Part 3

It is not enough to prove a Man is a Moralist, only because he is noted for a Regular Life; that may be one good instance indeed; but it can never arrive to a proof of the whole, for his living Soberly, and by Rule, may as well be caus'd by the defect of his Constitution, as by the effect of his Inclination, but 'tis the Spirit and Will, by the fire of whose other Virtues, this of Morality is kindled and illustrated. Now I will not be so byass'd by other Peoples opinions that know him, to say, That our devout Critick owes him seeming Piety, and good life, to his ill habit of Body; nor will I load him with Abuse, _right or wrong, as he has done me, particularly through a whole Chapter_, but leave that charitably to natural Conscience, or studied Artifice, which he pleases, and only reflect a little on the temper of his Mind, as I have found it blazing in this last, as well as others of his Books. In the first place, if Stubbornness, which causes wrong opinion of the present Regal Authority and Government, is an Immoral Vice, if he is not tainted, I know not who is; for let any one, who is not blinded with Partiality, but read his _Desertion Discuss'd_, with the admirable Answer to it, and I am satisfied he cannot help joining with me in this opinion, That what he would insinuate to be the effect of Right in others, and of Conscience in himself, is nothing but the effect of Error in one, and Obstinacy and Stubborn Will in t'other, a humour resolv'd to defend and carry on a hot Argument, tho it has been never so plain and reasonably confuted: the Positions and Answers on this subject I shall not insert here, but leave the Reader, whose curiosity obliges him, to the Papers themselves, only I wish the _Absolver_ had made _Newgate_ the last Scene of that part of his _Immorality_, and by an humble acknowledgment to his Patron that redeemed him, (I hope the word will bear in this place) have spar'd his Office of _Absolution_ in another Scene, and consequently given no occasion to believe that his disobedient humour, and turbulent nature, still proceeds daily, to cultivate his Party with the same Principles as far as he can.

Another spice of _Immorality_ I believe I can make appear by his Pride, and tho' in other places it is to be found, yet is most fairly instanc'd in his _Book of Essays_, where, tho' we find one Chapter wholly upon that Vice, which, to shew his Justice, begins with a Compliment upon the same _Juvenal_, now he has use for him whom he call'd Pimp before, yet it has not bulk enough to Skreen from us his haughtiness in another, which he calls the _Office of a Chaplain_, for there you shall find he has collected the Spirit of them all, and blended them into one Character; I mean the ill Spirits of the ill _Chaplains_, _those that are good I honour_. Here you may find his Likeness in _Don Quixot_, _Roger_ in the _Scornful Lady_, _Bull_ in the _Relapse_, _Say-grace_, _Cuff-cushion_, and others, all learning their Lessons of their stubborn Superior our Reformer, and all tending to governing, brow-beating, snubbing, commanding Families, and the like, but not one word of _humility_ tack'd to't, for fear of spoiling the Character; there you may find 24 pages, one after another, all written to prove most gloriously, that 'tis impossible for a _Chaplain_ to be a Servant; that tho' you find a poor fellow in a tatter'd Excommunicated Gown with one sleeve, Shoes without heels, miserable Antichristian breeches, with some two dozen of creepers brooding in the seams; and tho' you take him charitably to your House, feed, clothe, and give him wages, yet he belongs only _to God_, and not you, and you must not think him your _Domestick_, but your _Superior_. Why, what a Scheme is here laid for Vanity and Folly, add how much more shining and beautiful does gratitude and humility appear in such a Depender, than such a bloated opinion as this? Would any honest Gentleman, that has his sences, shew his Indulgence and Generosity to Wit or Learning, on such terms as these? And does not this Chapter shew more the Spirit of Pride in our _Absolver_, relating to his own humour, than the veneration he has for the Clergy, or the Justice he would seem to do them in it? I dare affirm, most of them are against this Opinion, at least I'm sure all the modest part are, who cannot but own themselves subservient to their Patrons that maintain them, tho' at the same time they are Ministers of _Gods holy Words and Sacraments_. Yet he buffly goes on, _He is Gods Minister, not Mans Servant_. [Footnote: _Office of a Chaplain_, p. 178.] And a little way further, he clenches this admirable Notion through and through; therefore, says he, _for a Patron to acconnt such a Consecrated Person, as if he belong'd to him as a Servant, is in effect to challenge Divine Honours, and set himself up for a God_. [Footnote: Ib. _p._ 185.] Here's Ambition, here's Perfection, here's old _Bonner_ for ye. Now by his _Hollidame_, for I can't forbear that Oath now, what can a squeamish Critick, that would make _Remarks_ upon the _Remarker_ call this? But stay, he's at it again, _Dolopion_, says he, _was Priest to _Scamander_, and regarded like the God he belong'd to_. [Footnote: Collier, _p. 113._] Pray mind him, the Priest was worshipp'd equal with the God--oh rare Moralist--if he were, 'twas an _Ægyptian_ Worship, where only _Calves_ and _Apes_, and _Carrots_ and _Onions_, were _Gods_. But pray let us see a little, has not this Divine quotation a tang of _Blasphemy_ in't? Oh fie, no; what, the _Moralist_! _Reformer_ of _Vices_! Speak _Blasphemy_! Impossible! he can't sure! Yes, yes, he may, when he thinks no body can find him out: and faith, to my sence now, this smells as rank of _Pandemonium_, of fire and brimstone, to the full, if not worse, than Mr. _Dryden_'s Verse, _Whether inspir'd with a Diviner Lust his father got him_, &c. [Footnote: Absalom _and_ Achit.] which is spoken only in the figurative Person of _David_; yet he says 'tis _downright defiance of the Living God, and the very Essence and Spirit of Blasphemy_. [Footnote: Collier _p. 184._] And here now his Stomach wambled more terribly than before; so that if his Friend were by, he must of necessity hold the Bason. Oh me! he reaches and reaches, and first up comes--egh--_I question whether_--egh--_the torments and despair of the Damn'd_--egh--_dare venture at such flights as these_. And now the Head being held by the same hand, at two reaches more it comes all up, mix'd with a Tincture of old _Bonner_ again--egh-- _I can't forbear saying, that the next bad thing to writing these Impieties_--egh--_is to suffer them_. And now the Fit's over, leaving us to imagine what rare Church Discipline we should have, if this Gentleman, and his Cat with nine Tails, were in Power; I think a Couplet or two here, by way of Advice to him, is not improper.

