Part 7

than in any of the _products_ of his brain that he has given us. His brothers, _Eben_ and _Philander_, have become stage-struck, and expect to excel in the _Protean_ art. Their _guardian_, himself a great lover of _drama_, having foolish confidence in their success, grants them _plenary_ indulgence in all their whims. They are _habitués_ of the _theatre_, and have fitted up a _suite_ of apartments next to a _suit_ of rooms occupied by some stock actors, with whom they are bound in _indissoluble_ bonds of friendship. There they spend the day in practice, and if you should call at any hour, there is no telling what will present itself to you. Perhaps Macbeth with the _glamour_ of his eyes, viewing the imaginary _gouts_ of blood; or _Banquo_ with his gory locks; or some knight with his _cuirass_ on and his _visor_ down, plunging, without a _qualm_, his carmine-stained _poniard_ into the _jugular_ of some _patriot_. Possibly, Othello the _Moor_, King John with the _Magna Charta_, or a _legendary_ warrior of frightful _mien_ with his _falchion_ drawn, will admit you. Or you may see a _viscount_ with _falcon_, a _rampant_ villain, a _jocund_ host, or an _irate_, _splenetic_ old man with _spectacles_, pronouncing with _senile vehemence_ a curse upon some _fragile_ female in _negligee_ before him, who beseeches the aid of an _immobile statue_ in a _niche_ in the wall. You may get there in the nick of time to save Desdemona by an _exposé_ of _Iago_'so villainy, to rescue Pythias whom Damon holds by the _nape_ of the neck on the _threshold_ of eternity, or to restrain the _suicidal_ design of the _Montague_ by informing him that the fair Capulet is only under the influence of a _soporific_--not dead. You may arrive soon enough to arouse the womanhood in the _docile_ Kate, making her less _docible_, and talk woman's rights to _Petruchio_, making him more _lenient_.

And you will find the guardian of these promising youths, sitting there all day shouting _encore_ to their absurdities, and not _rational_ enough to see his _indiscretion_ in permitting their _frivolity_.

* * * * *

The _ennui_, recently complained of, was relieved by an invitation to a party given by the _Mesdames_ B., the same you met at the _conversazione_ of the church _guild_. The ladies received their guests with their usual _suavity_. Their niece, _Rosamond_, recently from _Madrid_, was the attraction of the evening; she wore an elegant _moire_ antique with a profusion of _valenciennes_; she had a beautiful set of jewelry--_opal_ and diamonds. It was marvelous how her _tiny_ hands flew over the _piano-forte_. She sings very sweetly too; her voice is a sort of _mezzo-soprano_. The _naïve_ Miss _Ursula_ was present, nearly smothered in black silk and _guipure_. She looks much prettier in _dishabille_. The little _piquant_ Miss _Irene_, with her _plaited_ hair, sang with a voice like a _paroquet_ her favorite, "_Tassels_ on the Boots." That disgusting young _Leopold_ was there, feeling as important as a _Rothschild_, making his _salams_, and _palavering sotto voce_ to all the girls, circulating his _monogram_ cards and sporting his paste pin with its dazzling _facets_. He thinks he cuts a wide _swath_.

Late in the evening those that were fond of _Terpsichorean_ amusement were ushered into a room where the _tapestry_ was covered and there spent several hours in _minuets_, waltzes, quadrilles, etc.

The topics of conversation amongst the more sensible during the evening were the object of the visit of the new _prelate_, and the recent speeches of _Disraeli_ and _Thiers_.

Madame B. caused a good deal of merriment by describing an improvement in her _cuisine_ that had been introduced that day. Bridget, a late importation from _Belfast_, who had charge of the _culinary_ department, was told to send for some _vermicelli_ to put in the soup, but she ordered _spermaceti_ instead.

* * * * *

There was an old superstition that when the _sacristan_ caused the bell in the _cupola_ to toll its _dolorous_ funeral notes, the _manes_ of former friends joined in the solemn _cortege_, and gathering around the grave moved their lips in inaudible _requiem_, and wrote in invisible letters upon the tomb, _omega_.

* * * * *

The great _desideratum_ in the successful argument of _disputable_ points, is the possession of an _equable_ temper.

