Part 10

_Miss H._ I am so glad we are going to see the great Ned Burleigh at last. Steve says he is so interesting--such a _funny_ old bird.

_Burl._ [_aside_]. Damn him!

_Mrs. H._ I wonder where they are. One of them must be around, for they would not both go away, and leave their light burning. We cannot wait much longer.

[_Enter Hudson, hurriedly._]

_Hud._ Forgot my gloves, of course, and had to come back. Hullo, mother! why, how did you two get here?

_Mrs. H._ Didn't you get my telegram?

_Hud._ Telegram? No, I suppose the boy will leave it, on his way to breakfast, in the morning.

_Mrs. H._ We had to come out to Cambridge to a dinner at Prof. Fullaloves, and thought we would stop on the way back with the carriage, and take you boys into the Assembly. I telegraphed you this afternoon.

_Hud._ Well, it is lucky I came back. Have you been here long? Have you seen Ned Burleigh?

_Miss H._ Your chum? No.

_Hud._ That is good. He must have started in. If you had dropped in on Ned all alone here, he would have had twenty Dutch fits.

_Miss H._ Now, Steve, before we go, you must show us all your things. [_Picking up photographs from mantel-piece_] Why, who are these?

_Hud._ Those, er--oh--ah--those--yes. Those are some of my chum's relations. [_Aside_] Ned will forgive me for the emergency.

_Burl._ [_aside over screen_]. Well, I'll be----

_Mrs. H._ I thought those were not yours, dear.

_Miss H._ They are all in costume, aren't they.

_Hud._ Yes, yes, private theatricals, you know. The Burleighs are all great on private theatricals.

[_Enter Prof. Shreedy from Hudson's bedroom._]

_Shr._ [_aside_]. Begob, I have him now.

[_Aside to Hud._] Mr. Hudson!

_Hud._ [_turning_]. What! The devil! Shreedy! What do you want here? [_Takes him down to front._]

_Shr._ A little matter of business. Look here, cully, I want dat ten dollars you owe me for sparrin', dat's what I want. Better let me have it and not make a fuss before de ladies, see?

_Burl._ [_aside, over screen_]. Hurray, bind on Steve. Serves him right.

_Hud._ I haven't ten dollars, Shreedy. I haven't a cent. Now, do clear out, and I'll see you some other time about it.

_Shr._ Naw, some other time won't do.

_Hud._ I can't talk to you now before my family. It is bad enough to have them see you round here at all.

_Shr._ Dat's all right. Tell 'em I'm your chum. Just watch me do the nobby. [_Smirks and waves his hat at ladies._]

_Hud._ [_aside_]. Oh, this is awful!

_Mrs. H._ Stephen, who is this person?

_Hud._ [_aside_]. There is no other way out of it. I can explain later [_aloud_.] This, mother, is my dear old chum, Edward Burleigh.

_Burl._ [_aside over screen_]. By gad!

_Mrs. H._ Ah, indeed, I am delighted to meet you, sir. I feel that we are old friends, already, Mr. Burleigh. I have heard so much of you.

_Shr._ Oh, yes, me and Steve is great chums, ain't we, Steve, old boy? [_slaps Hudson on the back._] [_To Hud._] Put me on to de young one.

_Miss H._ [_aside to Mrs. H._]. Oh, Mamma, he is awful. How could Steve choose such a man to room with!

_Mrs. H._ Steve always said he was awkward with ladies, you know. Perhaps he will improve on acquaintance.

_Shr._ [_to Miss H._]. Pleased to meet you, ma'am. How is the state of your health? 'T ain't often we see such a daisy out here, is it Steve? [_To Hud._] Oh, I can say perlite things to a lady. You needn't be afraid, I won't disgrace yer!

_Hud._ [_aside_]. How long will this last?

_Mrs. H._ [_to Hud._]. Well, my son, I must say, your chum seems hardly the retiring, bashful young man you have always represented him to be.

_Hud._ Oh, he is, he is. That's--er--that is just what is the matter. His shyness takes this form, you see. He is really awfully embarrassed, and--er--tries to pass it off in this way.

_Mrs. H._ Curious forms of shyness.

_Hud._ Yes, very. It will pass off soon, and you will like him better when the ice is broken.

_Shr._ [_to Miss H._]. Ain't that a nobby dress you got on!

_Mrs. H._ I should think the ice was at least badly cracked already.

_Hud._ [_aside_]. I must get them out of here. [_Aloud_.] Come, do let us start for the Assembly.

_Mrs. H._ Well, dear, we have an extra seat in the carriage, and if Mr. Burleigh would like to come, we will wait for him to dress. [_To Shreedy_] Won't you come with us, Mr. Burleigh?

