Chapter 15

And that so loudly, that upstarted all The Oda, in a general commotion: Matron and maids, and those whom you may call Neither, came crowding like the waves of ocean, One on the other, throughout the whole hall, All trembling, wondering, without the least notion More than I have myself of what could make The calm Dudu so turbulently wake.

But wide awake she was, and round her bed, With floating draperies and with flying hair, With eager eyes, and light but hurried tread, And bosoms, arms, and ankles glancing bare, And bright as any meteor ever bred By the North Pole,—they sought her cause of care, For she seem’d agitated, flush’d, and frighten’d, Her eye dilated and her colour heighten’d.

But what was strange—and a strong proof how great A blessing is sound sleep—Juanna lay As fast as ever husband by his mate In holy matrimony snores away. Not all the clamour broke her happy state Of slumber, ere they shook her,—so they say At least,—and then she, too, unclosed her eyes, And yawn’d a good deal with discreet surprise.

And now commenced a strict investigation, Which, as all spoke at once and more than once, Conjecturing, wondering, asking a narration, Alike might puzzle either wit or dunce To answer in a very clear oration. Dudu had never pass’d for wanting sense, But, being ‘no orator as Brutus is,’ Could not at first expound what was amiss.

At length she said, that in a slumber sound She dream’d a dream, of walking in a wood— A ‘wood obscure,’ like that where Dante found Himself in at the age when all grow good; Life’s half-way house, where dames with virtue crown’d Run much less risk of lovers turning rude; And that this wood was full of pleasant fruits, And trees of goodly growth and spreading roots;

And in the midst a golden apple grew,— A most prodigious pippin,—but it hung Rather too high and distant; that she threw Her glances on it, and then, longing, flung Stones and whatever she could pick up, to Bring down the fruit, which still perversely clung To its own bough, and dangled yet in sight, But always at a most provoking height;—

That on a sudden, when she least had hope, It fell down of its own accord before Her feet; that her first movement was to stoop And pick it up, and bite it to the core; That just as her young lip began to ope Upon the golden fruit the vision bore, A bee flew out and stung her to the heart, And so—she awoke with a great scream and start.

All this she told with some confusion and Dismay, the usual consequence of dreams Of the unpleasant kind, with none at hand To expound their vain and visionary gleams. I’ve known some odd ones which seem’d really plann’d Prophetically, or that which one deems A ‘strange coincidence,’ to use a phrase By which such things are settled now-a-days.

The damsels, who had thoughts of some great harm, Began, as is the consequence of fear, To scold a little at the false alarm That broke for nothing on their sleeping car. The matron, too, was wroth to leave her warm Bed for the dream she had been obliged to hear, And chafed at poor Dudu, who only sigh’d, And said that she was sorry she had cried.

‘I’ve heard of stories of a cock and bull; But visions of an apple and a bee, To take us from our natural rest, and pull The whole Oda from their beds at half-past three, Would make us think the moon is at its full. You surely are unwell, child! we must see, To-morrow, what his Highness’s physician Will say to this hysteric of a vision.

‘And poor Juanna, too—the child’s first night Within these walls to be broke in upon With such a clamour! I had thought it right That the young stranger should not lie alone, And, as the quietest of all, she might With you, Dudu, a good night’s rest have known; But now I must transfer her to the charge Of Lolah—though her couch is not so large.’

Lolah’s eyes sparkled at the proposition; But poor Dudu, with large drops in her own, Resulting from the scolding or the vision, Implored that present pardon might be shown For this first fault, and that on no condition (She added in a soft and piteous tone) Juanna should be taken from her, and Her future dreams should all be kept in hand.

She promised never more to have a dream, At least to dream so loudly as just now; She wonder’d at herself how she could scream— ’Twas foolish, nervous, as she must allow, A fond hallucination, and a theme For laughter—but she felt her spirits low, And begg’d they would excuse her; she’d get over This weakness in a few hours, and recover.

And here Juanna kindly interposed, And said she felt herself extremely well Where she then was, as her sound sleep disclosed When all around rang like a tocsin bell: She did not find herself the least disposed To quit her gentle partner, and to dwell Apart from one who had no sin to show, Save that of dreaming once ‘mal-a-propos.’

