Chapter 11
‘And then there are the dancers; there’s the Nini, With more than one profession, gains by all; Then there’s that laughing slut the Pelegrini, She, too, was fortunate last carnival, And made at least five hundred good zecchini, But spends so fast, she has not now a paul; And then there’s the Grotesca—such a dancer! Where men have souls or bodies she must answer.
‘As for the figuranti, they are like The rest of all that tribe; with here and there A pretty person, which perhaps may strike, The rest are hardly fitted for a fair; There’s one, though tall and stiffer than a pike, Yet has a sentimental kind of air Which might go far, but she don’t dance with vigour; The more ’s the pity, with her face and figure.
‘As for the men, they are a middling set; The musico is but a crack’d old basin, But being qualified in one way yet, May the seraglio do to set his face in, And as a servant some preferment get; His singing I no further trust can place in: From all the Pope makes yearly ’twould perplex To find three perfect pipes of the third sex.
‘The tenor’s voice is spoilt by affectation, And for the bass, the beast can only bellow; In fact, he had no singing education, An ignorant, noteless, timeless, tuneless fellow; But being the prima donna’s near relation, Who swore his voice was very rich and mellow, They hired him, though to hear him you’d believe An ass was practising recitative.
‘’Twould not become myself to dwell upon My own merits, and though young—I see, Sir—you Have got a travell’d air, which speaks you one To whom the opera is by no means new: You’ve heard of Raucocanti?—I’m the man; The time may come when you may hear me too; You was not last year at the fair of Lugo, But next, when I’m engaged to sing there—do go.
‘Our baritone I almost had forgot, A pretty lad, but bursting with conceit; With graceful action, science not a jot, A voice of no great compass, and not sweet, He always is complaining of his lot, Forsooth, scarce fit for ballads in the street; In lovers’ parts his passion more to breathe, Having no heart to show, he shows his teeth.’
Here Raucocanti’s eloquent recital Was interrupted by the pirate crew, Who came at stated moments to invite all The captives back to their sad berths; each threw A rueful glance upon the waves (which bright all From the blue skies derived a double blue, Dancing all free and happy in the sun), And then went down the hatchway one by one.
They heard next day—that in the Dardanelles, Waiting for his Sublimity’s firman, The most imperative of sovereign spells, Which every body does without who can, More to secure them in their naval cells, Lady to lady, well as man to man, Were to be chain’d and lotted out per couple, For the slave market of Constantinople.
It seems when this allotment was made out, There chanced to be an odd male, and odd female, Who (after some discussion and some doubt, If the soprano might be deem’d to be male, They placed him o’er the women as a scout) Were link’d together, and it happen’d the male Was Juan,—who, an awkward thing at his age, Pair’d off with a Bacchante blooming visage.
With Raucocanti lucklessly was chain’d The tenor; these two hated with a hate Found only on the stage, and each more pain’d With this his tuneful neighbour than his fate; Sad strife arose, for they were so cross-grain’d, Instead of bearing up without debate, That each pull’d different ways with many an oath, ‘Arcades ambo,’ id est—blackguards both.
Juan’s companion was a Romagnole, But bred within the March of old Ancona, With eyes that look’d into the very soul (And other chief points of a ‘bella donna’), Bright—and as black and burning as a coal; And through her dear brunette complexion shone Great wish to please—a most attractive dower, Especially when added to the power.
But all that power was wasted upon him, For sorrow o’er each sense held stern command; Her eye might flash on his, but found it dim; And though thus chain’d, as natural her hand Touch’d his, nor that—nor any handsome limb (And she had some not easy to withstand) Could stir his pulse, or make his faith feel brittle; Perhaps his recent wounds might help a little.
No matter; we should ne’er too much enquire, But facts are facts: no knight could be more true, And firmer faith no ladye—love desire; We will omit the proofs, save one or two: ’Tis said no one in hand ‘can hold a fire By thought of frosty Caucasus;’ but few, I really think; yet Juan’s then ordeal Was more triumphant, and not much less real.
Here I might enter on a chaste description, Having withstood temptation in my youth, But hear that several people take exception At the first two books having too much truth; Therefore I’ll make Don Juan leave the ship soon, Because the publisher declares, in sooth, Through needles’ eyes it easier for the camel is To pass, than those two cantos into families.
