Chapter 6

M. Misson, who was also some time in Germany, gives us yet a larger description. "The Germans," says he[5], "are, as you know, strange drinkers. There are no people in the world more caressing, more civil, more officious, but still another cup. They have terrible customs on that article of drinking. Every thing is transacted over the bottle; you can do nothing without drinking. One can scarce speak three words at a visit, but you are astonished to see the collation come in, or at least a good quantity of wine, attended with crusts of bread cut into little pieces, upon a plate with salt and pepper, a fatal preparative for bad drinkers. I must instruct you in the laws they observe in their cups; laws sacred and inviolable. You must never drink without drinking some one's health, which having done, you must immediately present the glass to the party you drank to, who must never refuse it, but drink it to the last drop. Reflect a little, I beseech you, on these customs, and you will see how, and by what means, it is impossible to cease from drinking. After this manner one shall never have done. It is a perpetual circle to drink after the German fashion; it is to drink for ever. You must likewise know, that the glasses too are respected in those countries as much as the wine is loved; they range them all about in ranks and files; most of their rooms are wainscotted up two thirds of the wall, and the glasses are ranged all about, like organ pipes, upon the cornish. They begin with the small, and end with the large ones, which are like melon glasses, and must be taken off at one draught, when they drink any health of importance."

Let us observe here[6], "That it was the custom of the ancient Greeks to drink largely after meals, and that this custom is now practised in Germany." This was what AEneas, and the people of his train, used to do, as we learn from these verses of Virgil[7]:--

"Postquam prima quies epulis, mensaeque remotae, Crateras magnas statuunt et vina coronant.

After the teeth had gain'd their first repose, The dishes ta'en away, the cloth remov'd, The rich repast gigantic tankards close, Replete with wines, by nicest tastes approv'd.

It is the same thing with the Armenians, they never drink till at the end of their meals. "After they have said grace, the dishes are removed, in order to bring in the desert, and then they prepare themselves to drink to excess."

We come now to the Swiss. Here follows what Daniel Eremita, a very learned man, who published a description of their country, has said of them. "[8]They have the same simplicity in drinking, but they do not keep the same moderation. Wine is what they place their delight in, and they prefer it to all things in the world. At their assemblies, both for pleasure and business, or any other affairs, wine always makes a party; with which, when they have overloaded their stomach, they discharge it, and sit down to it again, and drink as they did at first. They leave the care of their family to their wives and children, who live with the utmost economy, in favour of their husbands, who are continually at the tavern. They talk with glass in hand, and please themselves in that posture to recount their acts and jests, and those of their ancestors, as examples to posterity. They speak freely all they know, and know not what a secret is. In short, this way of life does not only continue whole days successively, but all the time they live."

Nor have things now taken another aspect in Switzerland. The author of a travel lately into that country, tells us for certain, that "wine is a singular attractive, a powerful charm, against which the Swiss can make no manner of resistance[9]."

Before I close this chapter I shall take notice of the Flemings, whom we ought to look upon as making part of Germany, who, though they are surrounded by water, take care never to drink any, which made Scaliger, when in Holland, say to Douza,

"In mediis habitamus aquis, quis credere possit Et tamen hic nullae, Douza, bibuntur aquae[10]."

Amidst the waters here we live, Yet who can any credit give To what I say, for, Douza, here No water drinkers e'er appear.

Guicciardin, in his description of the low countries, accuses the people of drinking too much. _Hanno_[11], says he, _poi per la maggior parte quel vitio del bere troppo_. He adds, however, "That they are in some sort excusable, because the air of the country being for the most part of the year humid, and apt to inspire melancholy, they could not, perhaps, make use of a more efficacious remedy to expel this irksome, unwholesome melancholy, than wine, which, I suppose, was Horace's sentiment, when he said, With wine drive away care. The words in the original are, _Ma sono in qualche parte scusabili, per che essendo l'aria del paese il pui del tempo humida et malinconica, non potrieno peraventura trovar instromento piu idoneo a scacciare et battere la malinconia odiosa et mal sana che il vino, si come pare che accerni Horatio dicendo. Vino pellite curas._"

But without any farther talking of the Germans, I shall end this chapter with this necessary remark, that one need not go out of England for examples of hard drinking, our country, God bless it, does not come behind any other in this particular.

