CHAPTER XII

AN EVENING AT THE PHONOGRAPH

A CONCERT AT HOME

TO possess a gramophone or phonograph is to be already furnished with the means of giving a very successful and pleasurable entertainment. There are so many “entertainments” that do not entertain, and so many “amusements” that do not amuse, that it is a distinct relief to know where to turn when a mixed party of guests have honored you with their presence.

With the number of gramophones, phonographs, talking-machines and zonophones now on the market, it is not the object of this chapter to specialize any particular make or type of article. As in most things, quality means expense, and there is little use in hoping for fine results from a cheap machine. Any respectable dealer will give useful advice as to the type of gramophone worth buying, and it must be left with you to make your own choice.

Presuming you have obtained your machine and accustomed yourself to the manipulation of its various parts, the next point to be considered is how a successful programme may be carried out for an entertainment.

In nothing, perhaps, is that old adage that “tastes differ” so true as in music. One person may shiver with disgust at everything but Bach, whilst her neighbor probably can appreciate nothing but old ballads; or whereas paterfamilias beats time ecstatically to the familiar old pieces of Verdi and Rossini which he remembers from his boyhood, his cultivated son is impatient for something out of “Elektra.”

Now it is the business of the entertainer to satisfy and please all these people--to send none away empty, but to make each person feel what a pleasant evening he or she has had. Whilst fully recognizing the difficulty of producing this result, it is hoped that the following hints may serve to render the construction of a catholic programme a little easier than would at first appear.

Records are of two kinds--instrumental and vocal. By blending these successfully a very charming variety can be obtained which will materially assist in keeping the programme from lapsing into sameness.

Commence with a stirring overture or a rousing march that will set the feet of your audience itching to mark time. Avoid anything dreamy or languorous; let their attention be attracted by a bold stroke, by the rattle of drums and the blaring of cornets and trombones. Sousa’s marches, the “Stars and Stripes” for instance, are admirable pieces to start the evening with, arousing the attention and stirring the blood of every healthy person in the room.

Having now excited the interest of your audience, give them some vocal music. Choose a good quartette of well-known singers in a selection or song from some up-to-date opera, or even from one of the old Italian favorites. “The Barber of Seville,” “La Bohême,” or “La Tosca,” all provide very fine quartettes.

The next piece might be a good instrumental solo, on violin, ’cello, piccolo or clarionet. Let it be short and characteristic; preferably a piece fairly well known to the majority of your audience.

At this point it may be remarked that people invariably like hearing what they already know. The gramophone is more generally appreciated when it reproduces a song or piece of music that the audience has heard before; whilst the machine is scarcely suitable for the introduction of wholly new music. Of course it is impossible to form an entire programme on these lines, but when making the selection of records, if you bear this fact in mind it will save you from obtaining a number of outlandish pieces, if one may so style them, which the majority of your company has never heard before and will be little likely to wish to hear again.

After the instrumental solo, it will be suitable to have a vocal solo--say a soprano. Again, select a good artist and a good song, for it is at this point that your fiercest critics will be upon the lookout. Do your best to disappoint them of their prey by having none but the best singers; and only then at their very best!

HUMOROUS SONGS

With a mixed company humorous songs are usually appreciated, and one may be very well introduced at this point. The greatest care must be exercised in avoiding anything that the most squeamish person might think objectionable. The number of perfectly harmless and refined comic songs is great, but unfortunately the number of vulgar songs is greater. Accept nothing, therefore, that you have not heard yourself and know to be perfectly suitable.

A good piano solo may now be very serviceable, or even a piano and violin duet. A piece of Chopin or Schumann, a short piece of Godard, or the like, is sure to be appreciated. The most carping of critics will be unable to find fault with the execution of Paderewski, Hoffman, or other great pianists, all of whose records are easily obtainable.

A popular item from one of the current operas or musical comedies will then be acceptable. If the works of Sullivan are too antiquated, records of the more recent pieces recently running at the theaters can easily be had. “Our Miss Gibbs,” “The Dollar Princess,” or the “Arcadians”--all will help to furnish you with some variety in the programme. Choose a favorite that will bring up pleasant recollections to all who have seen the original play.

A tenor and bass duet may follow the above admirably, something rather pathetic--a love song or the like. The task of making a choice amongst so many songs of this class would be invidious, and it is left to the taste and opportunities of the entertainer to select what seems best for the occasion.

It is now time for another piece of orchestral music, and a good waltz is suggested--“The Merry Widow,” or something of that kind, played by a good band, and of a rather catchy nature.

If you divide the entertainment into two parts, the familiar intermezzo of the “Cavalleria Rusticana” makes a very suitable overture for the second part. Obtain it on a good orchestra, and not as a piano or violin solo. Failing this any of Puccini’s overtures are good for such an occasion.

The second part of the programme should be constructed on very much the same principles as the first. A few classical pieces can be introduced--Wagner and Grieg, Schubert and Elgar, and similar contrasts.

Tenor, bass, soprano and contralto solos should be fitted in between the heavier items, whilst instrumental solos are generally highly appreciated amongst really musical audiences. Do not let the selections be too long, however.

Before closing the entertainment with “The Star Spangled Banner,” have a good orchestral waltz to put every one in good humor.

GENERAL ARRANGEMENTS

And now for a few hints as to the actual performance. Do not be too ready to give encores. Many people really dislike to hear a thing twice, and unless you see there is a very general desire amongst your audience for a repetition, pass on to the next item immediately.

Have the seats comfortably arranged, and see that every one is seated before beginning your programme. Copies of the programme should be handed to each person present, and the name and number announced before starting the machine. Be careful that no hitch occurs in the arrangements.

Remember that the greatest of artists can be called to your assistance--Caruso, Melba, Patti, Albani, Tamagno (who though dead yet sings), Constantino, Tetrazzini, and numberless other great singers and musicians are at your beck and call, ready to sing to your friends or to exert their greatest talents on your behalf. Avail yourselves of them unsparingly, and you cannot miss success.

A Sunday programme is no more difficult to arrange. Magnificent records of the “Messiah,” “Elijah,” and many other great oratorios can be obtained, whilst numberless hymns and anthems are possible to the gramophone, sung by some of the finest choirs.

With these hints there should be no great difficulty in making a programme that will prove enjoyable to a mixed audience. They are, however, but hints; to give exact instructions would be impossible. The selection, even upon the lines sketched out in this chapter, must be individual and adapted to the more immediate requirements of your company, and in consequence no fixed rule for choice can be given.