He Who Gets Slapped: A Play in Four Acts
ACT III
_The same room. Morning, before the rehearsal. HE is striding thoughtfully up and down the room. He wears a broad, parti-coloured coat, and a prismatic tie. His derby is on the back of his head, and his face is clean-shaven like that of an actor. His eyebrows are drawn, lips pressed together energetically, his whole appearance severe and sombre. After the entrance of the gentleman he changes. His face becomes clown-like, mobile--a living mask._
_The gentleman comes in. He is dressed in black, and has an extremely well-bred appearance. His thin face is yellowish, like an invalid's. When he is upset, his colourless, dull eyes often twitch. HE does not notice him._
GENTLEMAN
Good morning, sir.
HE
[_Turning around and looking at him absent-mindedly_]: Ah! It's you.
GENTLEMAN
I am not late? You look as if you did not expect me. I hope I am not disturbing you? You fixed this time yourself however, and I took the liberty----
HE
No manners, please. What do you want? Tell me quickly, I have no time.
GENTLEMAN
[_Looking around with distaste_]: I expected you would invite me to some other place ... to your home.
HE
I have no other home. This is my home.
GENTLEMAN
But people may disturb us here.
HE
So much the worse for you. Talk faster! [_Silence._]
GENTLEMAN
Will you allow me to sit down?
HE
Sit down. Look out! That chair is broken.
[_The gentleman, afraid, pushes away the chair and looks helplessly around. Everything here seems to him dangerous and strange. He chooses an apparently solid little gilded divan, and sits down; puts his silk hat aside, slowly takes off his gloves, which stick to his fingers. HE observes him indifferently._]
GENTLEMAN
In this suit, and with this face, you make a still stranger impression. Yesterday it seemed to me that it was all a dream; to-day ... _you_ ...
HE
You have forgotten my name again? My name is HE.
GENTLEMAN
You are determined to continue talking to me like this?
HE
Decidedly! But you are squandering your time like a millionaire. Hurry up!
GENTLEMAN
I really don't know.... Everything here strikes me so.... These posters, horses, animals, which I passed when I was looking for you.... And finally, _you_, a clown in a circus! [_With a slight, deprecating smile._] Could I expect it? It is true, when everybody there decided that you were dead, I was the only man who did not agree with them. I felt that you were still alive. But to find you among such surroundings--I can't understand it.
HE
You said you have a son, now. Doesn't he look like me?
GENTLEMAN
I don't understand?
HE
Don't you know that widows or divorced women often have children by the new husband, which resemble the old one? This misfortune did not befall you? [_Laughs._] And your book, too, is a big success, I hear.
GENTLEMAN
You want to insult me again?
HE
[_Laughing_]: What a restless, touchy faker you are! Please sit still; be quiet. It is the custom here to speak this way. Why were you trying to find me?
GENTLEMAN
My conscience....
HE
You have no conscience. Or were you afraid that you hadn't robbed me of _everything_ I possessed, and you came for the rest? But what more could you take from me now? My fool's cap with its bells? You wouldn't take it. It's too big for your bald head! Crawl back, you book-worm!
GENTLEMAN
You cannot forgive the fact that your wife....
HE
To the devil with my wife! [_The gentleman is startled and raises his eyebrows. HE laughs._]
GENTLEMAN
I don't know.... But such language! I confess I find difficulty in expressing my thoughts in such an atmosphere, but if you are so ... indifferent to your wife, who, I shall allow myself to emphasize the fact, loved you and thought you were a saint---- [_HE laughs._] Then _what_ brought you to such a ... step? Or is it that you cannot forgive me my success? A success, it is true, not entirely deserved. And now you want to take vengeance, with your humbleness, on those who misunderstood you. But you always were so indifferent to glory. Or your indifference was only hypocrisy. And when I, a more lucky rival ...
HE
[_With a burst of laughter_]: Rival! You--a rival!
GENTLEMAN
[Growing Pale]: But my book!
HE
You are talking to me about _your_ book? To me? [_The gentleman is very pale. HE looks at him with curiosity and mockery._]
GENTLEMAN
[_Raising his eyes_]: I am a very unhappy man.
HE
Why?
GENTLEMAN
I am a very unhappy man. You must forgive me. I am deeply, irreparably, and infinitely unhappy.