Your Tribe should all be in Opinion steady, Not turn or wind for Power or for Place, Nor covet Wealth but in Spiritual Grace. The Gifts of _Mammon_ you should ne'r implore, Nor wish for Gold, unless to give the Poor; It makes your Art contemptible appear, Less follow'd too, and look'd into more near; For if all those that preach up Paradise, Will have their shares of every human Vice, They shall Cant long enough e're I believe, Or pin my Soul's Salvation on their sleeve.

[Footnote: Weesils, p. 11.]

Here now, ten to one, but I shall make our Reformer fall into another fit, by pretending to Counsel him, or take his Office of Ordinary upon my self; for in page 138, he will not give up that leave, _What, is the Pulpit under the Discipline of the Stage? And are those fit to correct the Church, that are not fit to come into it_? [Footnote: Collier, p. 138.] Ah! Doctor, rub your eyes a little, and see what the Vindicator of the Stage says, quoting Divine _Herbert_:

A Verse may find him who a Sermon flies, And turn delight into a Sacrifice.

Besides I do assure you, spite of your Ghostly Authority, and Uncharitable Position, that we are not fit, we will come in, and not only imbibe the Mystery of _Divinity_ from the Pulpit, but unriddle the Mystery of _Iniquity_, if we can find any there. _Ben Johnson_ found out _Ananias_ and _Rabby Buisy_; _Fletcher_, _Hypocritical Roger_; _Shakespear_, _Sir John_ of _Wrotham_; _Congreve_, _Say-grace_; _Vanbrook_, _Bull_; _Shadwell_, _Smirk;_ and if _Durfey_ can find out a proud, stubborn, immoral _Bernard_, [Footnote: The Chaplains Name in _Don Quixot_.] one, that when he was a Country Curate, _would not let the Children be brought to Church to be Christned for some odd Jesuitical Reasons_ best known to himself, he shall presume to draw his Picture, tho the _Absolver_ drop another Chapter of Abuse upon him for so doing.

We find, for many Ages past, Poets have enjoy'd this Priviledge; our Prince of Poets, _Chaucer,_ had so much to do in this kind, that we find him weary himself, and loth to weary others with.

Of Freers I have told before, In a making of a Crede, And yet I cold tell worse, or more, But Men would werien it to read.

[Footnote: Chaucer]

This I think is pithy, but here again I think his Counsel to them is much better.

