Part 2

Young Katy she seemed something Coy, because she would make them eager grow, As knowing thereby she might enjoy what beautiful Damsels long to know, On complements they did not stand, nor did they admire their charming features; For they had another game in hand, which was to pawn these pretty creatures, Creatures, creatures, loving, loving Creatures, which was so charming, fair, and pretty; The Men sneak'd away, and nothing did pay, and was not, was not, that a pity?

Though out of the door they enter'd first, and left them tipling there behind, Those innocent Maids did not mistrust, that Batchelors could be so unkind. Quoth Susan, I know their gone to buy the fairings which we did so require, And they will return I know, for why, they do our youthful charms admire; Therefore, therefore, stay a little longer, and I will sing you a pleasant Ditty, But when they found they were catch'd in the pound, they sigh'd and weep'd the more's the pity.

Now finding the Men return'd no more, and that the good People would not trust, They presently call'd to know the Score, it chanc'd to be fifteen shilling just: Poor Kate had but five pence in her purse, but Sue had a crown besides a guinney; And since the case had happen'd thus, poor Soul she paid it e'ry penny, Penny, Penny, e'ry, e'ry penny, tho' with a sad and doleful Ditty Said she, for this I had not a kiss, and was not, was not that a pity?

Printed for J. Bissel,[F. 12] in West Smithfield.

[Footnote 11: Congées, low bows.]

[Footnote 12: James Bissel lived at the Bible and Harp, by the Hospital Gate, and published between 1685 and 1695.]

[1.] There was a Priest in the Country, which had christned a Child; and when he had christned it, he and the clark were bidden to the drinking that should be there, and thither they went with other people, and being there, the Priest drunk and made so merry that he was quite foxed,[F. 13] and thought to go home before he laid him down to sleep; but having gone a little way, he grew so drowsie, that he could go no further, but laid him down by a ditch side, so that his feet did hang in the water, and lying on his back, the Moon shined in his face: thus he lay till the rest of the Company came from drinking, who as they came home found the Priest lying as aforesaid, and they thought to get him away, but do what they could he would not rise, but said, Do not meddle with me, for I lie very well, I will not stir hence before morning, but I pray you lay some more cloathes on my feet, and blow out the Candle, and let me lie and take my rest.

[Footnote 13: Drunk.]

_In Getam._

_Geta_ from wool and weaving first began, [5.] Swelling and Swelling to a gentleman; When he was gentleman, and bravely dight, He left not swelling till he was a knight; At last forgetting what he was at first, He swole to be a Lord ... and then he burst.

_On Button a Sexton making a grave._

Ye powers above, and heavenly poles, [5.] Are graves become but _Button_ Holes.

[4.] Two Sparks standing together in the Cloysters, seeing a pretty Lady pass by, says one of them, _There goes the handsomest Lady that I ever saw in my Life_; She hearing him, turned back, and seeing him very ugly, said, _Sir I would I could in way of Requital say as much of you_. _Faith_, says he, _so you may, and Lye as I did_.

_On Jack Wiseman._

_Jack Wiseman_ brags his very name, [3.] Proclaims his wit, he's much to blame, To doe the Proverb so much wrong, Which sayes he's wise that holds his tongue; Which makes me contradict the Scooles, And apt to thinke the wise men fools, Yet pardon _Jack_, I hear that now Thou'rt wed, and must thy wit allow, That by a strange [oe]nigma can, Make a light Woman a _Wiseman_.

_Of a Woman's Kindnesse to her Husband._

One that had lived long by lewdest shifts, [6.] Brought to the Court that Corne from Cockle[F. 14] sifts Adiudged, first to lye a yeere in fetters, Then burned in his forhead with two letters, And to disparage him with more disgrace, To slit his nose, the figure of his face. The prisoners wife with no dishonest mind, To shew herselfe unto her husband kind, Sued humbly to the Lords, and would not cease, Some part of this sharp rigour to release. He was a man (she said) had serv'd in Warre, What mercy would a Souldiers face so marre. Thus much said she, but gravely they replied, It was great mercy that he thus was tried: His crimes deserve he should have lost his life, And hang in chaines; Alas, reply'd the wife, If you disgrace him thus, you quite undo him, Good my Lords, hang him, pray be good unto him.