HE
But why? Explain it to me. [_Starts walking up and down._] You say yourself that your book is a tremendous success, you are famous, you have glory; there is not a yellow newspaper in which _you_ and _your_ thoughts are not mentioned. Who knows _me_? Who cares about my heavy abstractions, from which it was difficult for them to derive a single thought? You--you are the great vulgarizer! You have made my thoughts comprehensible even to horses! With the art of a great vulgarizer, a tailor of ideas, you dressed my Apollo in a barber's jacket, you handed my Venus a yellow ticket, and to my bright hero you gave the ears of an ass. And then your career is made, as Jackson says. And wherever I go, the whole street looks at me with thousands of faces, in which--what mockery--I recognize the traits of my own children. Oh! How ugly your son must be, if he resembles me! Why then are you unhappy, you poor devil? [_The gentleman bows his head, plucking at his gloves._] The police haven't caught you, as yet. What am I talking about? Is it possible to catch you? You always keep within the limits of the law. You have been torturing yourself up to now because you are not married to my wife. A notary public is always present at your thefts. What is the use of this self-torture, my friend? Get married. I died. You are not satisfied with having taken only my wife? Let my glory remain in your possession. It is yours. Accept my ideas. Assume all the rights, my most lawful heir! I died! And when I was dying [_making a stupidly pious face_] I forgave thee! [_Bursts out laughing. The gentleman raises his head, and bending forward, looks straight into HE's eyes._]
GENTLEMAN
And my pride?
HE
Have you any pride? [_The gentleman straightens up, and nods his head silently._] Yes! But please stand off a little. I don't like to look at you. Think of it. There was a time when I loved you a little, even thought you a little gifted! You--my empty shadow.
GENTLEMAN
[_Nodding his head_]: I am your shadow. [_HE keeps on walking, and looks over his shoulder at the gentleman, with a smile._]
HE
Oh, you are marvellous! What a comedy! What a touching comedy! Listen. Tell me frankly if you can; do you hate me very much?
GENTLEMAN
Yes! With all the hate there is in the world! Sit down here.
HE
You order me?
GENTLEMAN
Sit down here. Thank you. [_Bows._] I am respected and I am famous, yes? I have a wife and a son, yes. [_Laughs slowly._] My wife still loves you: our favourite discussion is about your genius. She supposes you are a genius. We, I and she, love you even when we are in bed. Tss! It is I who must make faces. My son--yes, he'll resemble you. And when, in order to have a little rest, I go to my desk, to my ink-pot, my books--there, too, I find you. Always you! Everywhere you! And I am never alone--never myself and alone. And when at night--you, sir, should understand this--when at night I go to my lonely thoughts, to my sleepless contemplations, even then I find your image in my head, in my unfortunate brain, your damned and hateful image! [_Silence. The gentleman's eyes twitch._]
HE
[_Speaking slowly_]: What a comedy. How marvellously everything is turned about in this world: the robbed proves to be a robber, and the robber is complaining of theft, and cursing! [_Laughs._] Listen, I was mistaken. You are not my shadow. You are the crowd. If you live by my creations, you hate me; if you breathe my breath, you are choking with anger. And choking with anger, hating me, you still walk slowly on the trail of my ideas. But you are advancing backward, advancing backward, comrade! Oh, what a marvellous comedy! [_Walking and smiling._] Tell me, would you be relieved if I really had died?
GENTLEMAN
Yes! I think so. Death augments distance and dulls the memory. Death reconciles. But you do not look like a man who----
HE
Yes, yes! Death, _certainly_!
GENTLEMAN
Sit down here.
HE
Your obedient servant. Yes?
GENTLEMAN
Certainly, I do not dare to ask you--[_makes a grimace_] to ask you to die, but tell me: you'll never come back there? No, don't laugh. If you want me to, I'll kiss your hand. Don't grimace! I would have done so if you had died.
HE
[_Slowly_]: Get out, vermin!
[_Enter Tilly and Polly as in the first act, playing. For a long time they do not see the two men._]
HE
Jack!
TILLY
Ah! Good morning, HE. We are rehearsing. You know it is very hard. Jack has just about as much music in his head as my pig.
HE
[_Introducing, nonchalantly_]: My friend.... For the benefit performance? [_The clowns bow to the gentleman, making idiotic faces._]
POLLY
Yes. What are you preparing? You are cunning, HE! Consuelo told me what you are preparing for the benefit performance. She leaves us soon, you know?
