Chapter XVII.

_MANNERS IN SOCIETY._

SUGGESTIONS FOR LESSONS.

1. When a request is to be made, no matter how slight, it should be given in the form of a request and not of a command. Such expressions as “Please” and “Will you be so kind?” should be very frequently used. When a request has been complied with, “Thank you” should never be forgotten.

2. Gentlemen should not remain seated when there are ladies or older people standing in the room. No young people should remain seated when by so doing they oblige older people to stand. Young people should not occupy the easiest chairs nor the most comfortable places in a room when older people are present.

3. Whispering in company is ill-mannered. Laughing at something not understood by the whole company, or at least by all who would notice the laughing, is very impolite. Exchanging glances or meaning smiles is rude. Boisterous laughter is always rude.

4. If asked to sing or play or to contribute in any legitimate way to the entertainment of company, one should, if possible, comply with the request without waiting to be urged. When one is trying to entertain a company, the company should give respectful attention, never annoying the performer by whispering or talking or moving about. When games are proposed, unless there is some reason for not doing so, every one who is invited to join in them should do so with right good will. Good manners are based on kindness, and a kind heart will lead any one to contribute as much as possible to the enjoyment of all.

5. One should give respectful and kindly attention to another who is talking to him. No matter if the conversation is not of great interest, it should be listened to without interruption. This is especially true when elderly people talk to those younger. When it is necessary to discontinue the conversation, one should ask to be excused. When two people begin to talk at the same time, each should be ready with an “Excuse me,” or “I beg pardon,” to yield the privilege of speaking first to the other.

6. It is a mark of good manners to show courtesy to servants or to any in humble stations in life. A polite request is always better than a stern command. Whoever shows disregard of the feelings of a servant or one in humble station, gives unmistakable proof of ill-breeding.

7. It is courteous to commend what is commendable. One should take pains to express commendation in words to the one who deserves it. This is really no more than common politeness. Many find it easy to speak words of blame, but do not seem to think what gratification a word of deserved praise affords.

REMINDERS.

1. When asked a question to be answered by Yes or No it is considered more polite to say “Yes, Mrs. A.” than “Yes, ma’am.” “Yes, sir” and “No, sir” are allowable, but “Yes, Mr. A.” is better. When something is said, and the one to whom it is said does not hear or understand, the following questions are proper: “Sir?” “I beg pardon,” “What did you say, Mrs. A.?” When a person’s name is spoken before a question is asked, the response should be “Sir?” or “Yes, Mrs. A.?”

2. When entering a private house gentlemen should remove their hats. Any one should remove rubbers. Umbrella, hat, overcoat, or waterproof should be left in the hall.

3. In entering a parlor, host and hostess should be first sought out and spoken to. If the family only be present, the one entering may properly shake hands with all. This is partly a matter of choice, but if it is either a formal or an informal call (not a business call) it is highly proper. When the company is large, it is unnecessary. The same direction applies in leaving.

4. When in company or when making a call, lounging or rocking should not be indulged in. Sitting with the chair tipped in any way, or with the feet on the rounds of the chair, is not allowable. Ladies should not sit with the feet or knees crossed. Gentlemen should not sit with the feet elevated. The feet should remain on the floor, and should be as inconspicuous as possible. No one should sit with the feet far apart.

5. Fumbling or fussing with the watch-chain or with a ribbon or anything else should be avoided; also drumming with the fingers or twirling things. When the hands are not necessarily occupied they should be kept quiet. The same may be said of the feet. Swinging the feet or keeping them in motion or prominently in sight is not proper. Constant and unnecessary motion of hands or feet gives one an appearance of restlessness which is not at all conducive to elegance of manner. Repose of manner should be cultivated.

6. Avoid passing directly in front of people when possible. It is better, however, to pass in front of others with a “Pardon me,” or “Excuse me,” than to crowd behind them. A gentleman should allow a lady to pass through a door before him, holding it open for her, if necessary. Gentlemen should go up-stairs before a lady, and behind her in coming down.

7. It is rude to stare at people in company, especially if they are peculiar in any way. Seem not to notice any deformity or any peculiarity of dress or manner. Remember the Golden Rule.

8. Demonstrations of affection are out of place in company or anywhere else in public. Girls should not sit or walk with their arms about each other, or clasp hands, or lean against each other. A gushing manner is silly and impolite.

9. Reading to one’s self in company is not excusable. Reading aloud is still worse, unless by special request.

10. When strangers are to be presented to each other, the directions are as follows: Gentlemen should be presented to ladies (as, Miss B., allow me to present Mr. C.), young men to elderly men, young women to elderly women. People who have been introduced should make some conversation with each other, and not turn rudely away without a word.

11. When people make calls they should inquire at the door for those whom they wish to see. They should also send in their names if unknown to the one who comes to the door. When callers enter a room, persons in the room not inquired for should soon leave. No member of the family should enter the room when one is receiving calls unless it is very necessary, and then an apology should be offered.