CHAPTER X.

COMPARISONS.

Some of the items in this chapter would fit very well in the last; but this makes no matter; for 'good punch drinks well from either dandy or tumbler.'

You attempt in vain to bring a shameless coarse-minded man to a sense of the evil he has done:--'Ye might as well put a blister on a hedgehog.' (Tyrone.)

You're as cross all this day as _a bag of cats_.

If a man is inclined to threaten much but never acts up to his threats--severe in word but mild in act:--His bark is worse than his bite.

That turf is as dry as a bone (very common in Munster.) _Bone-dry_ is the term in Ulster.

When a woman has very thick legs, thick almost down to the feet, she is 'like a Mullingar heifer, beef to the heels.' The plains of Westmeath round Mullingar are noted for fattening cattle. {137}

He died roaring like Doran's bull.

A person restless, uneasy, fidgety, and impatient for the time being, is 'like a hen on a hot griddle.'

Of a scapegrace it is said he is past _grace_ like a limeburner's brogue (shoe). The point will be caught up when it is remembered that _grease_ is pronounced _grace_ in Ireland.

You're as blind as a bat.

When a person is boastful--magnifies all his belongings--'all his geese are swans.'

She has a tongue that would _clip a hedge_. The tongue of another would _clip clouts_ (cut rags). (Ulster.)

He went _as fast as hops_. When a fellow is hopping along on one leg, he has to go fast, without stopping.

Of a coarse ill-mannered man who uses unmannerly language:--'What could you expect from a pig but a _grunt_.' (Carlow.)

A person who seems to be getting smaller is growing down like a cow's tail.

Of a wiry muscular active man people say 'he's as hard as nails.'

A person who acts inconsiderately and rudely without any restraint and without respect for others, is 'like a bull in a china shop.'

Of a clever artful schemer: 'If he didn't go to school he met the scholars.'

An active energetic person is 'all alive like a bag of fleas.'

That man knows no more about farming _than a cow knows of a holiday_.

A tall large woman:--'That's a fine doorful of a woman.' (MacCall: Wexford.) {138}

He has a face as yellow as a kite's claw. (Crofton Croker: but heard everywhere.)

Jerry in his new clothes is as proud as a whitewashed pig. (MacCall: Wexford.)

That man is as old as a field. (Common in Tipperary.)

'Are you well protected in that coat?' 'Oh yes I'm _as warm as wool_.' (Very common in the south.)

Idle for want of weft _like the Drogheda weavers_. Said of a person who runs short of some necessary material in doing any work. (Limerick.)

I watched him as closely as a cat watches a mouse.

He took up the book; but seeing the owner suddenly appear, he dropped it _like a hot potato_.

'You have a head and so has a pin,' to express contempt for a person's understanding.

How are your new stock of books selling? Oh they are _going like hot cakes_. Hot cakes are a favourite viand, and whenever they are brought to table disappear quickly enough.

He's as poor as a church mouse.

A person expressing love mockingly:--'Come into my heart and pick sugar.'

An extremely thin emaciated person is _like death upon wires_; alluding to a human skeleton held together by wires.

Oh you need never fear that Mick O'Brien will cheat you: _Mick is as honest as the sun_.

A person who does not persevere in any one study or pursuit, who is perpetually changing about from one thing to another, is 'like a daddy-long-legs dancing on a window.' {139}

A bitter tongue that utters cutting words is like the keen wind of March that blows at every side of the hedge.

A person praising strong whiskey says:--I felt it like a torchlight procession going down my throat.

A man with a keen sharp look in his face:--'He has an eye like a questing hawk.' Usually said in an unfavourable sense.

If any commodity is supplied plentifully it is knocked about _like snuff at a wake_. Snuff was supplied free at wakes; and the people were not sparing of it as they got it for nothing.

A chilly day:--'There's a stepmother's breath in the air.'

Now Biddy clean and polish up those spoons and knives and forks carefully; don't stop till you make them shine _like a cat's eye under a bed_. (Limerick.)

It is foolish to threaten unless you have--and show that you have--full power to carry out your threats:--'Don't show your teeth till you're able to bite.'

_Greasing the fat sow's lug_: i.e. giving money or presents to a rich man who does not need them. (Kildare.)

I went on a visit to Tom and he _fed me like a fighting cock_.

That little chap is as cute as a pet fox.

A useless worthless fellow:--He's fit to mind mice at a cross-roads. (Kildare.)

How did he look? Oh he had a weaver's blush--pale cheek and a red nose. (Wexford.)

When a person clinches an argument, or puts a hard fact in opposition, or a poser of any kind hard to answer:--'Put that in your pipe and smoke it.' {140}

'My stomach is as dry as a lime-burner's wig.' There were professional lime-burners then: alas, we have none now.

