Part 3

But what a picture of domestic misery and stupid cruelty is unveiled by the other side of this extraordinary correspondence! No wonder that girls go wrong and throw their womanhood away in sin and anguish, when their youth is passed with fathers and mothers whose stupidity is such that they confound brutality with discipline, and are not ashamed to boast of the outrages they commit on their own flesh and blood. If we have appeared to cite the complacent suggestions of such people with patience, it is because no words of condemnation could be so severe as their own description of themselves and their ways. To those parents the great and sacred gift of children has come like pearls to swine. Perhaps in many cases it is their heads more than their hearts which are at fault, and their dense ignorance leaves them with no sense of right. But, whatever may be the cause, that which they call love of obedience is lust of powder and wicked impatience; they play the tyrant over their helpless offspring and think themselves virtuous, while they are absolutely criminal. If the secrets of all hearts were known, it would probably be seen that the parents who flogged and tortured their children for lies and evil conduct first taught them those offences by their own characters, and deserved the rod much more thoroughly. This correspondence is a serious thing; it reveals the existence of a whole world of unnatural and indefensible private cruelty of which law ought to have cognisance. We do not live in Roman times, when a parent might sell a son into slavery or take his life. These are Christian days, and each human soul has its dignity and its rights, to be respected and enforced. It would do some of these smirking malefactors good to be denounced and punished at the police court for what is not less an assault with violence because it is committed by a child’s natural protector. We have all learned from Mr. Rarey that whipping is the worst way, and gentleness the best way, with horses, dogs, and the dumb creation generally. We have abolished flogging in the army, and it will linger only during this session in the navy. The cat is now reserved as an indescribable disgrace for garotters in goal, and—as it seems—for the tender girl-children of many a ‘respectable’ household. Emphatically we denounce this relic of the past generation; we say that to beat a girl-child is shameful and abominable, and never yet had any result but mischief to the victim and degradation to the executioner. As one reads these detestable confessions, there can no longer be any surprise felt that young girls go astray, even from the homes of the well-to-do classes. They escape from the vile discipline of the scourge like maddened creatures, without a vestige of self-respect or honour. We did not expect to find the ancient fallacy of Virtue taught by Violence displaying its cloven feet in so many households.

_A Rector_ writes: ‘I am glad to see that the subject of the punishment of children is again alluded to in your columns. I think it was dropped too soon. Surely it is as important and interesting a subject to Englishwomen as tight-lacing which has occupied more time and space than this thoroughly practical and domestic question.

Although I am only in early middle life, I am old-fashioned enough to regret the disuse of corporal punishment both at home and at school; and, with many others, I believe that the loss of parental authority and the precious independence and lawlessness of young persons, are due in no small degree to this fact. No longer ago than my own childhood it was otherwise. I and my brothers were whipped, and I believe we are all the better for it. At any rate, we never doubted then or since that our good mother was right; I have never loved or respected her the less for our well-deserved punishment. Nor was the use of the rod confined to boys. I remember we used to look with a sort of awe upon a lady who lived near us and attended the same church with a family of girls, because it was the current report that she was a very strict disciplinarian and used the birch unsparingly. Nor could I ever understand why girls should not be whipped just as much as boys, if they deserved it. If the good old custom had not been allowed to go out, there would not have been so many girls of the period at the present day. A dignitary of the Church whom I know was so convinced of this, that when he lost his wife he still occasionally used the rod himself while his daughters were still children. In former times both home governesses and schoolmistresses used the rod, both with boys and girls, as a matter of course. I could quote instances in abundance in proof of this; but things are changed now, and for the worse. The birch is happily still used in all the older grammar schools for boys, but I fear that in girls’ schools it is seldom heard of—at least, I should be very glad to hear it if your correspondents can report otherwise.

I remember, some fifteen years ago, a boy told it me as a rather wonderful thing that at the school where his sister was, they birched the girls just like boys. Whether they do so still I do not know. I shall be glad to say a few words more on this topic on a future occasion.’

_Tiny_ agrees with the remarks made by _An English Lady_ on the birchrod question. There is something in it perfectly revolting to any refined female mind. If children are properly brought up, with a clear knowledge of right and wrong, their education being based upon sound religious teaching, depend upon it at fifteen years of age they will not require such a degrading punishment. _Tiny_ is a mother, and she would never punish her child in such a way, and were she positively compelled to do so the pain and grief to herself would be far greater than any the child would feel; and most certainly _Tiny_ would never boast of the punishment as _A Mother_ does.