[Footnote 1: G. Brusch. Inter. p. 405.]

[Footnote 2: Diem noctemque continuare nullum probium, crebrae ut inter vinolentos rixae, raro conviciis sepius cede et vulneribus transiguntur. Sed et de reconciliandis invicem inimicitiis et pangendis affinitatibus et adsciscendis principibus, de pace denique ac bello plerunque in conviviis consultant; tanquam nullo magis tempore aut ad simplices cogitationes patea animus, aut ad magnas incalescat.] [[Tacitus, _Germania_ 22.]]

[Footnote 3: Memoir de Thou. liv. ii. p. 63.]

[Footnote 4: Voyag. p. 27. ed. 1646.]

[Footnote 5: Voyage de Italie, t. i. let. 9.]

[Footnote 6: Chevreana, t. ii. p. 188.]

[Footnote 7: AEneid, lib. i. v. 723.] [[i.e. 723-724.]]

[Footnote 8: Ed. viii. p. 411.]

[Footnote 9: Voyag. de Rouvier, p. 89.]

[Footnote 10: De admir. Holland.]

[Footnote 11: Ed. fol. 1567, p. 29.]

CHAP. XVIII.

OF NATIONS THAT GET DRUNK WITH CERTAIN LIQUORS.

As every country does not produce wine, but, according to the poet[1],

"Hic segetes, illic veniunt faelicius uvae."

_Here_ wheat, more happily _there_ grows the grape.

Those nations, with whom there are no vines, have invented other drinks to make themselves merry. Pliny[2] tells us, That the western people got drunk with certain liquors made with fruits; and that these liquors have different names in Gaul and Spain, though they produce the same effect.

Ammianus Marcellinus reports, That the Gauls having no wine in their country, though they are very fond of it, contrive a great many sorts of liquors, which produce the same effect as wine. _Vini avidum genus adfectans ad vini similitum dinem multiplices potus._

The Scythians had no wine, as appears by the answer of Anacharsis, the philosopher, who being asked, If they had none that played on the flute in Scythia, replied, That they had not so much as any wine there. However, for all that, they got drunk with certain liquors which had the force and strength of wine. This also we learn from these words of Virgil:--

"Ipsi in defossis specubus, secura subalta Otia agunt terra, congestaque robora tolasque Advolvere focis ulmos, ignique dedere. Hic noctem ludo ducunt, et pocula laeti Fermento, atque acidis imitantur vitea sorbis."[2a]

Secure, in quiet ease, they dwell in caves Deep dug in earth, and to their chimneys roll Whole oaks and elms entire, which flames devour. Here all the night, in sport and merry glee, They pass and imitate, with acid service, By fermentation vinous made, the grape.

The Thracians intoxicate themselves by swallowing the fumes of certain herbs, which they cast into the fire.

The Babylonians, according to Herodotus, used likewise to get drunk, by swallowing the fumes of certain herbs that they burned.

Strabo reports, That the Indians made a certain drink with sugar canes, which made them merry; very probably not unlike what we now call rum.

Benso, in his History of America, says the same of the inhabitants of the island of Hispaniola, and several other provinces of America.

Pliny and Athenaeus tell us, that the Egyptians fuddled themselves with a drink made of barley; by this it seems the liquor of Sir John Barley-Corn is very ancient.

Leri[3], in his Voyage to Brazil, tells us, That the inhabitants of that country are as great drinkers as the Germans, Flemings, Lansquenets, Swiss: and all those merry gentleman who love carousing, and drink supernaculum, ought to agree, that they are even with them. Their drink is made of certain roots, which they boil and ferment, and is then called by them in their language, _cahou-in_. The author adds, "That he has seen them not only drink three days and nights successively without ceasing, but that they were so very drunk, that they could swallow no more till they had disgorged, which was in order to begin again.

"There [4]grows in the Eastern countries certain particular drugs, with which the inhabitants are wonderfully delighted, and which produce a kind of drunkenness, or agreeable folly, which continues some time. They are so much accustomed to the use of these drugs, by a long habit, that they imagine that life must be very sad and unhappy without them. The Indians and Persians have their bangue, the Egyptians their bola, and the Turks their opium."

