Part 2

_Snowball._ Mr. Foreman and gemblem. Of course it am. Why not? And, if not, wherefore? I ax you. If de blessed Constitution of dese ere United States ob America don’t permit the humblest of her sex to choose de proper medicines for dar physical systerns, wedder it be gunpowder or gunpowder tea, what’s de use ob bein’ citizens and citizenesses of dese here republic? I ax you. Who’s Popgun? Am he, or am he not, a phusician? I ax you. I don’t care what his moral perquisites be, wedder he vote de demicratic or de bobolition. Does he cure de squills which air am flesh to? I ax you. When dat ar old man, which my white brudder alluded to, had de influendways, did he stop his sneezin? I ax you. When dat ar old woman hobble to him wid de rheumatics, did he straighten her out? I ax you. When dat ar baby squaked in its slumbers of midnight, did Popgun’s Dead Shot fix it? I ax you. If so, and you find it so,——and I ax you to find it so,——you are forced to acquit Popgun as a medical dedical sturgen and phusician——ob course you am; for don’ de stolid phalanx of justice circumbend every man on Columbia’s footstool, wedder black or white, male or female? and de aurora borealistic splendors of eternal vigilance abide in de scrutinized recesses of de enlightened jury-room? I ax you.

_O’Rourke._ Begorra! send for an interpreter.

_Precise._ Mr. Short.

_Short_ (_comes down to table_). It’s my opinion, gentlemen, there’s been a great deal of time and gas wasted in our deliberations. I’ve got very few words to say on this subject. Popgun manufactured an article which the government said was gunpowder. Popgun denies it. That is the question for us to decide. We were shown in the court-room a sample of this disputed article. It looked like gunpowder; it smelt like gunpowder; it felt like gunpowder. I took away the box. Here it is. (_Produces box._) Some of you think it is not gunpowder. I propose to give it a practical test. (_Places box on table, takes off cover, takes a match out of his pocket._)

_Timorous._ What! You’re not going to fire it off!

_Short._ Don’t be alarmed. There’s only a pound or two. It can’t do much damage.

_Strongfist._ You’ll blow us all up!

_Jolly._ The man’s crazy.

_O’Rourke._ Begorra, there! Aisy wid yer pranks.

_All._ Stop him! Stop him!

_Short._ Here she goes. (_Draws match across table._)

_All._ Help! Murder! Officer! Put him out, &c. (TIMOROUS _crawls under table_; SNOWBALL _jumps up into chair and makes frantic attempts to crawl up the wall_; DOUBTFUL _runs into corner, pulls_ PAUNCH _up to cover him_; BLOWER _gets down and covers himself with a chair_; PRECISE _stops his ears, and crouches in a corner_; STRONGFIST _and_ PUNSTER _seize_ SHORT, _one on each side_; O’ROURKE _seizes_ SHORT _by coat-tail behind_; JOLLY _and_ SLOW _try to get behind each other_.)

_Precise._ Would you murder us?

_Strongfist._ Blow us to pieces?

_O’Rourke._ Call in the judge.

_Short._ Let me go, I tell you. (_Kicks_ O’ROURKE, _strikes_ PRECISE _and_ STRONGFIST, _and sends them to the floor_.)

_O’Rourke._ I’m kilt intirely.

_All._ Help! Murder! Help!

_Short_ (_holding the match_). Now, gentlemen of the jury, here is a convincing test. Shall I apply it, or are you ready with a verdict?

_All._ No. Yes. Verdict. Verdict.

_Short._ Gentlemen, what is your verdict, guilty or not guilty?

_All._ Guilty.

_Short._ All right. Mr. Foreman, make out your papers. (_Blows out match. All resume seats._)

_Timorous._ Well, I never had such a scare in all my life.

_O’Rourke._ By me soul! I say a wake a comin’ for the last of the O’Rourkes.

_Snowball._ By golly, I’m all ob a hot chill in my backbone.

_Precise_ (_who has been writing_). Gentlemen, listen to your verdict. “We find the defendant, Peleg Popgun, guilty.”

