entertained herself with letting all my hair down about my ears, and pulling it all manner of ways. At twelve habited, and helped to equip dear D----, who really looked exceedingly nice in her jockey habiliments. Went to the school, where we found ---- waiting for us. Mounted and set forth. We rode out to Laurel Hill. The road was not very good, but no mud; and the warm gleesome sunlight fell mellowly over the lovely undulations of the land, with their patches of green cedar trees, and threadbare cloak of leafless woods, through which the little birds were careering merrily, as the reviving sunshine came glowingly down upon the world, like a warm blessing. Passed that bright youth, Mr. ----, on the road, riding very like an ass on horseback. When we reached Laurel Hill, we dismounted, tied up the horses, slacked their girths, and walked first up to that interesting wooden monument, where I inscribed my initials on our first ride thither. Afterwards, ---- and I scrambled down the rocks to the river side, which D---- declined doing, _'cause vy?_--she'd have had to climb up again. The water was like a broad dazzling river of light, and had a beautiful effect, winding away in brightness that the eye could scarce endure, between its banks, which, contrasted by the sunny stream, and blue transparent sky, appeared perfectly black. As I bent over a fine _bluff_ (as they here call any mass of rock standing isolated), I espied below me a natural rocky arch, overhanging the river, all glittering with pure long diamond icicles. Thither ---- convoyed me, and broke off one of these wintry gems for me. It measured about two feet long, and was as thick at the root as my wrist. I never saw any thing so beautiful as these pendant adornments of the silver-fingered ice god. Toiled up to the house again, where, after brushing our habits, we remounted our chargers, and came home. The river was most beautiful towards the bridge that they are building: the unfinished piers of which have a very pretty effect, almost resembling their very opposite, a ruin. The thin pale vapour of the steam-engine, employed in some of the works, rising from the blue water, and rolling its graceful waves far along the dark rocky shore, had a lovely fairy-like look, which even drew forth the admiration of ----, who, from sundry expressions which have occasionally fallen from him, I suspect to be rather well endowed with ideality. Reached home at half-past four. My father dined out. It was past ----'s dinner-time; so we invited him to stay and dine with us. After dinner, we fell somehow or another into a profound theological discussion; ---- suddenly proposing for my solution the mysterious doctrine of the inherent sin of our nature, and its accompanying doom, death,--inherited from one man's sin, and one man's punishment. I am not fond of discoursing upon these subjects. 'Tis long since I have arrived at the conviction that the less we suffer our thoughts to dwell upon what is vague and mysterious in our most mysterious faith, and the more we confine our attention and our efforts to that part of it which is practical and clear as the noon-day, the better it will be for our minds here, and our souls hereafter. Surely they are not wise who seek to penetrate the unfathomed counsels of God, whilst their own natures, moral, mental, nay, even physical, have depths beyond the sounding of their plummet line. ---- spoke in perfect sincerity and simplicity of the difficulty he found in believing that which was so "hard a saying;" and, as there was not the slightest particle of levity or ridicule in his manner, I spoke as earnestly as I felt and always feel upon this subject,--very strenuously advising him not to strain his comprehension upon matters which baffle human endeavour, which, after all our wanderings and weary explorings, still lead us back to the wide boundless waste of uncertainty; concluding by exhorting him to read his Bible, say his prayers, and go to church if he could,--or, if he could not, at all events to be as good as he could. While we were at tea, young ---- and Dr. ---- came in. They put me down to the piano, and I continued to sing until past eleven o'clock, when, somebody looking at a watch, there was a universal exclamation of surprise, the piano was shut down, the candles put out, the gentlemen vanished, and I came to bed.

WINTER.

I saw him on his throne, far in the north, Him ye call Winter, picturing him ever An aged man, whose frame, with palsied shiver, Bends o'er the fiery element, his foe. But him I saw was a young god, whose brow Was crown'd with jagged icicles, and forth From his keen spirit-like eyes there shone a light, Broad, glaring, and intensely cold and bright. His breath, like sharp-edged arrows, pierced the air; The naked earth crouch'd shuddering at his feet; His finger on all murmuring waters sweet Lay icily,--motion nor sound was there; Nature seem'd frozen--dead; and still and slow A winding-sheet fell o'er her features fair, Flaky and white, from his wide wings of snow.

