Chapter 2

"What rant and cant have you expressed, Yon sordid wretch! It is the mind, And not the gold, corrupts mankind. Shall my best medium be accused Because its virtues are abused? Virtue and gold alike betrayed, When knaves demand a cloak to trade; So likewise power in their possession Grows into tyrannous oppression. And in like manner gold may be Abused to vice and villany. But when it flows in virtue's streams It blesses like the sun's blest beams-- Wiping the tears from widowed eyes And soothing bereft orphans' cries. Speak not of misers who have sold Their soul's integrity for gold-- Than bravoes and than cut-throats worse, Who in their calling steal a purse."

FABLE VII.

LION, FOX, AND GANDER.

A lion, sick of pomp and state, Resolved his cares to delegate. Reynard was viceroy named--the crowd Of courtiers to the regent bowed; Wolves, bears, and tigers stoop and bend, And strive who most could condescend; Whilst he, with wisdom in his face, Assumed the regal grace and pace. Whilst flattery hovered him around, And the pleased ear in thraldom bound, A fox, well versed in adulation, Rose to pronounce the due oration:

"Vast talents, trained in virtue's school, With clemency, from passion cool-- And uncorrupted--such a hand Will shed abundance o'er the land. The brain shall prompt the wiser part, Mercy and justice rule the heart; All blessings must attend the nation Under such bright administration."

A gander heard and understood, And summoned round his gosling brood: "Whene'er you hear a rogue commended, Be sure some mischief is intended; A fox now spoke in commendation-- Foxes no doubt will rise in station; If they hold places, it is plain The geese will feel a tyrant reign. 'Tis a sad prospect for our race When every petty clerk in place Will follow fashion, and ne'er cease On holidays to feed on geese."

FABLE VIII.

LADY AND WASP.

What stupid nonsense must the Beauty Endure in her diurnal duty-- Buzzings and whispers from the stores Of the fatuities of bores! Yet such impertinence must be pleasing, Or Beauty would resent such teazing. A flap will drive a fly away, A frown will drive a dog to bay: So if the insects are persistent 'Twas Beauty that was inconsistent! And if she does not know herself, Blame not the persecuting elf.

It chanced upon a summer day That Boris in her boudoir lay-- She the last work of God's fair creatures, Contemplated her faultless features. A wasp assailed her so reclined, Bred of a persecuting kind. He now advanced, and now retreated, Till Beauty's neck and face grew heated; She smote him with her fan: she said Wasps were excessively ill bred. But the wasp answered her: "Alas! Before you blame me, view your glass. 'Twas beauty caused me to presume; Those cherry lips, that youthful bloom, Allured me from the plums and peaches To Beauty, which the soul o'erreaches."

"Don't hit him, Jenny!" Doris cried: "The race of wasps is much belied; I must recant what I have said,-- Wasps are remarkably well bred."

Away Sir Sting fled, and went boasting Amongst his fellows--Doris toasting; And as his burgundy he sips, He showed the sugar on his lips. Away the greedy host then gathered, Where they thought dalliance fair was feathered. They fluttered round her, sipped her tea, And lived in quarters fair and free; Nor were they banished, till she found That wasps had stings and felt the wound.

FABLE IX.

THE BULL AND THE MASTIFF.

Deem you to train your son and heir, For his preceptor then take care; To sound his mind your cares employ, E'er you commit to him your boy. Once on a time on native plain A bull enjoyed a native reign. A mastiff, stranger there, with ire Beheld the bull, with eyes of fire. The bovine monarch, on his part, Spurned up the dust with dauntless heart, Advised the mastiff to think twice, And asked--if lust or avarice, From which, in main, contention springs, Caused him to break the peace of kings? The mastiff answered him, 'twas glory-- To emulate the sons of story; Told him that Caesar was his sire, And he a prince baptized in fire; That rifles and the mitrailleur Had thrown his bosom in a stir.

"Accursed cur!" the bull replied, "Delighting in the sanguine tide: If you are Revolution trained, Doubtless your paws with blood are stained-- Demons that take delight in slaughter, And pour out human blood as water-- Take then thy fate." With goring wound The monarch tossed him from the ground In air gyrating--on the stones He fell a mass of broken bones.

