Part 4

The publication by the insurance companies of tables showing that even a moderate use of alcohol tends to shorten life has given additional impetus to the temperance movement. The great growth of this is damaging to the interests of the dealers in wine. It is amusing to find that certain Frenchmen regard it as a dark conspiracy formed in the interests of the dealers in mineral waters. Whether this charge is true or not, it is certain that the use of wine at dinners has greatly diminished in the United States. Cocktails are sometimes offered in the drawing-room as a substitute for wine at dinner. If ladies are among the guests, these should be made very mild. It is perfectly proper to decline them, or indeed wine in any form. Where this is not served, whiskey and water may be offered to the men. To foreigners who are accustomed to taking wine with their dinner, it is a privation to go without it. A host who is entertaining foreign guests should bear this in mind, even if he himself is a teetotaler. A nice question of ethics here arises. If a man thinks it wicked to offer wine to any one, should he feel obliged to place it on his table? Each person must answer this according to the dictates of his own conscience.

According to the old rule, sherry is the wine served with soup, claret and champagne with the roast. Some hosts offer their guests hock or sauterne with the soup, and champagne later in the meal. Others give claret or champagne alone. The last-named should be cooled on ice. A napkin is fastened around the neck of the bottle, since this is apt to be wet. Claret and Burgundy sometimes need to be warmed slightly, as their temperature should approximate that of the room. Sherry, Madeira, port are always, and claret usually, put into decanters. It was formerly the custom to set these on the table; but at ceremonious dinners wine is now served from the sideboard.

No menu-cards are used at private houses. A name-card is set at each place. According to present fashion, this should contain no ornament except the crest or initials of the hostess done in gold, with edges to match. At a recent dinner at the house of a bishop the device on the name-card was a miter. Decorative designs are reserved for anniversary dinners and other special occasions. Celery, olives, radishes, and other _hors d’œuvres_ are usually relegated to the side-table at a formal dinner.

The bill of fare for a dinner or a luncheon is much shorter than formerly. It is no longer thought in good taste to emulate the heavy feasts of the ancient Romans. Many people now hesitate to eat raw oysters, since they sometimes convey typhoid-fever germs. Canapés may replace them as a first course, or Little Neck clams, grape-fruit, or other fruit in its season may be used. If oysters are served, five or six are arranged in each plate, with a piece of lemon in the center. It is now thought best to bring these in fresh from the ice-chest, after the company have sat down to table. The oyster-plate is set on the place-plate—_i.e._, on the one already in place—when the guests sit down at table. The latter is not taken away at the conclusion of the course, but remains as a basis for the soup-plate. Tureens are no longer used, the soup being served from the pantry. The plates should be only partly filled. A careful servant can manage one in each hand, but it is thought more elegant to have them brought to the table one at a time. After the removal of the soup the place-plates remain, and are used for the _hors d’œuvres_. These sometimes precede the soup course. The fish comes next, hot plates being used for this as for all the hot courses. Since fish is rather tasteless, it is often accompanied by a sauce or by cucumbers or tomatoes with French dressing. Potatoes also are served with fish. An entrée now follows, and is succeeded by the _pièce de résistance_, or principal meat course. With the lightening of the bill of fare, filet of beef is less used for this than formerly, saddle of mutton, spring lamb, or turkey being favorite dishes. According to modern custom, only one or at the utmost two vegetables are served with one course.

Roman punch is now reserved for public dinners. The game course with salad comes next; but here again we see a change, since lettuce, celery, or other vegetable salad may now be served with cheese and crackers or bread-and-butter, the game being omitted. After the salad the table is cleared off, the salt-cellars and pepper-pots being removed on a tray covered with a napkin. The crumbs are brushed off with a folded napkin, or on less formal occasions with a silver crumb-scraper.

The dessert now follows, for which the handsomest plates are reserved. These are protected by pretty ornamental doilies, on which are placed finger-bowls partly filled with lukewarm water. A flower or a fragrant leaf or two may float on its surface. A glass plate is often set under the finger-bowl. The latter should be promptly removed and set on one side in order not to delay the service. Some authorities say that the silver knife, fork, and spoon should not be placed on the dessert-plate when the servant hands this, but should be laid on the table at either side of it. If they are put on the plate each person removes them at the same time as the finger-bowl. The ices are then passed, the molds being sufficiently cut through beforehand to enable the guest to help himself readily. If the individual form is used, one is set before each person. Cake accompanies the ice-cream, which is eaten from the glass plate. The latter is then removed by the servant, while the guest takes off the doilies, leaving the china plate in readiness for the fruit course. Few persons take any of this at a long dinner, unless it be three or four grapes. Bonbons also are handed at this time.