As thus Juanna spoke, Dudu turn’d round And hid her face within Juanna’s breast: Her neck alone was seen, but that was found The colour of a budding rose’s crest. I can’t tell why she blush’d, nor can expound The mystery of this rupture of their rest; All that I know is, that the facts I state Are true as truth has ever been of late.

And so good night to them,—or, if you will, Good morrow—for the cock had crown, and light Began to clothe each Asiatic hill, And the mosque crescent struggled into sight Of the long caravan, which in the chill Of dewy dawn wound slowly round each height That stretches to the stony belt, which girds Asia, where Kaff looks down upon the Kurds.

With the first ray, or rather grey of morn, Gulbeyaz rose from restlessness; and pale As passion rises, with its bosom worn, Array’d herself with mantle, gem, and veil. The nightingale that sings with the deep thorn, Which fable places in her breast of wail, Is lighter far of heart and voice than those Whose headlong passions form their proper woes.

And that ’s the moral of this composition, If people would but see its real drift;— But that they will not do without suspicion, Because all gentle readers have the gift Of closing ’gainst the light their orbs of vision; While gentle writers also love to lift Their voices ’gainst each other, which is natural, The numbers are too great for them to flatter all.

Rose the sultana from a bed of splendour, Softer than the soft Sybarite’s, who cried Aloud because his feelings were too tender To brook a ruffled rose-leaf by his side,— So beautiful that art could little mend her, Though pale with conflicts between love and pride;— So agitated was she with her error, She did not even look into the mirror.

Also arose about the self-same time, Perhaps a little later, her great lord, Master of thirty kingdoms so sublime, And of a wife by whom he was abhorr’d; A thing of much less import in that clime— At least to those of incomes which afford The filling up their whole connubial cargo— Than where two wives are under an embargo.

He did not think much on the matter, nor Indeed on any other: as a man He liked to have a handsome paramour At hand, as one may like to have a fan, And therefore of Circassians had good store, As an amusement after the Divan; Though an unusual fit of love, or duty, Had made him lately bask in his bride’s beauty.

And now he rose; and after due ablutions Exacted by the customs of the East, And prayers and other pious evolutions, He drank six cups of coffee at the least, And then withdrew to hear about the Russians, Whose victories had recently increased In Catherine’s reign, whom glory still adores, As greatest of all sovereigns and w—s.

But oh, thou grand legitimate Alexander! Her son’s son, let not this last phrase offend Thine ear, if it should reach—and now rhymes wander Almost as far as Petersburgh and lend A dreadful impulse to each loud meander Of murmuring Liberty’s wide waves, which blend Their roar even with the Baltic’s—so you be Your father’s son, ’tis quite enough for me.

To call men love-begotten or proclaim Their mothers as the antipodes of Timon, That hater of mankind, would be a shame, A libel, or whate’er you please to rhyme on: But people’s ancestors are history’s game; And if one lady’s slip could leave a crime on All generations, I should like to know What pedigree the best would have to show?

Had Catherine and the sultan understood Their own true interests, which kings rarely know Until ’tis taught by lessons rather rude, There was a way to end their strife, although Perhaps precarious, had they but thought good, Without the aid of prince or plenipo: She to dismiss her guards and he his haram, And for their other matters, meet and share ’em.

But as it was, his Highness had to hold His daily council upon ways and means How to encounter with this martial scold, This modern Amazon and queen of queans; And the perplexity could not be told Of all the pillars of the state, which leans Sometimes a little heavy on the backs Of those who cannot lay on a new tax.

Meantime Gulbeyaz, when her king was gone, Retired into her boudoir, a sweet place For love or breakfast; private, pleasing, lone, And rich with all contrivances which grace Those gay recesses:—many a precious stone Sparkled along its roof, and many a vase Of porcelain held in the fetter’d flowers, Those captive soothers of a captive’s hours.

Mother of pearl, and porphyry, and marble, Vied with each other on this costly spot; And singing birds without were heard to warble; And the stain’d glass which lighted this fair grot Varied each ray;—but all descriptions garble The true effect, and so we had better not Be too minute; an outline is the best,— A lively reader’s fancy does the rest.