_Hud._ [_breaking in_]. No--no--no! Ned never cares----

_Shr._ Why, sure. I'd be tickled to death. I am wid you easy. Let's go right away.

_Miss H._ Don't you want to dress?

_Shr._ What will I dress for? Begob, I can dance just the way I am as well as the next man. Wait till you see me take de flure. Oh, I'm a dandy on me toes [_illustrates by a few steps_].

_Hud._ [_aside_]. Oh, this is too much. I shall have to tell the truth.

[_Knock on door._]

There!! _Come in!_

[_Enter Randolph, still in his ulster, with the umbrella and smoking the cigar._]

_Rand._ Well, Ned, how is----. Oh, I beg pardon! [_Starts to back out; Hudson rushes across and seizes him._]

_Hud._ Randolph! Thank Heaven! Come here. [_Takes him aside._] Jack, have you any money with you? As you love me, Jack, let me have it.

_Rand._ What the deuce is the matter? I have ten dollars in this coat, but I need it.

_Hud._ Oh, kind Providence has taken care of its own! Let me have it, I tell you. [_Randolph gives him the ten-dollar bill. Hudson rushes to Shreedy._]

_Rand._ Here is a nice position. Is Steve crazy?

_Hud._ [_aside to Shr._]. Here, you damned blackmailer. Here's your money. Now get out, and don't let me see you here again.

_Shr._ Well, I should have enjoyed the party, but I need the money, so I'll go. [_To the others_] Ladies, I'm very sorry, but I find I have a sudden engagement, so I can't keep company wid you to de ball to-night. I'm all broke up about it, but I hope I'll see you again. Be good to yourselves. Good-by. Good-by, Hudson, ta-ta.

[_Exit Prof. Shreedy._]

_Mrs. H._ Why, Steve, what is the matter?

_Hud._ I will explain to you some other time. Let me present Mr. Randolph, mother, and my sister. Mr. Randolph is one of my best friends. I _owe_ him a great deal. Are you going in to the Assembly, Jack?

_Rand._ [_decidedly embarrassed_]. No, I can't. There is a dress rehearsal at the Pud; a _dress_ rehearsal, you know, and I must go right round to it now. I just came in for a moment. If you will excuse----

_Hud._ Oh, nonsense! Stay a little while. Take your coat off.

_Rand._ [_aside to Hud._] Shut up, you jackass!

_Miss H._ [_looking at Randolph's rubber boots_]. Is it raining, Mr. Randolph?

_Rand._ [_uneasily_]. No, no, not yet, no, but it looks like rain.

_Miss H._ Why, the stars were all out beautifully a moment ago.

_Rand._ Yes--er--they--er--the stars? [_With a noble effort_] Ah, yes, yes, the stars _were_ out, yes. But, er--they--er--they may go in again, you know. [_Aside_] What rot I am talking!

_Hud._ Well, it is not going to rain in here, anyway. Do take off your ulster and stay a minute.

_Rand._ Really, Steve, I'd like to, but that _dress rehearsal_, you know.

_Hud._ Oh, let the rehearsal wait. We are going in town in a moment, anyway.

_Mrs. H._ Don't leave us, Mr. Randolph.

_Miss H._ [_at mantel-piece_]. Steve, of whom is this a picture?

_Hud._ [_turning_]. Why, that is Jack himself in the last play.

_Mrs. H._ Oh, do let me see it. [_Goes to fireplace. Hudson, Miss H., and Mrs. H. stand at mantel with backs to room._]

_Burl._ [_from over the screen to Randolph_]. For Heaven's sake, Jack, hand up that ulster!

_Rand._ [_seeing him_]. What in the name--what are you doing there?

_Burl._ [_in a nervous and irritated undertone_]. Confound it, man, I haven't any clothes on. Give me the ulster, quick!

_Rand._ Hurray! Up a tree, are you? You'll talk to her while I am at the rehearsal, will you? I told you that when I met her you wouldn't be in it.

_Burl._ Give me the coat, Jack; do, there's a good fellow.

_Rand._ I'll be hanged if I will!

_Hud._ [_to his mother and sister_]. Here is Ned's room. I expect it is a chaos just at present. [_They move to door of Burleigh's bedroom, backs still to the rest of the room._]

_Burl_. Come round here. [_Steps from behind the screen, and pulls Rand. behind_.]

Rand. [_from behind_]. All right, just for a minute. You promise to give it back. [_Burl. comes out from behind screen, with ulster on. Rand's head appears over screen_.]

_Burl_. I'll see. [_Walks towards others. Ladies turn_.]