Children are gifted with reasoning powers, and should be taught that their first duty is strict obedience—the unquestioning obedience which is cheerfully given because they know no-one can have their welfare so much at heart as their parents. And mothers should so act as to win the respect of their children. How can an intelligent girl of fifteen respect the mother who chastises her as she would an unruly spaniel? Where such correction is needed, depend upon it the bringing up of the child is at fault. Teach a child that her mother is her best friend, enter into all her childish pleasures and sorrows, and at fifteen she will be a companion, not a plague.

_A Scotch Mother_ says: It appears from the letters in your magazine that some correspondent wishes further information on the subject of whipping children. Now, before the subject closes, I would be much obliged to any of your lady correspondents who would give me information through your columns on the following points:—Whether a whipping has more good effect on boys than girls—that is to say, which requires the rod to be used most seldom; and also at what age can boys be whipped by ladies, my opinion being that except at a very early age few ladies can inflict a chastisement on boys sufficiently severe to be remembered.’

In regard to the proper chastisement of the young, _Agnes_ writes: ‘While you have so many opinions expressed both for and against corporal punishment for girls, perhaps the opinion of one who has herself suffered during her youth may be acceptable.

Up to the age of sixteen I was educated at home, and I believe to a certain extent spoiled. On arriving at that age I was placed at a finishing school near Bath, in the charge of a lady who was dearly loved by all her pupils, but at the same time did not fail to punish them severely for their faults. At the same time I had a very bad habit of boastful fibbing—a habit which she reprimanded very sternly soon after I was placed there; this not having the desired effect, she one morning sent for me to her sitting-room, and there told me of her intention of endeavouring to effect a cure of this habit by inflicting a whipping. I was then sent to my bedroom in charge of a governess, to remove my underclothing, and on my return to the sitting-room, was obliged to lie across an ottoman, while the punishment was inflicted with a birchrod. I was somewhat resentful at the time, but have since had much cause to be grateful, for two or three similar applications completely cured me.

This is now eight years ago, and should I ever have any daughters, I should not hesitate to treat them in a like manner.’

_The Husband of a Schoolmistress_ writes: ‘My wife keeps a boarding-school for little girls. The youngest is just turned six; the eldest about twelve. One of the pupils, just turned nine, was detected in a moral offence. My wife took her into a private room alone and chastised her with a rod. The mother called the following day, was indignant, and removed the child. I claimed a quarter’s payment, in lieu of notice. This was peremptorily refused. It was agreed that the question should be referred to a neighbouring magistrate, a retired barrister with a family of daughters. He heard the child’s statement and that of the mother as to the marks on the child’s person. When they had finished he asked my wife whether she had been in the habit of so punishing her scholars; to which she answered in the affirmative. He then said he did not wish to hear anything more from her, that his own children were so corrected, and that the quarter’s payment in lieu of notice must be paid.’

_A Rector_ writes: ‘It would be a difficult task to enumerate the numberless authorities in favour of corporal punishment for children from Solomon to our own day. Some of the greatest names would be contained in the list. Thus Dr. Arnold always defended and advocated this form of discipline, and practised it himself. The head of another large public school, in his evidence before the Royal Commission, not only declared it was the wisest and most efficacious form of punishment, but said it had a good effect upon the mind and body of children—it quickens the circulation of the blood, and is therefore specially beneficial to children of sluggish temperament and dull understanding. I believe he quoted the opinion of medical men in support of this.[1] It has a good effect also as teaching that sin brings pain. It is nonsense to talk of reasoning with children. Authority is what they require. Reason will come in due time, but the first duty of the parent is to secure obedience. Many parents are evidently most unfit for their responsible position and have no right to be parents. They will only bring up undisciplined children who will cause misery to themselves and others. Many of your correspondents are evidently of this class of ignorant and silly parents. If children are properly brought up, the use of the rod will become less frequent as they grow older, till it will be altogether laid aside, and a word, a look, or a remonstrance will be enough. Many children nothing but pain will subdue; passionate children, sulky and obstinate children, and those addicted to falsehood and idleness, are such. A prompt and severe whipping will do what hours of reasoning or pleading will not effect, and this is better for the child and the parent too. There is no punishment that girls and boys dread so much as a whipping. It is a real punishment and a personal one, while many of the substitutes for it are unequal, unfair, injurious, and ineffective.’

[1] For a full discussion of the stimulating powers of flagellation, see: MEIBOMIUS—A Treatise on the Utility of Flogging in Medicine and Venery.