’Tis all the same to me; I’m fond of yielding, And therefore leave them to the purer page Of Smollett, Prior, Ariosto, Fielding, Who say strange things for so correct an age; I once had great alacrity in wielding My pen, and liked poetic war to wage, And recollect the time when all this cant Would have provoked remarks which now it shan’t.
As boys love rows, my boyhood liked a squabble; But at this hour I wish to part in peace, Leaving such to the literary rabble: Whether my verse’s fame be doom’d to cease While the right hand which wrote it still is able, Or of some centuries to take a lease, The grass upon my grave will grow as long, And sigh to midnight winds, but not to song.
Of poets who come down to us through distance Of time and tongues, the foster-babes of Fame, Life seems the smallest portion of existence; Where twenty ages gather o’er a name, ’Tis as a snowball which derives assistance From every flake, and yet rolls on the same, Even till an iceberg it may chance to grow; But, after all, ’tis nothing but cold snow.
And so great names are nothing more than nominal, And love of glory ’s but an airy lust, Too often in its fury overcoming all Who would as ’twere identify their dust From out the wide destruction, which, entombing all, Leaves nothing till ‘the coming of the just’— Save change: I’ve stood upon Achilles’ tomb, And heard Troy doubted; time will doubt of Rome.
The very generations of the dead Are swept away, and tomb inherits tomb, Until the memory of an age is fled, And, buried, sinks beneath its offspring’s doom: Where are the epitaphs our fathers read? Save a few glean’d from the sepulchral gloom Which once-named myriads nameless lie beneath, And lose their own in universal death.
I canter by the spot each afternoon Where perish’d in his fame the hero-boy, Who lived too long for men, but died too soon For human vanity, the young De Foix! A broken pillar, not uncouthly hewn, But which neglect is hastening to destroy, Records Ravenna’s carnage on its face, While weeds and ordure rankle round the base.
I pass each day where Dante’s bones are laid: A little cupola, more neat than solemn, Protects his dust, but reverence here is paid To the bard’s tomb, and not the warrior’s column. The time must come, when both alike decay’d, The chieftain’s trophy, and the poet’s volume, Will sink where lie the songs and wars of earth, Before Pelides’ death, or Homer’s birth.
With human blood that column was cemented, With human filth that column is defiled, As if the peasant’s coarse contempt were vented To show his loathing of the spot he soil’d: Thus is the trophy used, and thus lamented Should ever be those blood-hounds, from whose wild Instinct of gore and glory earth has known Those sufferings Dante saw in hell alone.
Yet there will still be bards: though fame is smoke, Its fumes are frankincense to human thought; And the unquiet feelings, which first woke Song in the world, will seek what then they sought; As on the beach the waves at last are broke, Thus to their extreme verge the passions brought Dash into poetry, which is but passion, Or at least was so ere it grew a fashion.
If in the course of such a life as was At once adventurous and contemplative, Men, who partake all passions as they pass, Acquire the deep and bitter power to give Their images again as in a glass, And in such colours that they seem to live; You may do right forbidding them to show ’em, But spoil (I think) a very pretty poem.
O! ye, who make the fortunes of all books! Benign Ceruleans of the second sex! Who advertise new poems by your looks, Your ‘imprimatur’ will ye not annex? What! must I go to the oblivious cooks, Those Cornish plunderers of Parnassian wrecks? Ah! must I then the only minstrel be, Proscribed from tasting your Castalian tea!
What! can I prove ‘a lion’ then no more? A ball-room bard, a foolscap, hot-press darling? To bear the compliments of many a bore, And sigh, ‘I can’t get out,’ like Yorick’s starling; Why then I’ll swear, as poet Wordy swore (Because the world won’t read him, always snarling), That taste is gone, that fame is but a lottery, Drawn by the blue-coat misses of a coterie.
O! ‘darkly, deeply, beautifully blue,’ As some one somewhere sings about the sky, And I, ye learned ladies, say of you; They say your stockings are so (Heaven knows why, I have examined few pair of that hue); Blue as the garters which serenely lie Round the Patrician left-legs, which adorn The festal midnight, and the levee morn.
