Part 2

The first conscientious Congress met in Philadelphia.

The Contitution of the United States was established to ensure domestic hostility.

Truth crushed to earth will rise again. As follows:

The Constitution of the United States is that part of the book at the end which nobody reads.

And here she rises once more and untimely. There should be a limit to public-school instruction; it cannot be wise or well to let the young find out everything:

Congress is divided into civilized half civilized and savage.

Here are some results of study in music and oratory:

An interval in music is the distance on the keyboard from one piano to the next.

A rest means you are not to sing it.

Emphasis is putting more distress on one word than another.

The chapter on “Physiology” contains much that ought not to be lost to science:

Physillogigy is to study about your bones stummick and vertebry.

Occupations which are injurious to health are carbolic acid gas which is impure blood.

We have an upper and a lower skin. The lower skin moves all the time and the upper skin moves when we do.

The body is mostly composed of water and about one half is avaricious tissue.

The stomach is a small pear-shaped bone situated in the body.

The gastric juice keeps the bones from creaking.

The Chyle flows up the middle of the backbone and reaches the heart where it meets the oxygen and is purified.

The salivary glands are used to salivate the body.

In the stomach starch is changed to cane sugar and cane sugar to sugar cane.

The olfactory nerve enters the cavity of the orbit and is developed into the special sense of hearing.

The growth of a tooth begins in the back of the mouth and extends to the stomach.

If we were on a railroad track and a train was coming the train would deafen our ears so that we couldn’t see to get off the track.

If, up to this point, none of my quotations have added flavour to the Johnsonian anecdote at the head of this article, let us make another attempt:

The theory that intuitive truths are discovered by the light of nature originated from St. John’s interpretation of a passage in the Gospel of Plato.

The weight of the earth is found by comparing a mass of known lead with that of a mass of unknown lead.

To find the weight of the earth take the length of a degree on a meridian and multiply by 62½ pounds.

The spheres are to each other as the squares of their homologous sides.

A body will go just as far in the first second as the body will go plus the force of gravity and that’s equal to twice what the body will go.

Specific gravity is the weight to be compared weight of an equal volume of or that is the weight of a body compared with the weight of an equal volume.

The law of fluid pressure divide the different forms of organized bodies by the form of attraction and the number increased will be the form.

Inertia is that proberty of bodies by virtue of which it cannot change its own condition of rest or motion. In other words it is the negative quality of passiveness either in recoverable latency or insipient latescence.

If a laugh is fair here, not the struggling child, but the unintelligent teacher—or rather the unintelligent Boards, Committees, and Trustees—are the proper target for it. All through this little book one detects the signs of a certain probable fact—that a large part of the pupil’s “instruction” consists in cramming him with obscure and wordy “rules” which he does not understand, and has no time to understand. It would be as useful to cram him with brickbats; they would at least stay. In a town in the interior of New York, a few years ago, a gentleman set forth a mathematical problem and proposed to give a prize to every public-school pupil who should furnish the correct solution of it. Twenty-two of the brightest boys in the public schools entered the contest. The problem was not a very difficult one for pupils of their mathematical rank and standing, yet they all failed—by a hair—through one trifling mistake or another. Some searching questions were asked, when it turned out that these lads were as glib as parrots with the “rules” but could not reason out a single rule or explain the principle underlying it. Their memories had been stocked, but not their understandings. It was a case of brickbat culture, pure and simple.

There are several curious “compositions” in the little book, and we must make room for one. It is full of naïveté, brutal truth, and unembarrassed directness, and is the funniest (genuine) boy’s composition I think I have ever seen:

ON GIRLS.

Girls are very stuckup and dignified in their manner and be have your. They think more of dress than anything and like to play with dowls and rags. They cry if they see a cow in a far distance and are afraid of guns. They stay at home all the time and go to church on Sunday. They are al-ways sick. They are al-ways funy and making fun of boy’s hands and they say how dirty. They cant play marbles. I pity them poor things. They make fun of boys and then turn round and love them. I don’t beleave they ever killed a cat or anything. They look out every nite and say oh ant the moon lovely. Thir is one thing I have not told and that is they al-ways now their lessons bettern boys.

