Part 10

At a formal affair the guests are usually announced by a man-servant. He inquires their names and calls these out as they enter the drawing-room. One does not leave cards at an evening reception. All wear evening dress, as described in Chapter VII. Ladies seldom wear hats, however, as they occasionally do at a public reception.

XI

HOTELS, RESTAURANTS, AND ROOF-GARDENS

How to Entertain a Guest at a Hotel in the City and in the Country—Etiquette for the Guest in Hotels and Restaurants—Dress for Morning, Afternoon, and Evening.

IN these days of apartment-houses, the spare bedroom has been necessarily eliminated from many households. This does not mean that hospitality to friends from a distance has ceased to exist, but only that it must be practised in a different way. If one has not sufficient space to make a guest comfortable in one’s own dwelling, one should arrange for her accommodation at a hotel. The room must be engaged, and if possible visited beforehand. The hostess should see with her own eyes, or with those of a trustworthy agent, that the apartment is sufficiently large, well lighted and heated. A pleasant outlook is desirable anywhere, but indispensable in the country. A foreign gentleman of distinction attending a certain congress in the United States a year or two ago was quartered in a small, stuffy, inner room. So great was his dissatisfaction that the president of the learned body was summoned. Fortunately, the latter was of an ingenious turn of mind. Spying a fire-escape on the outside of the window, he explained at some length to the foreigner the extreme desirability of the room—on account of the proximity of this important mode of exit. The guest was entirely satisfied with the explanation, and peace once more reigned among the philosophers.

If the host’s means will permit, he should engage for his friend a room with a bath. He should also instruct the clerk at the desk to have the bill for room, meals, and service presented to him and not to the guest. The latter will have no expense except fees to the servants. These vary with the length of the stay and with the character of the hotel. A woman is not expected to spend so much on tips as a man. It is usually best for a transient guest to fee the waiter at each meal, since another man will probably be in attendance at the next one. The usual rule is to give ten per cent. of the sum paid for lunch or dinner—ten cents being the minimum—except at a restaurant of humble pretensions, where five will be gladly accepted by the waitress.

In addition to feeing the waiter, a lady gives a small sum to the chambermaid—twenty-five cents for a stay of a day or two. Ten cents should be sufficient for the porter when he brings up a trunk, and again when he takes it away. The ubiquitous hall-boy strongly resembles the daughter of the horse-leech. Here again, as in the case of the waiter, the safest way seems to be to hand him ten cents, I will not say whenever he appears, but whenever he performs any service for the guest—such as escorting the latter to her room on her arrival, or bringing a glass of ice-water. Women of frugal mind endeavor to call on these functionaries as little as they can, because the cents readily mount into dollars. The elevator-boy receives fewer tips than his peripatetic brother, and need not be feed after a short stay.

It is always courteous to send exact information about trains to a person coming from a distance. A man is usually able to take care of himself, but for a woman it is not altogether pleasant to arrive alone in a strange place. The hostess should meet her friend at the station, or send some one else to do so and to bring her to the hotel. Here the hostess should show her guest where to register and see her comfortably established. If unable to meet the traveler at the train, the hostess should call soon afterward in order to welcome her guest and to see that the latter has everything that she needs. Where the friend from a distance has come for a special occasion, such as a luncheon or a reception, the hostess calls to take her to it and brings her back afterward, or sends a carriage or car. The hostess should invite the guest to a meal at her own house, or if this is not possible she usually arranges to lunch or dine with her friend at the hotel. When the time comes for departure, she pays the hotel bill before her guest appears on the scene or after the latter has left, escorts her to the train, and sees her off. If a lady comes on the invitation of a club, the secretary or chairman of entertainment acts as hostess and fulfils all the duties named above, except that it is not obligatory to invite the visitor to her house, although it is always kind to do so. There is often some member of the society living in the hotel who will invite the lecturer to take one or more meals at her table, and will see in a general way after her comfort. Some speakers, however, prefer to remain alone, finding it an extra fatigue to be entertained.

When a hostess invites a friend for a stay of several days or a week, she endeavors to select a hotel in her own neighborhood. She often arranges to have the latter take all meals at her house, and plans for her amusement as she would for a visitor under her own roof. Should the distance, or some other circumstance, make it more convenient for the friend to use the hotel dining-room, the hostess should call every morning, or ring up on the telephone, to inquire how the visitor is and make arrangements for the day’s programme, unless this has been agreed upon on the previous evening. In the city, a guest from out of town usually enjoys sight-seeing, the theater, opera, and concerts. A woman of serious tastes likes to go to lectures and meetings; her more light-minded sister enjoys shopping. In the country, motoring, boating, bathing, and the various athletic sports in their season offer a variety of attractions. If one can arrange a number of social entertainments for a friend, and have her asked out to lunch or dine at other houses as well as at that of the hostess, this is paying her a special compliment.