HE
Is that so?
TILLY
Zinida told us. Do you think she would get a benefit performance otherwise? She is a nice girl.
POLLY
[_Taking his small flute-pipe_]: Here! Don't walk as if you were an elephant. Don't forget you are an ant! Come on! [_They go off, playing._]
GENTLEMAN
[_Smiling_]: These are your new comrades? How strange they are!
HE
Everything here is strange.
GENTLEMAN
This suit of yours. Black used to be very becoming to you. This one hurts the eyes.
HE
[_Looking himself over_]: Why? It looks very nice. The rehearsal has begun. You must go away. You are disturbing us.
GENTLEMAN
You did not answer my question.
[_Slow strains of the Tango from a small orchestra in the ring._]
HE
[_Listening absent-mindedly to the music_]: What question?
GENTLEMAN
[_Who does not hear the music_]: I pray you to tell me: will you ever come back?
HE
[_Listening to the music_]: Never, never, never!
GENTLEMAN
[_Getting up_]: Thank you. I am going.
HE
Never, never, never! Yes, run along. And don't come back. There you were still bearable and useful for something, but here you are superfluous.
GENTLEMAN
But if something should happen to you ... you are a healthy man, but in this environment, these people ... how will I know? They don't know your name here?
HE
My name here is unknown, but _you will know_. Anything else?
GENTLEMAN
I can be at peace? On your word of honour? Of course I mean, comparatively, at peace?
HE
Yes, you may be comparatively at peace. Never! [_They walk to the door, the gentleman stops._]
GENTLEMAN
May I come to the circus? You will allow me?
HE
Certainly. You are the audience! [_Laughs._] But I shan't give you my card for a pass. But why do you want to come? Or do you like the circus so much, and since when?
GENTLEMAN
I want to look at you some more, and to understand, perhaps. Such a transformation! Knowing you as I do, I cannot admit that you are here without any _idea_. But what idea? [_Looks short-sightedly at HE. HE grimaces and thumbs his nose._]
GENTLEMAN
What is that?
HE
_My idea!_ Good-bye, Prince! My regards to your respected wife, your Highness' wonderful son! [_Enter_ MANCINI.]
MANCINI
You positively live in the circus, HE. Whenever I come, you are here. You are a fanatic in your work, sir.
HE
[_Introducing_]: Prince Poniatovsky, Count Mancini.
MANCINI
[_Drawing himself up_]: Very, very glad. And you too, Prince, you know my queer fellow? What a nice face he has, hasn't he? [_He touches HE'S shoulder patronizingly, with the tip of his cane._]
GENTLEMAN
[_Awkwardly_]: Yes, I have the pleasure ... certainly. Good-bye, Count.
MANCINI
Good-day, Prince.
HE
[_Accompanying him_]: Look out, your Highness, for the dark passages: the steps are so rotten. Unfortunately I cannot usher you out to the street.
GENTLEMAN
[_In a low voice_]: You will not give me your hand when we say good-bye? We are parting for ever.
HE
Unnecessary, Prince. I shall still hope to meet you in the Kingdom of Heaven. I trust you will be there, too?
GENTLEMAN
[_With disgust_]: How you did succeed! You have so much of the clown in you!
HE
I am HE Who is Getting Slapped. Good-bye, Prince. [_They take another step._]
GENTLEMAN
[_Looking HE in the eyes; in a very low voice_]: Tell me, you are not mad?
HE
[_Just at low, his eyes wide open_]: I am afraid, I am afraid you are right, Prince. [_Still low_] Ass! Never in your life did you use such a precise expression. I am mad!
[_Playing the clown again, he shows him to the stair, with a big, affected gesture, a sweep of the hand and arm from his head to the floor, the fingers moving, to represent the steps._]
HE
[_Laughing_]: He is down! _Au revoir_, Prince. [_The gentleman goes out. HE comes skipping back, and takes a pose._] Mancini! Let us dance the Tango! Mancini, I adore you!
MANCINI
[_Sitting back comfortably and playing with his cane_]: Don't forget yourself, HE. But you're hiding something, my boy. I always said you used to belong to society. It is so easy to talk to you. And who is this Prince? A genuine one?
HE
Genuine. A first-rater. Like you!
MANCINI
A sympathetic face. Although at first I thought he was an undertaker who came for an order. Ah, HE! When shall I finally depart from these dirty walls, from Papa Briquet, stupid posters, and brutal jockeys!
