CHAPTER LIII.

COFFEE, AND THE LAME KNEE.

Mr. W. was a distinguished minister of the gospel, and teacher of females. He could not at this time have been much less than seventy years of age. He was originally a man of iron constitution and of great mental activity.

Of late it had been observed by some of the members of his family, that his mind had seasons of great inactivity, and it was even suspected he had, either in his sleep or at some other time, suffered from a slight attack of paralysis. His face seemed a little distorted, and one of the angles of his mouth a little depressed. There appeared to be a slight change even of his speech. It was recollected, too, that he inherited a tendency of this kind.

Along with other difficulties was a lame knee. This he called rheumatism; but was it so? People are very fond of having a name for every thing; and yet names very often mislead. Prof. Ives, of the Medical College in Connecticut, was wont to say to his students, "Diseases, young gentlemen, are not creatures to whom we can give particular names, or assign particular marks of distinction. They are merely _modes of action_." My friend's over solicitude for a name to his complaint was therefore no new thing.

I explained the matter as well as I could, very cautiously. I told him it was of little consequence about the name of his disease, provided we could ascertain the cause and remove it. "However," I said, "we will conclude to call it rheumatism." For though possessed of a good natural constitution, and, in general, of comparatively temperate habits, he had nevertheless set at defiance some of nature's laws, and was suffering under a just penalty.

One member of his family, a favorite son, was suspicious of coffee. He himself had abandoned it long before, and had thus placed himself in a position to observe its effects on others. His father used it very strong, he said; and had used it in this way for a long time. He even ventured, at length, to express his fears to his father.

"Nonsense, my son," said the father; "do you think coffee is powerful enough to give a man a lame knee? Why, the whole world--I mean the whole civilized world--use it; and do they all have stiff knees?"

"Perhaps not," said the son; "but almost every coffee-drinker has, sooner or later, some ailment about him, that may very possibly have its origin in this source. Our troubles, as you yourself are accustomed to say, do not spring out of the ground. Coffee, as the best authorities tell us, is a slow poison; and if it is so, its effects must, at some time, be manifested."

"Ay, a very slow poison this coffee must be, my son," said the half-indignant father; "for I have used it pretty freely forty years, and am not dead yet. But to be serious for a moment, Henry, do you really believe that such a small transgression as this, even if it could be proved to be a transgression at all, would be the cause of so much suffering?"

"You admit, then, that your troubles may possibly be the result of transgression, and that they did not spring out of the ground."

"Oh yes, I suppose it must be so; but there is such a strange disproportion between the transgression and the penalty, in the case you mention, that I cannot for one moment believe any thing about it. Why, what rational man in the world will believe that a little coffee, once a day, will entail upon a person severe rheumatism?"

"To what larger transgression, my dear father, will you be more ready to refer it? You do not use tobacco, or rum, or opium; and I am happy in being able to say that you never did. You are no tea-drinker. You are no worshipper of the apothecary's shop. You have not, so far as I know, strained your knee, by over exertion, either in labor or amusement Yet, here you are a sufferer; and you have suffered for months. Now, how do you account for it?"

"There is no possibility of accounting for it, my son, and why should we talk about it? If any thing can be done to cure it, I am sure I shall be glad; but though I admit that the complaint may have had a cause--and indeed _must_ have had--I do not think we shall ever be able to trace it out."

The son still adhered to the opinion that the coffee was the cause of the father's sufferings; and there was reason for believing that the father was more than half convinced of it himself; only that he was too proud to confess it. He concluded by asking his father if he would like to consult me on the subject--to which he cheerfully consented.

On a careful investigation of the case, I came to a full conclusion that the son was right in his conjectures; that the coffee was the principal source of his troubles; and that troubles still more serious might befall him unless he abandoned it; and accordingly I told him so.

It was a severe trial. He was, in truth, a most inveterate coffee-drinker; and the greater his slavery to it had become, the greater his reluctance to believe it produced, on him, any injurious effects. He consented, at length, to leave off its use for two months, and see if it made any difference with him. Being, however, about half a convert to hydropathy, as was also his son, it was concluded, with my permission, to apply the cold _douche_ every day to his knee, by way of an adjunct to the abstinence plan. No change was made in his diet; as, in fact, very little was needed after the coffee had been removed. "But one thing is needful," at the same meal, had long been his motto; and he was never excessive in the use of even that.

The coffee was laid aside, and resolution was put to the test. He suffered in his feelings for want of his accustomed stimulus during the first month; but during the second, very little. In about five weeks after I saw and had prescribed for him, I met him one day, by accident, and inquired about his lameness. "Very much better," said he, smiling; "but no thanks to you for it. It is the _douche_ which is curing me." I replied that I was not very solicitous to know the cause, provided he was cured.

On a more particular inquiry I found that his lameness had nearly disappeared already; and what is more remarkable still, it never returned. As long as he lived he could walk up and down stairs nearly as well as I. He continued to be a water-drinker about ten years, when he died, as he had lived, rejoicing in his emancipation from slavery to coffee. He believed, most fully, in its evil effects and tendencies, and did not hesitate, for many years before he died, to acknowledge that belief. Neither his son nor myself had firmer faith in the connection of law with penalty, in these matters, that he. And his only regret, in this particular, seemed to be that he had suffered himself to remain, almost all his lifetime, in what he now regarded as utter ignorance. And yet, compared with most men of his day, he was quite enlightened.

The case of Mr. W. was a pretty apt illustration of the truth of what I regard as the great or cardinal doctrine of temperance, faintly announced in Chapters XVIII., XXI., XXVIII, and elsewhere, viz., that, as a general rule, much more mischief is done to society at large by the frequent or at least habitual use of small quantities of poison, than by an equal aggregate quantity in much larger doses. I mean just this: The poisonous effects of Mr. W.'s coffee, though the amount daily taken was trifling, produced a greater aggregate of mischief, in the end, than if the same amount of poison had been applied in a very short time. A pint of rum drank in a single day will do much less mischief to the human constitution, than if divided into twenty _small_ doses and two of them are taken every day for ten days. In the first case the effect will be severe, but temporary; in the second, it will seem to be trifling, but there will be an accumulation of ill effects, a heaping up, as it were, of combustible matter in the system, till by and by when an igniting spark comes to be applied to the pile, lo! we have an explosion.

Some of the hydropathists who knew the facts concerning Mr. W.,--for the case did not occur in a corner,--tried to make it appear, perhaps in all honesty, that he was cured by the cold _douche_. Now I have no disposition to deny, wholly, its good effects. I have given you the facts just as they were. Yet I have not a doubt that had he returned to his coffee, the same troubles or others of equal magnitude would have fallen to his lot again, despite the influences of the _douche_. In truth, I know of no sensible hydropathist who, in such a case, would rely upon the _douche_ alone; which is to concede, practically, all that I desire to claim.