Part 10

FINIS

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WEDDING-RING,

FIT FOR THE FINGER:

LAID OPEN IN A SERMON,

PREACHED AT A WEDDING IN ST. EDMOND’S.

BY WILLIAM SECKER,

LATE PREACHER OF THE GOSPEL.

GENESIS ii. 18.

And the LORD GOD said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help-meet for him.

GLASGOW: PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS.

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WEDDING-RING,

FIT FOR THE FINGER.

A SERMON ON GENESIS ii. 18.

_And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help-meet for him._

Human misery is to divine mercy, as a black soil to a sparkling diamond; or as a sable cloud to the sun-beams, Psalm viii. 4.--_Lord, what is man, that thou art mindful of him?_

Man is, in his creation, angelical; in his corruption, diabolical; in his renovation, theological; in his translation, majestical.

There were four silver channels in which the chrystal streams of God’s affection ran to man in his creation.

1. In his preparation. 2. In his Assimilation. 3. In his coronation. 4. In his Association.

1. In his preparation. Other creatures received the character of their beings by a simple fiat; but there was a consultation at his forming; not for the difficulty, but for the dignity of the work. The painter is most studious about that which he intends to make his master-piece. The four elements were taken out of their elements to make up the perfection of man’s complexion: the fire was purified, the earth was refined. When man was moulded, heaven and earth was married; a body from the one was espoused to a soul from the other.

2. In his assimilation. Other creatures were made like themselves, but man was made like God, as the wax hath the impression of the seal upon it. It is admirable to behold so fair a picture in such coarse canvas, and so bright a character in so brown paper.

3. In his coronation. He that made man, and all the rest, made man over all the rest; he was a little lord of a great lordship: this king was crowned in his craddle.

4. In his association. Society is the solace of humanity; the world would be a desert, without a comfort.

Most of man’s parts are made in pairs; now he that was double in his perfection, must not be single in his condition.

_And the Lord said, &c._ These words are like the iron gate that opened to Peter of its own accord, dividing themselves into three parts:--

1. An Introduction: _And the Lord God said_. 2. An Assertion: _It is not good that man should be alone_. 3. A Determination: _I will make an help-meet for him_.

In the first there is a majesty proposed. In the second there is a malady presented. In the third there is a remedy provided.

Once more let me put these grapes into the press.

1. The sovereignness of the expression: _And the Lord God said_. 2. The solitaryness of the condition: _It is not good, &c._ 3. The suitableness of the provision; _I will make, &c._

In the first there is the worth of veracity. In the second, there is the want of society. In the third, there is the work of divinity. Of these in their order. And first of the first.

1. The sovereignness of the expression: _And the Lord God said, &c._

Luke i. 70. “As he spoke by the mouths of his prophets.” In other scriptures he used their mouths, but in this instance he makes use of his own; they were the organs, and he the breath; they the streams, and he the fountain. How he spake, it is hard to determine: whether eternally, internally, or externally. We are not to inquire into the manner of speaking, but into the matter that is spoken; which leads me, like a directing star, from the suburbs to the city, from the porch to the palace, from the founder of the mine, to the treasure that is in it: _It is not good, &c._

In which we have two things:--

1. The Subject. 2. The Predicate.

The subject, _Man alone_. The predicate, _It is not good, &c._ 1. The subject, _Man alone_. Take this in two branches.

1. As it is limited to one man.

2. As it is lengthened to all men.

FIRST, As it is limited to one man: And so it is taken particularly: Man, for the first man. When all other creatures had their mates, Adam wanted his; though he was the emperor of the earth, and the admiral of the seas, yet in Paradise without a companion; though he was truly happy, yet he was not fully happy; though he had enough for his board, yet he had not enough for his bed; though he had many creatures to serve him, yet he wanted a creature to solace him; when he was compounded in creation, he must be completed by conjunction; when he had no sin to hurt him, then he must have a wife to help him: _It is not good that man should be alone_.

