CHAPTER V.

THE WIZARD.

immieboy grasped the old man's hand, and for a few moments was silent. He was so astonished that he could do nothing but gaze upon his new acquaintance in wonder. The little old man seemed very much pleased at Jimmieboy's apparent wonderment, for he smiled broadly and said,

"Thank you, sir."

"You are very welcome," murmured Jimmieboy, "but I don't know what for. I didn't know that I had done anything for you to thank me for."

"Yes, indeed, you have," returned the little old man, letting go of Jimmieboy's hand, and dancing a lively jig upon the broad marble top of the bureau. "You have done two things. You have released me from a long imprisonment, for one thing, and for another you have looked at me in a manner which proves that you think me a most interesting person. I like freedom better than anything in the world, and next to that I like being an interesting person."

"And were you really shut up in that little drawer so that you couldn't get out?" asked Jimmieboy, beginning to feel very glad that fortune had led him that way, and so enabled him to help the little old man out of his trouble.

"Yes," answered the other. "I've been locked up in that drawer there for nearly fifty years."

"Fifty years!" ejaculated Jimmieboy. "Why, that's longer than I have lived."

"No, not quite," said the little old man. "They were dream years, and a dream year isn't much longer than a day of your time; but they have seemed real years to me, and I am just as grateful to you for unlocking the drawer and letting me out as I should have been had the years been three hundred and sixty-five days long each."

"Why should any one want to lock you up in a drawer?" asked Jimmieboy. "Were you naughty?"

"No," said the old man. "I never did a naughty thing in all my life, but they locked me up just the same--just as if I had been a poor little canary-bird."

"Who did it?" queried Jimmieboy. "They must have been very wicked people to treat you that way."

"They were. Awfully wicked," said the little old man. "They were wickeder than they seem, because really, you know, they intended that I should stay locked up there forever and ever."

"But how did they come to do it?" asked Jimmieboy.

"It's a long story," answered the little old man. "But if you want me to, I'll tell it."

"Do," said Jimmieboy.

"Very well, then, I will," said the little old man. "But not here. It is too wet here. We'll go inside the drawer ourselves, where we can be dry and comfortable, and we'll take the key in with us and lock ourselves in so that nobody can interfere with us. Will you come?"

"I don't see how I can," said Jimmieboy, looking down at his own body and then pointing to the drawer. "Don't you see I am two or three dozen times too big to get in there?"

"That doesn't make any difference," said the little old man with a laugh. "For I am a wizard, and I can make you large or small, just as I please. If you will say the word I'll make you so small you couldn't see yourself with a magnifying-glass."

Jimmieboy thought a moment, and concluded very wisely, I think, that he would rather not be so small as that.

"I don't like to lose sight of myself," he said.

"Very well, then," said the other. "Suppose I make you just about my size? How would that do?"

"I'd like that very much," replied Jimmieboy, kindly. "I think you are an awfully nice size."

Again the little old man smiled with pleasure. "You are the pleasantest boy I know," he said; "and you will find out before long that it is worth while to make friends with old Thumbhi, Lord High Wizard of the Sea, and Court Jester to the King of the Waves."

"Are you all that?" said Jimmieboy, pleased to discover that his new-found friend was a person of so great importance.

"Yes indeed," answered Thumbhi. "I am all that, and half a dozen things more. In fact, I am so much that if we had a million dream years together I couldn't even begin to tell you all that I am. But come. Are you ready to be made smaller?"

"Yes," said Jimmieboy, a little nervously. "What do I do first?"

"You must put on a coat I give you," replied the wizard. "It will be a little small for you, perhaps, but you can get it on."

The wizard opened one of the bureau drawers, and took therefrom a coat, in which Jimmieboy hastened to array himself. It was, as the old man had said, a little small for him, but he managed to get into it, and after wearing it a minute or two he found it quite comfortable.

"Now take it off," said the wizard, taking a second coat out of the drawer, "and put this one on."

Jimmieboy took off the coat. "Is this larger than the other?" he asked, as he began to put the second coat on.

"No; it is a trifle smaller," replied the wizard. "That's my scheme. You keep putting on coats that are smaller than the one you have just taken off. You stay in them until they fit you comfortably, and finally when you get the last one on you will be small enough to get into the drawer."

"That's a fine plan," said Jimmieboy.

Then he went through the process of changing coats, each new coat being a little smaller than the other, until he had tried on at least fifty of them, when for the first time since he began he caught sight of himself in the glass.

"My!" he cried, in pleased astonishment. "I'm hardly any bigger than you are."

"That's so," replied the little old man. "One more coat, and we can get you into the drawer."

Jimmieboy put on the last coat. A little bit of a thing it was, hardly larger than a doll's overcoat, and, if the truth be told, awfully tight; but, as with all the others, it soon became as comfortable as any coat he had ever worn, and then, looking at himself in the glass once more, Jimmieboy observed that he was actually no larger than Thumbhi.

"It didn't hurt much, did it?" asked Thumbhi.

"Not a bit," said Jimmieboy. "It was as easy and pleasant as could be."

"That's the great thing about my tricks," said the wizard. "They never hurt anybody. It would be a good thing if all tricks were that way. Tricks that hurt people are mean, and I don't have anything to do with them, and if you will take my advice you won't either."

"I'll take anything you'll give me," said Jimmieboy.

The old wizard laughed heartily at this. "Most boys would," said he, "but you are the first one I ever met who was willing to take advice. The boys I've known have all been like little Sammy. Ever hear about little Sammy?"

"No," answered Jimmieboy. "What did he do?"

"Why," said the wizard, "Sammy is the boy the poet wrote about, saying:

"Sammy was a pretty boy, Sammy was his mother's joy. Sammy'd take A piece of cake, Sammy'd always take a toy.

"Sammy'd take a top to spin. Pie with fruit and raisins in. Sammy'd take A piece of steak, Sammy'd take his medicine.

"Sammy'd take a bowl of rice, Sammy'd take a bit of spice. Sammy'd take A garden rake, But he would not take advice."

Here the wizard stopped.

"Is that all?" asked Jimmieboy.

"Certainly," answered Thumbhi. "What more do you want?"

"Didn't anything happen to Sammy?" queried Jimmieboy.

The wizard was about to say no, but then he suddenly remembered that something always does happen to boys that refuse to take advice, so he said: "The poet never told us about that, but I think it probable that something did happen to Sammy. Very likely he went out skating on a mill-pond one summer day in spite of his father's warning, and got his feet so wet that he caught cold, and had to stay in bed while all the other boys went off on a picnic."

This seemed to satisfy Jimmieboy, and Sammy was dropped as a subject of conversation.

"Now let us go into the drawer," said the wizard.

[TO BE CONTINUED.]