The best way to entertain a party of friends at a restaurant is to engage the table and choose the bill of fare beforehand. Where the luncheon or supper is an impromptu affair, this is not always possible. The host may then consult his guests about the dishes, or he may make out the menu and hand it to the waiter. If the service is _à la carte_, it is rather awkward to pass the bill of fare to the guests, since the prices will stare them in the face. Those who have delicacy of feeling will hesitate to order costly dishes at the expense of another person. Those who have no such scruples may make the bill too heavy for the purse of the host. Therefore the latter does well to keep the bill of fare in his own hands and give the order himself, consulting his guests first, if he pleases. It is generally safer to avoid novel or very elaborate dishes, unless one knows something about them. They are less apt to be satisfactory, and are liked by fewer people than the plain, ordinary articles of food.

The party may go together to the restaurant, after an evening at the theater for instance, or they may meet there for dinner or luncheon. If the affair takes place at a hotel, the guests assemble in a public parlor. Where the host is a man, a young woman should go under the charge of her mother or other chaperon. It is bad form for a young girl to take any meal at a restaurant with a young man alone. When a woman has reached the age of thirty and is still unmarried, the strictness of this rule is slightly relaxed in her favor. Custom permits her to lunch or take afternoon tea with a young man who is her relative, or a friend whom she knows well. But she must neither dine nor sup with him. At some restaurants ladies are not admitted after a certain hour without a male escort. Quiet, middle-aged women wishing to dine at some establishment of good reputation in New York have been justly indignant when refused permission to do so. The existence of this regulation shows us how careful young women must be about the places where they dine. There are quiet restaurants connected with family hotels where they can get their dinner without exciting any remark.

At a ladies’ lunch the hostess leads the way to the dining-room, taking with her the oldest or the most distinguished woman present. The entry is without formality, as in the case of a luncheon in a private house. At a dinner or supper the host goes in advance of his guests. If the party consists of young people under the charge of a chaperon, he asks her to sit at his right hand or opposite to him. If it consists of married couples, he requests the eldest or the most distinguished lady to take the place at his right. A woman does not stay alone at a hotel unless she is no longer young, or unless she is in some business which makes this necessary. She should endeavor to choose a quiet hostelry, and to so dress and act as to avoid attracting attention. At some hotels, ladies traveling without trunks are not received. The clerk at the desk is usually a man of good judgment and experience. He “sizes up” the persons asking for rooms, and if they seem to him undesirable inmates for the hotel, they will be informed that everything is engaged. The feminine guest, when traveling alone for the first time, may feel some trepidation as she approaches a country inn or city hotel. She will be reassured when she remembers that it is the business of the landlord to entertain strangers, and that the living of every one in the establishment depends upon his giving good service to the traveling public. In a city hotel, there are hall-boys at every turn to show her just where to go.

She enters the hotel by the ladies’ door, if there is one, and proceeds at once to the desk. Here she inquires about rooms and prices, mentions how long her stay is likely to be, and registers her name in the hotel book. If she is a young woman, she receives any gentleman that may call on her in the public parlor or reception-room, and avoids being out late in the evening as much as possible. While all guests have a right to complain of imperfections in service, etc., it is bad form to find fault constantly about trivial matters. Some persons fancy that behavior of this sort gives them an air of importance, whereas in reality it shows that they are either selfish and querulous or lacking in experience. The courteous traveler is a bit philosophical. He knows that delays will sometimes occur and that every one cannot be waited upon first. He will not allow himself to be imposed upon without making a remonstrance, but he will not continually assert his rights. A lady traveling alone needs to be especially careful about the manner in which she makes complaints at a hotel. To hear a woman scold is unpleasant even in the family circle, but in a public place it is lamentable. There voice and temper alike must be kept under strict control.

Young girls do not, of course, stay at a hotel in the city or country unless accompanied by mother or chaperon. At summer resorts they are sometimes thoughtless about loud talk and laughter in the corridors and lobbies of a hotel, and about sitting on the veranda in the company of an agreeable youth until an unduly late hour. They are so carried away by their high spirits, and are having such a delightful time, that they forget how censorious the world is. They forget that in a public place it is necessary to be quieter and more reserved in manner than in a private house, and thus show that one understands and respects the laws of good-breeding.