_Mrs. H_. Pardon me, Mr. Randolph----Oh!

_Burl_. Allow me to present myself, Mrs. Hudson----

_Hud_. Ned Burleigh!

_Burl_. Quite right, this time. I am Steve's chum.

_Mrs. H_. Why, Stephen, I don't understand.

_Burl_. [_to Hud., severely_]. I do.

_Mrs. H_. Will you explain this?

_Burl_. Yes, I think you had better.

_Hud_. [_putting on a bold front_]. Well, you see, mother, it was just a little joke on Ned. Just a little joke, that is all. [_Forces a laugh_.]

_Miss H_. Then the other was not your chum?

_Burl_. Most certainly not.

_Mrs. H_. Well, I don't understand it yet. However, I am very much relieved to meet the real Mr. Burleigh.

_Miss H._ Mother, I think we had better start for the Assembly.

_Mrs. H._ Where is Mr. Randolph?

_Burl._ Oh, he has just gone out.

_Miss H._ He must have left rather abruptly.

_Burl._ Yes, Jack Randolph has very queer manners. You see, he is awfully bashful.

_Rand._ [_to Burl. over the screen_]. Here, give me back that ulster.

_Burl._ [_aside to Rand._]. I'll be hanged if I will. Who is in it now, eh?

_Hud._ Well, let us be going.

_Mrs. H._ Will you come with us, Mr. Burleigh?

_Burl._ I will follow you in later. I will go down with you to the carriage.

_Hud._ Well, come along.

_Rand._ [_over the screen_]. That is a low trick. [_Reaches for Burl. with handle of umbrella three times; at third attempt screen falls over and Rand. flat on top of it--in short ballet dress and pink tights. His moustache, rubber boots, and decidedly masculine arms and legs make an excellent effect with the garb of a premiere danseuse. Ladies shriek._]

_Mrs. and_} _Miss H._ } Mr. Randolph!

_Steve._ Jack!

_Rand._ [_nervously spreading umbrella in front of his legs_]. I--I _beg_ your pardon. Please excuse my--my _deshabille_. [_To Hud., savagely_] I told you I was going to the dress rehearsal. [_Kicks Burleigh aside_] I'll get even with you, Ned.

_Mrs. H._ Well, Steve, this has been an exciting visit. Does a college room often furnish such incidents?

_Hud._ Well, it's all the fault of----

_Hud._ } _Burl._ } My awful chum!

A HARVARD-YALE EPISODE.

"I'm off for New Haven to-morrow," Rattleton announced as he dropped into Holworthy's room, where several of the "gang" were sitting. "Going to sojourn two days in the Land of Eli."

"You are, eh?" said Burleigh. "Well, you'll have a rattling good time down there."

"A '_smooth_' time, you mean," corrected Rattleton. "Don't you know how to talk Elic yet?"

"I beg pardon," said Burleigh. "When you get back I suppose you will refer to the Porc as your 'spot,' and if any of us who are not members asks you anything about it you will cut him dead."

"Don't make any breaks down there about queer pins and extraordinary buildings," said Stoughton.

"They _are_ funny about those things, aren't they?" replied Rattleton. "But I have no doubt they can laugh just as much at us about lots of things."

"Of course they can," asserted Holworthy. "_Vide_ the Dickey. That institution is quite as absurd as anything they do down there."

"Nonsense, Hol," protested Stoughton; "whoever thinks up here of taking the Dickey seriously,--except, perhaps, a few Sophomores who are fools and snobs enough to be either cocky about getting on it or sore about being left off. And as for awe and reverence, if there is any such feeling at all towards the Dickey, it is confined to less than a tenth of the Freshman class. What Senior ever cares two snaps about it one way or the other?"

"That may be known well enough to us," answered Holworthy, "but what does an outsider think when he sees Harvard men making such asses of themselves, as those do who are running for the Dickey. Don't you suppose it looks pretty childish."

"For instance," asked Hudson, "if he saw a handsome and accomplished gentleman holding a horse and dog-cart--as I did for you--while a low-down mucker goes in to call on the handsome gentleman's best girl--as you did for me?"

"That was good for you," laughed Holworthy.

"Or if he saw as I did," added Burleigh, "a dignified swell, named Hollis Holworthy, kissing all the babies he met on the street."

"Or a large and portly person," rejoined Hollis, "lying on his back in the public square at Concord, and telling sympathetic citizens that he was pierced by a British musket-ball. And then running in the dead of night from Concord to Lexington, dressed in a continental uniform, banging on the door of every farm-house with the butt of a musket until he brought out the alarmed householder and told him that the regulars were coming."