In relation to the Persians, Tavernier[5] has these words, viz. "They have a sort of drink to divert and make themselves merry, which they call kokemaar, made of poppy-seeds boiled. They drink it scalding hot; and there are particular houses, called kokemaar krone, where people meet, and give a great deal of pleasure and delight to those who see the ridiculous postures which this kind of liquor makes them perform. Before it operates they quarrel with one another, and give abusive language, without coming to blows; afterwards when the drug begins to have its effect, then they also begin to make peace. One compliments in a very high degree, another tells stories, but all are extremely ridiculous both in their words and actions." And after having spoken of other liquors that they make use of, he adds, "It is difficult to find in Persia a man that is not addicted to some one of these liquors, without which they think they cannot live but very unpleasantly."

I take no notice here of that admirable drink called Punch with us; nor Juniper-water, (vulgarly called Geneva, a corruption from the French word Genevre, which signifies the same thing,) nor that dram called All-fours, which have such wonderful effects on the wretched commonalty.

[Footnote 1: Virgil.] [[_Georgics_ I.54.]]

[Footnote 2: Const. et Jul. lib. 16.]

[[Footnote 2a: Virgil, _Georgics_ III.376-380.]]

[Footnote 3: P. 126, ed. 1594.]

[Footnote 4: L'Emer. des Alim. part iii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 5: T. 1, lib. v. ch. 17.]

CHAP. XIX.

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS IN FAVOUR OF DRUNKENNESS.

Drunkenness will (and ought to do so) appear excusable to people the most sober, if they would but make these two reflections following, viz.

I. _That drunkards are not generally given to lewdness._

Aristotle says, "That too much drinking makes one very improper for the acts of Venus, and gives his reasons. Athenaeus reports the same thing in that passage, where he makes mention of the drunkenness of Alexander the Great, a vice," says he, "which, perhaps, was the cause of his little inclination for the ladies."

Montaigne[1] speaks very well on this article, "These," says he, "are two things which vigorously oppose each other; this weakens our stomach on one hand; whereas, on the other, sobriety serves to make us more quaint and delicate in the exercise of love."

Ovid[2] says much the same thing.

"Vina parant animum veneri, nisi plurima sumas, Ut stupeant multo corda sepulta mero."

Wine, not too much, inspires, and makes the mind To the soft joys of Venus strong inclin'd, Which buried in excess, unapt to love, Stupidly lies, and knows not how to move.

II. _That in those countries where they do not drink to excess, they are very much addicted to debauchery._

It is certain, that in hot countries they drink a great deal less than they do in cold, but in lieu of that, lewdness reigns much more. Montaigne[3], after having observed, that they began to drink less than they used to do, adds, "Does any one think it tends to amendment? No, indeed; but, perhaps, we are much more given to whoring than our forefathers."

This puts me in mind of an Italian, who having reproached a German with the drunkenness of his country, by these verses, viz.

"Germani multos possunt tolerare labores O utinam possint tam tolerare sitim."

The Germans (patient) toil, inur'd to pain, Oh! could they but their thirst so well sustain!

The German answered him extempore in these other two:--

"Ut nos vitis amor, sic vos Venus improba vexat Est data lex veneri Julia, nulla mero."

As we love wine, so wicked Venus you, Twas _this_, not _that_, the Julian Edict knew.

In order to draw a consequence from all this, let us speak once more of Montaigne[4], whose words are, "And if we cannot give any pleasure but what costs us something, as the ancients maintain, I find this vice costs the conscience less than all the rest, besides, it is in this respect no despicable consideration, that a man advanced in honours, amongst three principal conveniencies of life, that he told me he yet enjoyed, he reckoned this for one."

After having shewn, in the foregoing chapters, That drunkenness reigns all the world over, _Nulla in parte mundi cessat ebrietas_. Let us see what we may hence infer in its favour: and I ask, if the agreement of so many different nations, to do one and the same thing, proves nothing, and may not, in some measure, serve as an apology for drunkenness? For if one considers, that the surprising variety of the humour and temperament of men, do, notwithstanding, in nowise hinder them from agreeing unanimously in this point, one shall have a very strong temptation to believe, that the desire of getting drunk is an innate quality, and we shall be confirmed in this sentiment, after tasting experimentally the exquisite sweetness caused by drunkenness.