The lady at the right hand of the host must now be on the lookout for the signal to rise, which the hostess will convey to her by a look or slight nod. At a formal dinner the gentlemen sometimes escort the ladies back to the drawing-room, the couples going arm-in-arm. After seeing their partners comfortably seated, the men excuse themselves by a bow and return to the dining-room or repair to the smoking-room, where coffee, cigars, and liqueurs are served. Sometimes the men simply rise from the table when the ladies do, and remain standing until the latter have passed out. A servant opens the door or holds back the portière, or, if none is in the room at the moment, the gentleman nearest the entrance performs this duty.

Tiny cups of strong black coffee accompanied by sugar, and sometimes by cream, are handed on a tray to the ladies in the drawing-room. Sometimes the servant takes in the silver coffee-pot and asks each person if she will have a cup, filling it for her if she desires. One or two kinds of cordial are offered, the servant asking the ladies in turn which kind they prefer, and then pouring it into tiny liqueur-glasses. Cigarettes are offered to the women at some houses, although the custom is by no means general. Many American hostesses dislike very much to see members of their own sex use tobacco, considering this in bad taste.

Later in the evening Apollinaris or other sparkling waters may be brought in. The men rejoin the ladies in the drawing-room after a short interval of time. Music, recitations, or other form of entertainment may be given for the amusement of the company. Dancing is now popular at all hours, and people who are fond of cards finish the evening with bridge or some other game. If the hosts have not arranged any after-dinner programme, the guests take their leave about half an hour after the men have returned to the drawing-room. There is no absolute rule about this, as much depends on the lateness of the hour. If some of those present are “going on” to a dance or a reception, they will excuse themselves as soon as they can without appearing brusque or discourteous to their hosts. According to modern rule, a dinner should not last more than an hour and a half. If the guests sit down to table at a quarter-past eight and arise from it at a quarter before ten o’clock, the hour for departure would be somewhere between half-past ten and eleven o’clock. The custom of waiting until the lady who is the guest of honor has taken her leave is growing in favor. This makes it incumbent on her not to linger too long, lest she should inadvertently detain others who desire to go.

One of the most important duties of the diner-out is to talk and to listen to his next-door neighbors. At a small dinner the conversation may become general, but where a great many guests are seated at a large table, this is hardly possible. Some charming talker to whom it would be delightful to listen may sit opposite to you, or two or three places away. If you should yield to the temptation and neglect your dinner-partner, or, still worse, if you should talk across her to the more interesting guest, you would be committing a breach of good manners. At a large and formal dinner, the hostess talks first to the man on her right hand and later to the one on her left. The guests follow her example, turning to speak to the other neighbor soon after she does. This is called “The turning of the table.”

If one has received an invitation to dinner, it is necessary to call in person within one or two weeks after the event. This rule applies to other invitations also, but it is construed with special strictness in the case of a dinner. In New York, with its immense distances, a busy man may be unable to make the “visit of digestion” within a fortnight. In this case he should send his card by mail and call when he can command the time. Men now pay visits in the late afternoon, at five or six o’clock, formal evening calls having gone out of fashion in the large cities.

V

BRIDESMAIDS’ LUNCHEONS, BACHELOR DINNERS, AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES

Guests to be Invited—Etiquette and Dress for Bridesmaids’ Luncheons—Etiquette and Dress for Bachelor Dinners—Things to be Done and Things to be Avoided—Wedding Anniversaries—The Right and the Wrong Way to Celebrate Them—Form of Invitation.

“HOW many bridesmaids shall I have at my wedding?” Many a young girl asks herself this question, to which it is not easy to give a categorical answer. We will, however, say to her: choose your attendants for this beautiful day in your life from among those you love and who love you. If you have several sisters and dear friends, the selection may be a little difficult, but doubtless there are some who are nearer to you than others. If you have no sisters, or if they are all married, you perhaps have one or more cousins to represent the family, and you will want to include a sister or other near relative of your fiancé for his sake. Let the number of your bridesmaids be decided by that of the young women you would like to have around you at your wedding, provided always this is not so large as to appear ostentatious. You should also consider the question of expense, since it is now the custom for the bride to make a gift to each of her attendants. If the ceremony takes place at church, her family also pay for the carriages for the bridesmaids. A large church wedding is a very costly affair, and a young girl should be considerate in the demands upon her father’s purse. The expenditure for a wedding should be in proportion to the means of the bride’s family, since etiquette demands that they and not the groom should meet it. If the function is unduly elaborate, unfavorable criticism is almost sure to result.