[Footnote 14: The _Agrostemna githago_, Linn.]

[1.] There were once too men that were both masterless and moneyless, & one said to the other, What remedy canst thou now find out, that we may either get some meat or money? By my troth (qd. the other) I do know a very fine shift, (& being very early in the morning they espyed a man coming with Hogs). Lo, yonder cometh a man with Hogs, and I will tell him that they be sheep, and I will cause him to lay a Wager with me, whether they be Sheep or Hogs: & I will cause the matter to be judged by the next man that cometh, but then thou must go another way & meet with us; when we demand of thee whether they be sheep or hogs, thou must say that they be sheep. Then they separated themselves the one from the other, and the one went to meet the man that had the Swine, bidding him good morrow; the man doing the like to him again. Then he said to the old man, Father, where had you your fair sheep. What sheep qd the man; these sheep that you drive before you: Why, qd the old man, they are swine. What (qd. the other) will you make me a fool? think you I know not Sheep from Swine? Marry (qd. the old man) I will lay one of my Swine against what thou wilt, that they be no Sheep. I hold thee my coat against one of thy sheep qd. the other. I am content qd the old man, by whom shall we be tryed? By the next man that meets us. Content, said the old man; and then they perceived the man coming being the fellow of the young man. And when he came to them the old man requested him to tel them what beasts those were? Why (qd. he) they be sheep, do you not know sheep? I told him so (qd. the other young man) but he would not believe me, so I laid my Coat upon a Wager that they were sheep, and he laid me one of his sheep against my Coat that they were Swine; and I won it have I not? Yea (qd. the old man,) but God help me, I bought them for Swine. And then the young man took one of the fattest hogs he could find amongst them all, & carryed him away, and his fellow went another way, as though he had not known him, and the poore man returned again to the place where he had bought them.

What became of him afterward I cannot tell: only thus much I know, that he was deceived by those two crafty fellows of one of his hogs. But they immediately met one the other again, and sold the hog for Money, and rejoyced that they fared so well (not knowing how to have otherwise sustained their wants).

_Of Marcus._

When Marcus fail'd a borrowed sum to pay, [5.] Unto his friend at the appointed day: 'Twere superstition for a man he sayes, To be a strict observer of set dayes.

The industrious Smith wherin is showne, [11.] How plain dealing is overthrown, That let a man do the best that he may, An idle huswife will work his decay, Yet art is no burthen; tho ill we may speed, Our labour will help us in time of our need.

To the Tune of _Young Man remember delights are but vain_.

There was a poor Smith liv'd in a poor town, That had a loving wife bonny and brown, And though he were very discreet and wise, Yet he would do nothing without her advice; His stock it grew low, full well did he know, He told his wife what he intended to do, Quoth he, sweet wife, if I can prevail, I will shoo horses, and thou shalt sell Ale.

I see by my labour but little I thrive, And that against the stream I do strive By selling of Ale some money is got, If every man honestly pay for his pot: By this we may keep the wolf from the door, And live in good fashion though now we live poor, If we have good custom, we shall have quick sale, So may we live bravely by selling of Ale.

Kind husband, quoth she, let be as you said, It is the best motion that ever you made, A Stan[F. 15] of good Ale, let me have in, A dozen of good white bread in my Bin; Tobacco likewise we must not forget, Men will call for it when malt's above wheat. When once it is known, then ore hill and dale, Men will come flocking to taste of our Ale.

They sent for a wench, her name it was _Besse_, And her they hired to welcome their guesse,[F. 16] They took in good Ale, and many things mo, The Smith had got him two strings to his bow: Good fellows came in, and began for to rore, The Smith he was never so troubled before, But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl, These things must be, if we sell Ale.

The Smith went to his work every day, But still one or other would call him away, For now he had got him the name of an Host, It cost him many a Pot and a Toste. Beside much precious time he now lost, And thus the poor Smith was every day crost, But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl These things must be if we sell Ale.

Men run on the score, and little they paid, Which made the poor Smith be greatly dismaied, And bonny _Besse_ though she were not slack To welcome her guesse, yet things went to wrack; For she would exchange a pot for a kisse, Which any fellow should seldom times misse. But quoth the good Wife, sweet hart do not rayl, These things must be if we sell Ale.