HE
Very soon, Mancini.
MANCINI
Yes, soon. I am simply exhausted in these surroundings, HE! I begin to feel myself a horse. You are from society, still you don't yet know what high society means. To be at last decently dressed, to attend receptions, to display the splendour of wit; from time to time to have a game of baccarat [_laughing_] without tricks or cheating----
HE
And when evening comes, go to a suburb, where you are considered an honest father, who loves his children and----
MANCINI
And get hold of something, eh? [_Laughs._] I shall wear a silk mask and two butlers shall follow me, thus protecting me from the dirty crowd. Ah, HE! The blood of my ancestors boils in me. Look at this stiletto. What do you think? Do you think that it was ever stained with blood?
HE
You frighten me, Count!
MANCINI
[_Laughing, and putting the stiletto back into its sheath_]: Fool!
HE
And what about the girl?
MANCINI
Tss! I give those bourgeois absolute satisfaction, and they glorify my name. [_Laughs._] The splendour of my name is beginning to shine with a force unknown. By the way, do you know what automobile firms are the best? Money is no object. [_Laughs._] Ah! Papa Briquet!
[_Enter Briquet in his overcoat and silk hat. They shake hands._]
BRIQUET
So, Mancini, you have obtained a benefit performance for your daughter, Consuelo! I only want to tell you, that if it were not for Zinida....
MANCINI
Listen, Briquet. Decidedly you are a donkey. What are you complaining of? The Baron has bought all the parquet seats for Consuelo's benefit performance. Isn't that enough for you, you miser?
BRIQUET
I love your daughter, Mancini, and I am sorry to let her go. What more does she need here? She has an honest job, wonderful comrades, and the atmosphere--?
MANCINI
Not _she_, but _I_ need something. You understand? [_Laughs._] I asked you to increase her salary, Harpagon! and now, Mr. Manager, wouldn't you like to change me a thousand franc note?
BRIQUET
[_With a sigh_]: Give it to me.
MANCINI
[_Nonchalantly_]: To-morrow. I left it at home. [_All three laugh._] Laugh, laugh! To-day we are going with the Baron to his villa in the country; people say a very nice villa.
HE
What for?
MANCINI
You know, HE, the crazes of these billionaires. He wants to show Consuelo some winter roses, and me his wine cellars. He will come for us here. What is the matter, my little Consuelo?
[_Enter_ CONSUELO, _almost crying_.]
CONSUELO
I can't father! Tell him! What right has he to yell at me? He almost hit me with his whip!
MANCINI
[_Straightening up_]: Briquet! I beg of you, as the Manager, what is this--a stable? To hit my daughter with a whip! I'll show this cub ... a mere jockey.... No, the devil knows what it is, devil knows, I swear....
CONSUELO
Father....
BRIQUET
I will tell him.
CONSUELO
Please don't. Alfred didn't hit me. It's a silly thing, what I told you. What an idea! He is so sorry himself....
BRIQUET
I shall tell him anyhow that----
CONSUELO
Don't you dare. You mustn't tell him anything. He didn't do a thing.
MANCINI
[_Still excited_]: He must beg her pardon, the brat.
CONSUELO
He's already asked me to forgive him. How silly you all are! I simply cannot work to-day and I got nervous. What nonsense! The silly boy asked me to forgive him, but I didn't want to. HE, dear, good morning! I didn't notice you. How becoming your tie is! Where are you going, Briquet? To Alfred?
BRIQUET
No, I am going home, dear child. Zinida asked me to give you her love. She will not be here to-day, either. [_He goes out._]
CONSUELO
Zinida is so nice, so good. Father, why is it that everybody seems so nice to me? Probably because I am going away soon. HE, did you hear the march that Tilly and Polly will play? [_Laughs._] Such a cheerful one.
HE
Yes. I heard it. Your benefit performance will be remarkable.
CONSUELO
I think so, too. Father I am hungry. Have them bring me a sandwich.
HE
I'll run for it, my Queen.
CONSUELO
Please do, HE. [_Loudly_] But not cheese. I don't like it.
[MANCINI _and_ CONSUELO _are alone_. MANCINI, _lying back comfortably in an armchair, scrutinizes his daughter with a searching eye_.]
MANCINI
I find something particular in you to-day, my child. I don't know whether it is something better or worse. You cried?
