Part 7

Bawd 'A Procurer, or Procuress.' To bawd, _v. n._ 'To procure.' Bawdily (from _bawdy_) 'obscenely.' Bawdiness (from _bawdy_) 'obsceneness.' Bawdry, _s._ '1. A wicked practise of procuring and bringing whores and _rogues_ together. 2. Obscenity.' Bawdy, _a._ (from _bawdy_) 'Obscene, unchaste.' Bawdyhouse. 'A house where traffic is made by wickedness and debauchery.' Baggage. 'A worthless woman.' Bitch. '1. The female of the _canine_ kind. 2. A name of reproach for a woman.' Blackguard[138]. 'A dirty fellow.' Block. 'A Blockhead.' Blockhead. 'A stupid fellow; a dolt; a man without parts,' Blunderer. 'A blockhead.' Blockhead 'A stupid fellow' Bloodletter. '_A Phlebotomist._' Suds. '_A Lixivium_ of soap and water.' Sun. 'The luminary that makes the day.'

_The_ English dictionary is prodigiously defective--_Nervi desunt._ It has no force of thought. This wilderness of words displays a mind, patient, but almost incapable of reasoning; ignorant, but oppressed by a load of frivolous ideas; proud of its own powers, but languishing in the last stage of hopeless debility. We have long extolled it with the wildest luxuriance of adulation, and we pretend to despise the worshippers of _the golden calf_.

No man has done more honour to England, than Mr Locke. What would he have said or thought, had Dr Johnson's dictionary been published in his days? We can easily determine his opinion from several passages in his works. I select the following, because it is both short and decisive; and he who feels any respect for Mr Locke will retain little for the author of the Rambler. His words are these: 'If any one asks _what this solidity is_[139], I send him to his senses to inform him. Let him put a flint, or a football between his hands, and then endeavour to join them _and he will know_. If he thinks this not a sufficient explication of _solidity_, what it is, and wherein it consists, I promise to tell him, what it is, and wherein it consists, when he tells me, what _thinking_ is, or wherein it consists, or explains to me what _extension_ or _motion_ is, which perhaps seems much easier. The simple ideas we have are such as experience teaches them us; but _if, beyond that, we endeavour by words to make them clearer_ in the mind, we shall succeed no better, than if we went about to clear up the darkness of a blind man's mind by talking, and discourse into him the ideas of light and colours[140].'

In the title page of his octavo, we learn, that 'the words are deduced from their originals.' And in the preface, he adds, that 'the etymologies and derivations, whether from foreign languages or native roots, are more diligently traced, and more distinctly noted, than in other dictionaries of the same kind.' Mr Whitaker assures us that in this single article the Doctor has committed upwards of _three thousand_ errors: And the historical pioneer produces abundant evidence in support of his assertion[141]. But independent of this curious circumstance, let us ask the Doctor what he means by crouding such trifles into an abstract, which is, he says, intended for those who are 'to gain degrees of knowledge suitable to lower characters, or necessary to the common business of life.' To tell such people, that the word _porridgepot_ is compounded of _porridge_, and _pot_, is to insult their understandings; and of his Greek and Saxon roots, not one individual in a thousand can read even a single letter. The preface commences with a pitiful untruth. Having mentioned the publication of his folio dictionary, he subjoins, 'it has _since_ been considered that works of that kind are by no means necessary for the bulk of readers.' Here he would insinuate that the _abstract_ was an _after-thought_: But every body sees, that its publication was delayed, only to accelerate the sale of his folio dictionary. There is not room now left, to dissect every sentence in the preface to his octavo. I shall therefore conclude that subject with one particular, wherein the Doctor's taste, learning, and genius, blaze in their meridian.

In the title page to his octavo dictionary, we are informed, that the words are 'authorised by the names of the writers in whose works they are found.' And this tale is repeated at greater length in the preface, where 'it will be found that truth requires him to say less[142]': For under letter A only, there are between four and five hundred words, for which the _Idler_ has not assigned any authority--and of these one hundred and eighty are to be found in no language under heaven. He boasts indeed that his dictionary 'contains many words not to be found in any other.' But it also contains many words, not to be found at all in any other book. If we compute that letter A has a thirteenth part of these _recruits_, we shall find that the whole number scattered through his compilation exceeds two thousand. A purchaser of his _abstract_ has a title to ask the Doctor, why the work is loaded with such a profusion of trash, which serves only to testify the folly of him who collected or created it. Men of eminent learning have been consulted, who disown all acquaintance (in English) with most articles in the following list:

