German wit and humor

When Eulenspiegel came to Magdeburg—the fame of his notorious pranks having preceded him—several of the best citizens asked him to give them a sample of his buffoonery. He said...

A farmer went to confession and the priest asked him if he knew anything about the Trinity. The good man knew nothing about it. The priest did his best to explain it to him and...

The night before the opening of the partridge season, a gunner and his dog were crouching under some bushes. The time was five minutes to twelve. The dog was getting restless.

Professor:—“Gentlemen, I am going to begin my lecture to-day, with the diseases of mankind. When a person is ill, nature and disease are fighting each other. The doctor comes an...

“Yes, I had settled there as sheriff, but there was nothing to levy upon but now and then a nose-ring ... and then I generally had a suit brought against me for levying on an in...

Mozart loved his parents tenderly. When quite a little fellow, he composed a song, which he sang with his father every night before going to bed, while standing on a chair where...

D:—“Not very well. I was there six weeks and am still as stout as ever. Towards the last I drank fourteen cups of water a day, and still did not lose anything to speak of.”

Cycler (passing a carriage on the road):—“And still there are cabs—to-day, when the cycle rules the world! They are a funny sight!... Of course an old woman is in it; who else w...

The great philosopher was extremely careful about his dress. One day, having donned a new suit, he went for a walk, and in passing a house a careless servant threw some dish-wat...

A young actor was playing Razman in Schiller’s “Räuber” (Robbers). When he says to Moor: “Come, let us go to the Bohemian forest and gather a robber band,” Moor cries harshly: “...

A soldier who was supposed to stand guard at the entrance of a public building, had sat down on a large stone in front of it. An officer, in passing, asked him angrily: “What ar...

Markgraf Johann von Brandenburg, reigning Prince of Neumark, was in the habit of leaving his debts stand for a long time. His gunsmith at Nuremberg was well aware of this. So ha...

Professor (thoughtfully taking off his spectacles, polishing them and putting them on again):—“When it rained at the time the old Greeks were at the theatre, the old Greeks got...

Young Housewife:—“Why Nanny, how can you be so heartless as to throw those poor lobsters at once into boiling water? They ought to be put on in fresh water so they could get use...

The wife of a well-known Berliner presented him on his birthday with a dressing-gown. Agreeably surprised, he tried it on, but found that it was about six inches too long. In th...