CHAPTER XXXV.

INVASION SQUIBS AND CARICATURES, _continued_.

SONG.

THE INVASION.

Come listen every Lord and Lady, ‘Squire, Gentleman, and Statesman, I’ve got a _little Song_ to sing, About a _very great Man_! And, if the Name of BONAPARTE Should mingle in my Story, ’Tis with all due submission T’ his Honour’s Worship’s Glory. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

The kindness of this philanthropic Gentleman extending, From Shore to Shore, Colossus like, Their grievances amending, To Britain would reach, if he could, From fancied Ills to save ye; But tho’ he likes us vastly well, He _does not like our Navy_! Bow, wow, wow, &c.

With Egypt, once, he fell in Love, Because it was the high Road, To India, for himself and friends To travel by a nigh Road; And after making mighty Fuss, And fighting Day and Night there, ’Twas vastly ungenteel of us, _Who would not let him stay there_. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

A Nobleman was sent to him, For Negotiation able, And _Bonaparte_ kindly set Him down at his own Table, And in a Story, two Hours long, The Gentleman was heard in, Whilst our Ambassador declar’d _He could not get a word in_. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

With Belles and Beaux the drawing-room One morning it was quite full, And BONA, like _a Bantam cock_, Came crowing rather spiteful; He then began to huff and bluff, To show that War his Trade is; He scolded all the Englishmen, And frighten’d all the Ladies!!! Bow, wow, wow, &c.

From Malta, next, he took his Text, My Lord look’d rather blue on ’t; For every Trick the Consul had, My Lord had one worth _two_ on ’t; Why, Gen’ral, says he, ’Sdeath and Fire, Unless you cease these Capers, They’ll publish every word you say In all the English Papers. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

My Lord, says he, you needs must see, I pity British Blindness, And wish to open all your Eyes, Out of pure Love and Kindness, To make a generous People free, My Legions shall pell mell come, What think you then?--Why, Sir, I think _They’d be more free than welcome_. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

When I come o’er, I’ll make all Britons Live in perfect bliss, Sir, I’m sure they will receive me just As kindly as the Swiss, Sir. The Odds an hundred are to one I fail, tho’ Fortune’s Minion. Says our Ambassador to him, _I’m quite of your opinion_. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

My Lord, says he, I’ll take the Field. _You’d better take the Ocean._ My plans are deep.--_Why, yes, they’ll reach The Bottom, I’ve a Notion._ What would the English think to see Me ’twixt Boulogne and Dover? _Why, General, they’d surely think Your Worship half seas over!_ Bow, wow, wow, &c.

Your Government I’ll tame, says he, Since War you are so fond on; I’ve got my will in Paris here, And wish the same in London; I’ll rule your great _John Bull_! says he, I have him in the Ring, Sir.-- Says John, I’ll not be rul’d by you, Nor any such a _Thing_, Sir. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

Then bring my Flag, invincible, _A Scot took it long ago, Sir_. For now I think, your ships I’ll sink, And never strike a Blow, Sir, A clever Man has found a plan, A plan he’s surely right in, For if you beat the British Fleet, _It must not be at Fighting_. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

Quite frantic now, he vows Revenge, The Moment that he’s landed, And proudly boasts, we cannot hope To fight him single handed. What, single handed, we can do, His troops shall know full well soon; For him, he learn’d it long ago, From _single handed_ Nelson. Bow, wow, wow, &c.

Now, since their Minds are quite made up, Let me on this Occasion, Make one request to Neptune: Should They dream of an Invasion; _To bring them safely out of Port, On gentle Billows guide them, To where a set of British Boys May anchor close beside them._ Bow, wow, wow, &c.

Reference is made to Napoleon’s attempts to stir up sedition in Ireland in ‘An attempt on the Potatoe bag,’ by some artist unknown (August 1803). It shows an Irishman trudging along towards Dublin, having on his back a huge sack of potatos, which Napoleon is slitting, allowing the potatos to escape. Says Bonaparte: ‘I say, Paddy, Give up the bag quietly, and you shall have this Purse of Gold.’ But Paddy replies: ‘I see what you are at, you sly Teaf of the World; you may cut out a few of the Potatoes that are rotten at the core--but, by St. Patrick, you’ll never get the whole bag--so you may pocket your Cash, and march home and be D--d.’

Dean Swift’s ‘Gulliver’ is very frequently used as a _motif_ for caricature, and Charles etched (August 1803) ‘Gulliver and his Guide, or a Check String to the Corsican.’ King George, as King of Brobdingnag, is seated in a gallery, looking through the invariable glass at Gulliver (Napoleon), who is climbing a flight of steps to get at him; but he has a rope round his neck, which is held by a sailor armed with a stout oak cudgel. Says the King: ‘Ay, what! what! Does the little Gulliver want my C *** n! Let him come, and he will soon find how ’tis protected. Hearts of oak are our ships, Jolly tars are our men, &c. &c.’ Napoleon, throttled by the rope, exclaims: ‘If these fellows did not keep such a tight hand over me, I would soon try how that Ornament would fit my head.’ Whilst the sailor, who has him in hand and checks his advance, calls out: ‘Avast there, my little fellow; for, D--n my Timbers, if I don’t take you Aback before you reach the end of your Intended travels. So pull away, pull away, I say, for the tight little bit of land in the Ocean.’