I am sorry to find that I must skip Friday and Saturday, thereby omitting an account of an interesting ball at Mrs. ----'s, where the floors were duly chalked, the music very good, the women very lovely, and where I fell in again with my dear kinsman, whom I love devotedly, and whom I jumped half across a quadrille to greet with extended hands, which must greatly have edified the whole assembly. Likewise I must skip a most interesting account of a second polemical conversation with ----; in the course of which, to my great amazement, he managed to introduce a most vehement abuse of Dr. ----, whose admiration of my singing appears to have troubled him fully as much as the doctrine of original sin,--together with many other things worthy of note, which shall now die in oblivion, and the times return unenlightened to their graves.

_Sunday, 23d._

Was only dressed in time to swallow two mouthfuls of breakfast, and get ready for church. ---- came to know at what time we would ride, and walked with us to the church door.

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After church, came home,--habited; went and sat with Mrs. ---- till half-past one. The villanous servants did not think fit to announce the horses till they had been at the door full half an hour, so that when we started it was near two o'clock. D---- seemed quite at her ease upon her gangling charger, and I had gotten up upon Mr. ----'s big horse, to see what I could make of him. The day was beautifully bright and clear, with a warm blessed sunshine causing the wintry world to smile. We had proceeded more than halfway to Laurel Hill without event, when, driving my heavy-shouldered brute at a bank, instead of lifting up his feet, he thought fit to stumble, fall, and fling me very comfortably off upon the mound. I sprang up neither hurt nor frightened, shook my habit, tightened my girths, and mounted again; when we set off, much refreshed by this little incident, which occasioned a world of mirth and many saucy speeches from my companions to me. At Laurel Hill the master of the house came bowing forth with the utmost courteousness to meet me, expressing his profound sense of the honour I did him in deigning to inhale the air around his abode, and his unspeakable anguish at having been absent when I had so far condescended before. He was a foreigner,--French or Italian, or _such like_,--which accounts for his civility. Had the horses taken to the stable, and their girths slackened. D---- kept the heights, and ---- and I ran, slipped, slid, and scrambled down to the water's edge. The river was frozen over, not, however, strongly enough to bear much, and every jutting rock was hung with pure glittering icicles that shone like jewels in the bright sunshine. Far down the river all was still and lonely, and bright, yet wintry-looking. The flow of the water and its plashing music were still; there was no breath of wind stirring the leafless boughs; the sunlight came down, warm and dazzling upon the silent sparkling world, all clad in its shimmering ice robe: the air was transparent and clear, and the whole scene was perfectly lovely. Taming to re-ascend the rocks, I called aloud to D----, and the distinctest loudest echo answered me. So perfect was the reflection of the sound, that at first I thought some one was mocking me. I ran up a scale as loud, and high, and rapid as I could; and, from among the sunny fields, a voice repeated the threaded notes as clearly, as rapidly, only more softly, with a distinctness that was startling. I never heard an echo that repeated so much of what was sung or said. I stood in perfect enchantment, exercising my voice, and provoking the hidden voice of the air, who answered me with a far-off tone, that seemed as though the mocking spirit fled along the hill tops, repeating my notes with a sweet gleeful tone that filled me with delight. Oh, what must savages think an echo is? How many many lovely and wild imaginations are suggested by that which natural philosophers analyse into mere conformations of earth and undulations of air! At length we joined D----, and walked to the house, where presently appeared the master of the mansion, with cakes, wine, cordial, preserves, or, as Comus hath it, "a table covered with all manner of deliciousness." I was at first a little puzzled by the epithet _cordial_ applied to three goodly-looking _decanters_ full of rosy and golden liquor, and which ---- informed me is the invariable refreshment presented to visiters of both sexes who ride or drive up to Laurel Hill. To satisfy my curiosity, I put my lips to some of it, which proved to be no other than liqueur, an indifferent sort of noyau--that which soberest folks in England take but a thimble-full of after dinner, by way of _chasse-café_, and drunkenest folk would be ashamed to touch in the morning. It seems that it is otherwise here; and, indeed, generally speaking, Americans swallow much more of all sorts of spirituous nauseousness than we do in our country. The men take brandy, in a way that would astound people of any respectability in England, and in this, as well as many other ways, contribute to assist the enervating effects of their climate.