Yet some of you are most seraphic creatures— But times are alter’d since, a rhyming lover, You read my stanzas, and I read your features: And—but no matter, all those things are over; Still I have no dislike to learned natures, For sometimes such a world of virtues cover; I knew one woman of that purple school, The loveliest, chastest, best, but—quite a fool.
Humboldt, ‘the first of travellers,’ but not The last, if late accounts be accurate, Invented, by some name I have forgot, As well as the sublime discovery’s date, An airy instrument, with which he sought To ascertain the atmospheric state, By measuring ‘the intensity of blue:’ O, Lady Daphne! let me measure you!
But to the narrative:—The vessel bound With slaves to sell off in the capital, After the usual process, might be found At anchor under the seraglio wall; Her cargo, from the plague being safe and sound, Were landed in the market, one and all, And there with Georgians, Russians, and Circassians, Bought up for different purposes and passions.
Some went off dearly; fifteen hundred dollars For one Circassian, a sweet girl, were given, Warranted virgin; beauty’s brightest colours Had deck’d her out in all the hues of heaven: Her sale sent home some disappointed bawlers, Who bade on till the hundreds reach’d eleven; But when the offer went beyond, they knew ’Twas for the Sultan, and at once withdrew.
Twelve negresses from Nubia brought a price Which the West Indian market scarce would bring; Though Wilberforce, at last, has made it twice What ’twas ere Abolition; and the thing Need not seem very wonderful, for vice Is always much more splendid than a king: The virtues, even the most exalted, Charity, Are saving—vice spares nothing for a rarity.
But for the destiny of this young troop, How some were bought by pachas, some by Jews, How some to burdens were obliged to stoop, And others rose to the command of crews As renegadoes; while in hapless group, Hoping no very old vizier might choose, The females stood, as one by one they pick’d ’em, To make a mistress, or fourth wife, or victim:
All this must be reserved for further song; Also our hero’s lot, howe’er unpleasant (Because this Canto has become too long), Must be postponed discreetly for the present; I’m sensible redundancy is wrong, But could not for the muse of me put less in ’t: And now delay the progress of Don Juan, Till what is call’d in Ossian the fifth duan.
CANTO THE FIFTH.
When amatory poets sing their loves In liquid lines mellifluously bland, And pair their rhymes as Venus yokes her doves, They little think what mischief is in hand; The greater their success the worse it proves, As Ovid’s verse may give to understand; Even Petrarch’s self, if judged with due severity, Is the Platonic pimp of all posterity.
I therefore do denounce all amorous writing, Except in such a way as not to attract; Plain—simple—short, and by no means inviting, But with a moral to each error tack’d, Form’d rather for instructing than delighting, And with all passions in their turn attack’d; Now, if my Pegasus should not be shod ill, This poem will become a moral model.
The European with the Asian shore Sprinkled with palaces; the ocean stream Here and there studded with a seventy-four; Sophia’s cupola with golden gleam; The cypress groves; Olympus high and hoar; The twelve isles, and the more than I could dream, Far less describe, present the very view Which charm’d the charming Mary Montagu.
I have a passion for the name of ‘Mary,’ For once it was a magic sound to me; And still it half calls up the realms of fairy, Where I beheld what never was to be; All feelings changed, but this was last to vary, A spell from which even yet I am not quite free: But I grow sad—and let a tale grow cold, Which must not be pathetically told.
The wind swept down the Euxine, and the wave Broke foaming o’er the blue Symplegades; ’Tis a grand sight from off ‘the Giant’s Grave To watch the progress of those rolling seas Between the Bosphorus, as they lash and lave Europe and Asia, you being quite at ease; There’s not a sea the passenger e’er pukes in, Turns up more dangerous breakers than the Euxine.
’Twas a raw day of Autumn’s bleak beginning, When nights are equal, but not so the days; The Parcae then cut short the further spinning Of seamen’s fates, and the loud tempests raise The waters, and repentance for past sinning In all, who o’er the great deep take their ways: They vow to amend their lives, and yet they don’t; Because if drown’d, they can’t—if spared, they won’t.