To conclude,

All drink, throughout the universe, 'tis plain, The moon drinks up the sea, the earth the rain, The sun the air, and ev'ry tree, we know, The earth's prolific juice imbibes to grow. The air sups up the water too, 'tis said, Why then, my dearest friends, d'ye plague my head, And angry grow, because, dry soul[5], I swill New wine, drink fit for gods, and quaff my fill.

[Footnote 1: Essais, l. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 2: De Remed. Amor.]

[Footnote 3: Essais, liv. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 4: Essais, liv. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 5: Anima mea non potest habitare in sicco. S. Aug.]

CHAP. XX.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT DRUNKENNESS CAUSES INFINITE EVILS.

After having specified the good qualities of drunkenness, let us now answer some frivolous objections that may be made against what we have here advanced. For example, people will not be wanting immediately to object, that drunkenness has been the cause of infinite evils.

To this I answer, that it has been only the cause of these evils when people have pushed it too far, and not observed the rules they ought to keep in drinking, and which we shall see here prescribed by and by. For where do we find that any one, of so many grave philosophers that used to get drunk, made any disorders? It was for this reason that Chrisippus's maid said, That her master was drunk in the hams. And it was on this very account, perhaps, that the Stoics said of their sage, "That he was, indeed, to be overcome with wine, but would not, however, be drunk, _Vino obrutum iri non ebrium tamen futurum_."

On the other hand, without being willing to excuse those disorders which drunkenness has been the cause of, one may say, nevertheless, that some of these disorders have produced effects highly advantageous. "Suppose, for example, that Lot had not got drunk, and his two daughters had not been possessed with the furious desire of having children, and the fear of dying maids, you ruin, by this means, whole families, who bore a great part in the wonderful events of the children of Israel[1]."

Their high mightinesses the States of Holland, have eternal obligations to drunkenness, since to this they owe, in some sort, the establishment of their republic, which was after this manner, according to Strada:-- [2]The same day that Brederode, accompanied by above two hundred gentlemen, had presented that famous petition to Margaret of Parma, who then governed the Netherlands, he gave a magnificent entertainment in the house of the Count of Culenbourg, there was no want of drinking; and as they saw the Count of Hoocstrate, who by chance passed that way, they began, with a great deal of joy, to give one another the name of Gueux[3]; upon which taking each of them all together great glasses in their hands, they made vows and oaths to each other by the name of Gueux, and cried out with one voice and general applause, Long live the Gueux! After which they promised mutual fidelity; and the Prince of Orange and the Counts of Egmont and Horn coming to them, they began to drink again, and with great acclamation renewed vows and wishes with these new comers, as they had already done, for the Gueux. At last, in the heat of wine, they took those vigorous resolutions, the effects of which were afterwards seen, which was the liberty of the United Provinces.

[Footnote 1: Lett. xvi. sur la Crit. du Calvin.]

[Footnote 2: Strada de Bello Belgico, part i. lib. 5.]

[Footnote 3: The French word for beggars.]

CHAP. XXI.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT THE MIRTH WHICH WINE INSPIRES IS CHIMERICAL.

It will be objected, without doubt, that the mirth which wine inspires is imaginary, and without any foundation, and that, as Boileau has it,

"Rien n'est beau que le vrai. Le vrai seul est aimable."

Nothing so beautiful as what is true, That it is only lovely is its due.

I very willingly own, that this joy and mirth is nothing else than the effect of our imagination.

Full well I'm satisfied 'tis nothing all But a deceitful hope, less solid far, A thousand times, than is the moving sand; But are not all things so with wretched man? All things soon pass away like rapid streams Which hasten to the sea, where lost for ever In th' ocean's vast abyss unknown they lie. Our wisest wishes and desires are vain, Abstracted vanities, gay painted bubbles, That break when touch'd, and vanish into air. Love, wisdom, knowledge, riches, phantoms all.