The Smith went abroad, at length hee came home, And found his maid and man in a room, Both drinking together foot to foot, To speak unto them he thought was no boot: For they were both drunk and could not reply, To make an excuse as big as a lye. But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl, These things must be if we sell Ale.

He came home again and there he did see His Wife kindly sitting on a man's knee, And though he said little, yet he thought the more, And who can blame the poor Wittall therfore. He hug'd her and kist her though Vulcan stood by, Which made him to grumble, and look all awry. But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl, These things must be, if we sell Ale.

A Sort of Saylers were drinking one night, And when they were drunk began for to fight, The Smith came to part them, as some do report, And for his good will was beat in such sort That he could not lift his arms to his head, Nor yet very hardly creep up to his bed. But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl, These things must be if we sell Ale.

The Smith by chance a good fellow had met, That for strong Ale was much in his debt, He ask't him for money; quoth he, by your leave, I owe you no money, nor none you shall have. I owe to your wife, and her I will pay; The Smith he was vext and departed away. Alas who can blame him, if now he do rayl, For these things must be if we sell Ale.

* * * * *

A flock of good fellows, all Smiths by their trade, Within a while after a holiday made, Unto the Smith's house they came then with speed, And there they were wondrous merry indeed, With my pot and thy pot to make the score hier, Mine Host was so drunk he fell in the fire. But quoth the good Wife, sweet hart do not rayl, These things must be if we sell Ale.

* * * * *

But men ran so much with him on the score, That Vulcan at last grew wondrous poor, He owed the Brewer and Baker so much, They thretned to arrest him, his case it was such; He went to his Anvill, to my pot and thine, He turn'd out his Maid, he pul'd down his Signe, But O (quoth the good Wife) why should we fail, These things should not be, if we sell Ale.

The Smith and his boy went to work for some chink, To pay for the liquor which others did drink Of all trades in London few break as I heare, That sell Tobacco, strong Ale and good Beer, They might have done better, but they were loth To fill up their measure with nothing but froth. Let no Ale-house keeper at my Song rayl, These things must be if they sell Ale.

Humfrey Crowch.[F. 17]

FINIS.

London. Printed for RICHARD HARPER[F. 18] in Smithfield.

[Footnote 15: A Stand of Ale was a beer barrel set on end.]

[Footnote 16: Guests.]

[Footnote 17: Of Humphrey Crowch or Crouch little is known, but we know he published many ballads and books of the chap-book order; among the former is the Mad Man's Morrice, and among the latter is England's Jests refin'd. He certainly wrote from 1637 to 1687.]

[Footnote 18: Richard Harper published from 1635 to 1642.]

[8.] _Jack Roberts_ was desired by his Taylour, when the reckoning grew somewhat high, to have a Bill of his hand. _Roberts_ said, I am content, but you must let no man know it; when the Taylour brought him the Bill, he tore it as in choler, and said to him, _You use me not well, you promised me that no man should know it, and here you have put in: Be it known unto all Men by these Presents_.

[1.] A Certain Butcher was flaying a Calf at night and had stuck a lighted Candle upon his head, because he would be the quicker about his business, and when he had done, he thought to take the same Candle to light him to bed: but he had forgot where he had set it, and sought about the House for it, and all the while it stuck in his Cap upon his head, and lighted him in seeking it. At the last one of his fellows came and asked him what he sought for? Marry, (quoth he) I look for the Candle which I did flay the Calf withal. Why, thou fool, qd. he, thou hast a Candle in thy Cap: and then he felt towards his Cap, and took away the Candle burning, whereat there was great laughing and he mocked for his labour, as he was well worthy.

A rich man, and's Wife, [12.] Were every day at strife, And each wisht t'other in the Grave; But their good Son and Heir Begg'd God grant their Prayer, That both their desires they might have.

One _Hart_, that was Wild [12.] Got a woman with Child, But the Justice did take his part; Then she cry'd and did mumble, Sayes the Justice de'e grumble? No, I grieve, Sir, and lay it to _Hart_.

