Part 5

WHEN A MAN and woman walk together in the street, the man’s proper position is usually on the side toward the curb, and he maintains this place also when walking with two women. He should never station himself between them, unless under the informal circumstances of a country road, or the like.

In the day time, a man does not offer a woman his arm when they walk together, though of course he should give her the support of his hand under her elbow when such assistance is obviously required, as in mounting the steps of a car. But in the evening a man properly offers his arm to a woman when they are to walk together, and she lays her hand on his forearm. They should never hook arms.

When a man and woman who are acquainted with each other meet in the street, it is the woman’s place to extend recognition by a nod and smile, which latter varies from coldness to warmth according to her will. On receiving such recognition, for which in any formal acquaintance he must wait, the man raises his hat, and at the same time bows.

When a man is walking with a woman, he must salute in the same fashion any others that pass who recognize either himself or his companion, except that where the person is not an acquaintance of his own, he merely lifts his hat without bowing.

When a man encounters a woman on the street, and wishes to talk with her, he should not detain her, but with her permission should turn and walk beside her. The woman, however, is privileged thus to retain the man in conversation, but she should withdraw to one side, out of the way of passers-by.

In escorting a woman in a car, the man should assist her to enter, and then follow. But in leaving, he precedes her and descends first, then turning to help her down.

Good sense must determine the precise conduct for propriety in various circumstances. Ordinarily, where a couple cannot well walk side by side, the man follows behind the woman. But where the way is difficult for any reason, he goes in advance—as, for example, when it becomes necessary to force the way through a crowd.

Some men make a point of standing uncovered throughout the length of any conversation with a woman in the street. This mode is not to be encouraged, especially in the inclement northern winter. Merely raising the hat at meeting and again at parting is quite sufficient.

TABLE MANNERS

DEPORTMENT AT TABLE is the most important single item in the total of good manners. Yet, the requirements are very simple—so simple indeed that there is little excuse for those who fail in them.

It should hardly be necessary to say that the position must be one of well-balanced erectness. A man’s hands should be kept in his lap when not busy. So of a woman’s—formerly. Of recent years, a new custom has crept in, and it is common to see a woman’s forearm or elbow resting at ease on the table.

The napkin is only partly unfolded, and laid across the lap. In the case of a woman, it covers her gloves, which she has taken off on seating herself. At the end of the meal, the crumpled napkin is laid beside the plate. But, when making an extended stay with friends, the napkin is folded if the host and hostess fold theirs in preparation for use at another meal.

The knife is employed only for cutting purposes, being then held in the right hand. It is afterward put down, while the fork is transferred to the right hand for passing food to the mouth. When not in use both knife and fork are left on the plate. They should not be held in the hands, or laid down on the table. They are to remain on the plate also if it is sent for another helping. When eating is ended, knife and fork are laid together on the plate—parallel, points to the center, and the fork tines down.

The fork should be used throughout with the tines downward. It is only used spoon-fashion for small vegetables such as peas. The fork rather than a spoon should be used for eating ices, melons, and the like. It is used to fold lettuce and other salad leaves, which must not be cut with a knife.

The knife is used only for cutting, and is afterward laid down on the plate.

Beverages in glasses or cups are tested by sipping from a spoon, which is then laid down. Afterward one drinks directly from the container. The spoon must never be allowed to stand in a cup or glass. For taking soup, the spoon is pushed forward, not drawn toward one. The soup plate is never tipped. The liquid must be taken into the mouth from the side of the spoon never from the end.

Boiled eggs are properly eaten with a spoon, of course, as are jellies, custards and the like, grape-fruit and various fruits served with cream, and cereals.

A finger-bowl is properly used on finishing a fruit course. A slight rinsing of the finger-tips suffices, after which they are wiped on the napkin.

Butter is not served at formal dinners.

At all other meals a special plate is laid for bread and butter, and a small knife of silver for spreading the butter. The bread is broken with the fingers, a mouthful at a time and separately buttered. Cake is eaten either in the fingers or with a fork.

Cheese is cut into small pieces. Each piece is placed on a mouthful of bread or cracker, and then eaten from the fingers.

Apples, pears, etc., are quartered, peeled, cut in mouthfuls, and then eaten from the fingers. Smaller fruits with pits are eaten from the fingers. Each pit is taken from the mouth in the closed hand and deposited on the plate.