_Jolly._ “So say we, all of us.”

_All._ Ay. Ay.

_Short._ Then there’s no further use for this box of sawdust, I suppose.

_All._ Sawdust?

_Short._ Exactly. You thought ’twas gunpowder. No matter. I _saw_ I could throw _dust_ in your eyes with it. I can’t say much for your argument. You’re like all the rest of this universal Yankee nation——anxious to fasten your tongue tackle on to every question. There’s a very plain case here, which might have been a very knotty one but for the sawdust, which has brought you to terms, and thus proved a better medicine than Popgun’s celebrated Dead Shot.

CURTAIN.

PLAYS FOR AMATEUR THEATRICALS.

BY GEORGE M. BAKER.

_Author of “Amateur Dramas,” “The Mimic Stage” “The Social Stage,” &c._

_DRAMAS._ _In Three Acts._

MY BROTHER’S KEEPER. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15c.

_In Two Acts._

AMONG THE BREAKERS. 6 male, 4 female characters. 15c. SYLVIA’S SOLDIER. 3 male, 2 female characters. 15c. ONCE ON A TIME. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15c. DOWN BY THE SEA. 6 male, 3 female characters. 15c. BREAD ON THE WATERS. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15c. [1]THE LAST LOAF. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15c.

_In One Act._

STAND BY THE FLAG. 5 male characters. 15c. [1]THE TEMPTER. 3 male, 1 female character. 15c.

_COMEDIES AND FARCES._

THE BOSTON DIP. 4 male, 3 female characters. 15c. THE DUCHESS OF DUBLIN. 6 male, 4 female characters. 15c. [1]WE’RE ALL TEETOTALLERS. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15c. [1]A DROP TOO MUCH. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15c. THIRTY MINUTES FOR REFRESHMENTS. 4 male, 3 female characters. 15c. [1]A LITTLE MORE CIDER. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15c.

_Male Characters Only._

GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY. 12 characters. 15c. A TENDER ATTACHMENT. 7 characters. 15c. THE THIEF OF TIME. 6 characters. 15c. THE HYPOCHONDRIAC. 5 characters. 15c. A PUBLIC BENEFACTOR. 6 characters. 15c. THE RUNAWAYS. 4 characters. 15c. COALS OF FIRE. 6 characters. 15c. WANTED, A MALE COOK. 4 characters. 15c. A SEA OF TROUBLES. 8 characters. 15c. FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. 8 characters. 15c. A CLOSE SHAVE. 6 characters. 15c. THE GREAT ELIXIR. 9 characters. 15c. [1]THE MAN WITH THE DEMIJOHN. 4 characters. 15c. HUMORS OF THE STRIKE. 8 characters. 15c. NEW BROOMS SWEEP CLEAN. 6 characters. 15c. MY UNCLE THE CAPTAIN. 6 characters. 15c.

[1] Temperance pieces.

_Female Characters Only._

THE RED CHIGNON. 6 characters. 15c. USING THE WEED. 7 characters. 15c. A LOVE OF A BONNET. 5 characters. 15c. A PRECIOUS PICKLE. 6 characters. 15c. THE GREATEST PLAGUE IN LIFE. 8 characters. 15c. NO CURE NO PAY. 7 characters. 15c. THE GRECIAN BEND. 7 characters. 15c.

_ALLEGORIES. Arranged for Music and Tableaux._

THE REVOLT OF THE BEES. 9 female characters. 15c. LIGHTHEART’S PILGRIMAGE. 8 female characters. 15c. THE WAR OF THE ROSES. 8 female characters. 15c. THE SCULPTOR’S TRIUMPH. 1 male. 4 female characters. 15c.

_MUSICAL and Dramatic Entertainments._

THE SEVEN AGES. A Tableau Entertainment. Numerous male and female characters. 15c. TOO LATE FOR THE TRAIN. 2 male characters. 15c. SNOW-BOUND; OR, ALONZO THE BRAVE AND THE FAIR IMOGENE. 3 male, 1 female character. 25c. BONBONS; OR, THE PAINT-KING. 3 male, 1 female character. 25c. THE PEDLER OF VERY NICE. 7 male characters. 15c. AN ORIGINAL IDEA. 1 male, 1 female character. 15c. CAPULETTA; OR, ROMEO AND JULIET RESTORED. 3 male, 1 female character. 15c.

SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE.

36. =Diamond cut Diamond.= An Interlude in One Act. By W. H. Murray. 10 Male, 1 Female character.

37. =Look after Brown.= A Farce in One Act. By George A. Stuart, M. D. 6 Male, 1 Female character.

38. =Monseigneur.= A Drama in Three Acts, By Thomas Archer. 15 Male, 3 Female characters.

39. =A very pleasant Evening.= A Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 Male characters.

40. =Brother Ben.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 Female characters.

41. =Only a Clod.= A Comic Drama in One Act. By J. P. Simpson. 4 Male, 1 Female character.

42. =Gaspardo the Gondolier.= A Drama in Three Acts. By George Almar. 10 Male, 2 Female characters.

43. =Sunshine through the Clouds.= A Drama in One Act. By Slingsby Lawrence. 3 Male, 3 Female characters.

44. =Don’t Judge by Appearances.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.

45. =Nursey Chickweed.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 2 Female characters.

46. =Mary Moo; or, Which shall I Marry? A Farce in One Act.= By W. E. Suter. 2 Male, 1 Female character.

47. =East Lynne.= A Drama in Five Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters.

48. =The Hidden Hand.= A Drama in Five Acts. By Robert Jones. 16 Male, 7 Female characters.

49. =Silverstone’s Wager.= A Commedietta in One Act. By R. R. Andrews. 4 Male, 3 Female characters.

50. =Dora.= A Pastoral Drama in Three Acts. By Charles Reade. 5 Male, 2 Female characters.

51. =Blanks and Prizes.= A Farce in One Act. By Dexter Smith. 5 Male, 2 Female characters.

52. =Old Gooseberry.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 2 Female characters.

53. =Who’s Who.= A Farce in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.

54. =Bouquet.= A Farce in One Act. 2 Male, 3 Female characters.

55. =The Wife’s Secret.= A Play in Five Acts. By George W. Lovell. 10 Male, 2 Female characters.

56. =The Babes in the Wood.= A Comedy in Three Acts. By Tom Taylor. 10 Male, 3 Female characters.

57. =Putkins: Heir to Castles in the Air.= A Comic Drama in One Act. By W. R. Emerson. 2 Male, 2 Female characters.

58. =An Ugly Customer.= A Farce in One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.

59. =Blue and Cherry.= A Comedy in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.

60. =A Doubtful Victory.= A Comedy in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.

61. =The Scarlet Letter.= A Drama in Three Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters.

62. =Which will have Him? A Vaudeville.= 1 Male, 2 Female characters.

63. =Madam is Abed.= A Vaudeville in One Act. 2 Male, 2 Female characters.

64. =The Anonymous Kiss.= A Vaudeville. 2 Male, 2 Female characters.

65. =The Cleft Stick.= A Comedy in Three Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female characters.

66. =A Soldier, a Sailor, a Tinker, and a Tailor.= A Farce in One Act. 4 Male, 2 Female characters.

67. =Give a Dog a Bad Name.= A Farce. 2 Male, 2 Female Characters.

68. =Damon and Pythias.= A Farce. 6 Male, 4 Female characters.

69. =A Husband to Order.= A Serio-Comic Drama in Two Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female characters.

70. =Payable on Demand.= A Domestic Drama in Two Acts. 7 Male, 1 Female character.

_Price, 15 cents each. Descriptive Catalogue mailed free on application to_

GEO. M. BAKER & CO., 149 WASHINGTON ST., BOSTON.

Plays for Amateur Theatricals.

By GEORGE M. BAKER.

_Author of “Amateur Dramas,” “The Mimic Stage,” “The Social Stage,” “The Drawing-room Stage,” “A Baker’s Dozen,” &c._

=Titles in this Type are New Plays.=

DRAMAS.