If the success of a track-athletic meeting is to be judged from the number of records broken, the two interscholastic meets of May 11th at Berkeley Oval and at Eastern Park will go down in the annals of school sport as the most notable occasions of the kind ever held. The contestants in the N.Y.I.S.A.A. games left the records of only four events on the card standing at the same figure they showed when the programme was printed, and came so close to these that the entire schedule was in danger of being entirely overthrown. The management of the Oval games was as near perfection as can be hoped for where so many events and so many contestants have to be attended to; and although in Brooklyn there was considerable delay at one time on account of the non-arrival of the hurdles, yet things were kept moving as fast as possible, and the enthusiasm of the spectators helped to fill what might otherwise have been several tedious gaps. The Cutler athletes deserve the highest praise for the work they performed. They came on the field with Barnard and Berkeley strong favorites, and they went into every event with an earnestness and energy that were finally rewarded by victory. Cutler's score was 34-1/2 points, with Barnard second, having 30, and Berkeley third, with 27. Next year there will be a hot struggle between Barnard and Cutler for the final ownership of the cup, which will then be decided, unless some other strong team is developed, to come in and secure the trophy for a year's custodianship.

Although Hall won the second heat in the 100 in 10-2/5 seconds, with Moore behind him, he was unable to distance Moore when the final test came, and the Barnard man plunged ahead and took the event. All the heats in the 100 were close and interesting, and no winner had an easy time of it in any case. In fact, all the sprints were contested in sound earnest. The quarter-mile furnished as pretty a race as any. Irwin-Martin kept along in the middle of the bunch until they were well opposite the grand stand on the far side of the field, when he pulled ahead strongly and steadily, and finished in good style. His effort was a strain on him, however, for he collapsed as soon as he had breasted the tape. For this reason he was probably not in his best form when he toed the scratch for the half-mile, but it is doubtful if he could have distanced Meehan even if he had been. Meehan proved himself to be in the pink of condition. Robinson, the old Yale runner who has been training him, told me at the start that Meehan had been trained to do the first quarter in 60 seconds, and as he passed the mark the watch showed just that time. He was leading then, and kept right on, with strong graceful strides until he finished, and broke the record by one second. Irwin-Martin did his best to pull up; but Meehan kept ahead easily, with a broad smile on his face, and appeared to be just as fresh at the finish as he had been at the start.

The mile run was another pretty race. There must have been more than twenty starters, and they trotted off in a tight bunch, sticking well together for three entire laps. Then Tappin gradually pulled out from the centre, with Mosenthal and McCord seesawing behind him. He kept increasing his lead, and although Mosenthal pushed him pretty hard, he finished strong, with the place men a couple of yards behind, and the field straggling as far back as the bend. Blair failed to come up to his promised form, and was at no time a factor in the race. The walk was practically a duel between Hackett and Walker. Hackett took the lead, and Walker stuck close to his heels, making several attempts to pass him. On the stretch Walker made one last desperate effort, and walked abreast of his opponent for several yards, while the judge of walking almost went frantic in his endeavors to keep the racers down to form. Neither broke, however, and Hackett won by a yard. Walker is still young for such strong work, but I am sure that he will be heard from within the next few years. The bicycle racers broke the interscholastic record of 2 min. 49-3/5 sec. in every heat, and Powell's final race, which brought the time down to 2 min. 34-1/5 sec., was a beautiful contest. Ehrich pushed him hard all the way, and finished a strong second. A pleasing feature of the event was that only one collision occurred, and this was not serious.

The best performance of the day, from an athletic point of view, was Baltazzi's high jumping. He was in good form, and won the event by clearing 5 ft. 7 in. Then he had the bar put up a quarter of an inch above the interscholastic record mark of 5 ft. 9 in., and cleared it, thus insuring for himself a record medal. The "take-off" was in bad condition, and had to be constantly rolled. There were also several bad holes along the runway. In addition to this, Baltazzi's right shoe split, and afforded him almost no support. Nevertheless, he felt that he could do even better than 5 ft. 9-1/4 in., and he had the bar raised to 5 ft. 11 in. He failed the first five times allowed him for a record try, but on the sixth he got a good start, cleared the holes, and found a solid spot to "take off" on, and cleared the stick as neatly and gracefully as he ever did at 5 ft. 5 in. He had never before, even in practice, done better than 5 ft. 10-1/2 in. Baltazzi goes to Columbia next year, and will be a factor in the intercollegiates if he keeps in his present form, which I have no doubt he will. I expect to see him go beyond 6 feet inside of two years. He will doubtless be one of the N.Y.A.C.'s representatives when the English athletes come over here this year.

The records for the other field events, with the exception of throwing the baseball and the broad jump, were broken. Ayres bettered the shot record almost by a foot, and Irwin-Martin, in spite of his hard work in the runs, threw 117 feet 4-1/2 inches with the hammer. A notable feature of this event was that every place man in it surpassed the interscholastic record, the third man bettering it as much as 3 feet. This kind of work is most encouraging, and cannot fail to raise the standard of the contestants, and create a most beneficial competition. If a man knows he has got to break the record even to get third place, there will be good work done. Cowperthwaite, as I had anticipated, won the broad jump easily, but he should have gotten closer to the record than he did. He covered 20 feet 8 inches. One of the other exciting and unexpected features of the day was the semi-final in the Junior 100, when Leech left the field about ten yards behind. He will make a good man as his two easy victories over Wilson will attest.

A better exhibition of tennis than that offered by Ware, when he defeated Whitman in the final match on Holmes Field, Cambridge, last week Monday, could hardly be wished for. The Roxbury player was decidedly in championship form, and although he won in three straight sets--6-4, 6-3, 7-5--he had to play his level best, for Whitman was no easy victim. In the third set Ware showed what he was made of. The games were 5-2 against him, but he gathered himself together, played a cool, careful game, displaying excellent judgment at every point, and thus pulled out the next five games, and the set. It was exciting throughout. Whitman took the first game. His opponent got the second, and both were then playing as good tennis as they knew how, with the advantage temporarily in favor of Whitman. By keeping close up to the net he managed to fool Ware a good many times, at the same time saving himself from committing his great fault of banging the ball into the net. This Whitman invariably does when he stands back. Ware evidently knew his antagonist's style of play, for he gradually coaxed Whitman nearer and nearer to the back line, and then pounded the balls at him, with the 7-5 result. Ware will be seen at a number of tournaments this summer, and will no doubt bring a triumphal record back to Roxbury with him in the fall. He will play in the Western Championship Doubles at Chicago, in the Longwood open tournament, as well as in the Massachusetts championships held on the same courts; and he will enter the lists at Newcastle, Bar Harbor, Narragansett Pier, and Newport.