Asparagus is eaten with a fork. That part of the stalk not easily cut by the fork is left. But burr artichokes are eaten from the fingers a leaf at a time, after it has been dipped in the sauce. Only the heart demands the use of a fork.

Celery, olives and radishes are eaten from the fingers. So, also, are crystallized fruits, almonds and other nuts.

When leaving the table at the conclusion of a meal elsewhere than in one’s own house, the chair is left without being pushed back close to the table.

TEAS

IN THE COUNTRY, where the dinner is in the middle of the day, the evening meal is called either supper or tea, and an invitation to tea ordinarily means an invitation to the evening meal. In England, where afternoon tea-serving is universal among all classes, the evening meal is frequently designated high tea.

The proprieties concerning afternoon tea are explained in the chapter entitled, “At Homes.”

THEATER-PARTIES

WHEN A THEATER-PARTY is to be given, it is not customary to use the engraved form of invitations, but notes written in the first person suffice.

_97 Hamilton Street, May 1, 1919_

_My dear Miss Hammer:_

_Will you give me the pleasure of dining with me on Wednesday evening of next week, at seven o’clock, and of afterward witnessing the new play at the Brooke Theater?_

_In the hope that you are free that evening and kindly disposed toward my invitation, I remain,_

_Yours sincerely, Mary Holmes_

To such an invitation, the guest should return an immediate reply, either of acceptance or rejection, written in the first person, after the manner of the other missive.

It is within the discretion of the host or hostess to secure orchestra seats, or a box. Care should be taken, in the case of a box, not to have a sufficient number of guests to cause crowding. The invitations should be sent out about a week before the evening of the party, but a longer or shorter notice is permissible. A bachelor may find it more convenient to give his invitations in person, orally, and such laxity is allowable on his part.

The giver of the entertainment may use his or her discretion in having attendance on the play preceded by an early dinner-party, which may include all or only a part of his guests; or having it followed by a supper-party. Or the theater alone may be deemed a sufficient entertainment.

Very often, a host orders an omnibus to collect his guests for a theater-party and to carry them to the theater, and back home after the performance. If this is done, the invitation should specify the fact, and notify the guest of the exact time of the omnibus’s arrival.

When a man invites an unmarried woman to be his companion at the theater, he is expected also to invite another woman, either a relation or friend, according to circumstances, who shall act as chaperon. But this rule is not too strictly enforced where a friendship exists between a man and a spinster of mature age.

It is the duty of the man to call in person for his guests, and to provide them with fitting transportation to and from the theater. On their arrival at the theater, if the women leave their wraps in the cloak-room, he also should check his hat and coat. He allows the ladies to precede him, and inside the theater secures programs for them, and then gives his checks to the usher. The usher now leads the way, with the ladies following and the host bringing up the rear. If he has retained his coat and hat, he places his hat under the seat and lays the folded coat over the back of the chair or holds it across his knees. He is careful always to retain the checks during the evening since lack of them might prove embarrassing if any error has been made in the seating arrangements, as sometimes happens.

A man thus escorting ladies to the theater properly remains with them throughout the performance. The only justifiable excuse for leaving them for a few minutes is when he occupies an aisle seat, and then only when during an intermission a friend comes to pay his respects, who can take his place until the rising of the curtain.

The man wears evening dress for the theater. He should by no means appear in a tailless coat when acting as an escort for ladies, or when a guest in a party that includes ladies. He is permitted, however, to remove his gloves on arrival at the theater. The silk hat is often inconvenient for theater purposes, and for that reason the crush hat has been preferred. But this folding form of headgear has lost its vogue to a great extent, and there is a growing tendency toward the use of a black soft hat for such evening wear.

The more usual form of woman’s dress is not the decolleté of the ball-gown, but a less extreme style, with sleeves. It is, of course, of such elegance as to suit the occasion. But the low-neck and sleeveless gown is frequently to be seen, more especially in the boxes.

With the less formal costume, a hat is worn. This and the veil may be removed in the cloak-room, or, if the wrap is retained, it may be kept on until the seat is reached. The outer garment is then folded and laid over the back of the chair. After having seated herself, the woman then unpins her veil and removes it, together with the hat, and these are afterward held in the lap.

If the arrival at the theater is a little late, and the wraps are not left in the cloak-room, it is the part of good taste to remove them before passing down the aisle to the seats. Otherwise, their removal becomes an unpleasant interruption to those seated near by.