From Mr. Edward Channing’s recent article in “Science”:

The marked difference between the books now being produced by French, English, and American travellers, on the one hand, and German explorers on the other, is too great to escape attention. That difference is due entirely to the fact that in school and university the German is taught, in the first place to see, and in the second place to understand what he does see.

_English as She is Taught_.

I. Etymological.

Aborigines— a system of mountains.

Aboriginal— what was original before.

Aboriginate— to settle down in a place.

Alias— a good man in the Bible.

Alienate— to put together.

to make a citizen of.

to make a foreigner.

to live in another country except your own.

Amenable— any thing that is mean.

Ammonia— the food of the gods.

Animosity— a sudden surprise.

kindness.

thoughtfullness.

an emblem or sign.

great liveliness.

Aristocracy— to be stuck up.

Armistice— one who takes part in battle.

Asphyxia— a grumbling fussy temper.

Assiduity— state of being an acid.

Audible— worthy of applause.

Auriferous— giving light from yourself.

pertaining to an orifice.

Beneficence— a state of insanity.

Burglarize— to make burglars.

Capillary— a little caterpiller.

Cassowary— a kind of dromedary.

Centaur— a three legged animal.

Conjugate— to all wrinkle up.

Conservative— a person interested in politics who does not like Mr. Gladstone.

Corniferous— rocks in which fossil corn is found.

Crosier— a staff carried by the Deity.

Culinary— cunning or cute.

Delineate— to deface.

to make lean.

Demagogue— a vessel containing beer and other liquids.

Egregious— the art of learning.

feeding on flocks.

a good many sheep together.

Emissary— a foreign missionary.

Emolument— a softening.

a structure.

a great increase.

a headstone to a grave.

Epicac— a man who likes a good dinner.

Equanimity— evenness of time.

carefullness.

being equal all round.

Equestrian— an equal.

a competetor.

one who asks questions.

one who walks on foot.

Erudition— act of wiping out.

state of being erude.

Espionage— a kind of cabbage.

Eucharist— one who plays euchre.

Exhilarate— pertaining to happiness.

Franchise— any thing belonging to the French.

Freebooter— a man three feet high.

Idolater— a very idol person.

Ignition— the art of not noticing.

Impetuosity— to get into a pet.

Implacable— not able to be placed.

Ingratiating— grating up the ear.

Interloper— one who runs away to get married.

Irrigate— to disturb.

to turbulate.

to make fun of.

to emit sparks.

to contest in law.

to ask in return.

to dispense with justice.

Knickerbocker— something to ring with.

Matins— something to wear on the feet.

Medieval— a wicked man who has been tempted.

Mediocrity— the science of the Medes.

Mendacious— what can be mended.

Mercenary— relating to money matters.

one who feels for another.

hostile to life.

one living on charity.

one who suffers.

pertaining to the eye.

relating to habits.

strong, bold, brave.

one who delivers a message.

one who sets on fire with hostile intent.

Miscellaneous— all mixed up.

Munificence— waste.

thanksgiving.

brightness.

great wealth.

a tragedy.

a beautiful city.

Non-conformist— a decenter of ancient times.

Ominous— power to be all present.

power to eat all things.

Parasite— a sort of bird.

one who speaks well.

an example.

a kind of umbrella.

the murder of an infant.

Party-colored— a fine kind of a dress to wear to a ball.

Pennyroyal— relating to money.

Perennial— every seven years.

Plagarist— a writer of plays.

Plagarism— fire worship.

Prism— a prim precise person.

Publican— a man who does his prayers in public.

Quarternions— a bird with a flat beak and no bill living in New Zealand.

the name given to a style of art practiced by the Phœnicians.

a religious convention held every hundred years.

Republican— a sinner mentioned in the Bible.

Reticence— tardyness.

retirement.

a review.

something of the eye.

great slowness.