At Eastern Park the Adelphi Academy athletes swept everything before them. Gunnison and Jewell proved to be surprises, the former winning three firsts and the latter two firsts and one second. The other members of the team seconded them so well, that Adelphi took the cup with 10 points more to their credit than their nearest rival, which was Poly. Prep, with 29. It is to be regretted that there was any hitch over the delivery of the hurdles, and at one time it seemed as if those two events would have to be omitted; but the sticks did come, and the races furnished some of the best sport of the day. The Junior 100 gave a close finish, and the 220 furnished an exciting contest. Stevens took it from Jewell, who had been counted a winner, but Jewell retrieved himself when he won the quarter handily, it being his first attempt at running that distance. Bedford was somewhat of a disappointment to his schoolmates, who expected him to take the mile for B.H.-S. instead of allowing it to go to Adelphi, but he ran the half-mile in good time, and took second in the longer distance. The walk was most interesting too. Clark and Stars were fairly in lock-step behind Hall, and it was nip and tuck with the three until the tape was broken.

The bicycle race, in which the Long Island record was lowered 1-2/5 seconds, was run under the rules of the L.A.W., and with the sanction of the L.A.W. Racing Board. This is the first school race to be so run. The final heat looked like a dead heat between Roehr and Hazeltine, and I have no doubt that if the two had set the pace earlier in the race the record would have been greatly bettered. In the pole vault Phillips beat his own record of 9 feet by 7 inches, and the hammer record was increased by over 24 feet. Mason threw 100 ft. 11 in. Some of the other records that were smashed were the mile run, which was lowered 2-1/5 seconds; Bedford brought down the half-mile record from 2 min. 17-4/5 sec. to 2 min. 12-3/5 sec.; Gunnison made the record in the high hurdles read 16-3/5 sec. instead of 18-3/5 sec. The record for the 100 was broken three times. In the final heat the time was 10-3/5 sec., and in the second and third heats it was 10-2/5 sec. and 10-1/2 sec. respectively. Stevens made the best time.

N.Y.I.S.A.A. Records Event. previous to May 11, 1895.

100-yard dash 10-3/8 sec. 100-yard dash, for Juniors 11-2/5 " 220-yard dash 22-4/5 " 220-yard dash, for Juniors 23-4/5 " 440-yard run 53 Half-mile run 2 m. 5-1/5 " Mile run 4 " 52 " Mile walk 7 " 30-2/5 " 120-yard hurdles 16-1/5 " 220-yard hurdles 27-1/5 " One-mile bicycle 2 " 49-3/5 " Two-mile bicycle Running high jump 5 ft. 9 in. Running broad jump 21 " 5 " Pole vault 10 " Putting 12-pound shot 39 " 1 " Throwing 12-pound hammer 110 " 3-1/2 " Throwing baseball 325 " 9 "

N.Y.I.S.A.A. Games, Berkeley Oval, New York, May 11, 1895.

Event. Winner. Performance.

100-yard dash Moore, Barnard 10-3/5 sec. 100-yard dash, for Juniors Leech, Cutler 11 " 220-yard dash Moore, Barnard 23-1/5 " 220-yard dash, for Juniors Leech, Cutler 24-3/5 " 440-yard run Irwin-Martin, Berkeley 52-3/5 " Half-mile run Meehan, Condon 2 m. 4-1/5 " Mile run Tappin, Cutler 5 " 4-3/5 " Mile walk Hackett, Trinity 7 " 4-2/5 " 120 yard hurdles Beers, De La Salle 15-3/5 " 220-yard hurdles Syme, Barnard 26-3/5 " One-mile bicycle Powell, Cutler 2 " 34-1/5 " Two-mile bicycle Running high jump Baltazzi, Harvard 5 ft. 11 in. Running broad jump Cowperthwaite, Col. Gram. 20 " 8 " Pole vault Simpson, Barnard 10 " 3/8 " Putting 12-pound shot Ayers, Condin 40 " 3/4 " Throwing 12-pound hammer Irwin-Martin, Berkeley 117 " 4-1/2 " Throwing baseball Zizinia, Harvard 325 " 4 "

Long Island I.S.A.A. Games, Eastern Park, Brooklyn, May 11, 1895.

Event. Winner. Performance.

100-yard dash Stevens, B.L.S. 10-3/5 sec. 100-yard dash, for Juniors Robinson, St. Paul's 11 " 220-yard dash Stevens, B.L.S. 25-3/5 " 220-yard dash, for Juniors 440-yard run Jewell, Adelphi 55-3/5 " Half-mile run Bedford, B.H.-S. 2 m. 13-3/5 " Mile run Romer, B'klyn Acad. 5 " 12 " Mile walk Hall, St. Paul's 8 " 37 " 120 yard hurdles Gunnison, Adelphi 16-3/5 " 220-yard hurdles Gunnison, Adelphi 29-4/5 " One-mile bicycle Two-mile bicycle Roehr, Poly. Prep. 6 " 20-3/5 " Running high jump Gunnison, Adelphi 5 ft. 4-1/2 in. Running broad jump Jewell, Adelphi 20 " 3-1/2 " Pole vault Phillips, B. & S. 9 " 7 " Putting 12-pound shot Mason, Poly. Prep. 36 " 8 " Throwing 12-pound hammer Mason, Poly. Prep. 100 " 11 " Throwing baseball

SUMMARY OF POINTS MADE.

New York I.S.A.A.

School. Firsts. Seconds. Thirds. Points.

Barnard 4 2 4 30 Berkeley 2 4 5 27 Columbia Grammar 1 0 1/2 5-1/2 Columbia Institute 0 0 0 0 Condon 2 0 2 12 Cutler 4 4 2-1/2 34-1/2 De La Salle 1 0 0 5 Drisler 0 2 0 6 Dwight 0 0 2 2 Halsey 0 0 0 0 Hamilton Institute 0 0 0 0 Harvard 2 2 0 16 Trinity 1 0 0 5 Wilson & Kellogg 0 1 0 3 Woodbridge 0 0 0 0 Yale 0 1 0 3 Sachs 0 1 0 3

Long Island I.S.A.A.

School. Firsts. Seconds. Thirds. Points.

Adelphi 6 2 3 39 Polytechnic Institute 3 3 5 29 Brooklyn High-School 2 3 1 20 St. Paul's 2 3 1 20 Brooklyn Latin School 2 2 2 18 Bryant & Stratton 0 2 1 7 Pratt Institute 0 0 2 2

The accompanying table offers a comparison of the work done on the two tracks, and will serve as a record of the day's doings. Space prevents my inserting a comparative table of the interscholastic and intercollegiate records, but I shall do that at an early date, and the showing will by no means discredit the school athletes. The only difference between the New York and Long Island programmes is that the New-Yorkers run a one-mile bicycle race, while the athletes on the other side of the Bridge cover two miles in that event. And they do not throw the baseball. They are right. The event is not athletic.

