Chapter I.

_GENERAL DIRECTIONS FOR TEACHING MANNERS._

=1.= In teaching manners to young children there is no better example to be followed than that of a careful mother, who takes advantage of incidents of every-day life to impress a truth upon the mind of her child. By such means the ideal standard is kept in close relation to the child’s conduct until it is taken up and assimilated into his nature. For this reason it is better to begin the definite teaching of manners with reference to the school, and as far as possible to allow actual occurrences to suggest or illustrate the point to be considered. The lesson that will fit the needs of the occasion is the most effective. Just here it may be remarked that, within bounds, a teacher is justified in taking advantage of these opportunities, even if it somewhat disturbs the formality of a rigid programme of school-work.

=2.= The mother’s method may be followed still farther in making the definite lesson as informal as possible. Questions should be asked to awaken thought, and the lesson should partake more of the nature of a familiar conversation than of a school exercise. Pupils should be allowed to tell what they know on certain points, and new truths should be “developed” as in other subjects.

=3.= The instruction to older pupils may be given in a similar manner, but less simply; or the item may be read with or without comment. This lesson serves to instruct those ignorant of prevailing forms, and to keep the matter before the minds of others who are better informed. When pupils are old enough, if not provided with a text-book on manners, it is well for them to make a note of the directions given.

=4.= The time given to this subject must be regulated by the other work in the school. A few minutes daily will amount to a great deal in the course of years.

=5.= A plan that has been successfully pursued is to allow ten minutes for the opening exercises of school, and to make a brief lesson in manners a part of these exercises. It is not the aim of the author that the illustrative lessons shall be arbitrarily followed. That would be to aim at an impossibility. If success is expected, it is even more necessary in this branch than in others that the work be stamped with the individuality of the teacher. There must also be a certain compass of expression and force and earnestness of manner in giving these lessons which cannot be imparted to the printed page.

=6.= Brevity is essential, as the effect sought would be lost if the lesson became tiresome. Moreover, it is not intended to add to the already overburdened curriculum of most schools. Teachers should exercise care in selecting items adapted to the age and capacity of their pupils. It is needless to add that as far as there is opportunity teachers should see that precept and practice go hand-in-hand.

SPECIAL DIRECTIONS TO TEACHERS.

=1.= =The manners of pupils are usually similar to those of the teacher.= It is therefore of the utmost importance that he should himself exemplify true courtesy, because he will be imitated. His whole bearing and manner in the presence of pupils should be above criticism. If not conversant with the details of a code of manners, it is obligatory upon him to become so, and to conform his manners to it.

=2.= =A high and loud tone of voice= should not have place in a school-room.

There is perhaps no more unrefining influence unconsciously exerted by a teacher than that of a loud voice. Emerson says, “Loudness is rude, quietness always genteel,” and in nothing is the truth more apparent than in the voice. As children are close imitators, if teachers speak in a loud and dictatorial manner, so will their pupils.

A teacher’s voice should be as melodious as nature permits, and its effect should be heightened by all the modulations and intonations used in polite conversation. Suitable language _voiced_ in this manner not only has a most refining influence on the character and manners of pupils, but is often the only instrumentality needed in the formal “government” of the school.

=3.= =A teacher should assume no attitude in a school-room which is not proper for the pupils.= Here again the natural propensity of children to imitate should be remembered. Teachers have been known to censure children for carelessness in posture when they themselves were guilty of the same. There is no instruction of this kind so impressive as that of example, and if teachers wish their pupils to be patterns of propriety in attitude, motions, actions, they themselves must furnish the model.

=4.= =Teachers should not be careless in personal habits.= Besides formal instruction relative to habits of cleanliness and tidiness, the teacher should show the importance of these habits by strict adherence to them. Teachers should dress neatly and in good taste. This does not necessarily involve expense. There should be no gaudiness of dress, but due attention should be paid to harmony of color and suitableness of fabric, and garments should be made in prevailing styles. Attention to these details will help to refine the tastes of pupils.

=5.= =Teachers should watch their tones and words with great care.= It is not enough that expressions should be grammatical, but they should be devoid of anything inelegant. All proprieties of speech should be observed, even (or especially) with the youngest children. _Severe_ expressions, arising from lack of self-control on the part of the teacher, are productive of demoralization in the school, and have a most unrefining effect on the pupils.