Fly fro the Prease and dwell with soothfastness, Suffice unto thy good, tho it be small, For horde hath, and climbing tickleness, Prease hath Envy, and wele is blent ore all; Savour no more then thee behove shall, Rede wele thy self that other folk canst rede, And trouth thee shall deliver it is no drede.

Now if he be Moral enough to take old _Chaucer_'s Advice I shall be glad; and so much for that subject. There is nothing now remains, before I come to vindicate _Don Quixot_, but a large Remark of his, upon the little or no swearing in Plays, which commonly is only a kind of an Interjection, as gad, I cod, oonz, _&c._ which I don't defend neither, and if any others have carelesly past the Press I'm sorry for't, for I hate them as much as he, yet because the Doctor has quoted the Statute Law against it and Players, to slander on one side, tho to reform on t'other, I will in return quote another piece of Law relating to Oaths, extreamly for his advantage, for there is only this quibbling difference between us, 'Tis a fault in us in swearing when we should not, and in him for not swearing when he should; but that now he may have occasion to say my Civilities are particular to him, I will make him do't.

I _J.C._ do sincerely promise and swear, that I will be faithful, and bear true Allegiance to His Majesty King _William_: And I do swear that I do, from my heart, abhor, detest and abjure, as Impious and Heretical, that damnable Doctrine and Position, that Princes excommunicated, or depriv'd by the Pope, or any Authority of the See of _Rome_, may be Depos'd or Murther'd by their Subjects, or any other whatsoever.

And I do declare that no Foreign Prince, Person, Prelate, State or Potentate, hath, or aught to have, any Jurisdiction, Power, Superiority, Preeminence or Authority, Ecclesiastical or Spiritual, within this Realm. _So help me God._

This now, with a sincerity proper, and coming to Church to hear our Divine Service, with the _Prayer_ for the _King_ in't, would give one a little satisfaction as to the Doctors present opinion, for what he has been, if you will but examine and scan it by his Book, tho it be a Reforming Book, is I am sure very disputable; in one Page of it he seems very zealous for the Protestant Reformation, and says, being very much piqu'd at _Sir John Brute_'s putting on a Clergy-man's Habit in the _Provok'd Wife_, _that the Church of _England_, he means the Men in her, is the only communion in the world, that will endure such insolencies as these_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 108.]; and this, tho it be somewhat _Bonnerish_ again, and _Switcher_-like, yet however seems to leer of our side; but then presently in another place he's as zealous for the _Roman_ Sect, and Jesuitically condemns a little wholesom Satyr in the Character of a pamper'd hypocritical covetous _Spanish Fryer_, for incivility in making him a Pimp to _Lorenzo_, and is very angry at the Author for calling this virtuous person _a parcel of holy Guts and Garbidge_, and telling him _that he has room in his Belly for his Church-steeple_; [Footnote: Collier, p. 98.] and here his Lash is up again for abusing them--oh--if _Doctor Absolution_ were Inquisitor general, and a Satyrist against Priests came under his hand, mercy upon us, how that poor Rascal would be flaug'd, for I find 'tis only the person of the Priest that he would have reverenc'd, let his opinion be what it will; nay, tho he were a _Priest of Baal_, as may be prov'd a little further, for here his Zeal shews itself not only for Christians, but the very _Turks_ too; and cavils again with _Jacinta_, in the _Mock Astrologer_, for jesting with _Alla_, and honest _Mahomet_, for he was a Brother Priest too: [Footnote: Collier, p. 61.] But stay, what's worst of all, have but patience to walk to another Page, and here you will find him just sinking into a downright doze and despondency, whither he had best set up for any Religion at all, or at least for one very indifferent.

_Our Poets, I suppose, would call this Preaching, and think it a dull business; however, I can't forbear saying, an honest Heathen is none of the worst men, a very indifferent Religion well believ'd, will go a great way._ [Footnote: Collier, p. 28.] --Will it so, pray friends de'e not think our hot reforming Gentleman is very Luke-warm here, or not a little craz'd when he writ this, or, as the vulgar have it, was not his mighty Wit run a Wool-gathering; for if he be for _Protestantism_, and _Popery_, and then whip--amongst the _Bens of the _Arabians_ for _Alla_ and _Mahomet_,_ and at last for little or no Religion at all, I'm afraid I shall never bring my self to be reform'd by him. And so at him agen Weesil.

