Part 3

And if My dissentings at any time were (as som have suspected, and uncharitably avowed) out of error, opinion, activeness, weakness, or wilfulness, and what they call Obstinacy in Me (which not true Judgment of things, but some vehement prejudice or passion hath fixed on My minde;) yet can no man think it other then the Badge and method of Slavery, by savage rudeness, and importunate obtrusions of violence, to have the mist of his Errour and Passion dispelled, which is a shadow of Reason, and must serve those that are destitute of the substance. Sure that man cannot be blameable to God or man, who seriously endeavours to see the best reason of things, and faithfully followes what he takes for Reason: The uprightnesse of his intentions will excuse the possible failings of his understanding; If a Pilot at Sea cannot see the Pole-star, it can be no fault in him to steer his course by such Stars as do best appear to him. It argues rather, those men to be conscious of their defects of Reason, and convincing Arguments, who call in the assistance of meer force to carry on the weakness of their Counsels and Proposals. I may, in the truth and uprightness of my heart, protest before God and men, That I never wilfully opposed, or denied any thing that was in a fair way, after full and free debates propounded to me by the two Houses, further then I thought in good reason I might, and was bound to do.

Nor did any thing ever please me more, then when my Judgment so concurred with theirs, that I might with a good Conscience consent to them: Yea, in many things, where not absolute and morall necessity of Reason, but temporary convenience in point of Honour was to be considered, I chose rather to deny my Self, then Them; as preferring that which they thought necessary for my peoples good, before what I saw but convenient for my Self.

For I can be content to recede much from my Own Interests, and Personall Rights, of which I conceive my Self to be master: but in what concerns Truth, Justice, the Right of the Church, and my Crown, together with the generall good of my Kingdoms: (all which I am bound to preserve as much as morally lies in me;) here I am, and ever shall be fixt and resolute, nor shall any man gain my consent to that, wherein my heart gives my hand or tongue the Lie; nor will I be brought to affirm that to men, which in my Conscience I denied before God. I will rather chuse to wear a Crown of Thorns with my Saviour, then to exchange that of Gold (which is due to Me) for one of Lead, whose embased flexibleness shall be forced to bend, and comply to the various, and oft contrary dictates of any Factions: when in stead of Reason, and Publick concernments, they obtrude nothing but what makes for the interest of parties, and flows from the particularities of private wils and passions.

I know no resolutions more worthy a Christian King, then to prefer His Conscience before His Kingdoms.

_O my God preserve thy servant in this Native, Rationall and Religious freedome; For this I beleeve is thy will, that we should maintain: who, though thou dost justly require us to submit our understandings and wils to thine; whose wisdom and goodnesse can neither erre, nor misguide us, and so far to deny our carnall reason, in order to thy sacred Mysteries and Commands, that we should beleeve and obey, rather then dispute them; yet dost thou expect from us, only such a reasonable service of thee, as not to do any thing for thee, against our consciences: and as to the desires of men, enjoinest us to try all things by the touch-ston of reason and Lawes, which are the rules of Civill Justice; and to declare our consents to that only which our Judgments approve._

_Thou knowest, ô Lord, how unwilling I was to desert that place, in which thou hast set Me, and whereto the affairs of My Kingdoms at present did call me._

_My People can witness how far I have been content for their good, to deny My self, in what thou hast subjected to My disposall._

_O let not the unthankfull importunities, and tumultuary violence of some mens Immoderat demands, ever betray Me to that degenerous and unmanly slavery, which should make Me strengthen them by My consent in those things which I think in My conscience to be against thy glory, the good of My subjects, and the discharge of My own duty to Reason and Justice._

_Make me willing to suffer the greatest indignities and injuries they press upon Me, rather then commit the least sin against My Conscience._

_Let the just Liberties of My people be (as well they may) preserved in fair and equall waies, without the slavery of My soul._

_Thou that hast invested Me by thy favours, in the power of a Christian King, suffer Me not to subject My Reason to other mens passions, and designes, which to Me seem unreasonable, unjust and irreligious: So shall I serve thee in the truth and uprightness of My heart, though I cannot satisfie these men._

_Though I be driven from among them, yet give Me grace to walk, alwaies uprightly before thee._

_Lead Me in the way of Truth and Justice, for these, I know, will bring Me at last to peace and happiness with thee; though for these I have much trouble among men._

_This I beg of thee for my Saviours sake._

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7. _Upon the Queenes departure and absence out of_ England.

