Chapter 4
In a second-class railway carriage.
Time: Same morning as Scene 1, Act I.
Noise, and a scene drawn past the windows. The scene, showing a momentary glimpse of fair English hills, is almost entirely placards, "GIVE HER BOVRIL," "GIVE HER OXO," alternately, for ever.
Occupants, JOHN BEAL, a girl, a man.
All sit in stoical silence like the two images near Luxor. The man has the window seat, and therefore the right of control over the window.
MIRALDA CLEMENT
Would you mind having the window open?
THE MAN IN THE CORNER [shrugging his shoulders in a shivery way]
Er--certainly. [Meaning he does not mind. He opens the window.]
MIRALDA CLEMENT
Thank you so much.
MAN IN THE CORNER
Not at all. [He does not mean to contradict her. Stoical silence again.]
MIRALDA CLEMENT
Would you mind having it shut now? I think it is rather cold.
MAN IN THE CORNER
Certainly.
[He shuts it. Silence again.]
MIRALDA CLEMENT
I think I'd like the window open again now for a bit. It is rather stuffy, isn't it?
MAN IN THE CORNER
Well, I think it's very cold.
MIRALDA CLEMENT
O, do you? But would you mind opening it for me?
MAN IN THE CORNER
I'd much rather it was shut, if you don't mind.
[She sighs, moves her hands slightly, and her pretty face expresses the resignation of the Christian martyr in the presence of lions. This for the benefit of John.]
JOHN
Allow me, madam.
[He leans across the window's rightful owner, a bigger man than he, and opens his window.
MAN IN THE CORNER shrugs his shoulders and, quite sensibly, turns to his paper.]
MIRALDA
O, thank you so much.
JOHN
Don't mention it.
[Silence again.]
VOICES OF PORTERS [Off]
Fan Kar, Fan Kar.
[MAN IN THE CORNER gets out.]
MIRALDA
Could you tell me where this is?
JOHN
Yes. Elephant and Castle.
MIRALDA
Thank you so much. It was kind of you to protect me from that horrid man. He wanted to suffocate me.
JOHN
O, very glad to assist you, I'm sure. Very glad.
MIRALDA
I should have been afraid to have done it in spite of him. It was splendid of you.
JOHN
O, that was nothing.
MIRALDA
O, it was, really.
JOHN
Only too glad to help you in any little way.
MIRALDA
It was so kind of you.
JOHN
O, not at all.
[Silence for a bit.]
MIRALDA
I've nobody to help me.
JOHN
Er, er, haven't you really?
MIRALDA
No, nobody.
JOHN
I'd be very glad to help you in any little way.
MIRALDA
I wonder if you could advise me.
JOHN
I--I'd do my best.
MIRALDA
You see, I have nobody to advise me.
JOHN
No, of course not.
MIRALDA
I live with my aunt, and she doesn't understand. I've no father or mother.
JOHN
O, er, er, really?
MIRALDA
No. And an uncle died and he left me a hundred thousand pounds.
JOHN
Really?
MIRALDA
Yes. He didn't like me. I think he did it out of contrariness as much as anything. He was always like that to me.
JOHN
Was he? Was he really?
MIRALDA
Yes. It was invested at twenty-five per cent. He never liked me. Thought I was too--I don't know what.
JOHN
No.
MIRALDA
That was five years ago, and I've never got a penny of it.
JOHN
Really. But, but that's not right.
MIRALDA [sadly]
No.
JOHN
Where's it invested?
MIRALDA
In Al Shaldomir.
JOHN
Where's that?
MIRALDA
I don't quite know. I never was good at geography. I never quite knew where Persia ends.
JOHN
And what kind of an investment was it?
MIRALDA
There's a pass in some mountains that they can get camels over, and a huge toll is levied on everything that goes by; that is the custom of the tribe that lives there, and I believe the toll is regularly collected.
JOHN
And who gets it?
MIRALDA
The chief of the tribe. He is called Ben Hussein. But my uncle lent him all this money, and the toll on the camels was what they call the security. They always carry gold and turquoise, you know.
JOHN
Do they?
MIRALDA
Yes, they get it from the rivers.
JOHN
I see.
MIRALDA
It does seem a shame his not paying, doesn't it?
JOHN
A shame? I should think it is. An awful shame. Why, it's a crying shame. He ought to go to prison.
MIRALDA
Yes, he ought. But you see it's so hard to find him. It isn't as if it was this side of Persia. It's being on the other side that is such a pity. If only it was in a country like, like...
JOHN
I'd soon find him. I'd... Why, a man like that deserves anything.
MIRALDA
It is good of you to say that.
JOHN
Why, I'd... And you say you never got a penny?
MIRALDA
No.
JOHN
Well, that is a shame. I call that a downright shame.
MIRALDA
Now, what ought I to do?
JOHN
Do? Well, now, you know in business there's nothing like being on the spot. When you're on the spot you can--but then, of course, it's so far.
MIRALDA
It is, isn't it?
JOHN
Still, I think you should go if you could. If only I could offer to help you in any way, I would gladly, but of course...
MIRALDA
What would you do?
JOHN
I'd go and find that Hussein fellow; and then...
MIRALDA
Yes?
JOHN
Why, I'd tell him a bit about the law, and make him see that you didn't keep all that money that belonged to someone else.
MIRALDA
Would you really?
JOHN
Nothing would please me better.
MIRALDA
Would you really? Would you go all that way?
JOHN
It's just the sort of thing that I should like, apart from the crying shame. The man ought to be...
MIRALDA
We're getting into Holborn. Would you come and lunch somewhere with me and talk it over?
JOHN
Gladly. I'd be glad to help. I've got to see a man on business first. I've come up to see him. And then after that, after that there was something I wanted to do after that. I can't think what it was. But something I wanted to do after that. O, heavens, what was it?
[Pause.]
MIRALDA
Can't you think?
JOHN
No. O, well, it can't have been so very important. And yet... Well, where shall we lunch?
MIRALDA
Gratzenheim's.
JOHN
Right. What time?
MIRALDA
One-thirty. Would that suit?
JOHN
Perfectly. I'd like to get a man like Hussein in prison. I'd like... O, I beg your pardon.
[He hurries to open the door. Exit MIRALDA.]
Now what was it I wanted to do afterwards?
[Throws hand to forehead.] O, never mind.
Curtain