For who with Reason, if this be your way, Will ever value what you Preach or Pray.

[Footnote: _Weesils_.]

But now I think I have said enough for the Plays, whose Authors are much better able to speak for themselves; and therefore will fall off to vindicate my self a little, and my Acquaintance _Don Quixot_; in which I will endeavour to prove another Immoral Vice in our Stage-Reformer, which is

_Injustice and Error in Criticism._

And first, his _Injustice_ appears by his ungentlemanlike exposing me and others by name, upon a scandalous occasion (as he endeavours to make it) without any Injury done by me to him, or ever giving him any provocation, or the Play's any way deserving it. Oh, but he'll say his Conscience urg'd him to do it--No--not a jot; 'twas dear darling Interest, in good faith, as shall hereafter appear; but in the mean time I am planted upon the shoulders of a Gyant, which is the Ingenious Author of the History of _Don Quixote_; and there indeed he guesses right, tho he knows nothing of him or of his History, as I will prove by and by, yet confidently, and Absolver-like, he ranges his objections under three heads, which are every one malicious and false, _viz._

First, _The Prophaneness, with respect to Religion and the Holy Scriptures_.

Secondly, _The Abuse of the Clergy_.

Thirdly, _The want of Modesty, and Regard to the Audience_.

Well, to prove the Prophaneness, he first instances a bold Song of mine, as he calls it, against Providence; four of the last lines of which he is only pleas'd to shew ye.

But Providence, that form'd the fair In such a charming skin, Their outside made its only care, And never look'd within.

[Footnote: D. Quix. p. 1. p. 20.]

_Here_, says he, _the Poet tells ye Providence makes Mankind by halves, huddles up the Soul, and takes the least care of the better Moyety; this is direct blaspheming the Creation, and a Satyr upon God Almighty_. [Footnote: Collier p. 97.] Why, now this, I confess, is enough to provoke some heat in a fellow of my Constitution, to hear this Religious Raving; but yet it looks so like _Oliver's Porter's in Bedlam_, that I will be calm, and patiently holding up my hand, plead _Not Guilty_--to all of these objections. But first, pray why does he foyst in the word Mankind here to express the Female Sex, when t'other word is so much more proper. I did intend indeed a small Satyr upon _Womankind_, pursuant to _Marcella_'s Character, and he has vary'd from that word, I suppose, to amuse the Reader--I'll give ye the whole Stanza.

Did coy _Marcella_ own a Soul As beauteous as her Eyes, Her Judgment wou'd her Sence controul, And teach her how to prize. But Providence, that form'd the fair In such a charming Skin, Their outside made its only care, And never look'd within.

I only rally a pretty coy wench here for her sullen ill nature, without any Satyr on the Deity, or any thing like it; for as to the _Blasphemy_, as he calls it, by naming the word _Providence_, 'tis generally intended in Lyrical Poetry for _Goddess Nature_, or _Fortune_, as Mr _Vanbrooke_ notes; but never apply'd seriously to the true Deity, but only by Dr _Crambo_. How often have we this phrase in Poetry, _Nature has made her Body charming; see her bright Eyes, the charming gifts of Nature_, &c. making use still of the second cause instead of the first, which we yet know to be the original of all. And 'tis no more Blasphemy to say that Providence took more care of a perverse beautiful Womans Body than her Soul, than 'tis to say that the Sun made a gay Tulip flourish in a Garden to delight the Eye, not caring three-pence tho it never smelt so sweet as a Province rose.

But I have a Rigid Critick and a Severe Inquisitor to deal with--He will have a Satyr upon the true Deity, tho I intend nothing of it. And to go on, my next advance he says is to Droll upon the _Resurrection_; and to prove it, squirts out these two lines, which are pick'd out of twenty--which he thinks are fit for his purpose--

Sleep and Indulge thy self with rest, Nor dream thou e're shalt rise again.

[Footnote: Ibid.]

Now you must know this Song was design'd a solemn piece of morality, and sung as a Requiem or Dirge at the Funeral of _Ambrosio_--A young Gentleman that dy'd for Love of the aforesaid _Marcella_--You shall have it all, that you may judge what Drolling is in't.