Abacus, Abandonement, Abarticulation, Abcedarian, Abcedary, Aberrant, Aberuncate, Abject, _v. a._ Ablactate, Ablactation, Ablation, Ablegate, Ablegation, Ablepsy, Abluent, Abrasion, Abscissa, Absinthiated, Abitention, Absterge, Accessariness, Accidentalness, Accipient, Acclivious, Accolent, Accompanable, Accroach, Accustomarily, Acroamatical, Acronycal, Acroters, or Acroteria, Acuate, Aculerate, Addulce, Addenography, Ademption, Adiaphory, Adjectitious, _Adition_, Abstergent, Acceptilation, Adjugate, Adjument, Adjunction, Adjunctive, Adjutor, Adjutory, Adjuvant, Adjuvate, Admensuration, Adminicle, Adminicular, Admix, Admonishment, _Admurmuration_, Adscititious, Adstriction, Advesperate, Adulator, Adulterant, Adulterine, Adumbrant, Advolation, Advolution, Adustible, Aerology, Aeromancy, Aerometry, Aeroscopy, Affabrous, Affectuous, Affixion, Afflation, Afflatus, Agglomerate, Agnation, Agnition, Agreeingness, Alate, Abb, Alegar, Alligate, Alligation, Allocution, Amalgmate, Amandation, Ambidexterity, Ambilogy, Ambiloquous, Ambry, Ambustion, Amende, Amercer, Amethodical, _Amphibological_, _Amphibologically_, Amphisch, Amplificate, Amygdalate, Amygdaline, Anacamptick, Anacampticks, _Anaclacticks_, Anadiplosis, Anagogetical, Anagrammatize, Anamorphosis, Anaphora, Anastomosis, Anastrope, Anathematical, Androgynal, Androgynally, Androgynus, Anemography, Anemometer, _Anfractuousness_, Angelicalness, _Angiomonospermous_, Angularity, Angularness, Anhelation, Aniented, Anileness, Anility, Animative, Annumerate, Annumeration, Annunciate, Anomalously, Ansated, Antaphroditick, Antapoplectick, Antarthritick, Antasthmatick, Anteact, Auscultation, Antemundane, Antepenult, Antepredicament, Anthology, Anthroposophy, Anthypnotick, Antichristianity, Auxiliation, Antinephritick, Antinomy, Antiquatedness, Apert, Apertly, Aphilanthrophy, Aphrodisiacal, Aphrodosiack, Apocope, Apocryphalness, Apomecometry, Appellatory, Apsis, Aptate, Aptote, Aqua, Aquatile, Aqueousness, Aquose, Aquosity, Araignee, Aratory, Arbuscle, Archchanter, Archaiology, Archailogick, Archeus, Arcuation, Arenose, Arenulous, Argil, Argillaceous, Argute, Arietate, Aristocraticallness, Armental, Armentine, Armigerous, Armillary, Armipotence, Arrentation, Arreptitious, Arrison, Authentickness, Arrosion, Articular, Articulateness, Austral, Arundinaceous, Arundineous, Asbestine, Ascriptitious, Asinary, Asperation, Asperifolious, Aspirate, _v. a._ Assassinator, Assumptive, Astonishingness, Astrography, Attiguous, Attinge, Aucupation, Avowee.

Of these words about forty only are proper, yet though they are so, and though they are frequently to be found in the best authors, yet the Doctor has not given any authority for them. His reading therefore must have been very circumscribed, or his negligence very great. Is the word _Avowee_, for instance, one of those which 'are however, to be yet considered as resting only upon the credit of former dictionaries[143].' Besides these forty, there are under letter A, some hundreds of the most common words, for which no author's name is quoted. A gross omission according to the plan which he lays down.

Let us put the case, that a foreigner sits down to compose a page of English, by the help of Dr Johnson's work. The strange combinations of letters (for I dare not call them words) which swell his book to its present bloated size, are not marked with an asterisk, to distinguish them as barbarous: The novice would therefore adopt a stile unknown to any native of England. Here is a short specimen of what he would say.

'An _Admurmuration_ has long wandered about the world, that the pensioner's political principles are _anfractuous_. Their _anfractuousness_, their _insipience_, and their _turpitude_, are no longer _amphibological_. His _nefarious repercussion_ of _obloquy_ must _contaminate_, and _obumbrate_, and who can tell but it may even _aberuncate_ his _feculent_ and _excrementitious celebrity_. His _perspicacity_ will see without _comity_, or _hilarity_, that his character as an author and a gentleman, requires _resuscitation_, for it is neither _immane_ nor _immarcessible_. This is a _homogeneous_ truth[144]. Let him distend, like the _flaccid_ sides of a football[145], his _sal_, his _sapience_, and his powers of _ratiocination_. The _mellifluous_ and _numerose cadence_ of _equiponderant_ periods cannot ensure him from a _luxation_, a _laceration_, and a _resiliency_ of his _adminicular concatenation_ with the _rugged mercantile_ race[146]. The loss of this _adscititious adminicle_ would make the sage's _impeccable_, but _lugubrious_ bosom vibrate with the horrors of _dilution_ and _dereliction_. His organs of vision would gush with _salsamentarious_ torrents of spherical particles, of equal diameters, and of equal specific gravities, as Dr Cheyne observes--their smoothness--their sphericity--their frictions, and their hardness,'[147] &c.