[4.] Just after the late Kings Restauration, when going to Church came to be in fashion, an old Woman was advised by her Neighbours to go to Church; for fear of being Presented, she was resolved to go once a month to save her Bacon: So Dressing herself very fine, she came into the Church, just at the Expiration of the Letany, and the Parson having said, _Lord have Mercy upon us_, and then the People Responding thereto, she Cryed out aloud, _I never was here before in my Life, and since you make such a Wonderment at it I will never come again_.

_On Sextus._

Sextus doth wish his wife in heaven were [5.] Where can shee have more happines than there?

_The Rurall Dance about the_ May-pole.[F. 19]

_The Tune the first Figure dance at_ Mr Young's Ball _in_ May 1671

Come lasses and ladds, [13.] Take leave of your Dadds, And away to the _May-pole_ hey; For every he Has got him a she With a Minstrill standing by. For _Willy_ has gotten his _Jill_, And _Jonny_ has got his _Jone_, To jigg it, jigg it, jigg it, jigg it, Jigg it up and down.

Strike up sayes _Wat_ Agreed sayes _Kate_, And I prethee Fidler play, Content sayes _Hodge_, And so sayes _Madge_, For this is a Holliday. Then every man did put His Hat off to his Lasse, And every Girle did curchy, Curchy, curchy on the Grasse.

Begin sayes _Hall_. [F. 20] I. I says _Mall_ Wee'l lead up _Packingtons_[F. 21] pound No, no, says _Noll_ And so says _Doll_ Wee'l first have _Sellengers_[F. 22] round: Then every man began To foot it round about, And every Girle did jet it, Jet it, jet it in and out

Y'are out, says _Dick_, 'Tis a lye, says _Nick_, The Fidler play'd it false; 'Tis true says _Hugh_, And so says _Sue_, And so says nimble _Alice_; The Fidler then began To play the Tune agen, And every Girle did trip it, Trip it, trip it to the men.

Let's kiss says _Jane_, Content, says _Nan_ And so says every she How many says _Batt_, Why three says _Matt_, For that's a maiden's fee; But they instead of three Did give 'em halfe a score, And they in kindnesse gave 'em, Gave 'em, gave 'em as many more.

Then after an hour, They went to a bower, And play'd for Ale and Cakes, And kisses too Untill they were due, The Lasses kept the stakes. The Girles did then begin To quarrel with the men, And bid 'em take their kisses back And give 'em their own agen.

Yet there they sate Until it was late And tyr'd the Fidler quite, With singing and playing Without any paying, From morning untill night. They told the fidler then, They'd pay him for his play, And each a 2 pence, 2 pence, 2 pence, Gave him and went away.

[Footnote 19: For tune see Appendix.]

[Footnote 20: Ay, ay.]

[Footnote 21: This tune certainly was known in Queen Elizabeth's time, for it occurs in her Virginal book, and Chappell says, "It probably took its name from Sir John Packington, commonly called 'lusty Packington,' the same who wagered that he would swim from the Bridge at Westminster, _i.e._ Whitehall Stairs, to that at Greenwich for the sum of £3000. 'But the good Queen, who had particular tenderness for handsome fellows, would not permit Sir John to run the hazard of the trial.'"]

[Footnote 22: Or St. Leger's round, was thought by Sir John Hawkins to be the oldest country dance now extant, and is to be found in Queen Elizabeth's Virginal book.]

[4.] A Minister finding his Parishioners to be Ignorant, was resolv'd to Examine and Instruct them at home; so going to an Ancient Womans House, amongst other Questions, he asked her how many Commandments there were? She told him she could not tell: he told her there were Ten: Whereat she replied, _A Jolly Company! God Bless you and them both together._ Well, but, Neighbour, (says he) Do you think you can keep these Commandments? _Ah! God bless you, Sir_, (said she) _I am a poor Woman, and can hardly keep my self; I hope you will not put me to the Charge of keeping any of the Commandments for you_.

_On Charismus._

Thou hast compos'd a book, which neither age [5.] Nor future time shall hurt through all their rage, For how can future times or age invade That work, which perished as soone as made.

A man did surmise [12.] That another mans eyes Were both of a different frame; For if they had been Matches, Then, alas, poor wretches, His Nose would a set 'em in a flame.