CONSUELO
Yes, a little. Oh, I am so hungry.
MANCINI
But you had your breakfast?
CONSUELO
No, I didn't. That's why I am so hungry. You again forgot to leave me some money this morning, and without money....
MANCINI
Oh, the devil ... what a memory I have. [_Laughs._] But we shall have a very nice meal to-day. Don't eat very many sandwiches.... Yes, positively I like you. You must cry more often, my child; it washes off your superfluous simplicity. You become more of a woman.
CONSUELO
Am I so simple, Father?
MANCINI
Very.... Too much. I like it in others, but not in you. Besides, the Baron....
CONSUELO
Nonsense. I am not simple. But you know, Bezano scolded me so much, that even you would have cried. The devil knows....
MANCINI
Tsss.... Never say "the devil knows." It isn't decent.
CONSUELO
I say it only when I am with you.
MANCINI
You must not say it when you are with me, either. I know it without you. [_Laughs._]
CONSUELO
Ha! Listen, Father! It's a new number of Alfred's. He makes such a jump! Jim says he's bound to break his neck. Poor fish....
MANCINI
[_Indifferently_]: Or his leg, or his back; they all have to break something. [_Laughs._] They are breakable toys.
CONSUELO
[_Listening to the music_]: I'll be lonesome without them, Father! The Baron promised to make a ring for me to gallop over as much as I want. He's not lying?
MANCINI
A ring? [_Laughs._] No, it's not a lie. By the way, child, when speaking of Barons, you must say, "he does not tell the truth," and not, "he lies."
CONSUELO
It's just the same. It's nice to be wealthy, Father; you can do what you want, then.
MANCINI
[_With enthusiasm_]: Everything you want. Everything, my child. Ah! Our fate is being decided to-day. Pray our clement God, Consuelo. The Baron is hanging on a thread.
CONSUELO
[_Indifferently_]: Yes?
MANCINI
[_Making the gesture with his fingers_]: On a very thin, silk thread. I am almost sure that he will make his proposal to-day. [_Laughs._] Winter roses, and the web of a spider amongst the roses, in order that my dear little fly.... He is such a spider.
CONSUELO
[_Indifferently_]: Yes, a terrible spider. Father, oughtn't I to let him kiss my hand yet?
MANCINI
By no means. You don't know yet, darling, what these men are.
CONSUELO
Alfred never kisses.
MANCINI
Alfred! Your Alfred is a cub, and he mustn't dare. But with men of that sort, you must be extremely careful, my child. To-day he would kiss your little finger, to-morrow your hand, and after to-morrow you would be on his lap.
CONSUELO
Foui! Father, what are you talking about? You should be ashamed!
MANCINI
But I know....
CONSUELO
Don't you dare! I don't want to hear such dirty things. I shall give the Baron such a slap! A better one than HE--let him only try.
MANCINI
[_With a deprecating gesture_]: All men are like that, child.
CONSUELO
It isn't true. Alfred is not. Ah! But where is HE? He said he'd run, and he hasn't come back.
MANCINI
The buffet here is closed, and he has to get the sandwiches somewhere else. Consuelo, as your father, I want to warn you about HE. Don't trust him. He knows something. [_Twirls his finger close to his forehead._] His game is not fair.
CONSUELO
You say it about everybody. I know HE; he is such a nice man, and he loves me so much.
MANCINI
Believe me, there is something in it.
CONSUELO
Father, you make me sick with your advice. Ah! HE, thank you.
[_HE, breathing somewhat heavily, enters and gives her the sandwiches._]
HE
Eat, Consuelo.
CONSUELO
A hot one.... But you were running, HE? I am so grateful. [_Eats._] HE, do you love me?
HE
I do, my Queen. I am your court fool.
CONSUELO
[_Eating_]: And when I leave, will you find another queen?
HE
[_Making a ceremonious bow_]: I shall follow after you, my incomparable one. I shall carry the train of your dress and wipe away my tears with it. [_Pretends to cry._]
MANCINI
Idiot! [_Laughs._] How sorry I am, HE, that those wonderful times have passed, when, in the court of the Counts Mancini, there were scores of motley fools who were given gold and kicks.... Now, Mancini is compelled to go to this dirty circus in order to see a good fool; and still, whose fool is he? Mine? No. He belongs to everybody who pays a franc. We shall very soon be unable to breathe because of Democracy. Democracy, too, needs fools! Think of it, HE; what an unexampled impertinence.