This same matter of consideration for the rights of others is the reason why it is necessary that the hats should be removed, since it would shut off the view of the stage from those seated behind. It should be borne in mind always, also, that this consideration for others should extend to the matter of conversation during the performance, which must be rigidly suppressed. Care ought to be taken in every respect lest there be an impolite intrusion on the rights of others.

If there is supper in a restaurant after the play, the wraps should be left in the cloak-room as a rule, but a woman may retain one of a sort that is not cumbersome, according to her pleasure. The hat is not removed for the meal. The veil may either be pushed up or taken off according to the individual preference. The gloves are removed after the party is seated at table, and kept in the lap under the napkin until the conclusion of the meal. They are put on again before leaving the table.

WEDDINGS

THE WEDDING-INVITATIONS are sent out fully two weeks before the marriage, at least, and they may be sent earlier, up to a limit of two months.

The invitation is engraved on white paper, of which there is a double sheet. The invitation itself must occupy only the first page. An average size is between seven and eight inches in length and about an inch less in width. Script is usually preferred. The invitation is folded once and placed in an unsealed envelope with the guest’s name written on it. Another envelope is used to contain this, on which are written both the name and address, and it is sealed for delivery by post or messenger.

It should be borne in mind that, while husband and wife are joined in a single invitation, other members of the family must be separately invited, except that more than one daughter may be included under the designation _The Misses ...................._, and similarly more than one son, _The Messrs. ...................._. Otherwise, a daughter receives an individual invitation, as does also a son.

In cities, on the occasion of church weddings where strangers often intrude, it is common to inclose with the invitation a small card inscribed:

_Please present this card at

the Church of the Incarnation

on Tuesday, June the first_

A standard form for the wording of the invitation is as follows:

_Mr. and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson

request the honor of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Harriet

to

Mr. James Meade Trowbridge

on Tuesday afternoon, June the first

at half-past three o’clock

The Church of the Incarnation

Baltimore_

The invitations are issued in the names of the bride’s parents, or, lacking them, in the name of her nearest relative, unless this should be an unmarried sister. When the invitations are issued by a brother, his name only may be used, even though he is married. But where the relation is a married woman, the name of the husband also appears on the invitations. Such invitations issued by some one other than the parents follow the form given above exactly, save that the full name of the bride must be given instead of her Christian name alone, and, of course, the proper relationship must be indicated by a word substituted for _daughter_.

It is usual, when the bride is a step-daughter, to specify the relationship in the invitation. Thus, in the form given above, if Harriet were the daughter of Mrs. Hudson by a previous marriage, the phrase would run, _at the marriage of Mrs. Hudson’s daughter, Harriet Blake Rothwell_. If she were the daughter of Mr. Hudson, the phrase would be, _at the marriage of Mr. Hudson’s daughter, Harriet_.

The invitations to either a wedding-breakfast or reception is inclosed with the invitation to the ceremony, but the engraved card is of the ordinary size.

_Mr. and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson

request the pleasure of

..........................

company

on Tuesday, June first

at half-past twelve o’clock

Thirty-six Fremont Avenue_

But often the name is omitted, and the invitation may read simply:

_Reception

From four o’clock

Thirty-six Fremont Avenue_

The initials _R.s.v.p._ may be used in the lower left-hand corner of either form.

The only essential difference in the form of the invitation to a home-wedding is that instead of asking for the _honor of your presence_, the request is for the _pleasure of your company_. Of course, the home-address must be given at the end, instead of the name of the church. When the ceremony is to be performed in the presence of only a limited number of friends, those who are to witness it receive with their invitation a small engraved card, inscribed _Ceremony at three o’clock_, or whatever the hour may be.

Announcement-cards, following the celebration of a quiet wedding, are sent out on the day of the marriage. The paper used is the same as that for the invitations.

_Mr. and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson

have the honor of announcing

the marriage of their daughter

Harriet

to

Mr. James Meade Trowbridge

on Tuesday, June the first

at the Church of The Incarnation_

A combination-card of bride and groom, with their address, and perhaps her at-home day, may be inclosed with the announcement.

