Part 3

Mac Thundel plunged from side to side, But he could n't get out although he tried; Sooth to say, he was thoroughly done-- "Now," said Jack, "we 'll end the fun.

Yon cart rope bring, Ay--that's the thing!" And he cast it o'er the heads so big; A team was at hand, And he drew him to land, While all the spectators cried, "That's the rig!" His falchion gleams aloft in air, It falls; the monster's heads, I ween, Are off as quick as Frenchmen's e'er Were severed by the guillotine.

With shouts of joy the castle rang, And they hied them again to the festal cheer Long life to brave Sir Jack they sang, And they drank his health in floods of beer.

{048}

XVII.

Awhile the hero now reposes, In knightly hall an honoured guest; His brow by beauty crowned with roses, And filled his belly with the best.

But soon the life of idlesse palls, For daring deeds his heart is "game;" "Farewell," he cries, "ye lordly walls!" And starts anew in quest of fame.

Over hill and dale he wends; Fate no fresh adventure sends To reward him for his pains, Till a mountain's foot he gains.

Underneath that hill prodigious Dwelt an anchorite religious: He batter'd the door with divers knocks; He didn't make a little din; And the hermit old, with his hoary locks, Came forth at the summons to let him in "Reverend sire," cried Jack, "I say, Can you lodge a chap who has lost his way? The grey-beard eremite answered "Yea-- That is if thou cans't take 'pot luck.'"

"I rather think I can, old buck!" The hero answer made, and went To supper with no small content.

{049}

XX.

When Jack had eaten all he could, Bespoke him thus the hermit good,- "My son, I think I 'twig' the man Who 'slew the Giant Cormoran.'

On yonder hill-top a regular bad 'un Dwells in a castle just like Haddon (Haddon!--thou know'st its time-worn towers, Drawn by ascertain friend of 'ours'); That Giant's name is Catawampus; And much I fear he soon will swamp us, Unless that arm--" Cried Jack "Enow; He dies!" The hermit said, "Allow Me to remark--you wo n't be daunted-- But know his castle is enchanted; Him aids a sorcerer of might Slockdollagos the villain's hight; They crossed the main from western climes; And here, confederate in crimes (They term them 'notion's'), play their tricks; Bold knights (to use their slang) they 'fix,' Transforming them, at treacherous feasts, With stuff called 'julep,' into beasts.

They served a duke's fair daughter so, Whom they transmuted to a doe; Hither they brought the maid forlorn, On car by fiery dragons borne; To free her, champions not a few Have tried, but found it would n't do;

{050}

Two griffins, breathing sulph'rous fire, Destroy all those who venture nigh her; But thee thy coat will keep secure."

Jack answered gaily, "To be sure; " And swore that when the morning came, He 'd lose his life or free the dame.

XXI.

Now Night o'er earth her pall had spread, And dauntless Jack repaired to bed.

O'er the hero as he slumbers, Spirits hymn aerial numbers; In a chorus manifold, Of the deeds and days of old; Fairy dreams his rest beguile, Till he feels Aurora's smile.

XXII.

"Hallo!" cries Jack, as he awakes, Just as the early morning breaks, And rubs his eyes,-- "'Tis time to-rise."

And ready for mischief he gaily makes.

XXIII.

With the mist of the morning, a little bit More transparent, I trow, than it, He climbs the mountain's craggy side; Anon the castle's lordly pride

{051}

He braves with free and fearless brow, And mutters, "Now then for the row! "

Before the gates on either side, A "formidable shape" he spied; A monstrous griffin right and left, Like to an antediluvian eft; Green of back and yellow of maw, Forked of tongue, and crooked of claw; Belching and snivelling flame and fire,-- A regular pair of chimeras dire.

"Oh!" said Jack, and he made a face, "I never saw such a scaly brace!"

Unharmed he 'scaped, because unseen, Those monsters all so fierce and green; Through files of reptile guards he passed, Scolopendras black and vast; Many a hydra, many a lizard, Heros' tomb its filthy gizzard; Dragon with mouth like Ætna's crater, Crocodile and alligator; Huge spiders and scorpions round him crawled, Monstrous toads before him sprawled; Great rattle-snakes their fangs displayed-- "Hurrah!" he shouted, "who's afraid?"

And now upon the inner gate He reads these mystic words of fate:--

See Page Image==> {051}

{052}

XXIV.

Above the distich hung the trump:- The hero got it with a jump, And shouting gallantly, "Ya--hips!" Applied the mouth-piece to his lips.

A blast he blew,- Asunder flew The portals with a brazen clang: Windows were smashed, And chains were clashed, While a thousand gongs in discord rang.

A voice within, that seemed the note Of some prodigious magpie's throat, In ranc'rous tone cried, "Hallo, now! I say, what means this tarnel row?" And out came Catawampus, cross; Behind him slunk Slockdollagos; The Great Sea Serpent, trailing slim His coils tremendous, after him.

XXV.

Six of the tallest men that e'er Raised in old Kentucky were, Each standing on the other's head, Had scarce o'ertopped the monster dread; The brim of his hat, so considerate, Was half as big round as the King's Round Table; His massive club was a maple's trunk:- He might have made great Arthur "funk."