HE
We are the servants of those who pay. But how can we help it, Count?
MANCINI
But is that not sad? Imagine: we are in my castle. I, near the fireplace with my glass of wine, you, at my feet chatting your nonsense, jingling your little bells--diverting me. Sometimes you pinch me too with your jokes: it is allowed by the traditions and necessary for the circulation of the blood. After a while--I am sick of you, I want another one.... Then I give you a kick and.... Ah, HE, how wonderful it would be!
HE
It would be marvellous, Mancini!
MANCINI
Yes. Certainly! You would be getting gold coins, those wonderfully little yellow things.... Well, when I become rich, I shall take you. That's settled.
CONSUELO
Take him, Father....
HE
And when the count, tired of my chattering, will give me a kick with his Highness's foot, then I shall lie down at the little feet of my queen, and shall....
CONSUELO
[_Laughing_]: Wait for another kick? I'm finished. Father, give me your handkerchief, I want to wipe my hands. You have another one in your pocket. Oh, my goodness, I must work some more!
MANCINI
[_Uneasy_]: But don't forget, my child!
CONSUELO
No, to-day I won't forget! Go on!
MANCINI
[_Looking at his watch_]: Yes, it is time.... He asked me to come over when you were ready. You must change your dress before I come back. [_Laughing._] _Signori, miei complimenti._
[_He goes out, playing with his cane._ CONSUELO _sits on the corner of the divan, and covers herself with her shawl_.]
CONSUELO
Hello, HE! Come and lie down at my feet, and tell me something cheerful.... You know, when you paint the laughter on your face, you are very good looking, but now, too, you are very, very nice. Come on, HE, why don't you lie down?
HE
Consuelo! Are you going to marry the Baron?
CONSUELO
[_Indifferently_]: It seems so. The Baron is hanging by a thread! HE, there is one little sandwich left. Eat it.
HE
Thank you, my queen. [_Eats._] And do you remember my prediction?
CONSUELO
What prediction? How quickly you swallow! Does it taste good?
HE
Very good. That if you marry the Baron, you....
CONSUELO
Oh, that's what you're talking about.... But you were making fun.
HE
Nobody can tell, my Queen. Sometimes one makes fun, and suddenly it turns out to be true; the stars never talk in vain. If sometimes it is difficult for a human being to open his mouth and to say a word, how difficult it must be for a star. Think of it.
CONSUELO
[_Laughing_]: I should say. Such a mouth! [_Makes a tiny mouth._]
HE
No, my dear little girl, were I in your place, I would think it over. And suppose suddenly you should die? Don't marry the Baron, Consuelo!
CONSUELO
[_Thinking_]: And what is--death?
HE
I do not know, my Queen. Nobody knows. Like love! Nobody knows. But your little hands will become cold, and your dear little eyes will be closed. You will be away from here. And the music will play without you, and without you the crazy Bezano will be galloping, and Tilly and Polly will be playing on their pipes without you: tilly-polly, tilly-polly ... tilly-tilly, polly-polly....
CONSUELO
Please don't, HE darling---- I am so sad, anyway ... tilly-tilly, polly-polly ... [_Silence. HE looks at_ CONSUELO.]
HE
You were crying, my little Consuelo?
CONSUELO
Yes, a little. Alfred made me nervous. But tell me, is it my fault that I can't do anything to-day? I tried to, but I couldn't.
HE
Why?
CONSUELO
Ah, I don't know. There is something here. [_Presses her hand against her heart._] I don't know. HE, I must be sick. What is sickness? Does it hurt very much?
HE
It is not sickness. It is the charm of the far off stars, Consuelo. It is the voice of your fate, my little Queen.
CONSUELO
Don't talk nonsense, please. What should the stars care about me? I am so small. Nonsense, HE! Tell me rather another tale which you know: about the blue sea and those gods, you know ... who are so beautiful. Did they all die?
HE
They are all alive, but they hide themselves, my goddess.
CONSUELO
In the woods or mountains? Can one come across them? Ah, imagine HE ... I come across a god, and he suddenly takes a look at me! I'd run away. [_Laughs._] This morning when I went without breakfast, I became so sad, so disgusted, and I thought: if a god should come, and give me something to eat! And as I thought it, I suddenly heard, honestly it's true, I heard: "Consuelo, somebody's calling you." [_Angrily._] Don't you dare laugh!