SECONDLY, As it is lengthened to all men: And so it is taken universally, Heb. xiii. 4. _Marriage is honourable unto all_. It is not only warrantable, but honourable. The whole trinity hath conspired together to set a crown of glory upon the head of matrimony.

1. God the Father. Marriage was a tree planted within the walls of Paradise; the flower first grew in God’s garden.

2. The Son. Marriage is a crystal glass, wherein Christ and the saints do see each other’s faces.

3. The Holy Ghost, by his overshadowing of the blessed virgin. Well might the world when it saw her pregnancy, suspect her virginity; but her matremonial condition was a grave to that suspicion: without this, her innocency had not prevented her infamy; she needed a shield to defend that chastity abroad which was kept inviolable at home.

Too many that have not worth enough to preserve their virginity, have yet will enough to cover their unchastity; turning the medicine of frailty into the mantle of filthiness. Certainly she is mad that cuts off her leg to get her a crutch; or that venoms her face to wear a mask.

Paul makes it one of the characters of those that should cherish the faith, 1 Tim. iv. 3. _not to forbear marriage_; which is not only lawful but also honourable; to forbid which, is damnably sinful, and only taught by the influence of devils. One of the Popes of Rome sprinkles this unholy and impure drop upon it, _Carnis pollutionem et immundiliem_.

It is strange that should be a pollution which was instituted before corruption; or that impurity which was ordained in the state of innocency; or that they should make that to be a sin, which they make to be a sacrament; strange stupidity!--But a bastard may be laid at the door of chastity, and a leaden crown set upon a golden head. Bellarmine (that mighty atlas of the Papal power) blows his stinking breath upon it: “Better were it for a priest to defile himself with many harlots, than to be married to one wife.”--These children of the purple whore prefer monasteries before marriages, a concubine before a companion.--They use too many women for their lusts, to choose any for their love.--Their tables are so largely spread that they cannot feed upon one dish. As for their exalting of a virgin-state, it is like him that commanded fasting, when he had filled his belly. Who knows not, that virginity is a pearl of a sparkling lustre? but the one cannot be set up, without the other be thrown down: No oblation will pacify the former, but the demolishing of the latter. Though we find many enemies to the choice of marriage, yet it is rare to find any enemies to the use of marriage. They would pick the lock that wants the key, and pluck the fruit that do not plant the tree. The Hebrews have a saying, “that he is not a man that hath not a wife.” Though they climb too high a bough, yet it is to be feared that such flesh is full of imperfection, that is, not tending to propogation: though man alone may be good, yet, _It is not good that man should be alone_. Which leads me from the subject to the predicate, _It is not good_.

Now, it is not good that man should be in a single condition on a threefold consideration.

1. In respect of sin, which would not else be prevented: Marriage is like water, to quench the sparks of lust’s fire, 1 Cor. vii. 2. _Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, &c._ Man needed no such physic when he was in perfect health. Temptations may break nature’s best sense, and lay its Paradise waste; but a single life is a prison of unruly desires, which is daily attempted to be broken open. Some, indeed force themselves to a single life, merely to avoid the charges of a married state; they choose rather to live in their own sensuality, than to extinguish those flames with an allowed remedy: _It is better to marry than to burn_:--to be lawfully coupled, than to be lustfully scorched. It is best to feed these flames with ordinate fuel.

2. It is not good in respect of mankind, which then would not be propagated. The Roman historian, relating the ravishing of the Sabine women, excused them thus, ‘Without them mankind would fall from the earth, and perish.’ Marriages do turn mutability into the image of eternity: it springs up new buds when the old are withered. It is a great honour for a man to be the father of one son, than to be the master of many servants. Without a wife, children cannot be had lawfully; without a good wife, children cannot be had comfortably. Man and woman, as the flock and the scion, being grafted in marriage, are trees bearing fruit to the world. Augustine says, ‘They are the first link of human society, to which all the rest are joined.’ Mankind had long ago decayed, and been like a taper fallen into the socket, if those breaches which are made by mortality were not repaired by matrimony.