FABLE X.

ELEPHANT AND BOOKSELLER.

The traveller whose undaunted soul Sails o'er the seas from pole to pole Sees many wonders, which become So wonderful they strike one dumb, When we in their description view Monsters which Adam never knew. Yet, on the other hand, the sceptic Supplies his moral antiseptic; Denying unto truths belief, With groans which give his ears relief: But truth is stranger far than fiction, And outlives sceptic contradiction. Read Pliny or old Aldrovandus, If--they would say--you understand us. Let other monsters stand avaunt, And read we of the elephant.

As one of these, in days of yore, Rummaged a stall of antique lore Of parchment rolls--not modern binding-- He found a roll; the which unwinding, He saw all birds and beasts portrayed Which Nature's bounteous hand had made, With forms and sentiments, to wit-- All by the hand of man down writ. The elephant, with great attention, Remarked upon that great invention:

"Man is endowed with reason; beasts Allowed their instinct--that at least: But here's an author owning neither-- No reason and no instinct either: He thinks he has all natures known, And yet he does not know his own. Now here's the spaniel--who is drawn The master spirit sprung to fawn. Pooh, pooh! a courtier in his calling Must fawn more deeply for enthralling. Now there's the fox--his attribute To plunder--as we say, 'to loot.' Pooh, pooh! a lawyer at that vice Would outfox Reynard in a trice. Then come the wolf and tiger's brood; He bans them for their gust of blood. Pooh, pooh! he bloodier is than they; They slay for hunger--he for pay."

A publisher, who heard him speak, And saw him read Parsee and Greek, Thought he had found a prize: "Dear sir, If you against mankind will stir, And write upon the wrongs of Siam, No man is better pay than I am; Or, since 'tis plain that you know true Greek, To make an onslaught on the rubrick."

Twisting his trunk up like a wipsy, "Friend," said the elephant, "you're tipsy: Put up your purse again--be wise; Leave man mankind to criticise. Be sure you ne'er will lack a pen Amidst the bustling sons of men; For, like to game cocks and such cattle, Authors run unprovoked to battle, And never cease to fight and fray them Whilst there's a publisher to pay them."

FABLE XI.

THE TURKEY, PEACOCK, AND GOOSE.

As specks appear on fields of snow, So blemishes on beauty show.

A peacock fed in a farm-yard Where all the poultry eyed him hard-- They looked on him with evil eye, And mocked his sumptuous pageantry: Proud of the glories he inherited, He sought the praises they well merited. Then, to surprise their dazzled sight, He spread his glories to the light. His glories spread, no sooner seen Than rose their malice and their spleen.

"Behold his insolence and pride-- His haughtiness!" the turkey cried. "He trusts in feathers; but within They serve to hide his negro skin."

"What hideous legs!" exclaimed the goose; "The tail to hide them were of use. And hearken to his voice: it howls Enough to frighten midnight owls."

"Yes, they are blemishes, I own," Replied the peacock; "harsh the tone Is of my voice--no symmetry In my poor legs; yet had your eye Been pleased to mark my radiant train, You might have spared detraction's vein. For if these shanks which you traduce Belonged to turkey or to goose, Or had the voice still harsher been, They had not been remarked or seen; But Envy, unto beauties blind, Seeks blemishes to soothe her mind."

So have we, in the midnight scene, Seen purity with face serene Awake the clamour of detraction From jaundiced Envy's yellow faction.

FABLE XII.

CUPID, HYMEN, AND PLUTUS.

As Cupid, with his band of sprites, In Paphian grove set things to rights, And trimmed his bow and tipped his arrows, And taught, to play with Lesbia, sparrows, Thus Hymen said: "Your blindness makes, O Cupid, wonderful mistakes! You send me such ill-coupled folks: It grieves me, now, to give them yokes. An old chap, with his troubles laden, You bind to a light-hearted maiden; Or join incongruous minds together, To squabble for a pin or feather Until they sue for a divorce; To which the wife assents--of course."

