Chapter 1

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HEADS AND TALES.

PRINTED BY BALLANTYNE AND COMPANY EDINBURGH AND LONDON

HEADS AND TALES;

OR,

ANECDOTES AND STORIES OF QUADRUPEDS AND OTHER BEASTS,

CHIEFLY CONNECTED WITH INCIDENTS IN THE HISTORIES OF MORE OR LESS DISTINGUISHED MEN.

COMPILED AND SELECTED BY

ADAM WHITE, LATE ASSISTANT IN THE ZOOLOGICAL DEPARTMENT, BRITISH MUSEUM.

Second Edition.

LONDON: JAMES NISBET & CO., 21 BERNERS STREET. MDCCCLXX.

PREFACE.

In this work, a part of which is, so far as it extends, a careful compilation from an extensive series of books, the great order mammalia, or, rather, a few of its subjects, is treated anecdotically. The connexion of certain animals with man, and the readiness with which man can subdue even the largest of the mammalia, are very curious subjects of thought. The dog and horse are our special friends and associates; they seem to understand us, and we get very much attached to them. The cat or the cow, again, possess a different degree of attachment, and have "heads and hearts" less susceptible of this education than the first mentioned. The anecdotes in this book will clearly show facts of this nature. In the Letter of the Gorilla, under an appearance of exaggeration, will be found many facts of its history. We have a strong belief that natural history, written as White of Selborne did his Letter of Timothy the Tortoise, would be very enticing and interesting to young people. To make birds and other animals relate their stories has been done sometimes, and generally with success. There are anecdotes hinging, however, on animals which have more to do with man than the other mammals referred to in the little story. These stories we have felt to be very interesting when they occur in biographies of great men. Cowper and his Hares, Huygens and his Sparrow, are tales--at least the former--full of interesting matter on the history of the lower animal, but are of most value as showing the influence on the man who amused himself by taming them. We like to know that the great Duke, after getting down from his horse Copenhagen, which carried him through the whole battle of Waterloo, clapped him on the neck, when the war-charger kicked out, as if untired.

We could have added greatly to this book, especially in the part of jests, puns, or cases of _double entendre_. The few selected may suffice. The so-called conversations of "the Ettrick Shepherd" are full of matter of this kind, treated by "Christopher North" with a happy combination of rare power of description and apt exaggeration of detail, often highly amusing. One or two instances are given here, such as the Fox-hunt and the Whale. The intention of this book is primarily to be amusing; but it will be strange if it do not instruct as well. There is much in it that is _true_ of the habits of mammalia. These, with birds, are likely to interest young people generally, more than anecdotes of members of orders like fish, insects, or molluscs, lower in the scale, though often possessing marvellous instincts, the accounts of which form intensely interesting reading to those who are fond of seeing or hearing of "the works of the Lord," and who "take pleasure" in them.

CONTENTS.

MAMMALIA.[1]

PAGE MAN 1

Gainsborough's Joke--Skull of Julius Cæsar when a boy 2

Sir David Wilkie's simplicity about Babies 3

James Montgomery translates into verse a description of Man, after the manner of Linnæus 4

Addison and Sir Richard Steele's Description of Gimcrack the Collector 5

MONKEYS 9

The Gorilla and its Story 9

The Orang-Utan 11

The Chimpanzee 12

Letter of Mr Waterton 20

Mr Mitchell and the Young Chimpanzee 22

Lady Anne Barnard pleads for the Baboons 24

S. Bisset and his Trained Monkeys 25

Lord Byron's Pets 26

The Ettrick Shepherd's Monkey 27

The Findhorn Fisherman and the Monkey 29

"We ha'e seen the _Enemy_!" 29

The French Marquis and his Monkey 30

George IV. and Happy Jerry.--Mr Cross's Rib-nosed Baboon at Exeter Change 31

The Young Lady's pet Monkey and the poor Parrot 33

Monkeys "poor relations" 34

Sydney Smith on Monkeys 34

Mrs Colin Mackenzie on the Apes at Simla 35

The Aye-Aye, or Cheiromys of Madagascar 36

BATS 38

One of Captain Cook's Sailors sees a Fox-Bat, and describes it as a devil 39

Fox Bats (_with a Plate_) 41

Dr Mayerne and his Balsam of Bats 47

HEDGEHOG 48

Robert Southey to his Critics 48

MOLE 49

Mole, cause of Death of William III. 49

BROWN BEAR 56

The Austrian General and the Bear--"Back, rascal, I am a general!" 58

Lord Byron's Bear at Cambridge 59

Charles Dickens on Bear's Grease and Bear-keepers 59

A Bearable Pun 60

A Shaved Bear 61

POLAR BEAR 61

General History and Anecdotes of Polar Bear, as observed on recent Arctic Expeditions (_with a Plate_) 61