The Yale Interscholastic Tennis Tournament was held in New Haven on the same date as Harvard's in Cambridge, and although the entries were not so many from the Connecticut schools, the work of the players was excellent. The winner was J. P. Sheldon, of Hotchkiss Academy, who held the championship of Ohio before he came East to attend school at Lakeville. Sheldon's hottest matches were against Sage and Trowbridge, who was last year's champion. He defeated Sage in two sets, 7-5, 6-2, and overcame Trowbridge only after three stubbornly contested sets, 8-6, 6-2, 6-4. Last year Trowbridge did not compete at Newport, and it is Sheldon's intention now to follow his schoolmate's example. I hope he will change his mind, for it is to the interest of sport that the ablest players should meet, aside from the mere question of determining which one is actually the strongest.

The Interscholastic Relay Races, held on Franklin Field, Philadelphia, April 20th, at the same time as the Intercollegiate relay races, developed the fact that the schools, in point of time, made almost as good a showing as the colleges. The best collegiate performance of the day was Harvard's defeat of the University of Pennsylvania in 3 m. 34-2/5 sec. The poorest winning time was made by C.C.N.Y.--3 m. 55-1/5 sec. The fastest time by a school team was made by the Central High-School, which defeated the Manual Training School in 3 m. 57-1/5 sec. The most interesting scholastic contest was between De Lancey and Episcopal Academy. Episcopal gained the lead in the first lap, only to lose it in the second, but regained it in the final quarter when only 75 yards from home. Here Ogelsby, spent with his hard run, could not go another step, and fell to the ground, leaving Knors to finish in a canter.

THE GRADUATE.

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Thoroughly revised, classified, and indexed, will be sent by mail to any address on receipt of ten cents.

This Department is conducted in the interest of Bicyclers, and the Editor will be pleased to answer any question on the subject. Our maps and tours contain much valuable data kindly supplied from the official maps and road-books of the League of American Wheelmen. Recognizing the value of the work being done by the L. A. W. the Editor will be pleased to furnish subscribers with membership blanks and information so far as possible.

The bicycle route this week is one of the pleasantest in the vicinity of New York city. It is the run across Staten Island. The reader should study the map of New York city published in No. 809, and find the best way in which to reach South Ferry. If he is a skilful rider, he may take the middle track of the cable-car (Broadway route), and follow that down Broadway; if not, he must come down towards South Ferry through the east side of New York. Arrived at South Ferry, take the Staten Island ferry-boat to St. George. On leaving the ferry at St. George he should turn to the left, go up a rather steep hill, and take the third street to the left--that is, Stuyvesant Place and Avenue, and running along this southward take the third street to the right, and after going one block upon this turn to the left into Central Avenue. He should keep on Central Avenue until he reaches Tompkins Avenue, which is the first turn to the right; then, going southward on Tompkins Avenue, he should turn into Bay Street, and continue on Bay Street until he approaches Clifton, having passed through Tompkinsville and Stapleton. Just before reaching Clifton station he should turn right into Richmond road, and continue through Concord, Grassmere, Linden Park, Garretson, and Grant City, until just after leaving a large cemetery on the right, he runs into New Dorp.

At the Black Horse Tavern in New Dorp, which, by-the-way, is the only place to stop at, turn to the left into Amboy Road, pass the Court-house on the left; then about a mile farther on cross the railroad and run into Giffords. Another mile, and the rider passes through Ettingville. This part of the road, from New Dorp through Ettingville, is more or less hilly, but the road here, as elsewhere for the entire route, is in excellent condition, and is macadamized. From Ettingville the rider passes through Annandale, Huguenot, crosses the railway again, continues on through Prince's Bay, thence to Pleasant Plains, crossing track again, and a mile further on enters Richmond Valley. He then keeps to the main road, which is the left-hand turn in Richmond Valley, and proceeds until he reaches the outskirts of Tottenville, where, turning sharp to the right, he enters Main Street, and may make a stop at the West End Hotel; but if he is going further (for this is the most direct route through New Jersey to the South), he may ride down to the Amboy Valley.

It is well worth the wheelman's while to continue on towards Clifton after leaving Stapleton, instead of turning to the right into Richmond road, and, continuing through Clifton, to run down to Fort Wadsworth, which is one of the important inner forts of the harbor, and commands a view of the Lower Bay. By keeping to this road after leaving Fort Wadsworth, and following it as it turns sharply to the right, he can run down towards South Beach, and join the Richmond road again just as he enters Linden Park. Furthermore, after leaving the Court-house, a mile or more beyond New Dorp, a road turns sharply to the right running up into the hills; and from Richmond, which is perhaps a mile and a half away, he may leave his wheel and climb up to the old Lookout, where once stood a fort of the Revolutionary War. The view from here commands most of the island and the Lower Bay, and is one of the best in the vicinity of New York city. There is a short ride over a good road from St. George along the northern boundary of Staten Island, running through New Brighton, Snug Harbor, Livingston, West New Brighton, Port Richmond, Tower Hill, etc., down to Bowman's Point; and it is possible for the rider to take this road, turning off at Tower Hill to the left, on the Port Richmond road, running across the island through New Springville and Green Ridge on to the Richmond road at Ettingville. This Port Richmond road, however, is hilly, and though in moderately good condition, is not to be compared with the Richmond road.

NOTE.--Map of New York city asphalted streets in No. 809. Map of route from New York to Tarrytown in No. 810. New York to Stamford, Connecticut, in No. 811.

This Department is conducted in the interest of Girls and Young Woman, and the Editor will be pleased to answer any question on the subject so far as possible. Correspondents should address Editor.

These are very busy days for some of you, because, as we all know, school examinations are just in advance. I was talking with a girl friend this morning, and she said she did not at all mind examinations, because she was very thorough with her work all through the term. She said, "By never slighting anything from the beginning of the term to the end, I find I do not have any harder work at the end than at the beginning." I wish that all young people--and, for that matter, older ones, too--would imitate her example. It is a good plan to be thorough with what we do, and to establish a reputation for being so among our friends, so that people may know that they can always depend on us. A lack of this quality of thoroughness often leads to very grave accidents. A ship has gone down before now in mid-ocean because of the unfaithfulness of somebody who had to do with its building, and from time to time tall houses fall and people are killed because architects or carpenters were unfaithful when constructing the rickety things, and allowed flaws to pass, and were contented with makeshifts. Our rule should be not to slight our work, but always to do it in the best possible manner.

The habit of thoroughness in housekeeping leads one to keep rooms in good order and the table beautifully appointed. I know a girl who says that she takes great pains with her room whenever she thinks her aunt Mary is coming to see her, because Aunt Mary's sharp eyes discover every speck of dust, and observe any trifle that is in the least out of order. Aunt Mary is a bit of a critic, and her niece a little afraid of her comments.