I want a drink badly: my throat is as dry as the pipe of Dick the blacksmith's bellows.

Poor Manus was terribly frightened; he stood shaking _like a dog in a wet sack_. (Crofton Croker: but heard everywhere in Ireland.)

'As happy as the days are long': that is to say happy while the days last--uninterruptedly happy.

Spending your money before you get it--going in debt till pay day comes round: that's 'eating the calf in the cow's belly.'

He hasn't as much land as would sod a lark; as much as would make a sod for a lark in a cage.

That fellow is _as crooked an a ram's horn_; i.e. he is a great schemer. Applied also in general to anything crooked.

'Do you mean to say he is a thief?' 'Yes I do; last year he stole sheep _as often as he has fingers and toes_' (meaning very often).

You're as welcome as the flowers of May.

'Biddy, are the potatoes boiling?' Biddy takes off the lid to look, and replies 'The _white horses_ are on 'em ma'am.' The _white horses_ are patches of froth on the top of the pot when the potatoes are coming near boiling.

That's as firm as the Rock of Cashel--as firm as the hob of hell.

That man would tell lies as fast as a horse would trot.

A person who does his business briskly and energetically 'works like a hatter'--'works like a {141} nailer'--referring to the fussy way of these men plying their trade.

A conceited fellow having a dandy way of lifting and placing his legs and feet in moving about 'walks like a hen in stubbles.'

A person who is cool and collected under trying circumstances is 'as cool as a cucumber.' Here the alliteration helps to popularise the saying.

I must put up the horses now and have them 'as clean as a new pin' for the master.

A person who does good either to an individual or to his family or to the community, but afterwards spoils it all by some contrary course of conduct, is like a cow that fills the pail, but kicks it over in the end.

A person quite illiterate 'wouldn't know a B from a bull's foot.' The catching point here is partly alliteration, and partly that a bull's foot has some resemblance to a B.

Another expression for an illiterate man:--He wouldn't know a C from a chest of drawers--where there is a weak alliteration.

He'll tell you a story as long as to-day and to-morrow. Long enough: for you have to wait on indefinitely for 'to-morrow': or as they say 'to-morrow come never.'

'You'll lose that handkerchief _as sure as a gun_.'

That furrow is _as straight as a die_.

A person who does neither good nor harm--little ill, little good--is 'like a chip in porridge': almost always said as a reproach.

I was _on pins and needles_ till you came home: i.e. I was very uneasy. {142}

The story went round like wildfire: i.e. circulated rapidly.

Of a person very thin:--He's 'as fat as a hen in the forehead.'

A man is staggering along--not with drink:--That poor fellow is 'drunk with hunger like a showman's dog.'

Dick and Bill are 'as great as inkle-weavers:' a saying very common in Limerick and Cork. _Inkle_ is a kind of broad linen tape: a Shakespearian word. 'Several pieces of it were formerly woven in the same loom, by as many boys, who sat close together on the same seat-board.' (Dr. A. Hume.)

William is 'the spit out of his father's mouth'; i.e. he is strikingly like his father either in person or character or both. Another expression conveying the same sense:--'Your father will never die while you are alive': and 'he's a chip off the old block.' Still another, though not quite so strong:--'He's his father's son.' Another saying to the same effect--'kind father for him'--is examined elsewhere.

'I'm a man in myself like Oliver's bull,' a common saying in my native place (in Limerick), and applied to a confident self-helpful person. The Olivers were the local landlords sixty or seventy years ago. (For a tune with this name see my 'Old Irish Music and Songs,' p. 46.)

A person is asked to do any piece of work which ought to be done by his servant:--'Aye indeed, _keep a dog and bark myself_.'

That fellow walks as straight up and stiff as if he took _a breakfast of ramrods_.

A man who passes through many dangers or {143} meets with many bad accidents and always escapes has 'as many lives as a cat.' Everyone knows that a cat has nine lives.

_Putting on the big pot_ means empty boasting and big talk. Like a woman who claps a large pot of water on the fire to boil a weeny little bit of meat--which she keeps out of sight--pretending she has _launa-vaula_, _lashings and leavings_, full and plenty.

If a man is in low spirits--depressed--down in the mouth--'his heart is as low as a keeroge's kidney' (_keeroge_, a beetle or clock). This last now usually said in jest.

James O'Brien is a good scholar, but he's not _in it_ with Tom Long: meaning that he is not at all to be compared with Tom Long.

If a person is indifferent about any occurrence--doesn't care one way or the other--he is 'neither glad nor sorry like a dog at his father's wake.' (South.)

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