3. It is not good in regard of the church, which could not then have been expatiated. Where there is no generation, there can be no regeneration. Nature makes us creatures before grace makes us Christians. If the loins of men had been less fruitful, the death of Christ would have been less successful. It was a witty question that one put to him that said, “Marriage fills the earth, but virginity fills the heavens:” How can the heavens be full if the earth be empty? Had Adam lived in innocency without matrimony, there would have been no servants of God in the church militant, nor no saints with God in the church triumphant. But I will not sink this vessel by the over-burthen of it, nor press this truth to death by laying too great a load upon its shoulders. There is one knot which I must untie, before I make a farther progress, _viz._

1 Cor. vii. 1. _It is good for a man not to touch a woman._ Do all the scriptures proceed out of the same mouth; and do they not all speak the same truth? The God of unity will not indite discord; and the God of verity cannot assert falsehood. If good and evil be contraries, how contrary then are these two scriptures? Either Moses mistakes God, or Paul mistakes Moses, about the point of marriage. To which I shall give a double answer.

1. There is a public and a private good. In respect of one man, it may be good not to touch a woman; but in respect of all men, _It is not good that man should be alone_.

2. Moses speaks of the state of man created; Paul of the state of man corrupted: Now, that which by institution was a mercy, by corruption may become a misery; as pure water is tainted by running through a miry channel, or as the sun-beams receive a tincture by shining through a coloured glass. There is no print of evil in the world, but sin was the stamp that made it. They that seek nothing but weal in its commission, will find nothing but woe in the conclusion. Which leads me from the solitariness of the condition, _Man alone_, to the suitableness of the provision, _I will make an help-meet for him_.

In which we have two parts, 1. The Agent, _I will make_. 2. The Object, _An help_.

1. The Agent, _I will make_. We cannot build a house without tools, but the Trinity is at liberty. To God’s omniscience there is nothing impossible. We work by hands, without; but he works without hands. He that made man meet for help, makes a meet-help for man. Marriages are consented above, but consumated below, Prov. xviii. 22. Though man wants supply, yet man cannot supply his wants, James i. 17. _Every good and perfect gift comes from above, &c._ A wife, though she be not a perfect gift, yet she is a good gift. These beams are darted from the Son of Righteousness. Hast thou a soft heart? It is of God’s breaking. Hast thou a sweet wife? She is of God’s making. Let me draw up this with double application.

1. When thou layest out for such a good on earth, look up to the God of heaven; let him make thy choice for thee, who made his choice of thee. Look above you, before you, about you; nothing makes up the happiness of a married condition, like the holiness of a mortified disposition: account not those the most worthy, that are the most wealthy. Art thou matched to the Lord? Match in the Lord. How happy are such marriages where Christ is at the wedding! Let none but those who have found favour in God’s eyes, find favour in yours.

2. Give God the tribute of your gratulation for your good companions. Take head of paying your rent to a wrong landlord: when you taste of the stream, reflect upon the spring that feeds it. Now thou hast four eyes for thy speculation, four hands for thy operation, four feet for thy abulation, and four shoulders for thy sustentation. What the sin against the Holy Ghost is, in point of divinity, that is unthankfulness, in point of morality, an offence unpardonable. Pity it is, but that moon should be ever in an eclipse, that will not acknowledge her beams to be borrowed from the sun. He that praises not the giver, prizes not the gift. And so I pass from the Agent to the Object, _A help_.

