Chapter 3

Simon got an A on his homework. He was proud of himself until Barry talked to him. "I get A+'s all the time," said Barry.

Simon learned how to ride a bike. He was proud of himself until Barry stopped by. "I can ride my bike backwards," said Barry.

Simon got his first allowance ever from his parents. He was proud of himself until Barry saw him. "I get so much allowance that I give my dad an allowance now," said Barry.

Simon got the lead in his school play. He was proud of himself until Barry found out. "They wrote a play about me once, called "Barry is Amazing," said Barry. "They're working on a sequel now," he added.

On his birthday, Simon's parents threw him a wonderful party. He was proud of his party until he realized Barry was there. "My party had twice as many people and five times as much cake!" said Barry.

By then, Simon was sick and tired of Barry ruining his moods. Also, he was sure that five times as much cake would be way too much for any party.

Simon's parents came outside and brought him a huge present. It was a dog with big floppy ears inside of a cage, and it was the best present he had ever gotten!

Barry opened his mouth to speak, but Simon interrupted.

"I don't care if you've had a better present, or if you own a bigger dog, or if you have the greatest pet ever. This is my dog, and I wouldn't trade him for anything," said Simon.

Simon played with his dog outside on his lawn. He was proud of all the tricks that his dog could do, especially when Barry walked by.

XXVI

THE BOULDERS AND THE BEAVERS

Jenny the Beaver was late for her job. She gets wood for the dam from a tree or a log. But today she was late and her boss was not happy.

"Before we begin, tell us where you have been!" said her boss, very meanly, while wearing a grin.

I was feeding the fish that swim here in this pond.

"Beavers build dams, that is what Beavers do. The only one worrying about fish is you.

And the beavers worked hard for the rest of the day.

The next day young Jenny was late once again. And when she arrived, she heard it right then:

"Before we begin, tell us where have you been?" said her boss, very meanly, while wearing a grin.

I was bringing the wolves some new leaves for their bed.

"Beavers build dams, that is what beavers do. The only one worrying about wolves, is you.

And the beavers worked hard for the rest of the day.

The next day young Jenny was later than ever. She tried to sneak up, but her boss was too clever.

"Before we begin, tell us where have you been?" said her boss, very meanly, while wearing a grin.

I was bringing the coyotes some roots for their pup.

"Beavers build dams, that is what beavers do. The only one worrying about coyotes, is you."

And the beavers worked hard for the rest of the day.

The next day young Jenny was latest of all. And all of the beavers waited right by the wall.

"Before we begin, tell us where have you been?" said her boss, very meanly, while wearing a grin.

I was bringing the hawks some twigs for their nest.

"Beavers build dams, that is what beavers do. The only one worrying about hawks, is you. Arrive late again, and your time here is through."

And the beavers worked hard for the rest of the day.

The next day young Jenny arrived rather early. But, still Jenny's boss, reacted quite poorly.

"You see it's not hard to show up when I say, Why did you finally listen today? said her boss, who still grinned in a mean sort of way.

"I was going to talk to my friend the bear, but beavers build dams, that is easy to see. And the only one worrying about bears is me."

And the beavers worked hard until catastrophe struck. A huge rock came barreling down the river and crashed right into the dam.

"Where did this come from! Someone must know, Jenny go ask all the fish if they know!"

Jenny went off to ask the fish, and then reported back.

"The current is strong and they could not go see, I'll go ask the wolves what the problem could be."

So Jenny went off to ask all the wolves, and then reported back.

"The brush is too thick and they could not get by, I'll go ask the coyotes, if they might know why."

So Jenny went off to ask the coyotes, and then reported back.

"They said that the boulder came falling from high, The hawks might have seen, since we know they can fly."

So Jenny went off to ask the hawks, and then reported back. This time she came back looking sad and upset.

Her boss yelled, "If the birds did not see, then you must ask the bear. Surely he knows, since his cave is up there."

"No need," said Jenny (since the hawks had just told her). "The bear will not help, since HE threw down the boulder."

And ever since that day, Jenny showed up when she pleased.