Satiate— to make tasty.

Sibilant— the state of being idiotic.

Starveling— a small child who doesunt have enough to eat.

Subtlety— gentley.

profanity.

brittleness.

softness.

vagueness.

easily coaxed.

light and airy.

is sprightness.

a settlement.

great doubtfullness.

stepping through easily.

state of being easy broken.

Technology— according to the text.

a plagarism nearly obsolete.

something which teaches you to be very tecknical in your remarks.

Tenacious— ten acres of land.

Vacillating— ticking like a pendulum.

Vermicular— the intestines of a worm.

She is related to him by _animosity_.

A great many people _alienate_ from their country to this.

The ring is quite an _auriferous_ article.

He is a very _auspicious_ boy.

She dresses very _auspicious_.

The _belligerent_ powers receive a salary.

We call him a _charger_ because he charges so much.

_Chronology_ is the science of the brane.

He had a _chronic_ disease—something the matter with the chrone.

The _coercion_ of some things is remarkable, as bread and molasses.

We should never _commiserate_ a person even if we dislike them.

Her hat is _contiguous_ because she wears it on one side.

The girl was _delineate_ in her work.

John said he would _delineate_ the book.

The washwoman _dilated_ the clothes.

He was totally _dismasted_ with the whole performance.

The officer is to be tried for _dissertation_ of his office.

The place was left in a state of _dissertation_.

He _dominated_ or ruled the paper.

He is a great _duplicate_ because so very deceitful.

The men marched out in an _egregious_ procession.

He preached to an _egregious_ congregation.

He gave a correct _elimination_ of the word.

The captain _eliminated_ a bullet through the man’s heart.

He stood on a high _emissary_.

There was a small _emolument_ of water in the vessel.

He was _exhilarated_ to a better place.

We should endeavor to avoid _extremes_—like those of wasps and bees.

You should _fascinate_ the vine to the wall.

I have a _gauzy_ hen at home.

He treated her with _ignition_ because he did not notice her.

The marriage was _illegible_.

They tried to _imbecile_ the animal.

The _leopard_ is watching his sheep.

I _liquidate_ you from all blame.

John _liquidated_ his bread with milk.

The strawberry crop was _magnanimous_.

The _magnanimous_ of Milton was wonderful.

He has a very _mental_ intellect.

He was a member of the _mediocrity_.

The child gave a _mercenary_ account of the accident.

She has just returned from the _mercenary_.

This examination makes me feel very _nauceous_.

The stomach contains _nausea_.

Her fright was _palliateable_ because it made her pale.

The doctrine that like can be cured by like is called _panacea_.

You will see how _pecuniary_ he is when I tell you he is going to marry for money.

The family is placed under _pecuniary_ circumstances.

He was _pecuniary_ or tight in his money matters.

My _perennial_ tuition is due to-day.

The earth _perennially_ revolves round the sun.

He enjoys riding on a _philosopher_.

You should take caution and be _precarious_.

The _propensity_ of this room is very small.

She was very quick at _repertoire_.

A great many persons are quite _resonant_.

The naughty boy _resources_ his mother.

People become full of _retisense_ when they are silent.

Minerals crystallize in _rhododendrons_.

You need not try to _satiate_ my pathway.

She _seceded_ the velvet to her dress.

The _serfdom_ at Cony Island is very high.

The men employed by the Gas Company go round and _speculate_ the meter.

The _supercilious_ girl acted with _vicissitude_ when the _perennial_ time came.

He prayed for the waters to _subsidize_.

The birds _subsidize_ in the summer for the most part on fruits.

He is a very _tacit_ scholar because he is easily taught.

He _temporized_ the zinc nicely.

We ought to _temporize_ our health.

The _tenacious_ girl was good in church.

Herod was called a _tetrarch_ because he was so fond of tea.

There are a good many donkeys in _theological_ gardens.

Some of the best fossils are found in _theological_ cabinets.

The telescope is very _transparent_ because you can see through it.