There is a charming libel on Napoleon in a periodical publication, called ‘Ring the Alarum Bell,’ No. 3, August 27, 1803 (I believe it only reached four numbers), the heading of which is, ‘Atrocities of Brutus Napoleone Ali Buonaparté, who now pretends to be at war for restoring the Knights of Malta, and who told the Egyptians’ (July 1798), ‘that he was a true Mussulman, and had been to Malta, on purpose to drive from thence those Christian Infidels, the Knights!!!’

After a most scurrilous and incorrect version of his life, this precious paper gives us a thrilling account of ‘_The Corsican’s Drowning his own wounded Soldiers, and his Thievery_.

‘During the early engagements at Mantua with General Wurmsur, the hospital for the French who were wounded was at Como. Some officers, who are ready to swear to the truth of their assertion, passing through this town in the month of April 1800, were informed by the inhabitants that one morning they beheld, with unspeakable horror, the dead bodies of a number of French soldiers floating upon the surface of the lake, whom this infamous assassin, Buonaparté, had ordered to be cast into it on the preceding night. Every one of these unfortunate wretches were soldiers who had suffered amputation of some member or other! This monster caused, at the same time, not only the dead, but even the sick, in the hospitals to be thrown pell-mell into a ditch at Salo, on the Lake of Guarda. It is a fact, well-known in Upper Italy, that the Curate of Salo died with grief at the sight of this horrible transaction.

‘The pecuniary robberies of the Corsican are innumerable. At Leghorn he caused a servant of the Grand Duke to bring him all the plate belonging to that Prince, and kept himself an inventory, in order to examine whether any article was missing. At Pisa a British nobleman (the Marquis of D----) was robbed of his carriage, and other effects, by a party of French Hussars. Buonaparte appropriated the carriage to himself, and afterwards made use of it at Milan. France was then in a state of profound peace with the Grand Duke. At Milan, Buonaparte imprisoned the Nobles, and, in order to procure their release, their consorts brought their diamonds to the wife of the Usurper.’

The following might well go as companion to ‘Pidcock’s Menagerie’:--

MOST WONDERFUL

WONDER OF WONDERS.

Just arrived, at Mr. BULL’S MENAGERIE, in British Lane, the most renowned and sagacious MAN TIGER, or Ourang Outang called

NAPOLEON BUONAPARTE;

He has been exhibited through the greatest Part of Europe, particularly in Holland, Switzerland, and Italy, and lately in Egypt--He has a wonderful faculty of Speech, and undertakes to reason with the most learned Doctors in Law, Divinity, and Physic--He proves, incontrovertibly, that the strongest POISONS are the most Sovereign Remedies for Wounds of all kinds; and by a Dose or two, made up in his own Way, he cures his Patients of all their Ills by the Gross--He PICKS the POCKETS of the Company, and by a Rope,[85] suspended near a Lantern, shews them, as clear as Day, that they are all richer than before--If any Man in the Room has empty Pockets, or an empty Stomach, by taking a Dose or two of his POWDER of HEMP, he finds them on a sudden full of Guineas, and has no longer a Craving for Food; If he is rich, he gets rid of his tædium vitæ; and, if he is over-gorged, finds a perfect Cure for his Indigestion.--He proves, by unanswerable Arguments, that _Soupe Maigre_, and _Frogs_, are a much more wholesome food than _Beef_ and _Pudding_--and that it would be better for OLD ENGLAND, if her Inhabitants were all _Monkeys_ and _Tigers_ as, in times of Scarcity, one half of the Nation might devour the other half.--He strips the Company of their Cloaths, and when they are stark naked, presents a PAPER on the POINT of a BAYONET, by reading which they are all presently convinced that it is very pleasant to be in a state of Nature.--By a kind of hocus-pocus Trick, he breathes on a Crown, and it changes suddenly into a Guillotine.--He deceives the eye most dexterously; one Moment he is in the Garb of the MUFTI: the next of a JEW, and the next Moment you see him the POPE.--He imitates all Sounds; bleats like a _Lamb_; roars like a _Tiger_; cries like a Crocodile; and brays most inimitably like an Ass.

He used also to perform some wonderful Tricks with _Gunpowder_; but he was very sick in passing the Channel, and has shewn great aversion to them ever since.

_Admittance, One Shilling and Sixpence._

N.B. If any Gentleman of the _Corps Diplomatique_ should wish to see his OURANG OUTANG, Mr. Bull begs a Line or two first; as on such Occasions, he finds it necessary to bleed him, or give him a Dose or two of cooling Physic, being apt to fly at them, if they appear without such preparation.

‘John Bull and the Alarmist’ is as well drawn as any of Gillray’s caricatures (September 1, 1803). Sheridan, in the character of a bill-sticker, having under his arm a sheaf of ‘Loyal Bills, Sherry Andrew’s Address, Playbills,’ &c., and, with a _bonnet rouge_ peeping out of his pocket, is telling John Bull the two last lines of the first verse of the subjoined song.