* * * * *

_Alphonso_, while out hunting _partridges_, fell into a _slough_. Being clothed only in _nainsook_, he took a severe cold, which soon resulted in _febrile_ symptoms.

* * * * *

Dr. Mastiff's _posthumous monograph_ on "_Rabies_" will soon appear. The _frontispiece_ represents a group of dogs. Next to the _preface_ is a _memoir_ of the author. It was his own design to have "_Finis_" placed upon a cut of a tombstone. It almost seems that he had a _presentiment_ of his death.

* * * * *

_Suffice_ it to say that the dentist gave the patient enough letheon to produce unconsciousness, and then applied his _forceps_ to the offending tooth. Letheon, accented on the first syllable, and _lethean_ are derived from _Lethe_, the name of a river described in mythology, a draught from which caused forgetfulness.

* * * * *

_Sulphurous_ acid is _gaseous_, not liquid.

* * * * *

It is reported in the _Pall Mall_ Gazette that _Basil_ S., whom you met several years ago at _Leipsic_, is dead. He lived the life of a _roué_ for some years in Paris and London, and turned out to be a most _perfidious_ villain. In the latter city he committed many _heinous_ offenses and acts of _subtle_ knavery that were almost without _precedent_. He was engaged for a long time in the manufacture of _spurious_ money by a new _process_, in which dies were taken from _gutta-percha_ impressions. He had purchased the services of an experienced professor of _metallurgy_, and the _produce_ of their crime would have been immense, if some of his other crimes had not been betrayed. _Placards_, offering a large reward for his arrest, were posted all over the city. He fled to Venice where he was soon afterward drowned by falling from a _gondola_, thus cheating the _gibbet_ of its dues.

* * * * *

The foolish lover, _Ivan_, rendered desperate because his rival _Darius_ had gained the _precedence_ in _Marion's_ esteem, resolved to commit suicide and rushed _toward_ the _quay_ and plunged into the water. Some fishermen rescued him with their _seine_, poured some _potheen_ down his throat, and carried him home on a piece of _tarpaulin_. His _sousing_ cured him of his folly, but was a poor _guerdon_ for his faithfulness.

* * * * *

The _Saracens_, taking advantage of the _strategic_ point, made a sudden dash into the territory of the _usurper_; while a detachment _houghed_ the horses of the enemy's _cavalry_, the rest proceeded on a _predatory_ raid characterized by _rapine_ and terror, and after the _spoliation_ of the villages, and the burning of the _granaries_, returned to their own possessions.

* * * * *

_Lionel_, _prejudiced_ against the world on account of _onerous_ cares, concluded to make a _sacrifice_ of his wealth and position and become a _recluse_. His little _hovel_ on the _heather_, whitened with lime which he himself _slaked_, and the little flower garden _redolent_ of spring, present a strange contrast with his former mansion and magnificent grounds.

* * * * *

_Eva_ answered the _inquiry_ of the French gentleman, "Parlez-vous français?" with a "Oui;" but when she came to converse with him, he understood about as much of her _patois_ as he did of _Hindoostanee_.

* * * * *

There is a fabulous report that the _upas_ tree exhales a _subtile_ vapor that is fatal to animal life.

* * * * *

Since _Joshua_ has obtained his lucrative _sinecure_, he spends his time in riding about in his _phaeton_ and reading _romances_. He is _loth_ to acknowledge that he was ever a _plebeian_ and did all kinds of _servile_ work. He is confident that his _genealogy_, if known, would show that he was unto a _manor_ born, and that some _supposititious_ child robbed him of his rights.

* * * * *

The knight dropped his _wassail cup_ and sprang to the assistance of the ladies. "_Gramercy_," _quoth_ they, _simultaneously_.

* * * * *

The _veterinary_ physician said that the disease was _murrain_.

* * * * *

An _infinitesimal_ quantity of _yeast_ excited the fermentation.

* * * * *

_Augustine_ studied _microscopy_ just long enough to learn that a _monad_ is one of the simplest kind of minute _animalcules_; he then tried chemistry and _mineralogy_, but he could not master the _nomenclature_; he then took a fancy for _telegraphy_, but soon abandoned the idea of becoming a _telegraphist_. At last accounts, he apprenticed himself to a druggist, but was told to _vamos_ soon after making up a lot of _Seidlitz_ powders with oxalic instead of _tartaric_ acid.