He landed safe on _vice versa_.

The earth makes a _vicissitude_ around the sun once a year.

They had a strawberry _vestibule_.

_Zoology_ is interesting to those who like the study of words.

II. Grammatical.

Capitals begin every line of Deity.

Capital letters begin at breviation.

At the beginning of every capital letters should be used.

Capital is used at beginning of parigraf.

An interrogatt sentense must Begin with a Capitel Letter.

A deceletive sentense ends with a perod. An intorogative one ends with an intorogation point.

Every sentence and name of God must begin with a caterpillar.

When you speak of yourself you should begin it with a capital letter.

When they are going to say some prose or poetry before they say the poetry or prose they must put a semicolon just after the introduction of the prose or poetry.

A quotion is something spoken by people.

A quotation is asking a question.

An Exclamation Point is what causes supprise.

Brackets set things off so they wont have anything to do with the sentence.

Grammer is how to talk good.

Grammar gives us the languish.

We study Grammer to get the senses.

Grammer is to tell us the parts of speeth.

A common noun is small things.

A proper noun is peoples names.

A pronoun is a word when we cant get a noun.

A pronoun is a word which is just as good as a noun.

The two kinds of Pronouns is I and O.

The plural is formed by turning book into books.

Person in Grammer tells us whether he is a man or a woman. It is always an animal or something that isent alive.

Gender is the distinguishing nouns without regard to sex.

A verb is something to eat.

An intransitiv verb expresses an act not done to another as James did _not_ strike John.

The Moods in English Gram. are the Indicative, Potential, Subjugated, and Infinitif.

The optative mood is a mood in a verb when any body knows you have done any thing.

The sign if shows the potative mood.

Adverbs should always be used as adjectives and adjectives as adverbs.

The horses run _fastly_. This is an adverb.

The comparative degree expresses that one thing is up higher than another and the Supulative is the highest of all.

A dependent sentence is one that hangs from its clause.

All sentences are either simple or confound.

To conjugate a sentence is to tell all the things that it means.

The word governed by another word is called its regiment.

Rhythm is a horse trotting on a road.

Rhyme makes two words sound just alike.

A figure means something different from what it says.

Can in poetry is sometimes used for cant.

Prose tells things that are true right along just as they are and poetry makes it up as you go along.

A preposition is a word that shews the position of one thing with kind regards to another.

III. Mathematical.

Arithmetic is the signs of numbers.

A factor is a number which divided by another number equals the number of parts.

A Prim Facktor is a Factor that stands for a Facter.

The sins of Division are a short horizontail line between two doits and a curve line between the Deviser and Divident.

The sines of Division will be like the quocient.

Multiplication is the process of takeing one or more many times to multiply the produck if the work is write.

A common fraction is made up of two parts with a separation between them.

A vulgar fraction has one fraction over the line and the other under it.

The Denomator is the bottom of the fraction. The Numerator tells how many there are in it.

A Decimal Fraction is one with a point.

A straight line is any distance between two places.

Parallel lines are lines that can never meet until they run together.

A Horace uncle line is a line that isn’t crooked.

A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

A hexameter is inscribed in a circle.

A foursided figure is a trapezium which is the general name for a kite.

A parallelogram has all its sides parallel.

The base of a triangle is the sum of its two sides.

Things which are equal to each other are equal to anything else.

To find the number of square feet in a room you multiply the room by the number of the feet. The product is the result.

IV. Geographical.

(_American._)

The three natural divisions of America are Europe, Ashea and Africa.

North America is separated by Spain.

The countries of North America are Britschish, Washington, Canada Nina and Mexica.

America is divided into the Passiffic slope and the Mississippi valey.

America consists from north to south about 500 miles.

Amireca is in the torade zone.

The climit of America is very worm.

The climate of America is modrant—modern in the middle.

The principle mountains of America are the Alagany and on the cost range on the eastern part all.

The Rocking Mountains are the graitest in America.

The great Lakes of America is champagne.