Although I have much cause to be troubled at My Wifes departure from Me, and out of My Dominions; yet not Her absence, so much, as the scandall of that necessity which drives her away, doth afflict Me. That She should be compelled by my own Subjects, and those pretending to be Protestants, to withdraw for Her safety: This being the first example of any Protestant Subjects, that have taken up Arms against their King, a Protestant: For I look upon this now done in England, as another Act of the same Tragedie which was lately begun in Scotland; the brands of that fire being ill quenched, have kindled the like flames here. I fear such motions (so little to the adorning of the Protestant profession) may occasion a further alienation of mind, and divorce of affections in Her from that Religion, which is the onely thing wherein we differ.

Which yet God can (and I pray he would) in time take away; and not suffer these practices to be any obstruction to Her judgment, since it is the motion of those men (for the most part) who are yet to seek and settle their Religion for Doctrine, Government and good manners, and so not to be imputed to the true English Protestants, who continue firm to their former setled Principles and Laws.

I am sorry my relation to so deserving a Ladie, should be any occasion of her danger and affliction; whose merits would have served her for a protection among the savage Indians: while their rudeness and barbaritie knows not so perfectly to hate all Vertues, as some mens subtiltie doth: among whom I yet think few are so malicious as to hate Her for her Self: The fault it, that She is my Wife.

All Justice then, as well as Affection, commands me to studie her Securitie, who is only in danger for my sake; I am content to be tossed, weather-beaten, and shipwrack'd, so as she may be in safe Harbour.

This comfort I shall injoy by her safety in the midst of my Personall dangers, that I can perish but half, if she be preserved: in whose memory and hopefull Posterity, I may yet survive the malice of my Enemies, although they should be satiated with my bloud.

I must leave her and them to the Love and Loyaltie of my good Subjects; and to his protection, who is able to punish the faults of Princes, and no less able to revenge the injuries done to them, by those who in all dutie and Allegiance ought to have made good that safetie, which the Laws chiefly provide for Princes.

But common civilitie is in vain expected from those that dispute their Loyaltie: Nor can it be safe (for any relation) to a King, to tarry among them that are shaking hands with their Allegiance, under pretence of laying faster hold on their Religion.

'Tis pitie so noble and peaceful a Soul should see, much more suffer the rudeness of those, who must make up their want of Justice, with inhumanity and impudence.

Her sympathie with Me in my afflictions, will make her vertue shine with greater lustre, as starrs in the darkest nights; and assure the envious world, that she loves me, not my fortunes.

Neither of us but can easily forgive, since We do not much blame the unkindness of the Generality and Vulgar: for we see God is pleased to try both our patience, by the most self-punishing sin, the Ingratitude of those, who having eaten of Our bread, and being enriched with Our bounty, have Scornfully lift up themselves against Us; and those of Our own Houshold are become Our enemies. I pray God lay not their sinne to their charge: who think to satisfie all obligations to duty, by their Corban of Religion: and can less endure to see, then to sin against their benefactors as well as their Soveraign.

But even that policy of my enemies is so farr veniall, as it was necessary to their designs, by scandalous articles, and all irreverent demeanour, to seek to drive her out of my Kingdoms; left by the influence of her example, eminent for love as a Wife, and loyaltie as a Subject, she should have converted to, or retained in their love and loyaltie, all those whom they had a purpose to pervert.

The less I may be blest with her company, the more I will retire to God and my own Heart, whence no malice can banish Her. My enemies may envie, but they can never deprive me of the enjoyment of her vertues, while I enjoy my self.

