Chapter 11

Other considerations might be urged on the young of both sexes, as prerequisites to a hopeful and a happy marriage. But if the reflections already offered are duly heeded, they will enable those who are influenced by them, to secure the blessings and escape the evils of the marriage state. As a general remark, I would suggest that in selecting a companion for a connection so lasting, it should be a leading object to find as great a similarity of opinions, habits, tastes, and feelings, as possible. This is especially important in regard to religious sentiments. It is a serious misfortune for a young married couple to find themselves differing materially on the subject of religion. This is more particularly an evil when both are strongly attached to their respective opinions, and anxious to attend different churches. I have frequently known this greatly to embitter the cup of domestic enjoyment. Where husband and wife can sympathize in each other's sentiments--can walk together to the house of God, with their children--can strengthen and enlighten one another in regard to the great truths to which they there listen--can unite in instructing their family in the same doctrines and principles of Christianity--it opens one of the highest and sweetest sources of domestic happiness. But an absence of this unity in religious opinions, is liable to lead to frequent disputations and contentions, which often result in recriminations, and hard and bitter feelings. There are not wanting instances where the most serious difficulties and the greatest unhappiness have grown out of these disagreements. Hence it is both proper and needful, to admonish the young, in choosing a wife or a husband, to make a concurrence in religious faith, one of the great essentials requisite to a union.

In case of a different result--when husband and wife unfortunately find a wide disparity in the leading doctrines of their religion--they should seek to make the best of their misfortune, and guard against allowing it to prove a bone of contention in their midst. They should agree to disagree in forbearance and love. They should respect each other's views, and be cautious not to say or do that which can cast disparagement on their respective sentiments. Neither should demand or expect the other to abandon his or her doctrines, without full conviction of their erroneous nature. Both should be tolerant and forbearing--willing to grant the other the same freedom of opinion they claim for themselves.

It should be an established rule with husband and wife, to attend the worship of God together. This is by far the most agreeable and proper procedure. Should it not be pleasant, however, for both to worship statedly in the same church, and listen to the proclamation of the same doctrines, they should arrange their plans to attend each other's meetings on alternate Sabbaths. This kind and friendly reciprocity would be fair, just, and honorable to both parties, and might lead ultimately to a similarity of opinions. But for a husband or a wife to refuse such a concession, and insist that the other shall forsake their attached place of worship, abandon their sentiments, or remain totally silent in relation to them, on pain of having the harmony and peace of the family destroyed--would be to exhibit a spirit totally ungenerous, and in violation of every dictate of the Christian religion.

I have made these suggestions, not only for the benefit of those who have recently entered upon married life, but to admonish those who are unmarried to come to an understanding on this subject, and make all these arrangements before the consummation of their vows. Or, what is still better, let these considerations convince the youthful of the necessity of making a similarity of religious sentiment one of the chief qualifications in forming a tie, which, for good or evil, will connect them with another during the remainder of the earthly journey.