XXVII

THE CALIFORNIA GOLD RUSH

The richest story ever told, Is California's rush for gold,

At Sutter's Mill the gold was found The masses came from all around

As rumors first started the skeptics all laughed Until confirmation from President Taft

Word spread out quickly of bona fide gold The families packed up, and the east wagons rolled

They left lives at home, to try out being miners Named for the year, they were called forty-niners

Hundreds of thousands had rushed to the site They all saw gold nuggets, and wanted a bite!

Half came by the land, and the rest came by sea For riches untold and some prosperity

From countries like Mexico, Chile, Peru Then China and Britain and even France too

At first they were profiting, fortunes galore Compared to back east they made fifteen times more!

The economy saw what was known as a boom There was wealth to be found in a shop or saloon

But as the time passed gold was harder to find More people had come, and more land had been mined

The average prospector did not make out well Living was costly without gold to sell

Gold mining companies learned to survive And only they stood by eighteen fifty-five

Gold is worth money, and it's fine decoration But during the gold rush, it helped shape a nation

XXVIII

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DOT MAKES

In the middle of his dream, an artist awoke. He reached for his pencil and started to draw. He started with a single dot. It took the artist hours to finish his picture, and afterwards he collapsed back into bed. Soon he was asleep again, still smiling from thoughts of what he had drawn.

The dot, on the other hand, was not as happy. It looked around the page and saw lines all around. They were long and colorful, and the dot was neither. "I don't belong here," it thought, "I am just a small, meaningless dot and this picture does not need me." So the dot jumped off of the page.

It approached a newspaper that was lying nearby. There were dots all over the newspaper. "Surely this is where I am meant to be," it said aloud. As soon as the dot hopped onto the front page of the newspaper, all the other dots started to yell. "You cannot stay here!" they said. "Why not?" asked the dot. "You are dots, and you are here."

"We are not dots," they said, "we are periods, and we belong in books, and stories, and newspapers. You are just a dot." The dot felt silly, so it left the newspaper.

Then the dot saw a white cube with dots on every side. "This is where I belong," it thought to itself. "Excuse me," it said politely to four dots sitting on a side of the cube, "I am a dot and you are dots, so may I join you?"

"No, you may not," said the four dots. "We are dots on a pair of dice. An extra dot would ruin a pair of dice." The dot felt silly again and hopped over to the artist who was sound asleep.

"I wonder why he drew me..." thought the dot. And that's when it saw dots on the artist's hand and arm. "Perhaps this is where I was meant to be," said the dot as it crawled onto the artist's hand and rested.

"Ahem," said one of the dots on his arm. "AHEM!" said the arm dot even louder. "You are not a freckle. You are a dot, and only freckles belong here." "Aren't freckles a type of dot?" asked the dot, who was not feeling welcome anymore.

"Yes, we are," said the freckle, "We are a special kind of dot, and you are definitely not one of us." (Of all the dots it had met, the rejected dot felt that freckles were clearly the rudest.) The dot did not know what to do. It didn't belong with lines, or periods, or dice, or rude freckles.

The artist woke up at that very moment and went to look at his picture, but he was heartbroken by what he saw. He held up the drawing and sighed. "Where has my seed gone?" he cried.

"This is supposed to be a picture of a seed in the soil before it grows into a mighty tree, but without the seed, it is useless, and I cannot draw another so perfect as I did the first time," said the artist sadly.

The dot began to feel silly one last time. It had not realized that all along it was not just a dot, but also a seed. A seed may start off small, but there's no telling how large it will become, how many beautiful leaves it will grow, and how many people will find shelter under it.

The dot jumped back onto the page. It jumped onto the exact spot it had left because it knew that, although it was just a small dot, it meant much more in the big picture.

XXIX

THE ISLAND OF BUM BUM BA LOO

Have you sailed to the island of Bum Bum Ba Loo? It's something that all great explorers must do.

Ten years ago, I set off with my crew In search of the island of Bum Bum Ba Loo.

The waves on the sea made me wish that I flew To get to that island of Bum Bum Ba Loo.

The path on my map led us slightly askew, And we sailed every ocean before we were through.