"It is your fault, and none of mine," Cupid replied. "I hearts combine: You trade in settlements and deeds, And care not for the heart that bleeds. You couple them for gold and fee; Complain of Plutus--not of me."

Then Plutus added: "What can I do?-- The settlement is what they spy to. Say, does Belinda blame her fate?-- She only asked a great estate. Doris was rich enough, but humble: She got a title--does she grumble? All men want money--not a shoe-tie Care they for excellence or beauty. Oh all, my boys, is right enough: They got the money--hearts is stuff."

FABLE XIII.

THE TAMED FAWN.

A young stag in the brake was caught, And home with corded antlers brought. The lord was pleased: so was the clown. When he was tipped with half-a-crown. The stag was dragged before his wife; The gentle lady begged its life: "How sleek its skin! how specked like ermine! Sure never creature was more charming."

At first within the court confined, He fled and hid from all mankind; Then, bolder grown, with mute amaze He at safe distance stood to gaze; Then munched the linen on the lines, And off a hood or whimple dines; Then steals my little master's bread, Then followed servants to be fed, Then poked his nose in fists for meat, And though repulsed would not retreat; Thrusts at them with his levelled horns, And man, that was his terror, scorns.

How like unto the country maid, Who of a red-coat, first, afraid Will hide behind the door, to trace The magic of the martial lace; But soon before the door will stand, Return the jest and strike the hand; Then hangs with pride upon his arm,-- For gallant soldiers bear a charm,-- Then seeks to spread her conquering fame, For custom conquers fear and shame.

FABLE XIV.

THE MONKEY WHO HAD SEEN THE WORLD.

A monkey, to reform the times, Resolved to visit foreign climes; For therefore toilsomely we roam To bring politer manners home. Misfortunes serve to make us wise: Poor pug was caught, and made a prize; Sold was he, and by happy doom Bought to cheer up a lady's gloom. Proud as a lover of his chains His way he wins, his post maintains-- He twirled her knots and cracked her fan, Like any other gentleman. When jests grew dull he showed his wit, And many a lounger hit with it. When he had fully stored his mind-- As Orpheus once for human kind,-- So he away would homewards steal, To civilize the monkey weal.

The hirsute sylvans round him pressed, Astonished to behold him dressed. They praise his sleeve and coat, and hail His dapper periwig and tail; His powdered back, like snow, admired, And all his shoulder-knot desired.

"Now mark and learn: from foreign skies I come, to make a people wise. Weigh your own worth, assert your place,-- The next in rank to human race. In cities long I passed my days, Conversed with man and learnt his ways; Their dress and courtly manners see-- Reform your state and be like me.

"Ye who to thrive in flattery deal, Must learn your passions to conceal; And likewise to regard your friends As creatures sent to serve your ends. Be prompt to lie: there is no wit In telling truth, to lose by it. And knock down worth, bespatter merit: Don't stint--all will your scandal credit. Be bumptious, bully, swear, and fight-- And all will own the man polite."

He grinned and bowed. With muttering jaws His pugnosed brothers grinned applause, And, fond to copy human ways, Practise new mischiefs all their days.

Thus the dull lad too big to rule, With travel finishes his school; Soars to the heights of foreign vices, And copies--reckless what their price is.

FABLE XV.

PHILOSOPHER AND PHEASANT.

A sage awakened by the dawn, By music of the groves was drawn From tree to tree: responsive notes Arose from many warbling throats. As he advanced, the warblers ceased; Silent the bird and scared the beast-- The nightingale then ceased her lay, And the scared leveret ran away. The sage then pondered, and his eye Roamed round to learn the reason why.

He marked a pheasant, as she stood Upon a bank, above her brood; With pride maternal beat her breast As she harangued and led from nest:

"Play on, my infant brood--this glen Is free from bad marauding men. O trust the hawk, and trust the kite, Sooner than man--detested wight! Ingratitude sticks to his mind,-- A vice inherent to the kind. The sheep, that clothes him with her wool, Dies at the shambles--butcher's school; The honey-bees with waxen combs Are slain by hives and hecatombs; And the sagacious goose, who gives The plume whereby he writes and lives, And as a guerdon for its use He cuts the quill and eats the goose. Avoid the monster: where he roams He desolates our raided homes; And where such acts and deeds are boasted, I hear we pheasants all are roasted."