In other words, the aunt has made a coward of the girl. I do not like the idea of being in bondage to anybody, whether an aunt or a stranger. It would seem to me a far better way to feel that one must answer to one's self, and that one would not feel satisfied unless she could look herself in the glass and say: "There, everything is done in the best possible manner, and you cannot find any fault with me to-day. Try to, if you dare!"

I wonder whether you are particular to write notes of thanks very soon after receiving gifts or acts of courtesy? The value of a note of thanks is greatly increased by its being prompt. If some friend leaves a bunch of violets at your door, and you fail to acknowledge it until the flowers have failed, your thanks, when they do come, are tardy. When flowers are sent to those who are ill, they, of course, cannot repay the courtesy by a little note themselves, but some one in the family should do it for them. Your note of thanks should be very genial, showing that you are really pleased by the kind attention and the happier because of it. Do not be afraid to write warmly and cordially on such occasions. If stiff and formal you are unjust both to your friend and yourself.

Speaking of illness, it happens that some of you have to take care of those who are ill, and it is worth while to cultivate a way of moving lightly and quietly about a sick room. One should never wear creaking shoes nor a rustling dress in a room where any one is ill. The nerves of people in illness are very acute and sensitive to every sound. A friend recovering from a long attack of typhoid fever told me that, while she was convalescent, she was nearly driven frantic by the fact that her nurse, writing notes in her room, used a pen which scratched on the paper. Even this little noise was most distressing to her in her weak state, and she said that when the same nurse began to sew by her bed she could hear the sound of the thread going through the muslin, and it seemed to her so loud and jarring that she could not bear it. I have known a person suffering from a severe headache in the third story of a house to be greatly distressed by noises in the kitchen, a long way below. You see, we cannot be too careful to be very gentle in our movements and quiet in our manner when we are with those who are not well.

C. S. M.--In reply to your inquiry concerning the best schools for studying designing in New York city, we should advise the School of Applied Design for Women, Twenty-third Street and Seventh Avenue, tuition $50 a year, and Cooper Institute, Ninth Street and Third Avenue, tuition almost free. In Philadelphia, the Drexel Institute and the Pennsylvania Museum and School of Industrial Art, Thirteenth and Spring Garden streets. In Boston, the Museum of Fine Arts. Any of these schools is suitable for your purpose.

* * * * *

STARVED TO DEATH

in midst of plenty. Unfortunate, yet we hear of it. The Gail Borden Eagle Brand Condensed Milk is undoubtedly the safest and best infant food. _Infant Health_ is a valuable pamphlet for mothers. Send your address to N. Y. Condensed Milk Co., N. Y.--[_Adv._]

ADVERTISEMENTS.

Scott's Emulsion

is Cod-liver Oil emulsified, or made easy of digestion and assimilation. To this is added the Hypophosphites of Lime and Soda, which aid in the digestion of the Oil and increase materially the potency of both. It is a remarkable flesh-producer. Emaciated, anæmic and consumptive persons gain flesh upon it very rapidly. The combination is a most happy one.

Physicians recognize its superior merit in all conditions of wasting. It has had the endorsement of the medical profession for 20 years.

_Don't be persuaded to take a substitute!_

Scott & Bowne, N. Y. All Druggists. 50c. and $1.

Arnold

Constable & Co.

* * * * *

Summer Underwear

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Merino Underwear,

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AND WOOL UNDERWEAR.

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The price has nothing to do with the

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Prices from one to six dollars each.

Postage Stamps, &c.

=STAMPS!= =300= fine mixed Victoria, Cape of G. H., India, Japan, etc. with fine Stamp Album, only =10c.= New 80-p. Price-list =free=. _Agents wanted_ at =50%= commission. STANDARD STAMP CO., 4 Nicholson Place, St. Louis, Mo. Old U.S. and Confederate Stamps bought.

100 all dif. Venezuela, Costa Rica, etc., only 10c.; 200 all dif. Hayti, Hawaii, etc., only 50c. Ag'ts wanted at 50 per ct. com. List FREE!

=C. A. Stegmann=, 2722 Eads Av., St. Louis, Mo.

=50= var., all dif., 5c.; 12 var. Heligoland, 15c.; 6 var. Italy, 1858 to 1862, 5c.; 8 var. Hanover, 5c.; 35 var. C. American, 50c. Agents wanted.

F. W. MILLER, 904 Olive St., St. Louis, Mo.

=POSTAGE DUES.=--50c. and 30c., at 70c. each; the pair for $1.25. =Diamond Stamp Co., Germantown, Pa.=

_=FALSE MUSTACHES= and GOATEES._

Fun for the boys, a complete disguise. Fine hair goods. As Sample of our 1000 Novelties, we send one of each with large Catalogue for 10c.

R. H. INGERSOLL & BRO., 65 CORTLANDT ST., N. Y. CITY.

Two Exciting Puzzle Contests Ended.

Endeavoring to favor the TABLE with an easy puzzle, since many said the questions were too hard, a flood of correct answers resulted in the Authors' Outing Contest, and, in accordance with the role, a second contest had to be held. Here are correct answers to the original contest:

1. Moore--Moor. 2. Gay. 3. Yonge. 4. Lot's wife. 5. The mulberry is said to have turned red because Pyramus killed himself at the root of the tree, in the belief that Thisbe had been devoured by a lion. 6. Bacon. 7. Hogg. 8. Ruskin. 9. Lemon. 10. Robinson Crusoe's man Friday. 11. Dickens. 12. Watts. 13. Bangs. 14. Theodore Child. 15. Butler. 16. Canning. 17. Hawthorne. 18. February. 19. Reade. 20. Swift. 21. Howitt--How it. 22. Motherwell. 23. Scott--Scot. 24. Hood. 25. Lamb. 26. Lover. 27. Harte. 28. Twain. 29. Spenser. 30. Akenside. 31. Holland. 32. Sterne. 33. Cooper. 34. Smiles. 35. Wordsworth. 36. Goldsmith. 37. Shelley. 38. Borrow. 39. Steele. 40. Santa Claus.

A set of 35 new questions was prepared and sent by mail, to those who gave the foregoing correct answers. Thus the ties were played off, so to speak, unsuccessful contestants and outsiders being barred. Following are answers to the new questions. In some cases the questions themselves are given, since they have not before been published. It was asked who wrote these:

1. "The Widowed Heart," Albert Pike; 2. "The Revellers," William Davis Gallagher, Mrs. Hemans; 3. "The Remarkable Wreck of the _Thomas Hyke_," Frank R. Stockton; 4. "Sicily Burns's Wedding," Geo. W. Harris; 5. "The Tar Baby," Joel Chandler Harris; 6. "The Only Daughter," Harriett Campbell, O. W. Holmes, Mrs. Henry Wood; 7. "The Semi-attached Couple," Hon. Emily Eden; 8. "Marco Bozzaris," Fitz-Greene Halleck; 9. "The Buckwheat Cake," Henry Pickering; 10. "Adams and Liberty," Robert Treat Paine, Jr.

