Part 3

(_TRIPTOLEMUS during this has gone on dealing nearly all the cards in the pack in one heap on the table_)

COCKLE. Holloa, that's wrong! I'll deal for you. (_to TRIPTOLEMUS, as he deals the cards_) Do you know, sir, you are something like my poor nephew.

(_the CAPTAIN looks intently in TRIPTOLEMUS'S face, who nervously wipes his face with a handful of gloves, which he lets fall on the stage, instead of returning them to the pocket of his paletot_)

COCKLE. (_aside_) He's got a paletot uncommonly like mine. (_throwing out two cards for the crib--TRIPTOLEMUS, who watches him, does the same--COCKLETOP then cuts the cards_) Now, sir, it's for you to turn up.

TRIPTOLE. (_bothered_) Turn up! Suppose you turn up first, sir, and let me see how you do it.

CAPT. H. Ha, ha! good again. (_another rise and bow from TRIPTOLEMUS_)

COCKLE. (_turning up the trump card_) Knave!

CAPT. H. (_aside to TRIPTOLEMUS_) Two for his nob!

TRIPTOLE. (_to CAPTAIN_) You mean to say it's the rule of the game that I'm to give him two for his nob?

COCKLE. (_playing his card_) Ten! (_TRIPTOLEMUS takes no notice_) I repeat ten!

TRIPTOLE. I didn't say it wasn't.

CAPT. H. (_to TRIPTOLEMUS_) Play fifteen.

TRIPTOLE. (_playing out his four cards_) One, two, three, four. (_then taking the pack, and going on_) Five, six, seven, eight, nine----

COCKLE. What are you at, sir?

TRIPTOLE. (_still going on_) Ten, twelve, thirteen----

COCKLE. No, no!

TRIPTOLE. (_still going on_) Fourteen, fifteen--there!

COCKLE. Take up your cards again, do! You really seem to be in such a state of confusion----

TRIPTOLE. (_trying to assume confidence_) No, not at all! (_wiping his face with another handful of gloves, and letting them fall on stage, then taking a large silver snuff box out of his pocket, and mechanically opening and shutting it_)

COCKLE. (_aside_) That's uncommonly like my snuff box! (_aloud_) Let's begin again. (_aside_) It's the very image of my snuff box! (_begins playing_) Ten. (_throwing down his card--TRIPTOLEMUS throws down one_) My dear sir, when you play a card, you ought to call the game.

TRIPTOLE. I beg your pardon. (_taking up his card and throwing it down on table again_) Cribbage!

COCKLE. Nonsense, that's twenty! (_playing another card_) Twenty-five.

TRIPTOLE. (_playing another card_) Cribbage!

COCKLE. Pshaw! that makes thirty.

TRIPTOLE. (_playing another_) Cribbage!

COCKLE. Nonsense! (_looking at his cards_) Go.

TRIPTOLE. What, sir?

COCKLE. I can't come in, and therefore I say, go.

TRIPTOLE. Very well, sir; I wish you a very good evening. (_getting up from table_)

COCKLE. (_suddenly_) Stop a bit, sir! (_takes up the snuff box, takes a pinch, looks at it, puts it down, then suddenly to the CAPTAIN_) Oblige me by taking my cards for a moment.

(_gets up, the CAPTAIN takes his place, leans with his elbows on the table, shuffling the cards and looking intently at TRIPTOLEMUS, who again takes the red worsted comforter out of his pocket, and nervously wipes his face with it, then lets it fall on the stage among the gloves--during this COCKLETOP has run to the card table where BUNNY is playing, grasps him suddenly by the arm and drags him forward_)

BUNNY. What's the matter now?

COCKLE. Hush! Who is he--who is he?--that individual there? (_pointing to TRIPTOLEMUS_)

BUNNY. Playing at cribbage?

COCKLE. Yes; you _may_ well called it _cribbage!_ he's cribbed my paletot, my snuff box, my comforter, my sixteen pairs of gloves! (_pointing to gloves on the floor_)

BUNNY. (_suddenly_) _And_ my wig!

COCKLE. Hush, no noise; everything must be done quietly. (_beckons the GUESTS mysteriously, who advance, wondering, points to TRIPTOLEMUS, then in a low tone_) Take care of your pockets! (_astonishment among the GUESTS_)

CAPT. H. (_who has finished shuffling the cards, slamming the pack violently on the table_) Now, sir!

(_TRIPTOLEMUS who has been nervously watching the whispering between BUNNY and COCKLETOP gives a violent start, and his wig, which is very much pulled over his eyes, falls forward on the table_)

CAPT. H. (_recognizing him, and in a voice of thunder_) Mrs. Longshanks!

(_TRIPTOLEMUS jumps up from the table, flings the wig in the CAPTAIN'S face and bolts, pursued by the CAPTAIN--cries of "Police! stop him! &c., &c." from BUNNY and the GUESTS--TRIPTOLEMUS rushes towards C., is met by LUKE, JONATHAN, and PHOEBE--turns, sees the window, tries to get over the table to it, is caught and pulled back by the CAPTAIN--TRIPTOLEMUS grasping the table cloth, it is pulled off and the contents scattered about--general confusion, &c., &c._)

COCKLE. Triptolemus!

BUNNY. _That_ your nephew from Cambridge!--_that_ my daughter's husband--never!

CARO. Never!

CAPT. H. Never!

PHOEBE. Never!

TRIPTOLE. Never! Uncle Cockletop, Bunny, male and female company, I've found a wife for myself, and here she is. My own dear Phoebe! (_taking her hand_) It was for her that I left Cambridge; it was to see _her_ that I went to Cranbourne-alley, when I was suddenly singled out for destruction by that infuriated hippopotamus there! (_to CAPTAIN_)

CAPT. H. Because I thought you were giving chase to sister Arabella.

TRIPTOLE. Then that's why you gave me chase through Leicester Square, up Compton Street?

CAPT. H. Not I!

COCKLE. No--that was me.

TRIPTOLE. Miss Bunny, I've a notion you won't break your heart about me--ha, ha! take your hippopotamus; take care he don't shiver his timbers! Bunny, your hand. Phoebe, yours! (_to audience_) May I venture to ask for _yours?_

Curtain.

Printed by Thomas Scott, 1, Warwick Court, Holborn.

Transcriber's Note

This transcription is based on images digitized from a microform copy made available by the University of California, Davis. These images have been posted on the Internet Archive at:

archive.org/details/MortonDrawingRooms

Because of the quality of the images, this transcription has been compared with the text posted by the Victorian Plays Project at:

victorian.nuigalway.ie/modx/assets/docs/pdf/Vol62ixDrawing.pdf

In general, this transcription attempts to retain the formatting, punctuation and spelling of the source text, including variant spellings such as "miliner," "exhilirating," and "govenor." No attempt was made to make the character titles consistent. A few errors have been corrected.

The following changes are noted:

-- p. 6: under the inflluence of these exhilirating sweetmeats--Changed "inflluence" to "influence".

-- p. 13: I'll atter her a bit.--Changed "atter" to "flatter".

-- p. 22: BUNNY. I ask you again, where is "our dear---- Added a question mark and close quotation mark to the end of the line.

-- p. 23: (_goes to th sideboard and begins helping himself_--Changed "th" to "the".

-- p. 25: I should say he must be a hosier on a a large scale.--Deleted the second "a" after "on".

-- p. 26: COCKLE. I repeat, very hard; ain't it. sir?--Changed the period after "it" to a comma.