But before we thoroughly refute this objection, I shall observe by the way, that errors and illusions are necessary to the world. "[1]In general, indeed, it is true to say, that the world, as it is now, cannot keep itself in the same condition, were not men full of a thousand false prejudices and unreasonable passions; and if philosophy went about to make men act according to the clear and distinct ideas of reason, we might, perhaps, be satisfied, that mankind would quickly be at an end. Errors, passions, prejudices, and a hundred other the like faults, are as a necessary evil to the world. Men would be worth nothing for this world, were they cured, and the greatest part of the things which now take up our time, would be useless, as Quintilian well knew, namely, eloquence.

Things are in this condition, and will not easily change, and we may wait long enough for such a happy revolution, before we shall be able to say, with Virgil,

"Magnus ab integro saeculorum nascitur ordo."[1a]

A series long of ages now appear, Entirely new to man, before unknown.

On the other hand, "[2]If you take away from man every thing that is chimerical, what pleasure will you leave him? Pleasures are not things so solid, as to permit us to search them to the bottom; one must only just touch them and away. They resemble boggy and moorish ground, we must run lightly over them, without ever letting our feet make the least impression."

No, wheresoe'er we turn our wishing eye, True pleasures never can our souls enjoy.

Let us add, "[3]That if we did not help to deceive ourselves, we should never enjoy any pleasure at all. The most agreeable things in this world are, in the bottom, so trivial, that they would not much affect us, if we made but never so little serious reflection upon them. Pleasures are not made to be strictly examined into, and we are obliged every day to pass over a great many things in them, about which it would not be proper to make one-self uneasy."

Besides, "[4]Is not the illusion we enjoy as valuable as the good we possess? M. Fontenelle makes a very excellent observation hereupon in these verses[5]:--

"Souvent en s'attachant a des fantomes vains Notre raison seduite avec plaisir s'egare. Elle-meme joueit des objets qu'elle a feints. Et cette illusion pour quelque tems repare Le defaut des vrais biens que la Nature avare N'a pas accordez aux humains."

Often enchanted by the 'luring charms Of phantoms gay, our reason all seduc'd, With pleasure roams thro' endless desarts wild, Enjoys the objects which herself has form'd. And this illusion for some time repairs The want of real joys, which niggard Nature Never has granted to unhappy man.

"Enjoyment," says Montaigne[6], "and possession, belong principally to imagination, which embraces more eagerly that which it is in pursuit of, than that which we have in our power."

And certainly, one may pronounce them happy, who thus amuse themselves, and believe themselves to be so. And indeed, when a man is so far gone in this persuasion, every thing that is alleged to the contrary is rejected as a fable.

But to shew, at present, the reality, if one may say so, of mere illusion, we need go no farther than the poets, who are certainly the happiest mortals living in that respect.

To instance no more, there's Mr. --------, who would fain be a rhimer, and that is his folly; but though the poor man, for his insipid verses, and improper epithets, richly deserves our pity, yet is he wonderfully pleased with his performances, and with a great deal of tranquillity mounts up Parnassus, in his own conceit, in loftier tracts than Virgil or Theocritus ever knew. But, alas! what would become of him, if some audacious person should dare unbind his eyes, and make him see his weak and graceless lines, which, however smoothly they may run, are, at best, but exquisitely dull; contain terms that have no meaning in them, and have no other ornament, but unintelligible jingle, and initial letters? How would he curse the day which deprived his senseless soul of that happy error that so much charmed his thoughts, and amused his imagination?

What is here said of the poets is applicable to all mankind; and so a man, whom any one should undertake to persuade, that the mirth and joy inspired by wine is chimerical, would do well to answer him, after the manner as a certain madman did the doctor that cured him. The story is this:--

Once upon a time a certain bigot, otherwise a man of sense, had his brain a little touched with whimsies, and continually fancied he heard the heavenly music of the blessed spirits. At last a physician, very expert in his profession, cured him, either by his skill, or by chance, no matter which; but when he came to demand his fees; for what? says the other, in a violent passion, by your damned slip-slops and hellish art, you have robbed me of my Paradise, though you have cured me of my error. This I borrow from Boileau[7], as he did from Horace[8].