{053}

Arthur the First, or Arthur the Second, As Arthur oe Wellington may be reckoned. Slockdollagos was rather less, But he was n't very short, I guess:-- He was fashionably drest, In the style of a Wizard of the West.

XXVI.

"Clear off, now," was the Giant's cry; "The oldest man in all Kentucky My father whopp'd--my father, I:-- Absquotilate, and cut your lucky!" Catawampus looked on every side, But not a single soul espied; To the right and left he grimly grinned, Till the trunks of the very trees were skinned.

"Come out!" he bawled, "or I swear I 'll dash Your brains into an immortal smash! Don't raise my dander; if you do, You won't much like me,--_I_ tell you."

XXVII.

Jack laughed this bootless brag to hear, And thus he sang in the Giant's ear:- "Yankee doodle doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy; Prepare your knavish deeds to rue, For know, your fate is handy!"

{054}

XXVIII.

Slockdollagos turned green and blue, But Catawampus in fury flew, And brandished at random his maple stick, Smashing the nose of the wizard "slick Who fetched him in return a kick, Crying, "Hallo! I wish you'd mind; I rather speculate you 're blind."

XXIX.

Catawampus bellowed "Oh! I say, tarnation sieze your toe!" Rubbing the part as he limped and hopped: Jack his legs in sunder chopped.

He fell with an astounding sound, And his castle tottered to the ground. In faith, the most "tremendous fall In tea," to this, was nothing at all.

No wallop'd nigger, to compare Small things, for the nonce, with great, Ever so dismally the air Rent with shrieks, I estimate.

The monstrous Yankee thus laid low, Jack settled his hash with another blow; So he gave up the ghost, and his dying groan Had a "touch of the earthquake" in its tone.

XXX.

Biting his nails, and shaking with fear, The wizard vile was standing near;

{055}

When he saw Catawampus fall and die, He knew that the end of his course was nigh. "My flint," he cried, "is fixed, I snore!" He rent his hair and his garments tore, Blasphemed and cursed, and vowed and swore.

Jack felt half frightened and greatly shocked, When, behold! the mountain rocked:

Sudden night overspread the sky; Pale blue lightnings glimmered by; Roared the thunder, yawned the earth; And with yells of hideous mirth, Mid serpents and skeletons ghastly and dire, The spirits of evil came in fire;- Beelzebub and Zatanai, Asdramelech and Asmodai, Zamiel and Ashtaroth, with legions Of frightful shapes from Pluto's regions; And, the sorceror shrieking with frantic dismay, On the wings of a whilwind they bore him away.

When once again the daylight broke, The castle had vanished away like smoke.

XXXI.

"My eye!" said Jack, a little serious; "Upon my word, that _was_ mysterious!"

But cheers and joyous gratulations Cut short the hero's meditations;

The "deformed transformed" round him press, Knights and ladies numberless;

Who each, as Jack, you know, had heard, The warlock had changed to beast and bird; And who straight had recovered their pristine condition When Old Nick flew away with the wicked magician.

XXXII.

Hurrah! Jack's labours now are done, He hath slain the Giants all, save one; I mean his great uncle; and he's bound o'er To keep the peace for evermore.

XXXIII.

To ancient Yenta's city fair Forthwith the champion makes resort; For Arthur kept his castle there (Still, in the _Nisi Prius_ Court,

The Table Round of his famous hall Gaily flaunts upon the wall).

Through the King's gate he took his way (He had come by sea to Hampton town, Where he called, just "How d' ye do?" to say, On Bevis, knight of high renown).

As he passed through the Close, all the friars, to see him, Came out in canonicals, singing "Te Deum;" As he rode up the High Street, the little boys followed, And they flung up their caps, cheered, and shouted, and halloed. The windows were crowded with ladies so bright, All smiling and waving their kerchiefs of white.

Jack with dignity bowed Right and left to the crowd,

Gracefully mingling the humble and proud.

{057}

XXXIV.

He now before King Arthur's throne, Knelt with obeisance grave; A thousand bright eyes on him shone, As they shine upon the brave.

{058}

"Rise up," the noble Arthur said, "Sir Jack, a Baron bold;" And he placed upon the champion's head A coronet of gold.

"This Princess fair shall be thy bride, Our cousin, by my fay; And let the nuptial knot be tied This morn without delay."

XXXV.

The holy wedding mass was sung, And the cathedral's bells were rung; A banquet was made in the royal hall, And after that there was a ball.

There waltzed Sir Lancelot du Lac, And eke Sir Tristram bold; Likewise the stout Sir Caradoc, "That won the cup of gold."

But none among King Arthur's court, For style, and grace, and air, And noble mien, and knightly port, Could with Sir Jack compare.

XXXVI.

Together with a beauteous mate The King gave Jack a great estate: In bliss the hero, with his wife, Lived the remainder of his life.

"In story shall he live for aye Such is the say of Merlin, sage; And by Saint George! fair England's stay, His name, till time shall pass away, Shall never fade from glory's page. For all your march of intellect, Your pumps so prim, and blues so clever, The useful-knowledge-mongering sect,-- Jack, famous Jack, shall live for ever!