FABLE XVI.

PIN AND NEEDLE.

A pin which long had done its duty, Attendant on a reigning beauty,-- Had held her muffler, fixed her hair, And made its mistress _debonnaire_,-- Now near her heart in honour placed, Now banished to the rear disgraced; From whence, as partners of her shame, She saw the lovers served the same. From whence, thro' various turns of life, She saw its comforts and its strife: With tailors warm, with beggars cold, Or clutched within a miser's hold. His maxim racked her wearied ear: "A pin a day's a groat a year." Restored to freedom by the proctor, She paid some visits with a doctor; She pinned a bandage that was crossed, And thence, at Gresham Hall, was lost. Charmed with its wonders, she admires, And now of this, now that inquires-- 'Twas plain, in noticing her mind, She was of virtuoso kind.

"What's this thing in this box, dear sir?"

"A needle," said the interpreter.

"A needle shut up in a box? Good gracious me, why sure it locks! And why is it beside that flint? I could give her now a good hint: If she were handed to a sempstress, She would hem more and she would clem less."

"Pin!" said the needle, "cease to blunder: Stupid alike your hints and wonder. This is a loadstone, and its virtue-- Though insufficient to convert you-- Makes me a magnet; and afar True am I to my polar star. The pilot leaves the doubtful skies, And trusts to me with watchful eyes; By me the distant world is known, And both the Indies made our own. I am the friend and guide of sailors, And you of sempstresses and tailors."

FABLE XVII.

SHEPHERD'S DOG AND WOLF.

A hungry wolf had thinned the fold, Safely he refuged on the wold; And, as in den secure he lay, The thefts of night regaled his day. The shepherd's dog, who searched the glen, By chance found the marauder's den. They fought like Trojan and like Greek, Till it fell out they both waxed weak.

"Wolf," said the dog, "the whilst we rest on, I fain would ask of you a question."

"Ask on," the wolf replied; "I'm ready."

"Wolf," said the dog, "with soul so steady And limbs so strong, I wonder much That you our lambs and ewes should touch. There are the lion and the boar To bathe your jaws with worthier gore; 'Tis cowardly to raid the fold."

"Friend," said the wolf, "I pray thee, hold! Nature framed me a beast of prey, And I must eat when, where I may. Now if your bosom burn with zeal To help and aid the bleating-weal, Hence to your lord and master: say What you have said to me; or, stay, Tell him that I snatch, now and then, One sheep for thousands gorged by men. I am their foe, and called a curse, But a pretended friend is worse."

FABLE XVIII.

THE UNSATISFACTORY PAINTER.

Lest captious men suspect your story, Speak modestly its history. The traveller, who overleaps the bounds Of probability, confounds; But though men hear your deeds with phlegm, You may with flattery cram them. Hyperboles, though ne'er so great, Will yet come short of self-conceit.

A painter drew his portraits truly, And marked complexion and mien duly;-- Really a fellow knew the picture, There was nor flattery nor delicture. The eyes, and mouth, and faulty nose, Were all showed up in grim repose; He marked the dates of youth and age-- But so he lost his clientage: The which determined to recover, He turned in mind the matter over. He bought a pair of busts--one, Venus, The other was Apollo Phoebus; Above his subject client placed them, And for the faulty features traced them. Chatted the while of Titian's tints, Of Guido--Raphael--neither stints To raise him to the empyreal, Whilst he is sketching his ideal. He sketches, utters, "That will do: Be pleased, my lord, to come and view." "I thought my mouth a little wider." "My lord, my lord, you me deride, ah!" "Such _was_ my nose when I was young." "My lord, you have a witty tongue." "Ah well, ah well! you artists flatter." "That were, my lord, no easy matter." "Ah well, ah well! you artists see best." "My lord, I only (_aside_) earn my fee best."