_A Schoolmistress_ writes: ‘I am rejoiced to see that the subject of the personal chastisement of children is again being brought forward. Now no one has tested the exceeding efficacy of the systematic use of the rod more than I have done, so I gladly give my experience—extending now over thirty-five years. Up to twelve years of age I was brought up by my aunt, who kept up my father’s house (my mother died when I was very young). During this time no attempt was made to correct by physical pain (except of the mildest description) my many evil propensities and bad habits; but after I was twelve, my father married again, and I was sent to a boarding-school in Norwich where, when I had been about three weeks, I had my first whipping. I had been guilty of gross misconduct, and told a lie to screen myself. The punishment inflicted on me was the beginning of my entire reformation.

I shall never forget that first whipping, how I was told after prayers to go to Mrs. S.’s private room; how, after a most loving reprimand, I was told that as reproof had failed to do me good, I must prepare to be whipped. Mrs. S. then rang the bell, and giving to the maid who answered it a long woollen dress which she took from a hanging closet, bade her see that I put that on and came back to her. The maid, an old confidential servant, took me into Mrs. S.’s bedroom, made me undress and don the long woollen garment, which fastened round the waist with a band and was open down each side from the waist to the feet. I then was bidden to put my feet in a pair of list slippers. This being done, the maid, carrying off all my clothes to my own bedroom, requested me to go back to the room where I had left Mrs. S., and give four knocks at the door. Instead of doing this, I lingered in the passage, where the maid found me a few minutes afterwards. She told me to follow her. I did so, and she remained till I had knocked four times at the door. On being told to enter, I found Mrs. S. sitting at a table reading, but on the table lay a long lithe rod; pushing the table on one side, she took up the rod, pointed to a long narrow stool, which I afterwards knew as the Horse, and told me to lie across it. The previous preparation and Mrs. S.’s manner so awed me that I submitted. I then found myself buckled across by a strap across the horse. I heard Mrs. S. fasten the door and draw a heavy curtain across it. She then very quickly folded the back part of the woollen dress—which was open on each side from the waist to the feet—above the waist; then very briefly speaking of my faults, she grasped the rod and gave me very deliberately a most severe birching. Of course I screamed, and shrieked, and implored, but the rod pursued its destined course and did its destined work. The stinging pain, the after-feeling and marks, the present shame, the necessary submission, the ceremony observed—all did their work; and as I took my course to bed, I felt the first overthrow of the old rebellious nature. From that time till I was sixteen I had to pay seven similar visits, and go through even more severe whippings. But behold the fruit! At nineteen I became a teacher in the same school; I remained for ten years Mrs. S.’s most trusted assistant. I have now for many years had a school of my own, and I myself administer corporal punishment in precisely the same way as I have described, and we have never known it to fail. Dozens of pupils, in their happy after-lives, have gratefully thanked me for my discipline. I am most anxious that this should be made public, and will gladly furnish many special cases and give all information.’

_A Rejoicer in the Restoration of the Rod_ says: ‘I call myself by this title because I do most firmly believe that a great many of the acknowledged evils of the present age—undutiful children, and reckless, heedless young men and women—arise from so many parents and teachers having of late years neglected a most essential duty in not using sufficient and proper corporal punishment. But from all I hear a great reaction is taking place in this respect. And though there may be many loving mothers, like _Tiny_, who shrink from it, yet I rejoice that true love is being more shown in duty triumphing over sentiment, and that the birchrod is regaining its old place both among boys and girls; so much so that I believe it is a very rare thing to find a preparatory school for boys—especially those conducted by ladies—where the rod is not more or less used. I know one most excellent school of this kind in Kentish Town, where there are boys from six to fourteen, and where the very kind and good ladies who manage it, and who always have more applications for admission than they can receive, administer the rod in a way which, if _A Scotch Mother_ could witness, would effectively negative her idea of ladies not being able to birch a boy worth mentioning after he ceased to be a little boy.’

_Florence_ thus narrates her experience: ‘Both my brother and myself were spoiled in the fullest sense of the word. My father spoiled me, and my mother spoiled my brother. However, when I was fourteen years of age my parents were compelled to go abroad for mamma’s health, and I was left under the guardianship of a maiden aunt, who quickly decided that a strict school was the best place for me.