The old boy stands resolutely before the throne, which he is ready to defend with his huge oak cudgel carved with a bulldog’s head, and, whilst nourishing himself on a tankard of ale, tells his informant his opinion of his intelligence in the words of the second verse:--

John Bull as he sat in his old Easy Chair, An Alarmist came to him, and said in his Ear, ‘A Corsican Thief has just slipt from his quarters, And is coming to Ravish your Wives and your Daughters!’

‘Let him come, and be D--d!’ thus roar’d out John Bull, ‘With my Crab-stick assured I will fracture his Scull, Or I’ll squeeze y^e vile reptile twixt my Finger and Thumb, Make him stink like a Bug, if he dares to presume.’

‘They say a full Thousand of Flat bottomed Boats, Each a Hundred and Fifty have, Warriors of Note; All fully determin’d to feast on your Lands, So I fear you will find full enough on your hands.’

John smiling arose, upright as a post, ‘I’ve a Million of Friends bravely guarding my Coast, And my old Ally, Neptune, will give them a dowsing, And prevent the mean rascals to come here a lousing.’

I know not from what source the statistics relative to the strength of the French flotilla, contained in the subjoined broadsheet, are taken. It purports to be an extract from a French letter:--

CITIZENS OF ENGLAND

YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT BONAPARTE WILL NOT ATTEMPT INVASION:

_Read the following detailed Account of his Preparations, and ask yourselves whether those who tell you so, are your Friends or your Enemies._

‘The Alertness of our People, employed in the several Yards along the Coasts, never had a parallel. I reckon 11,000 Ship-Carpenters, and their necessary Assistants, Labourers, &c., employed here, and at _Calais_, _Dunkirk_, and _Ostend_, besides those at Work on the Boats preparing at _Ghent_, _Bruges_, and _Antwerp_.

‘At _Boulogne_, we have 36 Gun Boats ready, each carrying three heavy Pieces of Ordnance, Two fore, and One aft; besides 152 of what are called _Flat Bottomed_ Boats; but they are now generally _rounded below_, and _keeled_. In three Weeks Time, we expect to have as many more in a State of perfect Readiness.

‘At _Calais_, several of the _Floating Batteries_, that opposed LORD NELSON, when he attacked Boulogne, are now fitting up, and about seventy boats that will carry 150 Men each.

‘At _Dunkirk_, and the adjacent Canals, there are 47 _Gun boats ready_, with remarkable heavy Ordnance; and not less than 220 Boats for carrying men. They count upon being able to send 400 of these vessels (great and small) to Sea, in less than Three Weeks.

‘At _Ostend_, the _Gun Boats_, _Floating Batteries_, and _Vessels for carrying Soldiers_, that are now, and will be, completed during the present month, amount to 487. They work here during the Whole of the Moonlight nights.

‘I cannot, at present, exactly ascertain what Number of Men are employed, at _Bruges_ and _Ghent_; but they are extremely numerous. Such is the case at Antwerp.’

But not one of these vessels dared shew her nose out of harbour, for every French port in the Channel was blockaded by English men-of-war, of which there were some five hundred, of different sizes, afloat. Sometimes this blockading business got tiresome, and it was relieved by an occasional landing, on which occasions mischief to the French, in some shape or other, was always included in the programme; or a vessel would be cut out, or a few shells would be thrown into a town such as Dieppe or Havre--anything to vary the monotony. At home they were bragging and blustering of what they would do; afloat they were _doing_, and we cannot tell from what fate their action saved us.

Woodward drew an amusing sketch of ‘John Bull shewing the Corsican monkey’ (September 3, 1803), who is represented as seated on a Russian bear, which is muzzled and led by John Bull, who thus expatiates on his charge to the delighted audience: ‘My friends and neighbours, this is no monkey of the common order; he is a very cholerick little gentleman, I assure you. I had a vast deal of trouble to bring him to any kind of obedience--he is very fond of playing with globes and scepters--so you may perceive, I let him have one of each made of Gingerbread--in order to amuse him in a strange country.’

A not very witty picture, ‘Buonaparte on his Ass,’ by an unknown artist (September 14, 1803), represents Bonaparte on a donkey, which has got itself in a terrible mess through trampling on Italy, Switzerland, Holland, and Hanover, and is endeavouring to reach Malta, which, however, is protected by the British Lion. Napoleon opines that, ‘This d--d ass gets so entangled and unruly, I’m afraid I shall never be able to reach Malta.’

O’er countrys I’ll trample, where threats may prevail, But must let those alone where they will not avail, For on looking around me to find where to prance, To touch Malta, might be destruction to France.

Woodward drew (September 16, 1803) ‘The Corsican Macheath,’ with Napoleon singing:--

Which way shall I turn me? How can I decide The Prospects before me? I long for to stride. But ’tis this way--or that way, Or which way I will, John Bull at his Post, Is prepared with a Pill.