_Thou, O Lord, whose Justice at present sees fit to scatter us, let thy mercie, in thy due time, reunite us on earth, if it be thy will; however bring us both at last to thy heavenly Kingdom._

_Preserve us from the hands of our despitefull and deadly enemies; and prepare us by our sufferings for thy presence._

_Though we differ in some things, as to Religion, (which is my greatest temporall infelicitie) yet Lord give and accept the sinceritie of our affections, which desire to seek, to finde, to embrace every Truth of thine._

_Let both our hearts agree in the love of thy self, and Christ crucified for us._

_Teach us both what thou wouldst have us to know, in order to thy glory, our publique relations, and our souls eternal good, and make us carefull to do what good we know._

_Let neither Ignorance of what is necessary to be known, nor unbelief, or disobedience to what we know, be our miserie, or our wilfull default._

_Let not this great Scandall of those my Subjects, which profess the same Religion with me, be any hindrance to her love of any Truth thou wouldst have her to learn, nor any hardning of her in any error thou wouldst have cleared to her._

_Let Mine and other mens constancie be an Antidote against the poyson of their example._

_Let the truth of that Religion I professe be represented to her judgment, with all the beauties of humilitie, loyaltie, charitie, and peaceablenesse; which are the proper fruits and ornaments of it: Not in the odious disguise of Levitie, Schism, Heresie, Noveltie, Crueltie and Disloyaltie, which some mens practices have put upon it._

_Let her see thy sacred and saving Truths as Thine; that she may believe, love and obey them as Thine, cleared from all rust and drosse of humane mixtures._

_That in the glasse of thy Truth Shee may see thee in those Mercies which thou hast offered to us in thy Son Jesus Christ, our onely Saviour, and serve thee in all those holy Duties, which most agree with his holy Doctrine, and most imitable example._

_The experience we have of the vanitie and uncertaintie of all humane Glorie and Greatnesse in our scatterings and eclypses, let it make us both so much the more ambitious to be invested in those durable Honours and perfections which are onely to be found in thy self, and obtained throuqh Jesus Christ._

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8. _Upon His Majesties repulse at_ Hull, _and the fates of the_ Hothams.

My repulse at _Hull_ seemed at the first view an act of so rude disloyalty, that my greatest Enemies had scarce confidence enough to abett or own it: It was the first overt Essay to be made, how patiently I could bear the losse of my Kingdoms.

God knows, it affected me more with shame and sorrow for others, then with anger for my Self; nor did the affront done to me, trouble me so much as their sin, which admitted no colour or excuse.

I was resolved how to bear this, and much more with patience: But I foresaw they could hardly contain themselves within the compass of this one unworthy act, who had effrontery enough to commit or countenance it. This was but the hand of that cloud, which was soon after to overspread the whole Kingdom, and cast all into disorder and darkness.

For 'tis among the wicked Maximes of bold and disloyall undertakers: That bad actions must always be seconded with worse, and rather not begun, then not carried on; for they think the retreat more dangerous then the assault, and hate repentance more then perseverance in a fault.

This gave me to see clearly thorow all the pious disguises, and soft palliations of some men; whose words were sometime smoother then oil, but now I saw they would prove very swords.

Against which I having (as yet) no defence, but that of a good Conscience, thought it My best policie (with patience) to bear what I could not remedie: And in this (I thank God) I had the better of _Hotham_, that no disdain, or emotion of passion transported Me, by the indignitie of his carriage, to do or say any thing unbeseeming My self, or unsuitable to that temper, which, in greatest injuries, I think, best becomes a Christian, as coming nearest to the great example of Christ.

And indeed, I desire alwaies more to remember I am a Christian, then a King; for what the Majesty of one might justly abhor, the Charity of the other is willing to bear; what the height of a King tempteth to revenge, the humilitie of a Christian teacheth to forgive, keeping in compass all those impotent passions, whose excess injures a man more then his greatest enemies can; for these give their malice a full impression on our souls, which otherwise cannot reach very far, nor do us much hurt.