To a school in Hertfordshire I was accordingly sent, the mistress having been previously informed that I was a child of wayward disposition. I had not been there a week before the spirit of opposition which pervaded me, as my aunt used to term it, got me into hot water, and I was ordered to bed. I had not been undressed many minutes when Miss Margaret, one of the principals, came into the bedroom and, after lecturing me on my conduct, told me she intended to whip me. She then rang the bell, and one of the maids brought a birch, and I was told to prepare, which I flatly refused to do. As I was rebellious, the maid tied my hands together with a towel, the ends of which were fastened to a peg high up on the wall, so that I could only just reach the floor with the tips of my toes. Miss Margaret then gave me a severe flogging. Finding I was obstinate, after a minute or two she desisted and left the room, leaving me with the maid. I tried hard to get off the peg, but could not. When Miss Margaret returned she asked me whether I was sorry. “No” I shouted. “Then I must whip you again,” she said, suiting the action to the word. This second whipping was too much for my spirit, and I begged for forgiveness. The rest of the day I did not cease crying, not so much from the pain as from mortification that I had met my match and been conquered. Strange as it may seem, from that day to the present I have loved Miss Margaret, and felt her to be a true friend.

As I believe great benefit has resulted from corporal punishment, I think it right to advocate it, for I know from observation that if our faults are not corrected when we are young, we generally suffer in a far harder school when we grow up.’

_Mrs. L. Gray_ writes: ‘Being a mother of three daughters, the eldest being thirteen and the youngest nine years old, who have, up to the present time, given me great trouble in managing, I have determined, since reading the letters in your last number signed _Agnes_ and _A Schoolmistress_, as a last resource, to whip them. I am sure many of your subscribers and myself would feel greatly obliged to the lady who signed herself _A Schoolmistress_ if she would kindly give us a few instances where whipping has proved effective, and if she or any of your readers will inform me how old I may pursue that course of correction, as I have had a niece put under my care whose parents are in India, who is very wilful and disobedient, and, being nearly sixteen, I do not know how to punish her without whipping her. I should feel greatly obliged to any of your readers who would kindly let me know through your columns of a shop where I could get good birchrods from in London, as I am going to reside there in future. I am sure you would be conferring a boon on parents if you could publish the many letters that have appeared upon the chastisement of children, when the correspondence closes, in a separate book.’

From Philadelphia, _A Sister_ writes: ‘You have a subject discussed in your magazine which at this present time is very interesting to me. I refer to the personal chastisement of children. My case is this. I have my two younger sisters to bring up (their mother being dead), and I feel great difficulty in making them obey. They are often extremely disobedient and naughty. The only punishment that I have inflicted on them is a box on the ears, or sending them to bed, neither of which I find does them any good. Their father has given me full control over them, and says if I find it well to whip them to do so; but I would first like to ask some elder sister who has had the bringing up of some younger ones if it is well for a sister to administer corporal punishment? I see none of the letters in your magazine are from sisters, or I would not have troubled you with this. I see most of your correspondents advocate a bunch of twigs as the best instrument of correction. I should like to ask if they leave any marks for any length of time, when applied without covering; because I do not wish to be too severe, although I should like the punishment to be effectual.

By inserting this as soon as possible, you will greatly oblige.’

A lady, signing _Experience_, writes: ‘As many of your readers seem anxious to know how to punish girls of fifteen years old and upwards, I take the liberty of informing you that about three years ago my eldest girl gave me a good deal of trouble by disregarding my directions and orders. She was then turned sixteen, was home from school for her holidays, and evidently thought that under those circumstances she was entitled to do just what she pleased.

I spoke to her two or three times very seriously, and at last threatened that if she continued to disregard what I said to her I should be compelled to enforce my orders with the birch. When my children were little I had been used, if they were naughty, to lay them across my knee and whip them with my slipper or a small birchrod, but now this mode of procedure was not available, as my daughter was too big for that treatment, and would only laugh at the slight pat she would receive. It being a real struggle for the mastery, it was important that my authority should be supported, and if it were not for this I do not think that I should have whipped her at all. What I did was this: I bought a birch broom and took from it twenty long, stiff, and bushy switches, tied them together with string, the handle being about as thick as my wrist.

Shortly after it was made I had occasion to use it. I first lectured the culprit, and then pinioned her arms behind her back, laid her across a sofa, and applied the birch sharply. She promised amendment, and I left off, telling her at the same time that I would whip her again if she broke her word. Before a week was over she had done so, and I was afraid that what I had done was useless, perhaps worse. However, I determined to give it another trial. I did so, this time making her first remove her drawers. I gave her twenty strokes deliberately, and with excellent effect, for since she has conducted herself well, and I have not had to repeat the experiment. My advice to mothers is this: Do not use the rod unless you are absolutely obliged, but if you do use it make it smartly felt. It is no disgrace to a girl to be whipped by her mother—the disgrace is in deserving it. Boys of the very highest birth are constantly flogged by their fathers and masters, and why should not a girl be whipped by her mother or governess.’