And here she summon’d Baba, and required Don Juan at his hands, and information Of what had pass’d since all the slaves retired, And whether he had occupied their station; If matters had been managed as desired, And his disguise with due consideration Kept up; and above all, the where and how He had pass’d the night, was what she wish’d to know.

Baba, with some embarrassment, replied To this long catechism of questions, ask’d More easily than answer’d,—that he had tried His best to obey in what he had been task’d; But there seem’d something that he wish’d to hide, Which hesitation more betray’d than mask’d; He scratch’d his ear, the infallible resource To which embarrass’d people have recourse.

Gulbeyaz was no model of true patience, Nor much disposed to wait in word or deed; She liked quick answers in all conversations; And when she saw him stumbling like a steed In his replies, she puzzled him for fresh ones; And as his speech grew still more broken-kneed, Her cheek began to flush, her eyes to sparkle, And her proud brow’s blue veins to swell and darkle.

When Baba saw these symptoms, which he knew To bode him no great good, he deprecated Her anger, and beseech’d she’d hear him through— He could not help the thing which he related: Then out it came at length, that to Dudu Juan was given in charge, as hath been stated; But not by Baba’s fault, he said, and swore on The holy camel’s hump, besides the Koran.

The chief dame of the Oda, upon whom The discipline of the whole haram bore, As soon as they re-enter’d their own room, For Baba’s function stopt short at the door, Had settled all; nor could he then presume (The aforesaid Baba) just then to do more, Without exciting such suspicion as Might make the matter still worse than it was.

He hoped, indeed he thought, he could be sure Juan had not betray’d himself; in fact ’Twas certain that his conduct had been pure, Because a foolish or imprudent act Would not alone have made him insecure, But ended in his being found out and sack’d, And thrown into the sea.—Thus Baba spoke Of all save Dudu’s dream, which was no joke.

This he discreetly kept in the background, And talk’d away—and might have talk’d till now, For any further answer that he found, So deep an anguish wrung Gulbeyaz’ brow: Her cheek turn’d ashes, ears rung, brain whirl’d round, As if she had received a sudden blow, And the heart’s dew of pain sprang fast and chilly O’er her fair front, like Morning’s on a lily.

Although she was not of the fainting sort, Baba thought she would faint, but there he err’d— It was but a convulsion, which though short Can never be described; we all have heard, And some of us have felt thus ‘all amort,’ When things beyond the common have occurr’d;— Gulbeyaz proved in that brief agony What she could ne’er express—then how should I?

She stood a moment as a Pythoness Stands on her tripod, agonised, and full Of inspiration gather’d from distress, When all the heart-strings like wild horses pull The heart asunder;—then, as more or less Their speed abated or their strength grew dull, She sunk down on her seat by slow degrees, And bow’d her throbbing head o’er trembling knees.

Her face declined and was unseen; her hair Fell in long tresses like the weeping willow, Sweeping the marble underneath her chair, Or rather sofa (for it was all pillow, A low soft ottoman), and black despair Stirr’d up and down her bosom like a billow, Which rushes to some shore whose shingles check Its farther course, but must receive its wreck.

Her head hung down, and her long hair in stooping Conceal’d her features better than a veil; And one hand o’er the ottoman lay drooping, White, waxen, and as alabaster pale: Would that I were a painter! to be grouping All that a poet drags into detail O that my words were colours! but their tints May serve perhaps as outlines or slight hints.

Baba, who knew by experience when to talk And when to hold his tongue, now held it till This passion might blow o’er, nor dared to balk Gulbeyaz’ taciturn or speaking will. At length she rose up, and began to walk Slowly along the room, but silent still, And her brow clear’d, but not her troubled eye; The wind was down, but still the sea ran high.

She stopp’d, and raised her head to speak—but paused, And then moved on again with rapid pace; Then slacken’d it, which is the march most caused By deep emotion:—you may sometimes trace A feeling in each footstep, as disclosed By Sallust in his Catiline, who, chased By all the demons of all passions, show’d Their work even by the way in which he trode.