A crowd of shivering slaves of every nation, And age, and sex, were in the market ranged; Each bevy with the merchant in his station: Poor creatures! their good looks were sadly changed. All save the blacks seem’d jaded with vexation, From friends, and home, and freedom far estranged; The negroes more philosophy display’d,— Used to it, no doubt, as eels are to be flay’d.
Juan was juvenile, and thus was full, As most at his age are, of hope and health; Yet I must own he looked a little dull, And now and then a tear stole down by stealth; Perhaps his recent loss of blood might pull His spirit down; and then the loss of wealth, A mistress, and such comfortable quarters, To be put up for auction amongst Tartars,
Were things to shake a stoic; ne’ertheless, Upon the whole his carriage was serene: His figure, and the splendour of his dress, Of which some gilded remnants still were seen, Drew all eyes on him, giving them to guess He was above the vulgar by his mien; And then, though pale, he was so very handsome; And then—they calculated on his ransom.
Like a backgammon board the place was dotted With whites and blacks, in groups on show for sale, Though rather more irregularly spotted: Some bought the jet, while others chose the pale. It chanced amongst the other people lotted, A man of thirty rather stout and hale, With resolution in his dark grey eye, Next Juan stood, till some might choose to buy.
He had an English look; that is, was square In make, of a complexion white and ruddy, Good teeth, with curling rather dark brown hair, And, it might be from thought or toil or study, An open brow a little mark’d with care: One arm had on a bandage rather bloody; And there he stood with such sang-froid, that greater Could scarce be shown even by a mere spectator.
But seeing at his elbow a mere lad, Of a high spirit evidently, though At present weigh’d down by a doom which had O’erthrown even men, he soon began to show A kind of blunt compassion for the sad Lot of so young a partner in the woe, Which for himself he seem’d to deem no worse Than any other scrape, a thing of course.
‘My boy!’ said he, ‘amidst this motley crew Of Georgians, Russians, Nubians, and what not, All ragamuffins differing but in hue, With whom it is our luck to cast our lot, The only gentlemen seem I and you; So let us be acquainted, as we ought: If I could yield you any consolation, ’Twould give me pleasure.—Pray, what is your nation?’
When Juan answer’d—‘Spanish!’ he replied, ‘I thought, in fact, you could not be a Greek; Those servile dogs are not so proudly eyed: Fortune has play’d you here a pretty freak, But that ’s her way with all men, till they’re tried; But never mind,—she’ll turn, perhaps, next week; She has served me also much the same as you, Except that I have found it nothing new.’
‘Pray, sir,’ said Juan, ‘if I may presume, What brought you here?’—‘Oh! nothing very rare— Six Tartars and a drag-chain.’—‘To this doom But what conducted, if the question’s fair, Is that which I would learn.’—‘I served for some Months with the Russian army here and there, And taking lately, by Suwarrow’s bidding, A town, was ta’en myself instead of Widdin.’
‘Have you no friends?’—‘I had—but, by God’s blessing, Have not been troubled with them lately. Now I have answer’d all your questions without pressing, And you an equal courtesy should show.’ ‘Alas!’ said Juan, ‘’twere a tale distressing, And long besides.’—‘Oh! if ’tis really so, You’re right on both accounts to hold your tongue; A sad tale saddens doubly, when ’tis long.
‘But droop not: Fortune at your time of life, Although a female moderately fickle, Will hardly leave you (as she ’s not your wife) For any length of days in such a pickle. To strive, too, with our fate were such a strife As if the corn-sheaf should oppose the sickle: Men are the sport of circumstances, when The circumstances seem the sport of men.’
‘’Tis not,’ said Juan, ‘for my present doom I mourn, but for the past;—I loved a maid:’— He paused, and his dark eye grew full of gloom; A single tear upon his eyelash staid A moment, and then dropp’d; ‘but to resume, ’Tis not my present lot, as I have said, Which I deplore so much; for I have borne Hardships which have the hardiest overworn,
‘On the rough deep. But this last blow—’ and here He stopp’d again, and turn’d away his face. ‘Ay,’ quoth his friend, ‘I thought it would appear That there had been a lady in the case; And these are things which ask a tender tear, Such as I, too, would shed if in your place: I cried upon my first wife’s dying day, And also when my second ran away:
‘My third—’—‘Your third!’ quoth Juan, turning round; ‘You scarcely can be thirty: have you three?’ ‘No—only two at present above ground: Surely ’tis nothing wonderful to see One person thrice in holy wedlock bound!’ ‘Well, then, your third,’ said Juan; ‘what did she? She did not run away, too,—did she, sir?’ ‘No, faith.’—‘What then?’—‘I ran away from her.’