When staying at a hotel, one should be dressed well but not in a conspicuous way. Ladies may wear their hats or not, as they find convenient. Thus, if one were going out immediately after breakfast, one would come down in a simply made street costume. Matinées and tea-gowns are very charming in the privacy of home, but their informality makes them inappropriate at a hotel. In summer, pretty tub dresses, which please the beholder by their freshness and simplicity, are especially becoming to young women. Older ladies wear gowns of the same material made in a style suitable to their years, or appear in foulards, voiles, or other thin stuffs. Elaborate costumes are not appropriate for the morning. In winter a lady may come down to breakfast at a hotel in a morning dress made all in one piece, or in a skirt of woolen stuff with waist of silk, chiffon, or other thin material either white or of the same color as the skirt.

For the afternoon a lady may retain her street suit, or she may put on a handsomer one. If she is not going out she may prefer to wear a house dress of more expensive material, and made in a more elaborate style, than would be suitable in the morning. According to the present fashion, such a gown would be cut down at the throat, with half-length sleeves. Whether the sojourner at a hotel changes or does not change her gown in the afternoon, she should do so for late dinner, since morning costume would not then be appropriate. As we have already seen, a variety of dress is permissible at these public places of entertainment, because guests are arriving, departing, or going out for engagements of all sorts. The general rule, however, to which there are some exceptions, prescribes evening dress for the evening. At large and fashionable hotels in New York, many of the women wear décolleté gowns. A lady invited to a dinner party at one of these places would dress as she would at a private house. In smaller cities, and at quieter hotels, low-necked dresses are not so often seen.

If a lady intends to take an evening train she may, if she pleases, appear at dinner in traveling hat and dress. If she is going to the theater, opera-house, or concert-hall, she will wear the kind of costume described in Chapter XII.

Correspondents sometimes ask what the proper dress is for Sunday evening at a hotel. Opinions on this subject vary in accordance with people’s religious views or inherited traditions. While the old-fashioned strict observance of the Sabbath has been much relaxed both in England and in America, the Puritan view of the day still strongly influences the manners and customs of the country at large. Those who hold to it prefer to dress quietly and to eschew low-necked gowns on Sunday evening. They appear in costumes suitable to wear at church, even if they have no intention of going there. There are many other people, especially in a cosmopolitan city like New York, who hold no such view of the observance of Sunday, and dress then as they would on any other day of the week.

Ladies always retain their hats in the daytime at a restaurant or roof-garden. They remove their gloves on sitting down to table, and throw back or take off their outer wraps. It is usually possible to check these, but many people object to the delay involved. Women of good taste prefer to dress quietly if they attend a dancing-tea at one of these places, and thus avoid attracting special attention. At certain restaurants an effort is made to compel all guests to wear evening dress. This is merely copying an English fashion ill-suited to a democratic country. At the Hotel Savoy in London they enforce such a rule. An American lady who had reached the half-century limit, and did not care to appear in public in a low-necked dress, went not long ago to the restaurant there with a party of young friends. She wore a new and expensive Paris dress and her handsomest jewels. The young people were all in evening dress, but because the chaperon did not have on a décolleté gown they were refused admission to the restaurant, and were obliged to content themselves with dining in the grill-room! At the best hotels in New York, such as Delmonico’s, the Astor, and the Plaza, ladies may wear costumes with hats or full evening dress, as they find most convenient. For afternoon dances at hotels and roof-gardens, men usually come in business suits. After six o’clock evening dress is the proper costume. The dinner-jacket, or informal evening dress, as it may be called, is often worn for dancing at roof-gardens, because it is more comfortable than the long-tailed dress-coat. It is also used for unceremonious occasions at hotels and restaurants, as it would be elsewhere (see Chapters IV and XII).

XII

THEATER, OPERA, AND CONCERT-HALL

Arrangements for Formal and Informal Theater Parties—The Supper—The Bachelor and His Duties as Host and as Guest—Dress and Behavior at the Theater, Opera, and Concert-hall.