Gulbeyaz stopp’d and beckon’d Baba:—‘Slave! Bring the two slaves!’ she said in a low tone, But one which Baba did not like to brave, And yet he shudder’d, and seem’d rather prone To prove reluctant, and begg’d leave to crave (Though he well knew the meaning) to be shown What slaves her highness wish’d to indicate, For fear of any error, like the late.

‘The Georgian and her paramour,’ replied The imperial bride—and added, ‘Let the boat Be ready by the secret portal’s side: You know the rest.’ The words stuck in her throat, Despite her injured love and fiery pride; And of this Baba willingly took note, And begg’d by every hair of Mahomet’s beard, She would revoke the order he had heard.

‘To hear is to obey,’ he said; ‘but still, Sultana, think upon the consequence: It is not that I shall not all fulfil Your orders, even in their severest sense; But such precipitation may end ill, Even at your own imperative expense: I do not mean destruction and exposure, In case of any premature disclosure;

‘But your own feelings. Even should all the rest Be hidden by the rolling waves, which hide Already many a once love-beaten breast Deep in the caverns of the deadly tide— You love this boyish, new, seraglio guest, And if this violent remedy be tried— Excuse my freedom, when I here assure you, That killing him is not the way to cure you.’

‘What dost thou know of love or feeling?—Wretch! Begone!’ she cried, with kindling eyes—‘and do My bidding!’ Baba vanish’d, for to stretch His own remonstrance further he well knew Might end in acting as his own ‘Jack Ketch;’ And though he wish’d extremely to get through This awkward business without harm to others, He still preferr’d his own neck to another’s.

Away he went then upon his commission, Growling and grumbling in good Turkish phrase Against all women of whate’er condition, Especially sultanas and their ways; Their obstinacy, pride, and indecision, Their never knowing their own mind two days, The trouble that they gave, their immorality, Which made him daily bless his own neutrality.

And then he call’d his brethren to his aid, And sent one on a summons to the pair, That they must instantly be well array’d, And above all be comb’d even to a hair, And brought before the empress, who had made Inquiries after them with kindest care: At which Dudu look’d strange, and Juan silly; But go they must at once, and will I—nill I.

And here I leave them at their preparation For the imperial presence, wherein whether Gulbeyaz show’d them both commiseration, Or got rid of the parties altogether, Like other angry ladies of her nation,— Are things the turning of a hair or feather May settle; but far be ’t from me to anticipate In what way feminine caprice may dissipate.

I leave them for the present with good wishes, Though doubts of their well doing, to arrange Another part of history; for the dishes Of this our banquet we must sometimes change; And trusting Juan may escape the fishes, Although his situation now seems strange And scarce secure, as such digressions are fair, The Muse will take a little touch at warfare.

CANTO THE SEVENTH.

O Love! O Glory! what are ye who fly Around us ever, rarely to alight? There’s not a meteor in the polar sky Of such transcendent and more fleeting flight. Chill, and chain’d to cold earth, we lift on high Our eyes in search of either lovely light; A thousand and a thousand colours they Assume, then leave us on our freezing way.

And such as they are, such my present tale is, A non-descript and ever-varying rhyme, A versified Aurora Borealis, Which flashes o’er a waste and icy clime. When we know what all are, we must bewail us, But ne’ertheless I hope it is no crime To laugh at all things—for I wish to know What, after all, are all things—but a show?

They accuse me—Me—the present writer of The present poem—of—I know not what— A tendency to under-rate and scoff At human power and virtue, and all that; And this they say in language rather rough. Good God! I wonder what they would be at! I say no more than hath been said in Dante’s Verse, and by Solomon and by Cervantes;

By Swift, by Machiavel, by Rochefoucault, By Fenelon, by Luther, and by Plato; By Tillotson, and Wesley, and Rousseau, Who knew this life was not worth a potato. ’Tis not their fault, nor mine, if this be so— For my part, I pretend not to be Cato, Nor even Diogenes.—We live and die, But which is best, you know no more than I.