Nelson and the Polar Bear 67

A Clever Polar Bear 67

Captain Ommaney and the Polar Bear 70

RACCOON 71

"A Gone Coon" 71

BADGER 71

Hugh Miller sees the "Drawing of the Badger" 72

The Laird of Balnamoon and the Brock 75

FERRET 75

Collins and the Rat-catcher, with the Ferret 76

POLE-CAT 76

Fox and the Poll-Cat 77

DOG 77

Phrases about Dogs 77

Cowper's Dog 79

Cowper and his dog Beau 81

Burns's "Twa Dogs" 81

Dog of Assyrian Monument 86

Bishop Blomfield bitten by a Dog 88

Sydney Smith's Remark on it 88

Bishop of Bristol--"Puppies never see till they are nine days old" 88

Mrs Browning, the Poetess, and her dog Flush 89

Sir Thomas Fowell Buxton, Bart., and his dog Speaker 93

Lord Byron and his dog Boatswain 94

Lady's reason for calling her dog Perchance 96

Collins the Artist and his dog Prinny--the faithful Model 96

Soldier and Dog 97

Bark and Bite!--Curran on Lord Clare and his Dog 98

Mrs Drew and the two Dogs 98

Gainsborough and his Wife and their Dogs 100

Sir William Gell's Dog, which was said to speak 101

The Duke of Gordon's Wolf-hounds 102

Frederick the Great and his Italian Greyhounds 104

The Dog and the French Murderers 104

Hannah More on Garrick's Dog 105

Rev. Robert Hall and the Dog 106

A Queen (Henrietta Maria) and her Lap-Dog 106

The Clever Dog that belonged to the Hunters of Polmood 107

The Irish Clergyman and the Dogs 108

Washington Irving and the Dog 108

Douglas Jerrold and his Dog 109

Sheridan and the Dog 109

Charles Lamb and his dog "Dash" 110

French Dogs of Louis XII. 110

Martin Luther observes a Dog at Lintz 111

Poor Dog at the Grotta del Cane 111

Dog a Postman and Carrier 113

South and Sherlock--Dog-matic 113

General Moreau and his Greyhound 113

Duke of Norfolk and his Spaniels 114

Lord North and the Dog 115

Perthes derives Hints from his Dog 115

Peter the Great and his dog Lisette 116

The Light Company's Poodle and Sir F. Ponsonby 118

Admiral Rodney and his dog Loup 119

Ruddiman and his dog Rascal 119

Mrs Schimmelpenninck and the Dogs 120

Sir Walter Scott and his Dogs 122

Sheridan on the Dog-Tax 123

Sydney Smith dislikes Dogs.--An ingenious way of getting rid of them 124

Sydney Smith on Dogs 125

Sydney Smith.--"Newfoundland Dog that breakfasted on Parish Boys" 126

Robert Southey on his Dogs 126

A Dog that was a good judge of Elocution.--Mr True and his Pupil 127

Dog that tried to please a Crying Child 128

Horace Walpole's pet dog Rosette 128

Horace Walpole.--Arrival of his dog Tonton 129

Horace Walpole.--Death of his dog Tonton 130

Archbishop Whateley and his Dogs 131

Archbishop Whately on Dogs 132

Sir David Wilkie.--A Dog Rose 133

Ulysses and his Dog 133

WOLF 135

Polson and the Last Wolf in Sutherlandshire 135

"If the tail break, you'll find that" 137

FOX 138

An Enthusiastic Fox-hunting Surgeon 138

Hogg, the Ettrick Shepherd, on the Pleasures of Fox-hunting, and the gratification of the Fox 139