HE
Am I laughing?
CONSUELO
Honestly, it's true. Ah, HE, but he didn't come. He only called me and disappeared, and how can you find him? It hurt me so much, and hurts even now. Why did you remind me of my childhood? I'd forgotten it entirely. There was the sea ... and something ... many, many [_closes her eyes, smiling._]
HE
Remember, Consuelo.
CONSUELO
No. [_Opening her eyes_] I forget everything about it. [_Looks around the room._] HE, do you see what a poster they made for my benefit performance? It's Father's idea. The Baron liked it. [_HE laughs. Silence._]
HE
[_Slowly_] Consuelo, my Queen! Don't go to the Baron to-day.
CONSUELO
Why? [_After a silence._] How fresh you are, HE.
HE
[_Lowering his head, slowly_]: I don't want it.
CONSUELO
[_Getting up_]: What? You don't want it?
HE
[_Bowing his head still lower_]: I do not want you to marry the Baron [_Imploring._] I ... I shall not allow it ... I beg you!
CONSUELO
Whom, then, would you ask me to marry? You, perhaps, you fool? [_With a rancorous laugh_] Are you crazy, my darling? "I shall not allow." HE! HE will not allow me! But it is unbearable! What business is it of yours? [_Walking up and down the room, looks over her shoulder at HE, with anger._] Some fool clown, whom they can kick out of here any minute. You make me sick with your stupid tales. Or you like slaps so much. Fool, you couldn't invent anything better than a slap!
HE
[_Without lifting his head_]: Forgive me, my Queen.
CONSUELO
He is glad when they laugh at him. Some god! No, I shan't forgive. I know you. [_Makes same gesture as_ MANCINI.] You have something there! Laughs ... so nicely ... plays, plays, and then suddenly--hop! _Obey him!_ No, darling, I am not that kind! Carry my train, that is your business--fool!
HE
I shall carry your train, my Queen. Forgive me. Give me back the image of my beautiful, piteous goddess.
CONSUELO
[_Quieting down_]: You're playing again?
HE
I am.
CONSUELO
[_Laughing_]: You see! [_Sits down._] Foolish HE.
HE
I see everything, my Queen. I see how beautiful you are, and how low under your feet your poor court fool is lying. Somewhere in the abyss his little bells are ringing. He kneels before you and prays; forgive and pity him, my divine one. He was too impudent; he played so cheerfully that he went too far and lost his tiny little mind, the last bit of understanding he had saved up. Forgive me!
CONSUELO
All right. I forgive you. [_Laughs._] And now will you allow me to marry the Baron?
HE
[_Also laughing_]: And nevertheless I will not allow it. But what does a queen care about the permission of her enamoured fool?
CONSUELO
Get up. You are forgiven. And do you know why? You think because of your words? You are a cunning beast, HE! No, because of the _sandwiches_. That's why. You were so lovely, you panted so when you brought them. Poor darling HE. From to-morrow you may be at my feet again. And as soon as I whistle, "tuwhooo"----
HE
I shall instantly lie down at thy feet, Consuelo. It is settled! But all my little bells fell off to-day and----
[_Bezano appears, confused._]
CONSUELO
Alfred! You came for me?
BEZANO
Yes. Will you work some more, Consuelo?
CONSUELO
Certainly. As much as you want. But I thought, Alfred, you were mad at me? I shan't dawdle any more.
BEZANO
No. You didn't dawdle. Don't be offended, because I yelled so much. You know when one has to teach, and----
CONSUELO
My goodness, do you think I don't understand? You are too nice, unbearably nice, to like teaching such a fool as me. Do you think I don't understand? Come on!
BEZANO
Come on! Hello, HE! I haven't seen you yet to-day. How are you?
HE
How are you, Bezano? Wait, wait a minute--stay here a minute, both of you--that way. Yes!
[CONSUELO _and_ BEZANO _stand side by side, the jockey scowling_, CONSUELO _laughing and flushing_.]
CONSUELO
Like Adam and Eve? How foolish you are! Terribly. [_She runs away._] I shall only change my slippers, Alfred.
HE
Consuelo! And how about Father and the Baron? They will come soon, to take you with them.
CONSUELO
Let them come. They can wait. Not very important people. [_Runs away._ BEZANO _hesitatingly follows her_.]