(1.) Sleep, sleep, poor Youth, sleep, sleep in Peace, Reliev'd from Love, and mortal care, Whilst we that pine in Life's disease, Uncertain blest, less happy are. (2.) Couch'd in the dark and silent Grave, No ills of Fate thou now canst fear; No more shall Tyrant Power inslave, Or scornful Beauty be severe. (3.) Wars, that do fatal storms disperse, Far from thy happy Mansion keep; Earthquakes, that shake the Universe, Can't rock thee into sounder sleep. (4.) With all the Charms of Peace possest, Secur'd from Life's tormentor, Pain: Sleep and indulge thy self with rest, Nor dream thou e're shall rise again. (5.) Past are the Pangs of fear and doubt, The Sun is from the Dial gone, The Sands are sunk, the Glass is out, The folly of the Farce is done.

[Footnote: D. Quix. p 20.]

Now will I be judg'd by any reasonable Man, if these words comparatively are not fitter for an _Anthem_ than a Droll, but the Reformers way of doing me Justice, is to take bits and morsels out of things, that for want of the connexion, they may consequently appear ridiculous, as here he does. Again, in his third objection against my third Song, where he says-- _I_, (that is in my own person) _make a jest of the Fall, rail at _Adam_ and _Eve_;_ and then _Oliver's Porter_, raving again, says, _I burlesque the Conduct of God Almighty_; [Footnote: Ibid.] now, pray judge whether it ought to be Constru'd so or no. This Song is suppos'd to be made and sung by _Gines de Passamonte_, a most notorious Atheistical Villain, who, as he is going Chain'd to the Galleys, is redeem'd from them by _Don Quixot_ in his frantick fit; after which, being extreamly pleas'd at the success, he, to make his deliverer merry, entertains him with this Vindication of a Rogue, which is indeed a Satyr upon Humanity in general. I will add agen to our Criticks morsel, for he notes but the four first lines in a place, and give ye one whole Stanza.

When the World first knew Creation, A Rogue was a Top profession; When there were no more In all Nature but four, There were two of 'em in Transgression. And the seeds are no less Since that we may guess, But have in all Ages bin growing apace; And Lying and Thieving, Craft, Pride and Deceiving, Rage, Murder and Roaring, Rape, Incest and Whoring, Branch out from Stock, the rank Vices in vogue, And make all Mankind one Gigantical Rogue.

And so on: Now tho I grant this might be look'd on as prophane in it self, without application, yet when spoken by one of his character, whom I design to expose, it is no more than natural Character, and has so little the quality of Prophaneness, that my impartial Reader will find a very good Moral in it, by the odious representation of such Atheistical impudence; yet our good natur'd Critick makes me the Prophaner. He, cramm'd full of wonderful Justice, makes me the _Vice_ my self, that only act the true duty of a Poet, and hold up the Glass for others to see their _Vices_ in, but his Malice will not be Authentick with every one, no more than his next Addle Criticism, upon my using the word _Redeemer_ will bear the Test; for he that will argue that that word may not be innocently spoken in Temporal Matters, because it is sometimes us'd as a _Divine Attribute_, will prove himself rather a Coxcomb than a Casuist: And yet for only this poor word the Cat with Nine Tails are up again, and the Inquisitor in a rage cries out, _these insolencies are too big for the Correction of a Pen_. [Footnote: Collier, p. 198.] Very fine, what horrible correction this deserves, is easily judg'd, and I believe 'twill be own'd too, that if Doctor Absolution (when the charitable Prelates good Nature and Purse got him out of his Stone Apartment yonder, into which _his bigotted obstinacy and not his tender Conscience_ had thrown him) did not think him his _Redeemer_, and thank him as his _Redeemer_, he does not only deserve Correction for his wicked ingratitude, (which _especially in one of his Coat, is an immoral Cheat upon Heaven_) but to have the same punishment that another of his Coat and Kidney lately had, for a Cheat upon the Government and People.

But to go on: In the next place he finds fault with my making sport with Hell, and recites six Lines, which are made of Dogril Stuff, on purpose by the Duke's Servants, who, for his diversion, Acting a kind of Farce are to fright _Sancho_ with Goblings and Furies--but to shew his own Wit in the first Onset here, he has notably made the two first Lines half nonsence.

Appear ye fat Fiends that in Limbo do groan, That were, when in flesh, the same Souls as his own.

Instead of-- _that wore when in flesh_, &c.

You that always in _Lucifer_'s Kitchin reside, 'Mongst Sea-coal and Kettles, and grease newly Try'd, That pamper'd each day with the Garbidge of Souls, Broil Rashers of Fools for a Break-fast on Coals.

[Footnote: Collier, p. 198.]