[76] Our host waited himself most attentively upon us, and refused all species of remuneration save thanks, which, indeed, he said he owed me for so far honouring him as to stuff his cakes and drink his wine. We mounted again, being refreshed, and, taking leave of this pearl of innkeepers, continued our ride along the banks of the Schuylkill, until we came to Manayunk, a manufacturing place, where they create cottons, and which has the additional advantage of being most lovelily situated upon the banks of the river, backed by rocky heights, where the cedar bushes, with their rich dark tufts, and the fine bold masses of grey granite, together with a hundred little water-courses now hanging from every ridge they used to flow over in brilliant ice pendants, had a most beautiful effect. It was getting late, however, and we pushed on to the bridge; but, lo! when we reached it, it was under repair and impassable. What was to be done? the sun had withdrawn his warm rays from the heavens,--the lower earth was shadowy and dark,--a rich orange light hung over the brow of the ridge of hills on the opposite side of the river, whose current, rapid and strong, flowed darkly between beautiful slabs of granite which lay in its path, and round which the water hurried angrily. What was to be done? To turn back was disheartening,--to go on for the chance of a bridge was also to run the chance of being utterly benighted in paths we knew nothing of, and on horses which were any thing but safe. However, my evident inclination to the latter course prevailed with my companions. We crossed a narrow bridge, and pursued a sort of tow-path between the canal and the river. The glimmering daylight was fading fast from the sky, and the opposite shores of the river were losing their distinctness of outline, when, from between two beautiful bold masses of rock which overhung its entrance, the wooden bridge appeared. I should like to have lingered in this spot till nightfall, but this was by no means the bargain either with my fellow-travellers or my horse. So on we went over the bridge, and, turning to the left, pursued the river's side,--now close down to its gushing fretful waters, hurrying from between the rocky impediments of their path,--now high above its course, in the midst of woods growing to the very edge of the precipitous bank, with rocky ridges rising again above us, crowned with the black-looking tufts of the cedar, jagged with icicles, and from which descended, at every ten yards, a trickling rill, which, smoothed over by the glassy ice, rendered our horses' footing, particularly in the twilight, very insecure. We were _in for it_; and when that is the case, 'tis vain making lamentations or piteous retrospections: I therefore pushed on, with as much care as I could of Mr. ----'s tumble-down charger, whose headlong motion kept me in agonies, leaving ---- to take care of dear D----, whose bones I feared would ach for this adventure most bitterly. The road was perfectly beautiful. Broad masses of shadowy clouds hung in the sky, and were reflected in the waters, together with the pale delicate grey of evening, and the last amber tinge of sunset. We did not reach Philadelphia till it was perfectly dark. To add to my consternation, too, when we asked ---- to dine with us, he said that he had an engagement, for which I began to fear this ill-starred ride would have kept him too late.

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I came up to my own room, changed my clothes, and went in to see Mrs. ----.

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She was completely overpowered with laudanum. Her head was declined upon a chair.

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She looked very lovely, with her beautiful head bowed, and her dark eyelashes lying on her wan cheeks. Her features were contracted with suffering. I sat watching her with much heartfelt sadness and interest. I was summoned away, however, to see some gentlemen who were in the drawing-room, whither I adjourned, and where I found Mr. ---- and Dr. ----. I was stupid and sleepy, and the gentlemen had the charity not to keep me up, or make me sing.

_Monday, 24th, Christmas-eve._

After breakfast, put out clothes for to-night. When I came down, found ---- in the drawing-room with my father: paid him his bill, and pottered an immensity. Went to rehearsal,--afterwards paid all manner of cards with poor dear D----, who puffed and panted through the streets in order not to freeze me, which, however, she did not escape.

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After dinner, went and sat with my poor invalid, whom, in spite of her republicanism, I am greatly inclined to like and admire. Remained with her till coffee-time. Went to the theatre: the play was the Merchant of Venice,--my favourite part, Portia. The house was very full: I played so-soish.

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_Tuesday, 25th, Christmas-day._