I cannot but observe how God not long after so pleaded and avenged my cause, in the eye of the world, that the most wilfully blind cannot avoid the displeasure to see it, and with some remorse and fears to own it as a notable stroke, and prediction of divine vengeance.

First, Sir _John Hotham_ unreproched, unthreatned, uncursed by any language or secret imprecation of mine, onely blasted with the conscience of his own wickednesse, and falling from one inconstancy to another, not long after paies his own and his eldest Sons heads, as forfeiture of their disloyalty, to those men, from whom surely he might have expected an other reward, then thus to divide their heads from their bodies, whose hearts with them were divided from their KING.

Nor is it strange that they who employed them at first in so high a service, and so successfull to them, should not finde mercy enough to forgive Him, who had so much premerited of them: For, Apostacy unto Loyalty some men account the most unpardonable sin.

Nor did a solitary vengeance serve the turn, the cutting off one head in a Family is not enough to expiate the affront done to the head of the Common-weal. The eldest Son must be involved in the punishment, as he was infected with the sin of the Father, against the Father of his Country: Root and branch God cuts off in one day.

These Observations are obvious to every fancie: God knows, I was so far from rejoycing in the _Hothams_ ruine, (though it were such as was able to give the greatest thirst for revenge a full draught, being executed by them who first employed him against Me) that I so far pitied him, as I thought he at first acted more against the light of his Conscience, then I hope many other men do in the same Cause.

For, he was never thought to be of that superstitious sowrenesse which some men pretend to in matters of Religion, which so darkens their judgment, that they cannot see any thing of Sin and Rebellion in those means they use, with intents to reform to their Models, of what they call Religion, who think all is gold of Piety, which doth but glister with a shew of Zeal and Fervencie.

Sir _John Hotham_ was (I think) a man of another temper, and so most liable to those downright temptations of Ambition, which have no cloak or cheat of Religion to impose upon themselves or others.

That which makes me more pitie him, is, that after he began to have some inclinations towards a repentance for his sin, and reparation of his duty to Me, he should be so unhappie as to fall into the hands of their Justice, and not my mercie, who could as willingly have forgiven him, as he could have asked that favor of Me.

For I think clemency a debt which we ought to pay to those that crave it, when we have cause to believe they would not after abuse it, since God himself suffers us not to pray any thing for his mercie, but only praiers and praises.

Poor Gentleman, he is now become a noteable monument of unprosperous disloialtie, teaching the world by so bad and unfortunate a spectacle, that the rude carriage of a Subject towards his Soveraign carries alwaies its own vengeance, & an unseparable shadow with it, and those oft prove the most fatall, and implacable Executioners of it, who were the first Imployers in the service.

After-times will dispute it, whether _Hotham_ were more infamous at _Hull_, or at _Tower-hill_; though 'tis certain that no punishment so stains a mans Honour, as wilfull expectations of unworthy actions; which besides the conscience of the sin, brands with most indeliable characters of infamy, the name and memory to posterity, who not engaged in the Faction of the times, have the most impartiall reflections on their actions.

_But thou, O Lord, who hast in so remarkable a way avenged thy Servant, suffer me not to take any secret pleasure in it, for as his death hath satisfied the injury he did to me, so let me not by it gratifie any passion in me, lest I make thy vengeance to be mine, and consider the affront against me, more than the sin against thee._

_Thou indeed, without any desire or endevor of mine, hast made his mischief to return on his own head, and his violent dealing to come down on his own pate._

_Thou hast pleaded my cause, even before the sons of men, and taken the matter into thine own hands; that men may know it was thy work and see that thou, Lord, hast done it._

_I do not, I dare not say, so let mine enemies perish._

_O Lord! yea Lord, rather give them repentance pardon and impunity, if it be thy blessed will._