Arctic Foxes converted into Postmen, with Anecdotes (_with a plate_) 142

JACKAL 148

Burke on the Jackal and Tiger 149

CAT 149

Jeremy Bentham and his pet cat "Sir John Langborn 150

S. Bisset and his Musical Cats 152

Constant, Chateaubriand, and their Cats 153

Liston, the Surgeon, and his Cat 153

The Banker Mitchell's Antipathy to Kittens 154

James Montgomery and his Cats 155

David Ritchie's Cat 157

Sir Walter Scott's Visit to the Black Dwarf 157

Southey, the Poet, and his Cats 158

Archbishop Whateley and the Cat that used to ring the Bell 160

TIGER AND LION 161

Bussapa, the Tiger-slayer, and the Tiger 162

John Hunter and the Dead Tiger 164

Mrs Mackenzie on the Indian's regard and awe for the Tiger 165

Jolly Jack-tar on Lion and Tiger 166

Androcles and the Lion 167

Sir George Davis and the Lion 170

Canova's Lions and the Child 171

Admiral Napier and the Lion in the Tower 173

Old Lady and the Beasts on the Mound 173

SEALS 174

Dr Adam Clarke on Shetland Seals 175

Dr Edmonstone and the Shetland Seals 176

The Walrus or Morse (_with a Plate_) 182

KANGAROO 188

Charles Lamb on its Peculiarities 188

Captain Cooke's Sailor and the first Kangaroo seen 189

Charles Lamb on Kangaroos having Purses in front 189

Kangaroo Cooke 189

TIGER WOLF 190

SQUIRREL, &c. 194

Jekyll on a Squirrel 195

Pets of some of the Parisian Revolutionary Butchers 195

Sir George Back and the poor Lemming 196

McDougall and Arctic Lemming 197

RATS AND MICE 198

Duke of Wellington and Musk-Rat 200

Lady Eglinton and the Rats 200

General Douglas and the Rats 201

Hanover Rats 202

Irishman Shooting Rats 203

James Watt and the Rat's Whiskers 204

Gray the Poet compares Poet-Laureate to Rat-catcher 204

Jeremy Bentham and the Mice 205

Robert Burns and the Field Mouse 206

Fuller on Destructive Field Mice 208

Baron Von Trenck and the Mouse in Prison 209

Alexander Wilson, the American Ornithologist, and the Mouse 211

HARES, RABBITS, GUINEA-PIG 212

William Cowper on his Hares 213

Lord Norbury on the Exaggeration of a Hare-Shooter 220

Duke of L. prefers Friends to Hares 221

S. Bisset and his Trained Hare and Turtle 221

Lady Anne Barnard on a Family of Rabbits all blind of one eye 222

Thomas Fuller on Norfolk Rabbits 222

Dr Chalmers and the Guinea-Pig 223

SLOTH 224

Sydney Smith on the Sloth--a Comparison 224

THE GREAT ANT-EATER (_with a Plate_) 225

ELEPHANT 229

Lord Clive--Elephant or Equivalent? 230

Canning on the Elephant and his Trunk 232

Sir R. Phillips and Jelly made of Ivory Dust 233

J. T. Smith and the Elephant 234

Sydney Smith on the Elephant and Tailor 235

Elephant's Skin--a teacher put down 236

FOSSIL PACHYDERMATA 236

Cuvier's Enthusiasm over Fossils 236

SOW 238

"There's a hantle o' miscellaneous eatin' aboot a Pig" 238

"Pig-Sticking at Chicago" 238

Monument to a Pig at Luneberg 239

WILD BOAR (_with a Plate_) 239

THE RIVER PIG (_with a Plate_) 245

S. Bisset and his Learned Pig 250

Quixote Bowles fond of Pigs 251

On Jekyll's treading on a small Pig 251

Good enough for a Pig 251

Gainsborough's Pigs 252

Theodore Hook and the Litter of Pigs 253

Lady Hardwicke's Pig--her Bailiff 253

Pigs and Silver Spoon 253

Sydney Smith on Beautiful Pigs 254

Joseph Sturge, when a boy, and the Pigs 255

RHINOCEROS 229

The Lord Keeper Guildford and the Rhinoceros in the City of London 230

HORSE 256

Horse shot under Albert 256

Bell-Rock Lighthouse Horse 257

Edmund Burke and the Horse 257

David Garrick and his Horse, "A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!" 258

Bernard Gilpin's Horses stolen and recovered 260

The Herald and George III.'s Horse 261

Rev. Rowland Hill and his Horse 261

Holcroft on the Horse 263

Lord Mansfield, his Joke about a Horse 267

Sir John Moore and his Horse at Corunna 268

Neither Horses nor Children can explain their Complaints 269

Horses with Names 270

Rennie the Engineer and the Horse Old Jack 270

Sydney Smith and his Horses 271

Sydney Smith.--He drugs his Domestic Animals 273

Horseback, an Absent Clergyman 273

Judge Story and the Names he gave his Horses 274

Short-tailed and Long-tailed Horses at Livery, difference of Charge 275

ASS AND ZEBRA 276

Coleridge on the Ass 276

Collins and the old Donkey at Odell 276

Gainsborough kept one to Study from 277

Irishman on the Ramsgate Donkeys 278

Douglas Jerrold and the Ass's Foal 278

The Judge and the Barrister 279

Ass that loved Poetry 279

Warren Hastings and the refractory Donkey 279

Northcote, an Angel at an Ass 281

Sydney Smith's Donkey with Jeffrey on his back 281

Sydney Smith on the Sagacity of the Ass 283

Sydney Smith's Deers, how he introduced them into his Grounds to gratify Visitors 284

Asses' Duty Free 284

Thackeray on Egyptian Donkey 285

Zebra, a Frenchman's _double-entendre_ 287

CAMELS 287

Captain William Peel, R.N., on Camel 287

Captain in Royal Navy measures the progress of the Ship of the Desert 289

Lord Metcalfe on a Camel when a Boy 290

RED DEER 291

Earl of Dalhousie and the ferocious Stag 291

The French Count and the Stag 293

FALLOW DEER 294

Venison Fat, Reynolds and the Gourmand 294

Goethe on Stag-trench at Frankfort-on-Maine 294

GIRAFFE 295

"Fancy Two Yards of Sore Throat!" 295

SHEEP AND GOAT 295

How many Legs has a Sheep? 296

Goethe on Roos's Etchings of Sheep 296

Lord Cockburn and the Sheep 298

Erskine's Sheep--an Eye to the Woolsack 298

Sandy Wood and his Pet Sheep and Raven 298

General Carnac and She-goat 299

John Hunter and the Shawl-goat 300

Commodore Keppel _beards_ the Dey of Algiers 303

OX 304

Irish Bulls 304

A great Calf! "The more he sucked the greater Calf he grew!" 304

Veal _ad nauseam!_ too much of a good thing 304

James Boswell should confine himself to the Cow 305

Rev. Adam Clarke and his Bullock Pat 305