Four riddles were propounded:

11. The Ghost in Hamlet. 28. La Grippe.

18.

Four of a kind, four of a name, Loving one who was called the same. Her star of good-luck went steadily down, She lost her life when she lost her crown; But they served her fondly till all was o'er, These four of a name, these faithful four.

--The Four Marys of Mary Queen of Scots.

35. We are boon companions and nearly inseparable. We take interminable journeys together, travelling over almost incalculable distances; always work together, and take our vacations at the same time. We may be found in every civilized portion of the globe--useful alike in the king's palace, the peasant's hut, the Indian's wigwam, the hospital ward, and the ship at sea. Yet in some respects we are entirely different, for while I can adapt myself to every situation with perfect ease, my companion is very set in his ways, but together we bring order, comfort, and beauty wherever we go. After the labor of years and he is laid aside, my work remains to cheer and gladden many hearts, sometimes preserving family history which would otherwise be forgotten. And yet, marvellous to relate, we have neither hands, feet, head, nor body.--Needle and Thread.

Nos. 12 to 17 were quotations from the poets, and their answers are: 12. Sir Walter Raleigh, on the snuff of a candle; 13. Pope; 14. The Serenade. J. G. Percival; 15. War Song of Revolution, John Neal; 16. Youth and Age, Richard Dabney; 17. The New Roof, Francis Hopkinson.

Contestants were asked to name the works in which the following characters appear. Answers are here given: 19. Froth, Measure for Measure; 20. Shallow, Merry Wives of Windsor; 21. Godfrey Ablewhite, Moonstone, by Collins; 22. Edmund Gray, Ivory Gate, by Besant; 23. Gwendolen Harleth, Daniel Deronda, by Eliot; 24. Blind Muriel, John Halifax, Gent., by Miss Mulock; 25. Grant Munro, Sherlock Holmes, by Doyle; 26. Christine Ludolph, Barriers Burned Away, by Roe; 27. Princess Irenè, Prince of India, by Wallace.

These questions were asked. Answers are here after each:

29. A book wherein the heroine's name is not once mentioned.--"Rutledge," "She." 30. What famous character is it who, whether in doors or out, summer or winter, always keeps a glove on one hand?--M. Hamel in Mrs. Edwards's "Hand and Glove." 31. What one was it who always offered his left hand to his friends because of the guilty deed done by the right?--Eugene Aram. 32. Name the fellow who, in a famous book, stands chewing the rust from his fingers. When he reaches home he will probably find his wife "prayin' agin'" him.--Jerry Cruncher. 33. A character in another book who was the first to ride on horseback from New York to San Francisco.--Willard Glazier, John C. Fremont, John Brent. 34. The book wherein one person calls upon another, and receives an answer, though they are miles apart.--Jane Eyre, Peter Ibbetson.

In No. 33 it was found that authorities, equally credible, differed. Hence the question was dropped, and no matter what was the answer it was counted correct.

The prizes were $25 divided, but $10 to first. The amount awarded is slightly increased. The highest honor goes to George Peirce, who is a Pennsylvanian, aged 12. He answered correctly all but two of the questions. Second prizes of $2 each go to Lois A. Dowling, of New York (Rochester), and John H. Campbell, Jr., of Pennsylvania (Germantown); and third prizes of $1 each to the following: Harry Nelson Morey, New York; Henry S. Parsons, Massachusetts; John J. Clarkson, Helen J. Curley, and Martin Henneberry, Illinois; Charles A. Urner and Frank A. Urner, New Jersey; Pierre Freret, Louisiana; Edmund T. M. Franklin, Virginia; Kathrine S. Frost, Massachusetts; Edith L. Warner and Edith C. Sanders, Maryland, and Mae Sterner, Pennsylvania.

Some Questions for the Founders.

Now that our Order has been so conspicuously honored as to have a great journal named for it, there arise a few questions for the Founders to vote upon. First, the Founders and all other members are asked to note that although the whole paper is named for their Order, that Order has not a less but a greater place in it, and, instead of a few pages being devoted to them, now the whole paper will seek to give them everything necessary to their growth in that "goodlye felloeship, worthie knowledge, and chivalrie up to date" which form the grand basis of our union.

The questions to be voted on are these:

1. Shall we abolish or retain the eighteen-years-of-age limit?

2. Shall we have a new membership certificate?

3. Shall we have a new and different badge?

The reasons for bringing up these questions are: A great many lament the arrival of their eighteenth birthday, when they can no longer be members. They ask to remain in the Order, and suggest that all competitions be limited, as heretofore, to the eighteen-year-age limit. To the latter we agree, promising to always limit the age to eighteen years, as heretofore, and offering, if the Founders agree thereto, to have a competition for those above eighteen years. If it succeeds, to have competitions for both ages, as opportunity offers. What say you? Again, it is necessary to drop the name "Young People" from our certificate. In doing so why not have a handsomer one, and call it a "patent," which is a better name than "certificate." It may be printed in the Order's colors, yellow and blue.

New patents would be issued to all old members who cared to ask for them. Once more, what say you? Still again, our badge, adopted in the early history of the Order, has met some objections. It is five pansy leaves, bearing the letters "K. L. O. R. T." A Founder living in Winchester, England, described for us once, you remember, what is claimed to be the original Table used by King Arthur and his Knights of the Holy Grail, still preserved in Winchester Cathedral. This Founder suggests a badge that is a fac-simile of the top of this Table. He sends a print of it, with the ancient names, etc. The letters "K. L. O. R. T." can be retained. It is necessary to have badges low in price, since many ought not to afford expensive ones, and therefore we shall need to retain silver for their material. It will be possible, though, to procure gold ones for those who specially order them. For the third question, we repeat, what is the Founders' pleasure?

Founders of the Order are the 5000 original members. Those who have not passed their eighteenth birthday are asked to write us frankly. A postal card will do. We shall be governed by your votes. We may add, for the benefit of all, that our Order is to have a great many attractive offers during the next twelve months. The "feast" is to be a rich one, and we hope every one of you will remain around the Table and enjoy it.

Round Table Chapters.

No. 693.--The Thaddeus Stevens Chapter, of Philadelphia, Pa. Its meetings are held on Thursday of each week. The initiation fee is one dollar. Horace S. Reis, 910 North Broad Street.

No. 694.--The Quannapowitt Chapter, of Wakefield, Mass. Charles Wait, George Tompson; Ralph Carlisle, president, 9 Summit Avenue.

No. 695.--The Columbus Chapter, of Columbus, Ohio. Carl B. Harrop, Edward E. Stoughton; George Crable, 1289 Highland Street.

No 696.--The Kirk Munroe Chapter, of Nuttallburg, W. Va. E. Jackson Taylor, John Nuttall, Jun., Nuttallburg.