The great lakes of America are Siperior, Ontarria and Hurryon, Michigan.

The principal mts. of America are lamb beaf veal.

The rivers of America are ohio Artic an drandartic.

The United States is quite a small country compared with some other countrys, but is about as industrious.

The capital of the United States is Long Island.

One of the leading industries of the United States is mollasses book-covers numbers gas teaching lumber manufactures paper-making publishers coal.

The chief products of the United States is troupil freuts an tobacto. The climit has 2 sesons a rainey and a dry.

The names of states on the Gulf of Mexico is United States.

The five seaports of the U. S. are Newfunlan and Sanfrancisco.

The principal seaports is cotton wool shoes.

The principal cities of the United States are Bath Lynn Lowell Lawrence.

The principal products of the U. S. is earthquakes and volcanoes.

The manufactured products of the United States is fish and agriculture and imports.

The principle products of New England are dairying shipbuilding wine coffee tropic fruets and cloathes.

The exports of New England are lumbering fishing ice cutting wood chopping.

The prinicpal sports of New England are cotten tobaco ice.

The principal occupation of New England is shipping goods.

Mineing is mostely carried on in new Englyn.

The climit of New English is hot worm and coal.

The coaste city’s of New England are New Haven and Seaport.

The coast cities of New England are Boston.

The Vermont state is south west of Mass.

The New London State is near the Meremack River.

The principal mountain range in England is Kartardin.

Providence is the leading commercial city of New England situated on the Southern part of the cost of Maine.

New York is bounded by Montreal.

The capital of New York is New Hamshire. Its principle cities are Portland an Susquehana.

Philadelphia is the capitol of New York and it is in the south West Part.

Washenton is in the Northron part of New York.

New York was once called the Emperor state because it once had a Emperor.

Aduculung and Mineing is the chief industry of New York State.

The Rocky Mountains are on the western side of Philadelphia.

The Rocking Mountain is east of Mass. Algany east of Rocky Sirranevada east of Algany.

The Alaginnies are mountains in Philadelfia.

The Arondack Mountains are north of Canada.

The White Mountains are in England.

The Yosemity Valley is the highest mountain in the world.

The Mississippi River runs soulth and empies into Mexico.

Mason and Dixon’s line is the Equater.

Cape Hatteras is a vast body of water surrounded by land and flowing into the Gulf of Mexico.

Canada is south of New York.

The City of Canada is Columbia in the westarn part of Columbia.

Two cities in Canada are andruscogin and kenibek.

Stock rason is the occupation of canada.

The rapids of St. Lorence is caused by the canoes of the Indianes.

British America is overturned by queen Victorier.

Alasca is governed by the Britished America.

The productions of Central America is fish.

Vancoover is the North West United States.

Cuba and Newfoundland is Southeast of America.

The climate of Mexico is very barren being hot or cold.

California is the capitol of San Francisco.

The occupation of Greenland is speering the seel.

The oppacation of the Greenland whisky lemon bannanars.

The occupation of the people of Greenland seals and the people of California gathrin gold.

The people of Greenland people do seal fishing and whailing of Alaska people are gathring furs of the Indies people fishing and shouting.

(_European._)

Charlemagne and Pepin were countries of Austria.

In Austria the principal occupation is gathring Austrich feathers.

France is parallel to America on a line running east and west.

The Bay of Biscuit is on the coast of France.

The principal industries of Germany are manufacturing, agriculture, and the cultivation of the intellect.

Germany has very little clubbable land.

Russia in the time of Peter the Great was a very cold country and its inhabitants lived in Siberia.

Russia is very cold and tyrannical. Boany Airs is in Russia.

St. Petersburg is in the Gulf of Finland.

The Baltic Sea is between Sweden and Norway.

Portugal is separated from Spain by the Mediteranian Sea.

Sicily is one of the Sanwich Islands.

Constantinople is called the queen of the Adriattic.

The Persian Gulf is the eastern part of Persia.

The Great Desert of Sarah was formerly discovered in Africa.