But when we arrived it was then that I knew That all of the stories I heard must be true.

The water surrounding it shone a bright hue, A magnificent color, like no other blue.

A sign made with vines held together by glue Stood on the shore, reading "We Welcome You!"

The king had arranged for a great big to-do, And the queen herself shouted the loudest "Woohoo!"

The Bum Bum Ba Lites gave us bowls of their stew Which they made from the roots of the Great Bum Ba Doo.

The food could have fed seven hundred and two At the feast on the Island of Bum Bum Ba Loo.

Our drinks were quite tasty, a tropical brew. If you ask what was in them, I haven't a clue.

They served us desserts made with Bum Berry goo As we danced to the tune of the didgeridoo.

We all thanked the King for the party he threw, Of course, not forgetting to thank the Queen too.

From their palace they showed us the wonderful view, And we saw all the fields where the Bum Berries grew.

As gifts, I gave both of them gumballs to chew. When they asked me for more, I had only a few.

So we hopped on the ship where we kept a whole slew, But it got carried off when the northern wind blew.

The island has since waited to be found anew Till I pick someone worthy to give the map to.

And now I've decided to pass it to you To discover the island of Bum Bum Ba Loo.

XXX

THE PARTICULAR WAY OF ODD MS. MCKAY

Say what you will or say what you may, There's nobody else who is like Ms. McKay.

To all whom she passes, she gives a "Good Day!" And she's ready with maps if you've gone astray.

Her hair may be orange with two streaks of gray. Her purse may be made out of flowers and clay.

But her hugs have been known to go on for a day, And she wakes up each morning with something to say.

She had her house built in a tree by the bay, And she dangles a tire swing down every May.

She's famous for making a carrot soufflÉ. She'll give you five boxes, but won't let you pay.

She only eats food when it's served on a tray, And she cuts up her meals in a very odd way.

She owns her own pony who's known for his "neigh", And when she's out riding, people stop and they pray.

She'd lend you her coat, with no sign of delay. (She wove it from tree leaves and piles of hay.)

On Sundays she puts on her purple beret, And never, not once, has she missed the ballet.

Her voice is quite bad, but she sings everyday. If she's holding her trumpet, don't ask her to play!

I think she should meet you as soon as today, And if you stop by, she'll insist that you stay.

And say what you will or say what you may, You'll remember the day that you met Ms. McKay.

XXXI

THE STORY OF YES AND NO

Before words were words, a boy named Yes lived in a small village in a small kingdom. Yes was good at everything. He was the best, smartest and most liked person in his village.

Yes had a brother, and his name was No. No was jealous of his brother because he was not much good at anything himself. Whenever the villagers asked No for help, he refused because he didn't like people very much. Whenever someone asked Yes for a favor, he would gladly help, and he secretly didn't mind the fact that it irritated No when he did.

One day Yes and No's father, Okay, went on a long journey and he left his two sons in charge of all the animals. Yes took good care of the great guck, and the icks, and the three-toed yock. [Keep in mind, my dear friend, that the guck, ick, and three-toed yock were ancient animals, so you might know them by different names today.] No didn't want to be bothered with the boring tasks involved with taking care of the animals. So instead of helping his brother, No went down to the lake and threw rocks into the water.

A few days after his father left, Yes asked his brother to watch the three-toed yock while he went to find some food to eat. Instead of doing what Yes had asked, No lay down, shut his eyes, and forgot about the yock.

It just so happened that the King had a personal road nearby, and he traveled on it often. So often, that when the three-toed yock wandered onto the road, the King's carriage was passing by and had to swerve to avoid hitting it. The King was thrown from the carriage, fell to the ground, and was badly injured.

The King demanded to know why a three-toed yock had been allowed on his road alone and he asked all the villagers for an explanation. Yes was always honest, so he told the King the entire story.

The King thought for a moment, and then he came up with an idea that he was quite happy with. Yes and No were to work in the castle as his personal assistants as punishment for what was later referred to as "the worst three-toed yock and carriage accident in the Kingdom's history".