If, for any reason, the announcement-cards are not issued by the bride’s relatives, they may be sent out by the engaged pair, using the bride’s maiden name

_Mr. George Hart Bagot

and

Miss Mary Elizabeth Peck

have the honor of announcing their marriage

on Monday, June the seventh

at the Church of The Incarnation

Albany_

Unless the invitation to a wedding carries the letters _R.s.v.p._, it does not require any reply, but an invitation to the reception or breakfast should be acknowledged by two visiting-cards, sent to the bride’s parents, when attendance is not possible or convenient. An acceptance or declination is written in the third person, and follows the corresponding form in reference to a dinner-invitation, with the necessary verbal change, substituting, _wedding-reception of their daughter_, for _dinner_.

No acknowledgment is required for announcement-cards; but it is well to call on, or leave cards for, the bride’s parents.

It is impossible to state exactly all the details in connection with the marriage-ceremony, since the variations in personal taste and circumstances are such that the wedding may be fittingly celebrated in almost regal state, with a dozen bridesmaids and everything else with like profusion, or the rite may be carried out with a plainness and simplicity that yet perhaps yields a significance more touching than that of the gorgeous spectacle. Each circle in every community has its own accepted traditions, and it is always better that these should be followed. The vagaries of fashion may often tempt its votaries to extravagances in following the fads and fancies of the moment. But there should be no frivolous tampering with the marriage rite, which is proclaimed as a sacrament by the church, and should be always esteemed as the most sacred act in the lives of those who thus make their covenants together.

It need only be added that for an evening wedding the bridegroom wears the regulation evening clothes, while for an hour earlier in the day his costume includes a frock-coat of black or dark blue, a black or white waistcoat, and striped trousers of a lighter shade than the coat. The scarf should be a white ascot, caught with a pearl pin.

He wears patent-leather shoes and gray suède gloves. A silk hat forms the headgear to accompany either the evening dress or the other.

A maiden bride should wear white and a veil of tulle with orange blossoms. The gown may be decolleté and sleeveless for an evening wedding. A woman who has been married before may wear any color pleasing to her, but not white, and she must not veil herself, nor display the orange blossoms. A train properly distinguishes the wedding-gown.

On receipt of an invitation to a wedding, any gift should be sent to the bride without delay. There is no obligation on the part of a merely formal acquaintance to send a gift when invited to a church wedding, but it is permissible. Such an obligation exists for one invited to the breakfast or reception, as well as one to be among a limited number present at the actual marriage on the occasion of a home wedding. Sometimes, those invited to a church wedding compromise by sending flowers.

The distinction between the maiden and the matron is again emphasized in the matter of the bouquet carried by the bride, which for the maiden should be of white flowers, such as lilies of the valley, while for the woman it must be at least touched with color—perhaps of orchids.

THERE is no royal road to learning.

IT is an old saying, and a true one, in a sense: for prince and peasant must alike travel the path.

YET, there are many paths, and great differences among them, as they lead to the temple of knowledge. In some, the going is easy: in some, hard. In some, the journeying is pleasant and profitable: in some, toilsome—a weary scramble over many stumbling blocks.

THE builder of the road is the teacher. It is his task to smooth the way, and to make it straight: or to leave it all cluttered, a twisted, haphazard course, that runs roughly and reaches nowhere.

IN the “Made Easy” Series, it has been the publisher’s purpose to provide for the student the best possible road to learning—a road truly royal in its simplicity, its worth: a road wide and direct, and free from foolish, needless litter.

THE various writers of the books in the series have been chosen for their special fitness. Such fitness includes, in the first place, mastery of the particular subject: in the second place, ability to interpret knowledge to others.

RIGHT teaching makes easy learning. Few subjects are really hard to learn, when properly set before the pupil. These volumes are the product of a painstaking care to simplify every detail of instruction, yet to make it complete. The result for the student is, indeed, a learning made easy, yet none the less exact, thorough, wholly adequate for his needs.

* * * * *

_The volumes now ready, or in the course of preparation_—price $1.00 each—are:

Arithmetic Made Easy Spelling Made Easy Penmanship Made Easy Grammar Made Easy Drawing Made Easy Dressmaking Made Easy Dancing Made Easy Etiquette Made Easy Keeping Young Made Easy Love Letters Made Easy Shorthand Made Easy Bookkeeping Made Easy Entertaining Made Easy Tricks and Magic Made Easy Mental Healing Made Easy

_Further titles will be added as opportunity presents itself to secure the proper type of manuscript._

End of Project Gutenberg's Etiquette Made Easy, by Edward Summers Squier