Socrates said, our only knowledge was ‘To know that nothing could be known;’ a pleasant Science enough, which levels to an ass Each man of wisdom, future, past, or present. Newton (that proverb of the mind), alas! Declared, with all his grand discoveries recent, That he himself felt only’like a youth Picking up shells by the great ocean—Truth.’

Ecclesiastes said, ‘that all is vanity’— Most modern preachers say the same, or show it By their examples of true Christianity: In short, all know, or very soon may know it; And in this scene of all-confess’d inanity, By saint, by sage, by preacher, and by poet, Must I restrain me, through the fear of strife, From holding up the nothingness of life?

Dogs, or men!—for I flatter you in saying That ye are dogs—your betters far—ye may Read, or read not, what I am now essaying To show ye what ye are in every way. As little as the moon stops for the baying Of wolves, will the bright muse withdraw one ray From out her skies—then howl your idle wrath! While she still silvers o’er your gloomy path.

‘Fierce loves and faithless wars’—I am not sure If this be the right reading—’tis no matter; The fact ’s about the same, I am secure; I sing them both, and am about to batter A town which did a famous siege endure, And was beleaguer’d both by land and water By Souvaroff, or Anglice Suwarrow, Who loved blood as an alderman loves marrow.

The fortress is call’d Ismail, and is placed Upon the Danube’s left branch and left bank, With buildings in the Oriental taste, But still a fortress of the foremost rank, Or was at least, unless ’tis since defaced, Which with your conquerors is a common prank: It stands some eighty versts from the high sea, And measures round of toises thousands three.

Within the extent of this fortification A borough is comprised along the height Upon the left, which from its loftier station Commands the city, and upon its site A Greek had raised around this elevation A quantity of palisades upright, So placed as to impede the fire of those Who held the place, and to assist the foe’s.

This circumstance may serve to give a notion Of the high talents of this new Vauban: But the town ditch below was deep as ocean, The rampart higher than you’d wish to hang: But then there was a great want of precaution (Prithee, excuse this engineering slang), Nor work advanced, nor cover’d way was there, To hint at least ‘Here is no thoroughfare.’

But a stone bastion, with a narrow gorge, And walls as thick as most skulls born as yet; Two batteries, cap-a-pie, as our St. George, Case-mated one, and t’ other ‘a barbette,’ Of Danube’s bank took formidable charge; While two and twenty cannon duly set Rose over the town’s right side, in bristling tier, Forty feet high, upon a cavalier.

But from the river the town ’s open quite, Because the Turks could never be persuaded A Russian vessel e’er would heave in sight; And such their creed was, till they were invaded, When it grew rather late to set things right. But as the Danube could not well be waded, They look’d upon the Muscovite flotilla, And only shouted, ‘Allah!’ and ‘Bis Millah!’

The Russians now were ready to attack: But oh, ye goddesses of war and glory! How shall I spell the name of each Cossacque Who were immortal, could one tell their story? Alas! what to their memory can lack? Achilles’ self was not more grim and gory Than thousands of this new and polish’d nation, Whose names want nothing but—pronunciation.

Still I’ll record a few, if but to increase Our euphony: there was Strongenoff, and Strokonoff, Meknop, Serge Lwow, Arsniew of modern Greece, And Tschitsshakoff, and Roguenoff, and Chokenoff, And others of twelve consonants apiece; And more might be found out, if I could poke enough Into gazettes; but Fame (capricious strumpet), It seems, has got an ear as well as trumpet,

And cannot tune those discords of narration, Which may be names at Moscow, into rhyme; Yet there were several worth commemoration, As e’er was virgin of a nuptial chime; Soft words, too, fitted for the peroration Of Londonderry drawling against time, Ending in ‘ischskin,’ ‘ousckin,’ ‘iffskchy,’ ‘ouski: Of whom we can insert but Rousamouski,

Scherematoff and Chrematoff, Koklophti, Koclobski, Kourakin, and Mouskin Pouskin, All proper men of weapons, as e’er scoff’d high Against a foe, or ran a sabre through skin: Little cared they for Mahomet or Mufti, Unless to make their kettle-drums a new skin Out of their hides, if parchment had grown dear, And no more handy substitute been near.