The King needed help with many things around the castle because a King cannot be bothered with the daily tasks involved with running a kingdom. However, soon after his decision about the two brothers, the King realized that only Yes would be of any use to him as a servant.

Whenever the King asked No to bring him anything, it would get thrown away, broken, or eaten, without exception. The King was quite sure that No was the worst servant in the entire world.

The brothers' most important task was to help pick the food for a grand party that the King was throwing later that night. Cooks from all over the kingdom lined up at the castle's gate to offer the King their food for the party. Of course, the King could not go and grab the food himself, so he asked Yes and No to do it for him.

The first cook came up the gate and yelled to the Gatekeeper, "I bring my delicious ugberry pie for the King's banquet!" The King heard this and thought that ugberry pie would be perfect for such an event (and he knew that he would love to eat the leftovers). Because he didn't want anything to happen to the ugberry pie, the King yelled "Yes!" and then asked him to go fetch it.

The next cook stepped up to the gate. "I offer the King grukie soup!" he said. The King didn't like grukie soup very much and he knew just how to get rid of it. "No!" he yelled and then sent No out to retrieve the soup. No dropped the soup before the King could even smell it.

This went on for hours. If the king liked a dish, he would yell "Yes!" and it would be included in the night's feast. If he did not, everyone would hear a loud "NO!" and the dish would be destroyed moments later by a servant with a very bad attitude.

Pretty soon this started catching on around the kingdom, for if a King does something, his loyal subjects are never far behind. If the villagers didn't want a second scoop of potatoes, they would say "No." And if they liked what someone was offering, they would say, "Yes." And ever since that day in a small village in a small kingdom, Yes has meant yes, and No has meant no.

This small kingdom also happened to be the birthplace of Yes and No's cousins, Please and Thanks, but that is another story for another time...

XXXII

THE THREE BROTHERS OF MALADIME

From the Valley of Lingus to the River Waduckus, To the mystical Mountains of Huckus Amuckus, From the Shores of Madiddy to the Applestone Sea, No tale's as famous as the Troll Brothers Three.

Their small little hut was in Old Maladime. Their tempers were short and they fought all the time. One day their Mother had seen more than enough. She packed up her Hackeling bag with her stuff.

She slammed the front door with a sigh and a huff. Without her around, they fought even more rough. (But do not be worried for the Troll Brother's fate. Trolls are grown up by the time they turn eight.)

Later the smallest, named Small Itty Brother, Came in with a note from the Three Brother's Mother. The next biggest brother grabbed the note right away. "I'll read this letter," he started to say.

"No you will not, Sorta Kinda Big Brother, The biggest should read it, that's me and no other." They both sat and listened to Brother Enormous "It seems that our mother wrote this to inform us."

"She's splitting us up, since we fight everyday. And our Troll Dad agrees that there's no other way. One of us trolls has to leave by the morning, And also she added a personal warning."

"If no one has left by the time she comes back, She'll eat us all up for her afternoon snack!" (Now even though trolls are ugly and tough, I assure you this warning was merely a bluff.)

The Trolls became panicked--one had to go! Who should it be? And how would they know? The Three Troll Brothers all started to shout. Itty proclaimed, "You two can't kick me out!"

Sorta Kinda Big Brother was yelling now, too. "If someone must leave, it should be one of you." Brother Enormous said, "It won't be me! You can't push me out, you just wait and see!"

Then Itty thought of his best idea ever. It was mean and despicable, but also real clever. "It you two don't leave," Itty said with a laugh, "I'll take all your clothes and I'll tear them in half."

Sorta Kinda Big Brother answered back with a squeak, "You tore all the pants that I own just last week! Now if someone won't pack and get out of this hut, I'll taunt both of you till your ears will slam shut."

Brother Enormous just laughed as he spoke. "You already do that, this must be a joke. Now leave or I'll pick you both up by your toes, And then I'll stick Wickerloo bugs up your nose."

Itty said, "Well, I would like to see how, Since you already did--there are two up there now!"

"Hmmmmm," said Itty Brother. "Hmmmmm," said Kinda Sorta Big Brother. "Hmmmmm," said Brother Enormous.