AN informal theater party may be an impromptu affair got up at short notice. It may either be a Dutch treat, where every one pays for himself, or one or more persons may act as hosts and invite the others to go at their expense. If a gentleman and his wife ask another lady to accompany them, they should either call for her or invite her to dine with them. At the conclusion of the performance they should take her home, or the husband alone could do so. It is not necessary to have a carriage if the street-cars are near at hand. If two ladies living in the same house are invited, the tickets may be sent to them, asking them to meet their hosts at the theater. Unless they are very young women, it will be proper for them to go together, whereas for a lady alone it would not be quite pleasant to do so. When the concert or play is over, the host will see them to their carriage or to the street-car. If the hour is late, he will offer to escort them home. If they assure him that they are not afraid to go alone, he will not insist upon doing so, unless he believes this necessary for their protection. Two young and pretty women are liable to annoyance from rude passers-by at a late hour in the evening.

If a man wishes to take a young lady to the theater he must invite her mother or other chaperon to be of the party. This is a safe and excellent rule to follow, and few exceptions should be made to it. In the case of cousins or old friends it is sometimes broken, especially if the lady is not in her first youth. But young women should remember that, as the world is very censorious, one who broke this rule often would be the subject of unfavorable comment. A girl may, of course, go to the theater with her brother. The gentleman may invite a married lady to matronize the party, or he may ask the girl to choose her own chaperon. He calls for both his guests; first for the matron, then for the young lady. At the close of the performance he escorts them both to their houses, leaving the younger woman first at her residence, and then the elder one at hers. Where the chaperon has been provided by the girl, the man may, if he prefers, send them the tickets and meet them at the theater or concert-hall, waiting for them in the lobby. He would certainly offer at least to escort them home, unless they were going in a carriage. In this case he would content himself with asking the man at the door to call it, or going to find it himself, should this be necessary, and putting them safely into their own conveyance. He should endeavor to find a sheltered place for them to stand pending the arrival of the vehicle, and keep a sharp lookout himself lest the carriage lose its place in the line and so make the ladies wait for an undue length of time.

For a large and formal theater party, it is usual to invite the guests to dinner, or to supper after the play or opera. In either case they assemble at the house of the hostess, who provides an omnibus, automobile, or other conveyance to take them to and from the playhouse. She must name an hour early enough to enable the party to reach the opera-house or theater in good season. If she asks her friends to dine with her, she should for the same reason avoid a long bill of fare. The guests should be careful to come punctually. Should any of them be detained, they should telephone and ask the hostess not to wait for them. To fail to keep an engagement for dinner is considered one of the gravest social sins. How much worse it is to spoil a theater party in addition by remaining away after promising to come!

The affair is more likely to go off well if the hostess introduces those guests who do not already know one another. Wholesale introductions are now thought awkward and undesirable; hence it is better to make the presentations gradually, one or two at a time. Those who are to sit next each other should certainly be introduced. It is well to plan beforehand the seating of the guests. If the hostess has a party of young people and is quite at a loss as to their preferences, she may like to consult one of them beforehand on this important matter. To each man should be handed two tickets. These may be inclosed in an envelope, with a card bearing the name of the lady who is to sit next him at the theater. She also receives an envelope containing the name of her theater partner. This arrangement is convenient where many people go together. If the party were to sit in a private box it would be unnecessary. There the ladies sit in front, the gentlemen behind. The older women are offered the best seats, but usually prefer to let the younger ones take the places where they can see and be seen. At the close of the performance the theater-carriage conveys all to their homes, leaving the women guests first, the hostess next, the men last of all, although the latter often choose to walk.

If there is to be a supper, it may be either at the house of the hostess or at a restaurant of unblemished reputation. The meal may be simple or elaborate. A course supper is very much like a dinner or luncheon, except that it is less formal and the bill of fare is lighter and daintier. Few people care to eat a heavy meal late in the evening. Raw oysters or Little Neck clams, bouillon in cups, an entrée of some sort, salad with or without game, ices, fruit, bonbons, and black coffee may be served in the order named by those who care for a full menu. For a theater party it is not necessary to offer such an elaborate bill of fare. Oysters, cold chicken with salad, and ices are quite enough for the hostess to provide. A chafing-dish supper produces much fun and jollity among young people, or among those who know one another well. It is not to be recommended for all sorts and conditions of men, however. An informal meal of this sort would jar upon the taste of those persons who like to have everything done according to conventional methods and in a stereotyped fashion. The chafing-dish sets and stands now furnish every convenience for preparing readily one or more hot dishes. Welsh rarebit, oysters, lobster, eggs, and mushrooms are all excellent cooked in this way, to say nothing of the more complicated dishes which require an expert to handle successfully. Where the supper is given at the house of the hostess, their maids call for the young ladies there, and it is not necessary for her to send them home.