She must be so much, and no less; and so much, and no more. Our ribs were not ordained to be our rulers. They are not made of the head, to claim superiority; but out of the side, to be content with equality. They desert the Author of nature, who invert the order of nature. The woman was made for the man’s comfort, but the man was not made for the woman’s command. Those Shoulders aspire too high, that content not themselves with a room below their heads. It is between a man and his wife in the house, as it is between the sun and the moon in the heavens, when the greater light goes down the lesser light gets up; when the one ends in setting, the other begins in shining. The wife may be a sovereign in her husband’s absence, but she must be subject in her husband’s presence. As Pharaoh said to Joseph, so should the husband say to his wife, “thou shalt be over my house, and according to thy word shall all my people be ruled, only on the throne will I be greater than thou,” Gen. xli. 40. The body of that household can never make any good motion, whose bones are out of place. The woman must be a help to the man in these four things:--1. To his piety. 2. To his society. 3. To his progeny. 4. To his prosperity. To his piety, by the ferventness of her excitation. To his society, by the fragrantness of her conversation. To his progeny, by the fruitfulness of her education. To his prosperity, by her faithful preservation.

1. To his piety, by the ferventness of her excitation, 1 Pet. ii. 7. Husband and wife should be as the two milch-kine, which were coupled together to carry the ark of God; or as the two cherubims, that looked one upon another, and both upon the mercy-seat; or as the two tables of stone, on each of which were engraven the laws of God. In some families married persons are like Jeremiah’s two basket of figs, the one very good, the other very evil; or like fire and water, whilst the one is flaming in devotion, the other is freezing in corruption. There is a two-fold hinderance of holiness: 1. On the right side. 2. On the left. On the right side; when the wife would run in God’s way, the husband will not let her go; when the fore-horse in a team will not draw, he wrongs all the rest; when the general of an army forbids a march, all the soldiers stand still. Sometimes on the left: How did Solomon’s idolatrous wife draw away his heart from heaven? A sinning wife was Satan’s first ladder, by which he scaled the wall of Paradise, and took away the fort-royal of Adam’s heart from him. Thus she, that should have been the help of his flesh, was the hurt of his faith; his nature’s under-proper, became his grace’s under-miner; and she that should be a crown on the head, is a cross on the shoulders. The wife is often to the husband as the ivy is to the oak, which draws away his sap from him.

2. A help to his society, by the fragrantness of her conversation. Man is an affectionate creature; now the woman’s behaviour should be such towards the man, as to requite his affection by increasing his delectation; that the new-born love may not be ruined before it be rooted. A spouse should carry herself so to her husband, as not to disturb his love by her contention, nor to destroy his love by her alienation. Husband and wife should be like two candles burning together, which makes the house more lightsome; or like two fragrant flowers bound up in one nosegay, that augments its sweetness; or like two well-tuned instruments, which sounding together, make the more melodious music. Husband and wife, what are they but as two springs meeting, and so joining their streams, that they make but one current? It is an unpleasing spectacle to view any contention in that conjunction.

3. To his progeny, by the fruitfulness of her education; that so her children in the flesh may be God’s children in the spirit, 1 Sam. i. 11. Hannah she vows, if the Lord will give her a son, she would give him to the Lord, to serve him. A spouse should be more careful of her children’s breeding, than she should be fearful of her children’s bearing. Take heed, lest these flowers grow in the devil’s garden.--Though you bring them out in corruption, yet do not bring them up to damnation!--Those are not mothers but monsters, that whilst they should be teaching their children the way to heaven with their lips, are leading them the way to hell with their lives. Good education is the best livery you can give them living; and it is the best legacy you can leave them dying. You let out your cares to make them great, O lift up your prayers to make them good, that before you die from them, you may see Christ live in them. Whilst these twigs are green and tender, they should be bowed towards God. Children and servants are in a family, as passengers in a boat; husband and wife, they are as a pair of oars, to row them to their desired haven. Let these small pieces of timber be hewed and squared for the celestial building. By putting a sceptre of grace into their hands, you will set a crown of glory upon their heads.