* * * * *

_Artemas_ has applied for a _patent_ on an improved _turbine_ wheel.

* * * * *

Mr. B., recollecting the _precedent_ services of his servant, advanced him money enough to lift the _lien_ on his dwelling.

* * * * *

The _lithographer_ had only a poor _melanotype_ to copy from, but he succeeded in making an excellent print.

* * * * *

"Thou shalt destroy them that speak _leasing_," is found in the sixth verse of the fifth _psalm_.

* * * * *

At the examination in _orthoepy_, _Deborah_ had the following words given to her: _contumely_, _crinoline_, _feudal_, _fetid_, _fetor_, _gerund_, _gneiss_, _gyrfalcon_, _harem_, _Hawaiian_, _hygiene_, _lariat_, _leverage_, _nonillion_, _obligatory_, _platina_, _platinum_, _psalmody_, _psychical_, _purulent_, _pyrites_, _recherché_, _résumé_, _sacerdotal_, _sacrament_, _schism_, _shekel_, _stearine_ and _troches_.

* * * * *

The objective, me, is _often_ erroneously used instead of the _nominative_, I, in answer to the question--"Who is there?"

* * * * *

In the _dramatis personæ_ of "Midsummer Night's Dream," _Oberon_ and _Titania_, king and queen of the fairies, are introduced.

* * * * *

At the examination in geography, _Ada_ was required to draw a map of _Asia_, which would have been well done, if she had not drawn _Persia_, _Afghanistan_ and _Beloochistan_ nearly twice their proper size. She was then asked to give the location and length of the _Altai_ and _Vosges_ mountains, and the height of their principal peaks; a description of the _Aral_, _Adriatic_ and _Caribbean_ seas; the course and length of the _Amoor_ and _Yang tse-kiang_; and the location and population of _Valparaiso_ (_Chili_), _Bantam_, (_Java_), _Norwich_, (Eng.), _Pesth_, _Quebec_, _Valenciennes_, _Neufchatel_, _Nantes_ and _Aix-la-Chapelle_.

Her sister, _Frances_, was told to draw maps of _Buenos Ayres_ and _Otaheite_, and to bound _Venezuela_ and _Arkansas_; to give the length and direction of the _Araguay_, _Juniata_, _Kankakee_, _Barbados_ and _San Joaquin_; the location of Cape _Agulhas_; the situation and population of _Bingen_, _Calais_, _Canton_, _Acapulco_, _Chuquisaca_, _Delhi_, _Dubuque_, _Jeddo_, _Quereturo_, _Truxillo_, _Leicester_ and _Vevay_, and a description of _Sumatra_, _Zanzibar_, _Barbadoes_ and the _Antilles_.

* * * * *

_Sigismund_ has just returned from _Yosemite_ Valley.

* * * * *

_Cecily_, _Chloe_ and _Viola_ have just passed their examination in biography. The names presented to them were the following: _N. S. Adam_ (Fr.), _G. Adam_ (Ger.), _Beatrice Cenci_, _Blucher_, _Boccaccio_, _Anne Boleyn_, _Marco Bozzaris_, _Joseph Buonaparte_, _D'Aubigné_, _Daubigny_, _Drouyn de Lhuys_, _Juarez_, _Lavater_, _Marat_, _Marion_, _Catherine de Medici_, _Moultrie_, _Ovid_, _Pliny_, _Ponce de Leon_ and _Richelieu_.

VIOLATED RULES OF GRAMMAR.

Many, who claim to be good grammarians, are occasionally guilty of the violation of certain important rules. Attention is solicited to a few of the more common errors of this nature.

NUMBER.

Certain compounds change the form of the first word in pluralizing, as: _court-martial_, _brother-in-law_, _sister-in-law_. Plural, _courts-martial_, _brothers-in-law_, etc. "John has three brother-in-laws," then, is incorrect.

But _tea-spoonful_, _table-spoonful_, _cupful_, _pocketful_, etc., are not considered such compounds; therefore, "two tea-spoonsful of medicine" and "two-cupsful of flour," should be, "two tea-spoonfuls of medicine," and "two cupfuls of flour."