_In Three Acts._ _Cts._

=My Brother’s Keeper.= 5 male, 3 female characters. 15

_In Two Acts._

=Among the Breakers.= 6 male, 4 female characters. 15

SYLVIA’S SOLDIER. 3 male, 2 female characters. 15

ONCE ON A TIME. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15

DOWN BY THE SEA. 6 male, 3 female characters. 15

BREAD ON THE WATERS. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15

THE LAST LOAF. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15

_In One Act._

STAND BY THE FLAG. 5 male characters. 15

THE TEMPTER. 3 male, 1 female charac. 15

COMEDIES and FARCES.

=The Boston Dip.= 4 male, 3 female characters. 15

=The Duchess of Dublin.= 6 male, 4 female characters. 15

WE’RE ALL TEETOTALERS. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15

A DROP TOO MUCH. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15

THIRTY MINUTES FOR REFRESHMENTS. 4 male, 3 female characters. 15

A LITTLE MORE CIDER. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15

_Male Characters Only._

=Gentlemen of the Jury.= 12 char. 15

=A Tender Attachment.= 7 char. 15

=The Thief of Time.= 6 char. 15

=The Hypochondriac.= 5 char. 15

=A Public Benefactor.= 6 char. 15

=The Runaways.= 4 char. 15

=Coals of Fire.= 6 char. 15

WANTED, A MALE COOK. 4 char. 15

A SEA OF TROUBLES. 8 char. 15

FARCES.

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. 8 char. 15

A CLOSE SHAVE. 6 char. 15

THE GREAT ELIXIR. 9 char. 15

THE MAN WITH THE DEMIJOHN. 4 char. 15

HUMORS OF THE STRIKE. 8 char. 15

NEW BROOMS SWEEP CLEAN. 6 char. 15

MY UNCLE THE CAPTAIN. 6 char. 15

_Female Characters Only._

=The Red Chignon.= 6 char. 15

=Using the Weed.= 7 char. 15

=A Love of a Bonnet.= 5 char. 15

=A Precious Pickle.= 6 char. 15

THE GREATEST PLAGUE IN LIFE. 8 cha. 15

NO CURE, NO PAY. 7 char. 15

THE GRECIAN BEND. 7 char. 15

ALLEGORIES.

_Arranged for Music and Tableaux._

=The Revolt of the Bees.= 9 female characters. 15

LIGHTHEART’S PILGRIMAGE. 8 female characters. 15

THE WAR OF THE ROSES. 8 female characters. 15

THE SCULPTOR’S TRIUMPH. 1 male, 4 female characters. 15

MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC.

=The Seven Ages.= A Tableau Entertainment. Numerous male and female characters. 15

TOO LATE FOR THE TRAIN. 2 male characters. 15

SNOW BOUND: OR, ALONZO THE BRAVE AND THE FAIR IMOGENE. 3 male, 1 female character. 25

BONBONS: OR, THE PAINT-KING. 3 male, 1 female character. 25

THE PEDLER OF VERY NICE. 7 male characters. 15

AN ORIGINAL IDEA. 1 male, 1 female character. 15

CAPULETTA: OR, ROMEO AND JULIET RESTORED. 3 male, 1 female character. 15

_TEMPERANCE PIECES._

THE LAST LOAF. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15 THE TEMPTER. 3 male, 1 female character. 15 WE’RE ALL TEETOTALERS. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15 A DROP TOO MUCH. 4 male, 2 female characters. 15 A LITTLE MORE CIDER. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15 THE MAN WITH THE DEMIJOHN. 4 characters. 15

Transcriber’s Notes

Small caps have been converted to ALL CAPS.

Some typographical errors have been corrected:

Printed Correction Extract —————————————————————————————————————————————— Out, Out. 28. Bowled Out. A Farce in One protest this protest. This I protest. This attempt to stifle Baker s Baker’s “A Baker’s Dozen,” &c. characters characters. Waters. 5 male, 3 female characters.

End of Project Gutenberg's Gentlemen of the Jury, by George M. Baker