4. A help to his prosperity, by her faithful preservation, being not a wanderer abroad, but a worker at home. One of the ancients speaks excellently: She must not be a field-wife, like Dinah; nor a street-wife, like Thamar; nor a window-wife, like Jezabel. Phildeas, when he drew a woman, painted her under a snail-shell; that she might imitate that little creature, that goes no further than it can carry its house upon its head. How many women are there, that are not labouring bees, but idle drones; that take up a room in the hive, but bring no honey to it; that are moths to their husbands’ estates, spending when they should be sparing. As the man’s part is, to provide industriously, so the woman’s is, to preserve discreetly; the one must not be carelessly wanting, the other must not be causelessly wanting; the man must be seeking with diligence, the woman must be saving with prudence. The cock and hen both scrape together in the dust-heap, to pick up something for the little chickens. To wind up this on a short bottom.

1. If the woman be a help to the man, then let not the man cast dirt on the woman.

Secundus being asked his opinion of a woman, said, _Viri naufragium, domus tempestas, quietus impedimentum_, &c. But surely he was a monster and not a man; fitter for a tomb to bury him, than a womb to bear him. Some have styled them to be like clouds in the sky; like motes in the sun; like snuffs in the candle; like weeds in the garden. But it is not good to play the butcher with that naked sex, that hath no arms but for embraces. A preacher should not be silent for those who are silent from preaching: because they are the weaker vessels, shall they be broken all to pieces? Thou that sayest women are evil, it may be thy expression flows from thy experience; but I shall never take that mariner for my pilot, that hath no better knowledge than the splitting of his own ship. Wilt thou condemn the frame of all, for the fault of one? As if it were true logic, because some are evil therefore none are good. He hath ill eyes that disdains all objects. To blast thy helper is to blame thy Maker. In a word, we took our rise from their bowels, and may take our rest in their bosoms.

2. Is the woman to be a help to the man? Then let the man be a help to the woman. What makes some debtors to be such ill pay-masters, but because they look at what is owing to them, but not at what is owing by them. If thou wouldst have thy wife’s reverence, let her have thy respect. To force a tear from this relation, is that which neither benefits the husband’s authority to enjoin, nor the wife’s duty to perform. A wife must not be sharply driven, but sweetly drawn. Compassion may bend her, but compulsion will break her. Husband and wife should act towards each other with consent, not by constraint. There are four things wherein the husband is a meet-help to the wife.

1. In his protection of her from injuries. It is well observed by one, that the rib of which woman was made, was taken from under his arm: As the use of the arm is to keep off blows from the body, so the office of the husband is to ward off blows from the wife. The wife is the husband’s treasury, and the husband the wife’s armoury. In darkness he should be her sun, for direction; in danger he should be her shield for protection.

2. In his providing for her necessities. The husband must communicate maintenance to the wife, as the head conveys influence to the members; thou must not be a drone, and she a drudge. A man in a married estate, is like a chamberlain in an inn, there is knocking for him in every room. Many persons in that condition, waste that estate in luxury, which should supply their wife’s necessity. They have neither the faith of a Christian, nor the love of a husband! It is a sad spectacle to see a virgin sold with her own money unto slavery, when services are better than marriages; the one receives wages, whilst the other buy their fetters.

3. In his covering of her infirmities. Who would trample upon a jewel, because it is fallen in the dirt, or throw away a heap of wheat for a little chaff, or despise a golden wedge, because it retains some dross? These roses have some prickles. Now husbands should spread a mantle of charity over their wives’ infirmities. They be ill birds that defile their own nests. It is a great deal better you should fast than feast yourselves upon their failings. Some husbands are never well longer than they are holding their fingers in their wife’s sores. Such are like crows, that fasten only upon carrion. Do not put out the candle because of the snuff. Husbands and wives should provoke one-another to love; and they should love one-another notwithstanding of provocation. Take heed of poisoning those springs from whence the streams of your pleasure flow.

4. By his delighting in her society: a wife takes sanctuary not only in her husband’s house, but in his heart. The tree of love should grow up in the family, as the tree of life grew up in the garden of Eden. They that choose their love, should love their choice. They that marry where they affect not, will affect where they marry not. Two joined together without love, are but tied together to make one another miserable. And so I pass to the last stage of the text, _A help-meet_.