So with a lady--he, between us, Borrowed the face and form of Venus. There was no fear of its rejection-- Her lover voted it perfection. So on he went to fame and glory, And raised his price--which ends the story;-- But not the moral,--which, though fainter, Bids one to scorn an honest painter.

FABLE XIX.

LION AND CUB.

All men are fond of rule and place, Though granted by the mean and base; Yet all superior merit fly, Nor will endure an equal nigh. They o'er some ale-house club preside With smoke and joke and paltry pride. Nay, e'en with blockheads pass the night; If such can read, to such I write.

A lion cub of sordid mind Avoided all the lion-kind, And, greedy of applause, sought feasts With asses and ignoble beasts; There, as their president appears, An ass in every point, but ears. If he would perpetrate a joke, They brayed applause before he spoke; And when he spoke, with shout they praised, And said he beautifully brayed.

Elate with adulation, then He sought his father's royal den, And brayed a bray. The lion started, The noble heart within him smarted. "You lion cub," he said, "your bray Proclaims where you pass night and day,-- 'Midst coxcombs who, with shameless face, Blush not proclaiming their disgrace."

"Father, the club deems very fine, All that conforms with asinine."

"My son, what stupid asses prize Lions and nobler brutes despise."

FABLE XX.

OLD HEN AND YOUNG COCK.

Once an old hen led forth her brood To scratch and glean and peck for food; A chick, to give her wings a spell, Fluttered and tumbled in a well. The mother wept till day was done, When she met with a grown-up son, And thus addressed him:--"My dear boy, Your years and vigour give me joy: You thrash all cocks around, I'm told; 'Tis right, cocks should be brave and bold: But never--fears I cannot quell-- Never, my son, go near that well; A hateful, false, and wretched place, Which is most fatal to my race. Imprint that counsel on your breast, And trust to providence the rest."

He thanked the dame's maternal care, And promised never to go near. Yet still he burned to disobey, And hovered round it day by day; And communed thus: "I wonder why? Does mother think my soul is shy? Thinks me a coward? or does she Store grain in yonder well from me? I'll find that out, and so here goes." So said, he flaps his wings and crows, Mounted the margin, peered below, Where to repel him rose a foe. His choler rose, his plumes upreared-- With ruffled plumes the foe appeared. Challenged to fight--he dashed him down Upon the mirrored wave to drown; And drowning uttered: "This condition Comes from my mother's prohibition. Did she forget, or not believe, That I too am a son of Eve?"

FABLE XXI.

THE RATCATCHER AND CATS.

The rats by night the mischief did, And Betty every morn was chid. The cheese was nibbled, tarts were taken, And purloined were the eggs and bacon; And Betty cursed the cat, whose duty Was to protect and guard the booty. A ratcatcher, of well known skill, Was called to kill or scotch the ill; And, as an engineer, surveyed Their haunts and laid an ambuscade. A cat behold him, and was wrath, Whilst she resolved to cross his path; Not to be beaten by such chaps, She silently removed his traps. Again he set the traps and toils, Again his cunning pussy foils. He set a trap to catch the thief, And pussy she got caught in brief. "Ah!" said the rat-catcher, "you scamp, You are the spy within the camp." But the cat said, "A sister spare, Your science is our mutual care." "Science and cats!" the man replied; "We soon that question shall decide; You are my rival interloper, A nasty, sneaking, crouching groper."

A sister tabby saw the cord, And interposed a happy word: "In every age and clime we see Two of a trade cannot agree; Each deems the other an encroacher, As sportsman thinks another poacher. Beauty with beauty vies in charms, And king with king in warfare's arms: But let us limit our desires, Nor war like beauties, kings, and squires; For though one prey we both pursue There's prey enough for us and you."

FABLE XXII.

THE SHAVEN AND SHORN GOAT.

'Tis strange to see a new-launched fashion Lay on the soul and grow a passion. To illustrate such folly, I Proffer some beast to the mind's eye. Now I select the goat. What then? I never said goats equal men.