Let teachers observe the direction which they give to their pupils,--

“Guard well while you are young Ear and eye and _tongue_,--”

and it will be much more effectual than the memorizing of the couplet. A polite request is at any time more refining and effective than a stern command. Instead of saying “Do this” or “Do that,” if teachers make a practice of asking “Will you kindly do this?” or “Please do that,” they will find their wishes more cheerfully complied with, and less selfishness displayed in the requests made by pupils.

=6.= =Teachers should not only guard their words, but the expression of their countenances.= The expression should be pleasant and indicative of kindness and common sense. A stolid expression or constant smiling are both exceedingly objectionable in a school-room, as elsewhere.

Children are very susceptible either to smiles or frowns, and both should be used with discretion. Approving smiles, like approving words, may be given as rewards, but a too liberal use detracts from their value. It may seem to be setting up an ideal standard to say that when in the school-room an angry or a petulant look should never come upon a teacher’s face. It is sometimes necessary to express regret, sorrow, or severity in this manner, but anger and irritability never, as that shows lack of self-control; and one of the serious results of such a lack is impoliteness.

=7.= =Teachers should not indulge in modes of discipline that are unrefining in their tendencies.= Happily the old barbaric modes of punishment are passing away. If complete abolition of corporal punishment does not seem feasible, any teacher ought to be possessed of sufficient delicacy and refinement to avoid making such punishment public. It should _never_ be inflicted in the presence of the school.

PRACTICAL TRAINING IN MANNERS.

=1.= Ask the children daily to tell what opportunity they have improved of being kind and polite.

=2.= The teacher should remark on any improvement shown by the pupils, and lead pupils to talk of it. It is well to allow them to talk without restraint so as to obtain their real opinions. Tact will be needed to ward off a feeling of self-gratulation or conceit, which may otherwise be brought out when pupils tell of their own polite acts.

=3.= Impress pupils with the idea that good manners is one of the subjects pursued in the schools, and that it will help them in life, and that practice shows progress in this particular branch.

=4.= Without seeming to demand it, teachers should lead children to offer them any service that is _not menial_. Such attentions as disposing of wraps, umbrellas, etc., fetching them when needed, picking up things accidentally dropped, handing crayon, eraser, etc., lifting or moving things, offering a chair, helping to put things in their places at the close of school, should be rendered to teachers by pupils. If, at first, in order to make children see what offices are proper, the teacher must ask for them, it should be as one would ask an equal, and not a servant; and any service rendered should be most politely acknowledged.

=5.= The older children should be made to understand the propriety of assuming some responsibility over the younger. This is almost universally practiced in schools where “busy work” is done, when the older pupils help to distribute materials for such work, and to assist in its execution. They should also assist those who need aid in putting on or taking off wraps, overshoes, etc. Children should understand that girls need not necessarily assist girls, and boys boys, but that help should be offered and accepted, as is convenient.

=6.= Children should be encouraged to try to settle disputes or to quell disorder in any form. This does not imply a system of monitorship. As young children are pleased to do these things, it needs tact and watchfulness on the teacher’s part to keep down an overbearing or officious spirit. This may be accomplished by appointing certain pupils for a definite length of time, and by removing them from “office” when they exceed their authority. These advisers are not to be encouraged in tale-bearing. It should be considered just cause for removal, unless the tale is told in order to get the teacher’s advice as to the best mode of settling a difficulty.

=7.= Pupils should be trained to receive and entertain those who come to visit the schools. They should entertain as politely in a school-room as in a parlor. When visitors come, a pupil should answer the bell, politely invite the company to enter, find them comfortable seats, take their wraps if they wish to dispose of them, and offer any other attention the occasion may seem to demand. To do this properly at the time implies previous training--pupils acting as visitors. In this as in other things, officiousness on the part of pupils should be guarded against. Give opportunities to all pupils in turn to show these attentions.

=8.= Whenever it is possible, every direction in manners should be exemplified in the school-room. When the school-room does not furnish illustrations, directions should be made as real as possible to the youngest pupils, as, for instance, they should actually be shown how to hold the fork, how to drink from a tumbler, how to enter a room, etc.

=9.= The polite phrases of society should be used by the teacher to the pupil, and vice versa.

In the discipline of the school, when children have had training in good manners, the question “Is this polite?” will oftentimes prove more effectual than a severe reprimand. This has been demonstrated by actual experience, even in schools difficult of control.