No. 697.--The Kes-Kes Kick Chapter, of Yonkers, N. Y. J. Fowler Trow, Jun., Mary Van Rensselaer Ferris. Its meetings are held on Tuesdays. Chapter address, 488 Warburton Ave.

No. 698.--The Admiral Benham Chapter, of Fort Adams, Newport, R. I. Its officers are Stephen C. Rowan, Elizabeth Schenck, Lee Simpson, Anna Greble; Carol H. Simpson, care of Lieutenant Simpson, Fort Adams.

No. 699.--The Thomas Edison Chapter, of Bangor, Me. Fred H. Pond, Arthur A. Thompson, Myrtle D. Fox, Nellie M. Fox, Bangor.

No. 700.--The Oliver Wendell Holmes Chapter, of Eau Claire, Wis. George D. Galloway, Eau Claire.

No. 701.--The Sheridan Chapter, of Philadelphia, Pa. Martin S. Poulson, John M. Smith, Oland King, George Frey, Lydie Holmes; Reese Baker, Section C., Girard College.

No. 702.--The Kirk Munroe Chapter, of Auburn, Wash. J. French Dorrance, corresponding secretary, Box 17, Auburn.

No. 703.--The Keystone Music and Literary Chapter, of Harrisburg, Pa. R. Donald Jenkins, Stanley G. Smith, H. Stanley Jenkins; Louise N. Miller, Harrisburg.

Want Corner.

A corresponding Chapter is one whose members are widely separated and whose affairs are conducted by mail. There are several such, dear Lady Alice Cowly, but it is found very difficult in practice to maintain the interest. Keeping members together in spirit who are hundreds of miles apart in body is no easy thing to do.

Ralph Leach, Stoughton, Mass., is interested in athletic sports. He will enjoy the TABLE more than ever, then, for it is to have more news about sports than ever before. Anne Bliss wants to know why the Table cannot have a "Students' Corner" to help members in their school-work; "a geometrical diagram, scientific experiments, meaning of new words--anything. I am sure such a Corner would be very helpful." We heartily agree with Lady Anne. Shall we have a new corner, or will the Want one do? Let's have your questions. The TABLE desires to help you in all ways that it can. Consider this a Students' Corner, and use it as such. We can find somebody to answer your questions. Or perhaps you can answer each other's questions. How would that do for some questions, at least?

Here is one now. Maude Wigfield asks: "If a heavy vessel, such as the cruiser _New York_, were to go down in mid-ocean, could it overcome the enormous pressure of the water, and sink to the very bottom, or would it reach an equal density before it did reach the bottom. Remember that some of the compartments would still contain air." Let us have opinions. Give us the pressure per square foot at certain ocean depths, and the pressure the war vessels are built to withstand. The _Elbe_, which went down in the North Sea a few weeks ago--that is on the very bottom of the sea, is it not?

Herbert Benton lives at 1208 East Seventh Street, Kansas City, Mo. He asks how best to put plants into a herbarium. Will some one give us a morsel upon it? We can find the information from books, but much prefer the personal experience of some member. Tell us all about flowers and plants for herbariums. He also asks for the solution or mixture in which writing may be placed upon tissue-paper, the initial letter lighted and the writing burned out, without injury to the rest of the paper. We had the formula of the solution some time ago, but cannot now find it. Can somebody help us to it again, for Sir Herbert's benefit?

Carolyn A. Nash lives in California and asks for more time for sending puzzle solutions on account of the distance to be travelled by the mails. The present series of puzzles is exceptional, dear Lady Carolyn, and the dates of closing could not be made different, nor can they now be changed. In future contests the Pacific coast members shall be given more time. Augusta C. Grenther and Charles Stuckel are two of the more than twenty members of the Sangster Chapter who attend one school at Germania, N. J. The Chapter meetings are held at the school on Fridays. It wants correspondents, and to exchange flowers and minerals.

This Department is conducted in the interest of stamp collectors, and the Editor will be pleased to answer any question on the subject so far as possible. Correspondents should address Editor Stamp Department.

At present all collectors appear to be hunting for varieties of the United States stamps of the 1872 issue, some of the new varieties of which were illustrated in these columns a short time ago. The fact that the Continental Bank-Note Company were the successors of the National Bank-Note Company in the printing of that issue has led to the belief that each of the stamps printed by the Continental Company from the plates made by the National Company bears some mark to distinguish the company printing the stamps. Several of the values of the 1872 issue having been found with such a mark, it would seem that all the values were treated in the same manner, the only difficulty being to discover the mark. No help can be obtained from the bank-note companies, as they preserve absolute secrecy in regard to the stamps, it thus being left to the collectors to study out the marks. While these exceedingly small varieties will greatly puzzle the collector, they lead to one great object, by showing that a close study of stamps is necessary in order to be a successful collector, and only those who are willing to study out these minute variations can get the full pleasure of the pursuit.

The auction season in stamps will close with the month of May, and the great sales held this year show that collectors are using that method for buying to a larger extent than ever.

An English paper states that the current adhesives of France have been surcharged "Poste Française," for use of French offices in Madagascar. There are nine values.

ADVERTISEMENTS.

WALTER BAKER & CO.

The Largest Manufacturers of

PURE, HIGH GRADE

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Unlike the Dutch Process, no Alkalies or other Chemicals or Dyes are used in any of their preparations.

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WONDER CABINET =FREE=. Missing Link Puzzle, Devil's Bottle, Pocket Camera, Latest Wire Puzzle, Spook Photos, Book of Sleight of Hand, Total Value 60c. Sent free with immense catalogue of 1000 Bargains for 10c. for postage.

INGERSOLL & BRO., 65 Cortlandt Street, N. Y.

To cleanse matting, use four tablespoonfuls of Ivory Soap shavings and a handful of salt to a pailful of warm water. Rub the matting with a cloth or sponge well squeezed out.

THE PROCTER & GAMBLE CO., CIN'TI.

3 Million, 134 Thousand, 9 Hundred and Thirty-four Packages sold in 1894, which made 15 Million, 674 Thousand, 7 Hundred and Thirty-five Gallons of

or 313 Million, 494 Thousand, 7 Hundred glasses, sufficient to give every man, woman and child in the United States, five glasses each-- Did you get yours? Be sure and get some this year. The whole family will enjoy it. A 25 cent package makes 5 gallons. Sold everywhere. Made only by

The Chas. E. Hires Co., Philada.

MONARCH

King of all Bicycles.

TRADE-MARK.

Five Styles. Weights, 18 to 25 Pounds.

Prices, $85 and $100.

MONARCH CYCLE CO.

Factory and Main Office, Lake and Halsted Sts., Chicago.

Eastern Branch: 79 Reade St., & 97 Chambers St., N.Y.

The C. F. GUYON CO., Ltd., Managers.

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT of the award on

=GILLOTT'S PENS= at the CHICAGO EXPOSITION.