"Who made me do it?" retorted Burleigh.

"I acknowledge I had a hand in it," answered Holworthy. "I am confessing, not defending. _De gustibus Sophomoris non est disputandum._ But that is no excuse. At Yale they don't disgrace their college that way at any rate."

"They may have a lot of poppycock about their mysterious societies that seems ridiculous to us," said Rattleton, "but they don't trouble anybody else with it. Any way, they are good fellows, and they always give you a royal time when you visit down there."

"Yes, they do, my child," Burleigh assented in a serious tone. "Remember that you represent the dignity of the 'Oldest and Greatest.' Take care that they do not make a painful exhibition of our boy."

"Ned knows," chuckled Hudson. "No one has ever been able to find out exactly what happened to him when he stayed down there after the ball-game last year. He came back, looking like the last hours of an ill-spent life, with a confused story about some Yale beverage named 'Velvet' and a wonderful loving cup with no bottom, and a great many handles."

"Hush your idle scandal," said Burleigh. "Who are you going to stay with, Jack?"

"A first-rate fellow named Sheffield," answered Rattleton.

"What!" exclaimed Hudson, "Joe Sheffield?"

"Yes, do you know him?"

"Wow!" yelled Stoughton. "Does Steve know him! Mr. Hudson, do you know Mr. Sheffield?"

"Shut up, Dick," said Hudson; "you promised not to tell that."

"I never promised anything of the kind," declared Dick. "I had almost forgotten it, but I am glad I am reminded. All your friends ought to know about it, Steve. I am sure they would be pleased."

"Hold on!" said Hudson, "if that yarn is going to be told, I prefer to tell it myself. There is no sting in a clean breast."

"Go ahead then," said Stoughton. "I'll see that you tell it straight. Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"It was down at Bar Harbor, last summer," Hudson began. "I was spending two weeks with this man, Stoughton, who lives there in summer. Next to his place there was, er--there was--er----"

"A girl," interjected Dick, putting in the spur.

"Yes, there was, and an awfully pretty one, too," declared Hudson, defiantly. "If you will kindly refrain from interrupting, I can do this thing myself. What I was going to say was this: alongside of Dick's place, there was another place, and a most attractive one. There was a beautiful view from the piazza of this house----"

"_On_ the piazza," corrected Stoughton.

"Who is telling this story?" demanded Hudson. "Shut up and let me tell it my own way. I used to go over to look at this view every day," he continued; "so did this Yale man, Joe Sheffield. I used to know Joe at St. Mark's, and liked him very well, but it was rather a nuisance to see him at that house so much. Really he overdid it; why, I used to find him every time I went there. Finally I made up my mind that the duel was on, and I'd see who was the better man. Of course this was purely in a sporting spirit, you understand; I only felt it my duty to beat Yale, that was all."

"Careful, careful," murmured Dick, warningly. "Remember,--the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"At first I tried sitting him out by fair means," Hudson went on, paying no attention to Stoughton's side remark; "but the persistent bore outsat me every time. He'd let me set the pace and do all the talking, and then come in with a fresh wind on the finish and do me up. But early in the struggle a powerful ally presented himself, the girl's small brother, Freddy. He asked me one day why Sheffield wore that funny little pin all the time. I have forgotten now which pin it was; but it was the symbol of some particularly 'smooth' and secret band of brothers, and of course Sheffield was never without it. I had been yearning to jab him on his pin; but I knew I couldn't pretend to be innocent about it, and it would have been a little too rude to deliberately and openly make him uncomfortable. I told Freddy that I thought the pin had something to do with a club at Yale, but I had no idea why Mr. Sheffield always wore it. I suggested that he might ask Mr. Sheffield himself. It was a mean trick, but I couldn't resist it. Freddy said he would, and I knew he was just the boy to do it too. Freddy was of an inquiring and tenacious turn of mind, and never dropped a research on any subject until he had found out all there was to be learned,--he was a very fine little fellow.

"A little while after that, we three were sitting as usual on the piazza, when my young ally came running up; as soon as he saw us he sang out in his delightful, eager, childish way, 'Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I want you to tell me something.' Sheffield, pleasant as punch, said, 'What is it Freddy?' You ought to have seen him when Freddy said, 'I want to know why you always wear that funny little pin?'

"Sheffield tried to pretend in the weakest way that he didn't hear him. The big sister told Freddy to run away and play; but Freddy was not the lad to be bluffed that way. He laughed in a knowing way and said, 'Ha-ha, I know. It's got something to do with some club at Yale, hasn't it? You have got some secret about it, haven't you? But _I'll_ find it out. Nell has secrets too, but I always find 'em out.'