[8.] Master _Mason_ of _Trinity_ Colledge, sent his Pupil to another of the Fellows to borrow a Book of him, who told him _I am loath to lend my Books out of my Chamber, but if it please thy Tutor to come and read upon it in my Chamber, he shall as long as he will_. It was winter, and some daies after the same Fellow sent to Mr _Mason_ to borrow his Bellows, but Master _Mason_ said to his Pupil, _I am loath to lend my Bellows out of my Chamber, but if thy Tutor would come and blow the Fire in my Chamber he shall as long as he will_.

_Of a drunken Smith._

I heard that _Smug_ the Smith for Ale and Spice, [6.] Sold all his tooles, and yet he kept his Vice.

When Lynus meetes me, after Salutations, [6.] Curtesies, complements, and gratulations, He presseth me unto the third deniall, To lend him twenty shillings or a ryall;[F. 23] But, with his curt'sies, of his purpose fayling He goes behind my backe cursing and railing. Foole, thy kind speeches cost thee not a penny, And more foole I, if they should cost me enny.

[Footnote 23: Value ten shillings.]

[4.] A Minister going to one of his Parishioners he asked her, who made her? She reply'd, She did not know: A Child standing by, he asked him the same Question, who Answered, God; whereupon the Parson Reproving the Old Woman, told her it was a shame that she should be so Ignorant, who had lived to those Years, and that little Child could tell. _Marry_, quoth she, _I am an old Woman, and have been made a great while, and he was made but t'other day, he may well tell who made him_.

I went to the Tavern, and then, [13.] I went to the Tavern, and then, I had good store of Wine, And my Cap full of coyne And the world went well with me then, then, And the world went well with me then.

I went to the Tavern agen When I ran on the score And was turn'd out o' th' door And the world went ill with me then, then, &c.

When I was a Batchelor then, I had a Saddle and a Horse, And I took my own Course, And the world went well with me then, then &c.

But when I was marry'd, O then My Horse and my Saddle Were turn'd to a Cradle, And the world went ill with me then, then, &c.

When I brought her home mony, then She never would pout, But clip me about, And the world went well with me then, then, &c.

But when I was drunk, O then, She'd kick, she'd fling, Till she made the house ring, And the world went ill with me then, then &c.

So I turn'd her away, and then, I got me a Miss To Clip and to kiss, And the world went ill with me then, then &c.

I took my wife home agen, But I chang'd her note For I cut her throat. And the world went well with me then, then, &c.

But when it was known, O then, In a two wheeld Charret To _Tiburn_ I was carry'd, And the world went ill with me then, then, &c.

But when I came there, O then, They forc't me to swing To heaven in a string. And the world went well with me then, then &c.

[1.] There was a man in the Country, who had not been any far Traveller, and dwelt far from any Church except a Church that was seven or eight miles from his house, and there they never sung Mass nor Even song, but did ever say it. And on a time he came to _London_, having never been here before, & being in _London_ he went to _Pauls_ Church, & went into the Chappel, where they sung Mass with Organs, and when he heard the melody of the Organs and the singing together, that he never heard before, he thought he should have gone to Heaven by and by, and looked, and said aloud that every one heard, O Lord, shall I go to heaven presently? I would thou wouldest let me alone till I might go home and fetch my white stick and black hood, and then I would go gladly with thee. Where at all the people laughed heartily.

_Sorte tuâ contentus._

If adverse fortune bring to passe [5.] And will that thou an asse must bee, Then be an asse, and live an asse, For out of question wise is hee That undergoes with humble mind The state that chance hath him assign'd.

A Fellow told his Friends. [12.] That a Pudding had two ends; But that's a lye, sayes another; Do but think agen, And you'l find it begin At one end, and ends at t'other.

If that from Glove you take the letter G [14.] Then glove is love, and that I send to thee.

[15.] THE JOLLY WELSH WOMAN

Who drinking at the Sign of the _Crown_ in _London_, found a Spring in her Mugg, for Joy of which hur Sung the praise of Old _England_ resolving never to return to _Wales_ again.

Tune of, _Hey brave_ Popery &c.

Licensed according to Order.