_Let not thy justice prevent the objects and opportunities of my mercy; yea, let them live and amend who have most offended me in so high a nature; that I may have those to forgive; who bear most proportion in their offences to those trespasses against thy majesty, which I hope thy mercy hath forgiven me._

_Lord lay not their sinns (who yet live) to their charge for condemnation, but to their consciences for amendment: Let the Lightning of this thunderbolt, which hath been so severe a punishment to one, be a terrour to all._

_Discover to them their sinn, who know not they have done amiss, and scare them from their sin, that sin of malicious wickednss._

_That preventing thy judgments by their true repentance, they may escape the stroaks of thine eternal vengeance._

_And do Thou, O Lord, establish the Throne of thy Servant in mercie and truth meeting together; let my Crown ever flourish in righteousness and peace kissing each other._

_Hear my prayer, O Lord, who hast taught us to pray for, to doe good to, and to love our Enemies for thy sake; who hast prevented us with offertures of thy love, even when we were thine enemies, and hast sent thy Son Jesus Christ to die for us, when we were disposed to crucifie Him._

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9. _Upon the lifting, and raising Armies against the_ KING.

I find that I am at the same point and posture I was, when they forced me to leave _White-hall_: what tumults could not do, an Army must; which is but Tumults lifted, and enrolled to a better order, but as bad an end: My recesse have given them confidence that I may be conquered.

And so I easily may as to any outward strength, which, God knows, is little or none at all: But I have a Soul invinciable through Gods Grace enabling Me; here I am sure to be Conquerour, if God will give me such a measure of Constancy, as to fear him more then man: and to love the inward peace of my Conscience, before any outward tranquillity.

And must I be opposed with force, because they have not reason whereby to convince me? O my Soule! be of good courage, they confesse their known weaknesse, as to truth, and Justice, who chose rather to contend by Armies, then by Arguments.

Is this the reward and thanks that I am to receive for those many acts of Grace I have lately passed, and for those many Indignities I have endured? Is there no way left to make Me a glorious KING, but by my sufferings?

It is a hard and disputable choice for a King that loves his People, and desires their love, either to kill his own Subjects, or to be killed by them.

Are the hazards and miseries of Civil War in the bowels of my most flourishing Kingdom, the fruits I must now reap after 17 yeers living and reigning among them with such a measure of Justice, Peace, Plenty, and Religion, as all Nations about either admired, or envied? notwithstanding some miscarriages in Government, which might escape, rather through ill counsell of some men driving on their private ends, or the peevishness of others envying the Publick should be managed without them, or the hidden and insuperable necessities of State, then any propensity, I hope, of my Self either to injuriousnesse or oppression.

Whose innocent bloud, during my Reign, have I shed, to satisfie my lust, anger, or covetousness? what Widows or Orphans tears can witnesse against me; the just cry of which must now be avenged with my Own bloud? For the hazards of War are equall, nor doth the Canon know any respect of persons.

In vain is my Person excepted by a Parenthesis of words, when so many hands are armed against me with Swords.

God knowes how much I have studied to see what Ground of Justice is alledged for this Warr against Me; that so I might (by giving just satisfaction) either prevent, or soon end so unnaturall a motion; which (to many men) seems rather the productions of a surfeit of peace and wantonness of mindes, or of private discontents, Ambition and Faction (which easily finde, or make causes of quarrell) then any reall obstructions of publique Justice, or Parliamentary Priviledg.

But this is pretended, and this I must be able to avoid and answer before God in My owne Conscience, however some men are not willing to beleeve Me, lest they should condemn themselves.

When I first with-drew from _White-hall_, to see if I could allay the insolency of the Tumults (for the not suppressing of which, no account in Reason can be given, (where an orderly Guard was granted) but only to oppress both Mine and the Two Houses freedome of declaring and voting according to every mans Conscience) what obstructions of Justice were there further then this, that what seemed just to one man, might not seem so to another?

Whom did I by power protect against the Justice of Parliament?