"Hereupon his sister told him that if he didn't mind her, and stop making a nuisance of himself, she'd tell his father and have him punished. He said he wasn't making a nuisance of himself and appealed to me. 'Mr. Hudson always tells me all about the Harvard clubs, don't you, Mr. Hudson?'

"I assured him that I didn't mind any such questions at all, and told him (Heaven forgive and preserve me!) that if he would come and see me at Cambridge I would make him have a first-rate time, and show him the clubs to which I belonged.

"'There,' he said, 'you don't think I'm a nuisance either, do you, Mr. Sheffield? Isn't there a club at Yale called the Skull and Keys? I know there is, 'cause I once heard Nell say she wondered how----'

"His sister grabbed him and said 'Stop' so severely that she managed to choke him off for a moment. But it had got too hot for Joe. He suddenly remembered that he had an engagement at three, at the Kebo Valley Club, and retreated, leaving the Crimson to wave alone and victorious over the field.

"Then how that girl did go for Freddy! He went off almost crying. I tried to stand up for the little man, and remarked how ridiculous the Yale men were about their societies. She didn't agree with me very heartily. She said it was a relief to see some young men take at least something seriously, and intimated that she didn't believe Harvard men were ever serious about anything, or had any reverence in them. So for half an hour I dilated on our great merits, and explained what worthy young men we really are.

"Next day I tried to 'set' Freddy on again, but it was no use; he had been temporarily sat on. I was lunching at their house, and for a wonder Sheffield wasn't there. I asked Freddy whether he had found out about Mr. Sheffield's club yet. He said 'No, and I can't either. Nell told on me, and Popper said he'd spank me if I troubled older people any more. I didn't trouble anybody, did I, Mr. Hudson? I said you had told me yourself to ask Mr. Sheffield about his pin, and Nell said you----'

"I never knew what his sister had said about me, because, just at this point, the old gentleman banged the table and roared, 'You eat your lunch, sir!' and Freddy subsided.

"A day or two after that, we all went on a picnic. Even Dick, the old hermit, came along, for a wonder. I persuaded his family it wouldn't be polite for him to stay home, as I was his guest."

"Yes," put in Dick, "you were my guest and I was responsible for your behavior. It wasn't the etiquette that worried my family, it was the danger of the thing. Besides, I wanted to see you and Joe Sheffield making fools of yourselves. You did it too, both of you. Go ahead. I won't interrupt you again."

"We all piled into those delightful long buckboards with four or five seats, and drove to the foot of one of the mountains. There is only one defect in the architecture of a Mt. Desert buckboard. It holds three on a seat. Sheffield had to shove himself in on the same seat with the pretty neighbor, so I got in on the other side of her. I did most of the talking during the drive."

(At points such as this during the narrative, Hudson would stop and violently puff his cigar, while Stoughton would hug himself gleefully, and show other signs of delight.)

"We carried the lunch up the mountain," Hudson went on, "and ate it, along with the ants and other things, on the summit. After lunch Sheffield managed to drop me, somehow, and I went off for a smoke with Dick. I consulted with Machiavelli Stoughton, as to how I might again cast down the man from Yale. I knew the crafty Dago could help me, if any one could. Dick wished for Freddy, for Dick always knew how to use that interesting child; but Freddy had been left weeping at home. Dago Mac' came up to his form, though. He suddenly pointed to a cluster of brilliant wild flowers. I said, 'Yes, very pretty. What about 'em.' Then Dick said 'Do you see that broad rock this side of them?' It was a smooth slab that reached from the path, about twenty feet, down to where the flowers grew. It slanted at a good steep angle, so that a man could barely walk down it, with rubber-soled shoes. I didn't get much inspiration out of the rock. Then Dick showed me a blackberry vine, or some sort of a bramble, that ran across the face of the rock a little more than half way down it. Still I couldn't see what he was driving at. He said to come along and he'd show me. We went to the basket where the remains of the lunch had been stowed, and Dick took what was left of the butter. Then we went back to the rock and the Dago greased as much as he could of it, just above the bramble. 'Now,' he said, 'when we start back for the buckboard, you fall in alongside of Sheffield and the enchantress. When you get to this rock, the method is very simple,--you show the flowers, Eli will do the rest.'

"At last I took in at a glance all the grand possibilities of the scheme. I remembered that Joe Sheffield was very particular about his appearance, and was dressed up to the hilt. He was always sensitive about his clothes. I fell upon Dick's neck and wept tears of gratitude. Then we went back to the rest of the party. Sheffield had had a monopoly the whole afternoon."

"A corner in Paradise?" suggested Burleigh.