=AWARD:= "For excellence of steel used in their manufacture, it being fine grained and elastic; superior workmanship, especially shown by the careful grinding; which leaves the pens free from defects. The tempering is excellent and the action of the finished pens perfect."

(Signed) FRANZ VOGT, _Individual Judge_.

Approved: { H. I. KIMBALL, _Pres't Departmental Committee_. { JOHN BOYD THACHER, _Chairman Exec. Com. on Awards_.

=BIRDS' EGGS= and Naturalists' Supplies. Egg Drill, Blowpipe, and Hook, nickel-plated, in pocket case, only =35 cts.=

Illustrated catalogue for 2-cent stamp.

CHAS. K. REED, 262 Main Street, Worcester, Mass.

CARD PRINTER =FREE=

Sets any name in one minute; prints 500 cards an hour. YOU can make money with it. A font of pretty type, also Indelible Ink, Type Holder, Pads and Tweezers. Best Linen Marker; worth $1.00. Sample mailed FREE for 10c. stamps for postage on outfit and large catalogue of 1000 Bargains.

R. H. Ingersoll & Bro. 65 Cortlandt St. N.Y. City

WANTED. 100,000 BOYS, to sell the =EUREKA MARKING TAG= for marking hats, etc., now and in Summer vacation. Sells at sight. Send 10 cents in coin for samples. Address =Eureka Marking Tag Co.=, Cedar Falls, Iowa.

=SEND for Catalogue= of the =Musical Instrument= you think of buying. =Violins repaired= by the Cremona System. C. STORY, 26 Central St., Boston. Mass.

HARPER'S PERIODICALS.

Per Year:

HARPER'S MAGAZINE _Postage Free_, $4.00 HARPER'S WEEKLY " 4.00 HARPER'S BAZAR " 4.00 HARPER'S YOUNG PEOPLE " 2.00

_Booksellers and Postmasters usually receive subscriptions. Subscriptions sent direct to the publishers should be accompanied by Post-office Money Order or Draft._

HARPER & BROTHERS, Franklin Square, N. Y.

A KITE TALE.

READINESS OF WIT.

One of the best qualities for a boy or a girl to cultivate is readiness of wit. To the lad who is thinking of going into some business pursuit, quickness to see and meet the requirements of an opportunity is of invaluable importance. We find in the _Gazette Anecdotique_ a case very much to the point, and most amusing withal. It seems that in the year 1707, when Philip V. was on his way to Madrid to take possession of his kingdom of Spain, the inhabitants of Mont de Marsan came out to meet him at his approach. The two processions having met about a league from the town, the Mayor advanced towards the litter in which the King sat, and addressed him as follows: "Sire, long speeches are obnoxious and wearisome; I should prefer to sing you something." Leave was given, and he sang forthwith a short ode to the King, which so greatly pleased his Majesty that he called out, "Da capo!" (encore). The Mayor gave his song a second time. The King thanked the singer, and presented him with ten louis d'or. This amount seemed hardly sufficient to the chief magistrate of Mont de Marsan, and he therefore promptly held out his empty hand to the King, and in admirable imitation of the King's voice, himself called out, "Da capo!" The King laughed heartily and complied, and the Mayor departed twice as well off as he would have been had he been less quick-witted.

FRENCH AND ENGLISH.

Those of us who have grown weary and perplexed over the peculiarities of the French language, and who have wished that our parents and school-teachers did not consider that language necessary to our education, will rejoice at this item from an English newspaper, which shows that the Frenchman has as hard a time mastering our tongue as we have in mastering his.

According to the story three French boys were studying a volume of Shakespeare in their own tongue, their task being to render portions of it into English. When they came to Hamlet's famous soliloquy, "To be or not to be," their respective translations were as follows:

1. "To was or not to am."

2. "To were or is to not."

3. "To should or not to will."

An absent-minded young preacher in New England, wishing to address the young ladies of his congregation after the morning services, remarked from the pulpit that he would be very glad if the female brethren of the congregation would remain after they had gone home. He was almost as badly mixed, the narrator of this story says, as another speaker, who, after describing a pathetic scene he had witnessed, added, huskily, "I tell you, brothers there was hardly a dry tear in the house."

SERENADING HIMSELF.

We sometimes think that the funny situations in the pictures in the comic papers are too absurd to be real, and yet every day there happen things quite as absurd as any there depicted. One of the German newspapers gives an account of how a steady old burgomaster recently serenaded himself, which certainly brings before our minds a picture quite as laughable as any we have seen in print. The story is to this effect: Herr Nötel, merchant and burgomaster, who is passionately fond of singing, is the first tenor and president of the Schnitzelburg glee-club. The club consists of only a single quartet, but small as is their number, the greater is their enthusiasm for the songs of Germany. Nötel would shortly celebrate his silver wedding. They must give him a serenade; there was no help for it. But what was a quartet without the first tenor? There was no getting a substitute, but for all that they would give Nötel a surprise. On the eve of the festal day the three members of the club, armed with lanterns, met at the appointed time before the house of their respected president, and after some clearing of throats and twanging of tuning-forks the music began. A small crowd collected in the street, and the windows in the vicinity were lined with appreciative listeners. The Herr Burgomaster and his family also appeared at the windows of their brightly illuminated sitting-room. The first bars of the well-known song, "Silent Night," left much to be desired, but the three voices bravely held on their way amid the surrounding stillness, and in a few moments Herr Nötel went down into the street and joined in the quartet. No sooner was the song finished than he ran up stairs again, appeared at the open window, and in loud clear tones thanked the club for their ovation. Seen on a public stage, an old gentleman madly rushing up stairs to a window to thank himself for serenading himself would cause a good deal of laughter.

ODD ITEMS FROM EVERYWHERE.

It was a very homely old lady in Scotland who remarked, as she gazed into a looking-glass, that they didn't make as good mirrors to-day as they did when she was a girl, because she thought modern looking-glasses made her look so old.

* * * * *

It was said to be a Maine man who told an agent for a cyclopædia that he didn't want one, because he hadn't time to learn to ride one, and he didn't wish to risk his neck trying it, anyhow.

* * * * *

A story is told of a grocer engaged in business in a London suburb, to the effect that he once declined to attend a very popular concert even though a free ticket was offered him. "Ye see," he said to the person who gave him the ticket, "if I went I'd see so many people who owe me money for groceries it would spoil my fun, and the sight o' me would spoil theirs. I'll stay at home."

* * * * *

Here is a dog story, which you can believe or not as you please. A gentleman remarked of a friend's dog that the two eyes of the animal were remarkably different in size. "Yes," was the reply, "and he takes a mean advantage of the fact whenever I have a stranger to dine with me. He first gets fed at one side of my guest, and then goes round the table to his other side, and pretends to be another dog."

End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, May 21, 1895, by Various