They realized the truth, each one by one. There was nothing to do that hadn't been done. But what would occur when their Mother got in? Whenever she argued, they just couldn't win.

It seems that they'd have to try something quite new, And stick with each other till it was all through.

When Troll Mom came home, she got a surprise: No loud sounds of yelling, no insults, or cries. Small Itty Brother was sewing up clothes, While Brother Enormous pulled bugs from his nose.

Kinda Sorta Big Brother was just very kind. Three better brothers would be hard to find. When she asked who was leaving, they simply refused. Needless to say, this left her confused.

"When we weren't being horrible," said Itty Brother, "We found that we actually like one another." She smiled when they said there would be no more fighting, But as she hugged them, she asked if they'd put that in writing.

XXXIII

TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!

It was the day that Farmer Duff waited for all year round: Today was Family Funday Sunday! The kids came rushing onto the farm as soon as the gates opened. They fed the goats. They rode the horses. They watched the pigs roll in the mud and tried to jump in with them. The rest of the day was spent running away from the goats who were looking for more food.

When everyone had left, all the animals gathered in the barn to fall asleep. Just as the last chick had closed its eyes, and everything was silent, all of a sudden... BOOM! CRRRRACK!

Something fell from the ceiling into a pile of hay. The dog started barking loudly and the chickens ran in circles, bumping into each other. Then the something on the floor started moving and dusting itself off. It had the oddest little vest and a very tall top hat. (How it had stayed on his head, we'll never know.)

"Please excuse my entrance, all my furry little friends. Give me just a moment and I'll try to make amends," said the something with a hat and vest.

Then he pulled out from his vest an old wooden spoon. He waved it at the ceiling and said, "TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!" And with that, the roof was fixed, just like new. "Where did you come from?" asked the sheep. "How'd you'd that!" said the dog.

"I arrived today from Walden where I lived inside their Zoo. I was raised in Southern France, but I was born in Timbuktu."

About this time the hawk and the blue jay came to see what had made all the noise. (The hawk never went anywhere without his friend, the blue jay.) They sat high up on the windowsill and watched below. "That's all well and good," said the hawk, "But who are you?"

"How rude of me--my name is Ferret R. Fable," he said as he bowed. Ferret R. Fable adjusted his vest and removed his hat, carefully placing it in the middle of the floor.

"I've traveled far to bring this here, and leave you all a treat-- My famous stew, like none before, the greatest you will eat!"

And with a wave of his spoon over the large hat, he roared, "TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!"

The hat was magically filled with a stew that smelled delicious to every single animal in the barn (which is hard to do because the pigs and the sheep never agree on a meal). One by one the animals came up to the hat. "I don't think it's wise to eat from this ferret's magic hat," said the blue jay. "I would find out what's in that stew before I ate it," said the hawk. But no one listened.

The pigs slopped the stew up. The dog slurped it off the floor. One goat liked it so much that he gobbled up the ferret's hat, as well. "It's delicious!" said the horse, "The best I've ever had. It's ...it's...." "TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!" cried the dog. "Can you make us some more?"

"Of course I can, dog, I'm Ferret R. Fable! I'll bring a new batch as soon as I'm able. I take credit cards, checks, and cash does just fine, If you'll stand to my left and please form a straight line."

All the animals looked at each other. "But we have no money," said the dog. Ferret R. Fable didn't say a word. He just held out his hand, and the goat coughed up his hat. Then he put the spoon back in his vest and he walked towards the door.

"But we have food," said the horse in a soft little voice. Ferret suddenly stopped and scratched at his head.

"For your food," said the ferret, "I'll give you a trade. I'll share with you all how this stew can be made."

The hawk tried to stop them, "That deal is horrendous!" But it was too late, "TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!"

With a flash, the ferret was gone. He took all the grain, all the oats, all the apples, all the carrots, all the chickenfeed, and the slop and the hay. (How he carried it all off, nobody knows.) All that was left in the barn was a note. The dog picked it up and read it aloud: Recipe for Tremendous Stupendous Stew --1 Part Carrot --2 Parts Apple --A bag full of grain --A bucket of slop --Some hay and some chickenfeed sprinkled on top