HE
Stay here for a while, Bezano. Sit down.
BEZANO
What more do you want? I have no time for your nonsense.
HE
You can remain standing if you want. Bezano--you love her? [_Silence._]
BEZANO
I shall allow nobody to interfere with my affairs. You allow yourself too many liberties, HE. I don't know you. You came from the street, and why should I trust you?
HE
But you know the Baron? Listen. It is painful for me to pronounce these words: she loves you. Save her from the spider! Or are you blind, and don't see the web, which is woven in every dark corner. Get out of the vicious circle in which you are turning around, like a blind man. Take her away, steal her, do what you want ... kill her even, and take her to the heavens or to the devil! But don't give her to this man! He is a defiler of love. And if you are timid, if you are afraid to lift your hand against her--kill the Baron! Kill!
BEZANO
[_With a smile_]: And who will kill the others, to come?
HE
She loves you.
BEZANO
Did she tell you that herself?
HE
What a petty, what a stupid, what a human pride! But _you_ are a little god! A god, youth! Why don't you want to believe me? Or does the street, from which I have come, bother you? But look, look yourself. Look in my eyes, do such eyes lie? Yes, my face is ugly, I make faces and grimaces, I am surrounded by laughter, but don't you see the god behind all this, a god, like you? Look, look at me! [BEZANO _bursts out laughing_.] What are you laughing at, youth?
BEZANO
You look now as you did that evening in the ring. You remember? When you were a great man, and they sent for you from the Academy, and suddenly--Hup! HE Who Gets Slapped!
HE
[_Laughing the same way_]: Yes, yes, you are right, Bezano. There is a resemblance. [_With a strained expression, taking a pose_] "It seems to me they sent for me from the Academy!"
BEZANO
[_Displeased_]: But I don't like this play. You can present your face for slaps if you want to, but don't dare to expose mine. [_Turns to go._]
HE
Bezano!
BEZANO
[_Turning round_]: And never let me hear any more about Consuelo, and don't dare to tell me again that I am a god! It is disgusting.
[BEZANO _goes out angrily, striking his boot with his whip. HE is alone. Wrathfully, with a tortured expression, he makes a step towards the jockey, then stops, with soundless laughter, his head thrown backwards. The_ BARON _and_ MANCINI _find him in this position, when they enter_.]
MANCINI
[_Laughing_]: What a cheerful chap you are, HE! You laugh when you are alone. [_HE laughs aloud._] Stop it fool! How can you stand it?
HE
[_Bowing low, with a large gesture_]: How do you do, Baron? My humblest respects to you, Count. I beg your pardon, Count, but you found the clown at work. These are, so to speak, Baron, his every-day pleasures.
MANCINI
[_Lifting his eyebrows_]: Tsss. But you are a clever man, HE. I shall ask Papa Briquet to give you a benefit performance. Shall I, HE?
HE
Please do me the favour, Count.
MANCINI
Don't overdo. Be more simple, HE. [_Laughs._] But how many slaps will you get at your benefit performance, when even on weekdays they ring you like a gong! A funny profession, isn't it, Baron?
BARON
Very strange. But where is the Countess?
MANCINI
Yes, yes. I shall go for her at once. Dear child, she is so absorbed in her benefit performance and her work. They call this jumping _work_, Baron.
BARON
I can wait a little. [_Sits down, with his silk hat on his head._]
MANCINI
But why? I shall hurry her up. I shall be back at once. And you, HE, be a nice host, and entertain our dear guest. You will not be bored in his company, Baron.
[_He goes out. HE strides about the stage, smiling and glancing from time to time at the_ BARON. _The latter sits with his legs spread apart and his chin on the top of his cane. The silk hat remains on his head. He is silent._]
HE
In what way would you like me to entertain you, Baron?
BARON
In no way! I don't like clowns.
HE
Nor I Barons.
[_Silence. HE puts on his derby hat, takes a chair with a large gesture, and puts it down heavily, in front of the_ BARON. _HE sits astride it, imitating the pose of the_ BARON, _and looks him in the eyes. Silence._]
HE
Can you be silent very long?
BARON
Very long.
HE
[_Taps on the floor with his foot_]: And can you wait very long?
BARON
Very long.
HE
Until you get it?
BARON
Until I get it. And you?
HE
I too.
[_Both look at each other, silently, their heads close together. From the ring one hears the strains of the Tango._]
CURTAIN