‘You take things coolly, sir,’ said Juan. ‘Why,’ Replied the other, ‘what can a man do? There still are many rainbows in your sky, But mine have vanish’d. All, when life is new, Commence with feelings warm, and prospects high; But time strips our illusions of their hue, And one by one in turn, some grand mistake Casts off its bright skin yearly like the snake.
‘’Tis true, it gets another bright and fresh, Or fresher, brighter; but the year gone through, This skin must go the way, too, of all flesh, Or sometimes only wear a week or two;— Love ’s the first net which spreads its deadly mesh; Ambition, Avarice, Vengeance, Glory, glue The glittering lime-twigs of our latter days, Where still we flutter on for pence or praise.’
‘All this is very fine, and may be true,’ Said Juan; ‘but I really don’t see how It betters present times with me or you.’ ‘No?’ quoth the other; ‘yet you will allow By setting things in their right point of view, Knowledge, at least, is gain’d; for instance, now, We know what slavery is, and our disasters May teach us better to behave when masters.’
‘Would we were masters now, if but to try Their present lessons on our Pagan friends here,’ Said Juan,—swallowing a heart-burning sigh: ‘Heaven help the scholar whom his fortune sends here!’ ‘Perhaps we shall be one day, by and by,’ Rejoin’d the other, when our bad luck mends here; Meantime (yon old black eunuch seems to eye us) I wish to God that somebody would buy us!
‘But after all, what is our present state? ’Tis bad, and may be better—all men’s lot: Most men are slaves, none more so than the great, To their own whims and passions, and what not; Society itself, which should create Kindness, destroys what little we had got: To feel for none is the true social art Of the world’s stoics—men without a heart.’
Just now a black old neutral personage Of the third sex stept up, and peering over The captives, seem’d to mark their looks and age, And capabilities, as to discover If they were fitted for the purposed cage: No lady e’er is ogled by a lover, Horse by a blackleg, broadcloth by a tailor, Fee by a counsel, felon by a jailor,
As is a slave by his intended bidder. ’Tis pleasant purchasing our fellow-creatures; And all are to be sold, if you consider Their passions, and are dext’rous; some by features Are bought up, others by a warlike leader, Some by a place—as tend their years or natures; The most by ready cash—but all have prices, From crowns to kicks, according to their vices.
The eunuch, having eyed them o’er with care, Turn’d to the merchant, and begun to bid First but for one, and after for the pair; They haggled, wrangled, swore, too—so they did! As though they were in a mere Christian fair Cheapening an ox, an ass, a lamb, or kid; So that their bargain sounded like a battle For this superior yoke of human cattle.
At last they settled into simple grumbling, And pulling out reluctant purses, and Turning each piece of silver o’er, and tumbling Some down, and weighing others in their hand, And by mistake sequins with paras jumbling, Until the sum was accurately scann’d, And then the merchant giving change, and signing Receipts in full, began to think of dining.
I wonder if his appetite was good? Or, if it were, if also his digestion? Methinks at meals some odd thoughts might intrude, And conscience ask a curious sort of question, About the right divine how far we should Sell flesh and blood. When dinner has opprest one, I think it is perhaps the gloomiest hour Which turns up out of the sad twenty-four.
Voltaire says ‘No:’ he tells you that Candide Found life most tolerable after meals; He ’s wrong—unless man were a pig, indeed, Repletion rather adds to what he feels, Unless he ’s drunk, and then no doubt he ’s freed From his own brain’s oppression while it reels. Of food I think with Philip’s son, or rather Ammon’s (ill pleased with one world and one father);
I think with Alexander, that the act Of eating, with another act or two, Makes us feel our mortality in fact Redoubled; when a roast and a ragout, And fish, and soup, by some side dishes back’d, Can give us either pain or pleasure, who Would pique himself on intellects, whose use Depends so much upon the gastric juice?