When name and title are given, with a numeral adjective prefixed, the _name_ is pluralized. "Are the two Misses Wilson at home?" should be, "Are the two Miss Wilsons at home?" But when the numeral is omitted the _title_ must be pluralized. "Were the Dr. Browns there?" should be, "Were the Drs. Brown there?" The rule has been given that the _name_ only of married ladies is pluralized, but there appears to be no reason except that of euphony: the _Mrs. Clarks_ certainly sounds more agreeably than the _Mistresses Clark_. In giving the plural of such titles as: _Hon._, _Rev._, _Squire_ and _Capt._, euphony is also often considered; but in such cases it would doubtless be better to add the numeral, as: the _three Hon. Jacksons_.

EACH OTHER--ONE ANOTHER.

_Each other_ applies to two; _one another_ to more than two. "The three witnesses contradicted each other," and "the two men accused one another," are incorrect.

NEITHER, NOT--NOR.

_Neither_ and _not_ are followed by _nor_, not _or_. "Neither James or Charles will come," and "it is not white or black," are incorrect.

TO BE, UNITING WORDS.

Words united by _to be_, referring to the same person, must be of the same case.

"It is me," "It may have been him," "It could not be her," and "It was not them," are not correct: _it_, in each of the sentences, is _nominative_ and the other pronouns should be _I_, _he_, _she_ and _they_. "I took it to be he," and "I understood it to be they," are also wrong; for _it_ is objective in both instances, and the following pronouns should be _him_ and _them_.

THAN, AS.

_Than_ and _as_ implying comparison, have the same case after as before. "He loses more than me," "John knows more than him" and "James is not so tall as her," should be, "He loses more than I" (lose), "John knows more than he" (knows) and "James is not so tall as she" (is tall).

WHO.

Errors connected with the use of this word are very common, even amongst good speakers.

"Who did you see?" "Who do you know?" and "Who did you hear?" are wrong: _whom_ should be used, for it is the object of the transitive verbs, _see_, _know_ and _hear_. _Who_ in such sentences as: "Who are you looking at?" and "Who are you writing to?" should likewise be changed into _whom_, for it is the _object_ of the prepositions _at_ and _to_.

ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS.

Adjectives are often erroneously used for adverbs in sentences like the following: "This is an uncommon good portrait," "It is a miserable poor painting. "_Uncommonly good_ and _miserably poor_ are right.

Adverbs are still more commonly used for adjectives. "Mary looked _beautifully_ at the party," and "Janauschek looked _majestically_ on the stage," are incorrect, for it is intended to describe the appearance of Mary and Janauschek, not their manner of looking; therefore the adjectives _beautiful_ and _majestic_ should be used.

When _two_ objects are compared, the _comparative_ degree should be used. "William is the heaviest of the two," and "Which is the most desirable--health or wealth?" ought to be, "William is the heavier of the two," and "Which is the more desirable--health or wealth?"

THESE, THOSE.

The plural demonstratives _these_ and _those_ are often erroneously used with singular nouns, as: "I don't like these kind of people," and "Those sort of things are very embarrassing." _Kind_ and _sort_ are singular and should have _this_ and _that_.

INTO.

_Into_, not _in_, is used to show the relation between verbs expressing motion, entrance, change of state, etc., and an objective case, as: "Come into the house," "Step into the carriage," and "Look into the room."

[Transcriber's Note:

* Text enclosed between equal signs was in bold face in the original (=bold=).

* Added punctuation as needed to preserve the author's and publisher's intent.

* Addition to the pronunciation guide:

Small capital "D" indicates a sound similar to "th" (this). Small capital "G" and "K" indicates the sound of the German "ch". Small capital "H" resembles a guttural and strongly-aspirated "h". Small capital "R" resembles the sound of "rr" (terror). Small capital "U" indicates the sound of the French "eu", and resembles the sound of the German "ö". The sound for the small capitals "TH" is unknown.

* Page 17 Corrected spelling of "spellling" to "spelling" in "Worcestor's spellling is".

* Page 29 Corrected spelling of "lenghten" to "lengthen" in "also, in lengthy, lenghten".]

End of Project Gutenberg's Every-Day Errors of Speech, by L. P. Meredith