If you decide to be married at home, you will not have more than one or two bridesmaids; at church, four or six is a good number. More than eight seem ostentatious, unless under exceptional circumstances. You may like in addition to have your sister or dearest friend act as maid of honor. A young married woman sometimes acts as matron of honor; but this is in contravention of the good old custom of surrounding the bride with a group of maidens. Be sure to make your selection, and to ask your friends to officiate as bridesmaids, in good season. It is your privilege to choose the costumes they are to wear. In doing this we hope you will not be carried away by the charms of the fashion-book models, but will bear in mind the complexion and figure of your friends as they actually exist in real life. You will certainly want them to look their best, for your sake as well as their own. The bride is always the great center of attraction, but if she has good taste she will desire to have the wedding cortège form a harmonious whole. For this purpose the costumes of the bridesmaids may be all alike, or there may be a diversity of coloring. The two that walk together should be dressed alike.

Pray be careful also not to make the toilettes so expensive as to be a strain upon the means of your young friends. You may, of course, if your means or those of your family permit, pay for their whole outfit or for certain portions, such as hats or gloves. But this is not customary, although it is occasionally done by a bride rich in this world’s gear.

Should a young woman give a luncheon or a dinner to her bridesmaids? The idea of thus gathering her mates around her for the last time before she enters upon a new, joyous, and yet serious phase of her life is a very happy one, provided always that the occasion does not furnish the proverbial last straw of the camel’s load. The preparations for a modern church wedding are so many and so extensive that a bride may go to the altar utterly worn out and looking not her best, but her worst. Her mother should certainly guard a daughter very carefully against over-fatigue; but in many cases she obviously does not. To the bridegroom the parade and show are usually extremely distasteful, and he only submits to them because he cannot help himself. He goes through the trying ordeal in the spirit of the good knights of old, that he may win his “dear ladye” for his own. We cannot, therefore, advise our bride to give a bridesmaids’ luncheon if she is already wearied by many tasks. In this case we should advise the substitution of an afternoon tea, to which she may, if she pleases, invite the groom, best man, and ushers. Perhaps, however, she is so fortunate as to have relatives and friends who will take the brunt of the fatigue, or, if she is rich, clever and experienced women can be hired to assist her.

If she decides to give a luncheon, she should select a day near enough that of the wedding to give a certain thrill to the occasion, and yet not so near as to make these great events seem to crowd one upon the other. Should the bridesmaids live at a distance, and come to the home-town of their friend on purpose to attend the wedding, it may be necessary to have the lunch take place only two or three days in advance. A week is a better interval, however. Should there be some young friend who is unable to serve as a bridesmaid—on account of family mourning, lameness, or some similar drawback—the bride may like to include her in the invitations. The bridesmaids do not appear in any special costume, but wear the same sort of dress as at any lunch, retaining their hats unless the bride asks them to remove them. The latter wears a pretty house dress suitable for the afternoon. The luncheon may be a handsome affair or simple and inexpensive, as the young hostess finds convenient. She or a friend may like to paint the place-cards, which should have devices appropriate to the occasion. True-lovers’ knots, Cupids, hearts and darts are always in order. Pink is a favorite color for the decorations, green and white also having a pretty effect.

The traditional ring, coin, and thimble are often placed in the cake, each girl carefully scrutinizing her piece to see what her future lot is to be. The gifts to the bridesmaids are usually awarded at this luncheon, and should be all alike. Some small article of jewelry to be worn at the wedding is usually chosen. _L’Art Nouveau_ suggests many pretty things that are not necessarily expensive, the theory being that jewelry should please by color and design rather than by costliness. Brooches, pendants, bracelets, hat-pins, or fans are among the suitable gifts. They may be set one at each place as souvenirs.

Since the bridesmaids’ luncheon is intended to be a gay and merry rather than a somber and melancholy affair, it is well to ask one or two of the guests to arrange some amusing feature for the day. Thus, if the bride has many admirers, a dance of the rejected suitors would be appropriate. These could be represented by two of the company. They should be furnished with large bandana handkerchiefs on which to weep copiously. After treading a slow and melancholy measure, each should break a stick over his knee in accordance with the old tradition.

A dinner is sometimes given instead of a luncheon, and to this the groom, best man, and ushers are occasionally asked. A novel way to give a bridesmaids’ luncheon would be to ask each girl to prepare beforehand one article of the bill of fare. The bride also should contribute something of her own manufacture to the menu. A judge, duly appareled in wig and gown, should be appointed to award the prize to the maker of the most toothsome article, or a feminine jury of three might be impaneled. The prize-winner should have a blue ribbon declaring her to be the most promising candidate for matrimony. At the bride’s place should be a small souvenir album with white cover, containing the receipts used for the different articles of the bill of fare, and mentioning the school or cooking-class where each girl had acquired her culinary skill. It would be quite in order to invent imaginary colleges and degrees, phrased in home-made Latin, as, for instance, _Cookia Superba Prattii Institutionis_.

Sometimes a bridesmaids’ lunch is followed by a rehearsal of the wedding procession at the church, the ushers and young girls returning to the bride’s home for afternoon tea. It is pleasant to have the members of the wedding-party meet beforehand in order to make one another’s acquaintance. Thus a dinner or a theater party for the bridesmaids and ushers is sometimes given two or three days before the marriage takes place.

Should the bridegroom give a bachelor dinner to his ushers and best man? This is a question which each young man must decide for himself, always taking into consideration the tastes and tendencies of those who would compose the party. It should be frankly said that at certain occasions of this sort in the past, too much wine has been consumed with sad results. Therefore if the groom himself or any of his intimate friends finds temperance difficult, it certainly is unwise to arrange a bachelor dinner and thus fly in the face of Providence, as old-fashioned people would say.

If the dinner is to take place, it should be within a fortnight or a week before the wedding. It is well to have an interval of several days elapse between the two events. The guests invited are the best man, ushers, and sometimes other intimate friends of the groom and the brothers of the bride. Black-cloth dinner-jacket, with trousers and low-cut waistcoat to match, dress-shirt, and black tie compose the proper costume. The dinner is given at the groom’s club or home or in a private dining-room at some good restaurant. The groom being the host, he sits at the head of the table; the best man may be opposite to him or at his right hand. In the latter case the head usher or the bride’s brother may take the foot.

The provision of wine should be a judicious one. When the dinner is quite advanced the best man proposes the bride’s health. All arise and drink this toast standing. According to the old custom, each man snaps the stem of his wine-glass between his fingers, then throws it away. The souvenirs presented by the groom to his best man and ushers are laid at each place. These are usually scarf-pins, although cuff-links are sometimes given. Beside each plate may also be a box done up with white ribbon, containing the gloves and tie to be worn at the wedding. The best man usually orders these, taking care to select gloves of the right size, but the bridegroom pays the bill. A convenient method is to give a list of the ushers with their addresses to a haberdasher of established reputation. He then sends an engraved or printed card to each man, saying that Mr. So-and-So has ordered gloves and tie for him and asking the size of his hand. Should other guests besides the best man and ushers be at the dinner, it would be better not to present the souvenirs, ties, etc., but to send them to each person’s residence or club.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES

The wedding anniversaries usually celebrated are the fifth, wooden; the tenth, tin; the twenty-fifth, silver; and the fiftieth, golden. Few couples live to observe the latter, and still fewer the seventy-fifth, the diamond wedding. The fifth and tenth anniversaries are occasions of fun and frolic. The invitations may be given over the telephone or in any way preferred. For a wooden wedding a novel method would be to divide the thin end of a shingle into several portions about the size of a postal card, writing or painting the invitations on these. The easiest way is to use the joint visiting-card of host and hostess, writing on it:

_Will be at Home on Thursday evening, October twelfth_

adding in the corner “_1910-1915_.”

The guests invited are usually familiar friends. They tax their ingenuity to procure gifts of appropriate material that will amuse the company, or send articles that will be useful. Wooden spoons of all sorts and sizes, mammoth pencils, knife-trays, watchmen’s rattles, boxes large and small, towel-racks, chairs, small tables—all are appropriate gifts. It is easy to purchase at a toy store wooden animals of absurd shapes, picture puzzles, jumping-jacks, etc. Two of the guests might represent a couple from Noah’s ark, Mr. and Mrs. Shem or Mr. and Mrs. Ham. They should be dressed in the traditional costume, and should move in a stiff and wooden way. Another pair could appear as jointed dolls or other figures. The decorations could consist of shavings or of pussy-willow or other boughs.

For the tenth anniversary the tinware shop furnishes ample material for gifts. It is usually possible to get a tinsmith to make, for a small charge, articles of some special shape. The bride may be adorned with a tin tiara and other ornaments, the groom wearing a large tin flower in his buttonhole. A suit of armor of the same material, accompanied by spear and shield, might be presented to him with due ceremony. One guest should be the spokesman for the company and explain that, owing to the dangers of the public roads, it was thought well to bestow upon their friend some means of defense against the ubiquitous automobile, the spear being intended to lift arrogant chauffeurs from the perch of vantage.

To a silver-wedding celebration a few intimate friends of the family may be asked, or the affair may take the form of a reception. The invitations may be engraved in silver letters and may read:

_1889_ _1914_

_Mr. and Mrs. John Thompson request the pleasure of . . . . . . . . company on Thursday, November the eighth, at half-past eight o’clock_