To the last edition (the 4th) of the folio dictionary, there is prefixed an advertisement, from which I have extracted a few lines: 'Finding my dictionary about to be reprinted, I have endeavoured by a revisal to make it less reprehensible. I will not deny that I found _many parts requiring emendation_, and _many more capable of improvement_. _Many faults_ I have corrected, some superfluities I have taken away, and some deficiencies I have supplied. I have methodised some parts that were _disordered_, and illuminated some that were _obscure_. Yet the changes or additions bear a very small proportion to the whole.' That his improvements, bear a very small proportion to the quantity of errors still in his book is true, for after a long and painful search, I have only been able to trace out ONE alteration. The word _Gazetteer_ is now defined without that insolent scurrility formerly quoted. But in this correct edition, thunder continues to be a _most bright flame_. Whig is still the name of a faction; and a Tory is said to be an adherent to the antient constitution of England. Oats, Excise, _Monarch_, &c. are all in the same stile. Nowise, _n. s._ '(_no_ and _wise_: this is commonly spoken and written by IGNORANT BARBARIANS, _noways_). Not in any manner, or degree.' Theorem, _n. s._ 'A position laid down as an acknowledged truth.'

Here a schoolboy can detect the Doctor's ignorance, for every body knows that this word has the _opposite_ meaning, which is indeed evident from the quotations that are intended to exemplify it.

'Having found this the head _theorem_ of all their discourses, we hold it necessary that the _proofs_ thereof be weighed.' _Hooker._ 'Here are three _theorems_, that from thence we may draw some conclusions[148].' _Dryden._ No words can paint the Doctor's want of attention.

To piss, _v. n._ (pisser Fr. pissen Dutch) 'To make water. I charge the _pissing_ conduit run nothing but claret. _Shakespeare._ One ass pisses, the rest _piss_ for company. _L'Estrange._ The wanton boys _piss_ upon your grave. _Dryden._' Whoredom, _n. s._ (from _whore_) 'Fornication. Some let go _whoredom_ as an indifferent matter. _Hale._' Whorish, _a._ (from whore) 'Unchaste, incontinent. By means of a _whorish_ woman a man is brought to a piece of bread. _Proverbs._ I had as lief you should tell me of a mess of _porridge_[149].'

The reader has seen what a profusion of low, and even blackguard expressions are to be met with in the Doctor's celebrated work. I shall now give an additional specimen of his _great_ work; and if, like some American savages, we cannot count our fingers, Dr Johnson himself will teach us how to do it; for he tells us, on _Shakespeare's_ authority, that two is, 'one and one,' Pope and Creech are quoted to prove, that three is, 'two and one.' Four is, 'two and two;' and, if you have the least doubt that 'four and one' make five, or that five is, 'the half of ten,' you will be silenced by the name of Dryden. Six is, 'twice three, one more than five.' Seven is, 'four and three, one more than six.' Eight is, 'twice four, a word of number.' Nine is, 'one more than eight.' Ninth is, 'that which precedes the tenth.' Ten is, 'the decimal number, twice five.' Tenth is, 'first after the ninth, the ordinal of ten.' Eleven is, 'ten and one.' Eleventh is, 'the next in order to the tenth, and is derived from eleven.' Twelve is, 'two and ten;' and twelfth, 'second after the tenth, the ordinal of twelve.' Thirteen is, 'ten and three.' Fourteen is, 'four and ten.' Fifteen is, 'five and ten.' Fifteen, 'the ordinal of fifteen, the fifth after the tenth;' and, if you entertain any suspicion as to the verity of these definitions, read over Boyle, Brown, Dryden, Moses, Raleigh, Sandys, Shakespeare, and Bacon. Thirdly is, in the 'third place.' Thrice, 'three times,' threefold, 'thrice repeated, consisting of three.' Threepence, (_three_ and _pence_) 'a small silver coin, valued at thrice a penny.' Threescore, a. (_three_ and _score_) 'thrice twenty, sixty.' Pope, Raleigh, Wiseman, Shakespeare, Brown, Dryden, and Spencer, are cited to convince you, that these explanations are accurate. And the other articles of numeration, with all their derivations, definitions, and the passages which are quoted to support them, would fill a sixpenny pamphlet. And this is one recipe for making a book worth four guineas!

A farthing is, 'the fourth part of a penny, and a penny is, _a small coin_[150], of which twelve make a shilling.' A shilling is 'now twelve pence.' A Pound is, 'the sum of twenty shillings;' and, if thou hast forgot the worth of a Guinea, know that it is 'a gold coin, valued at one and twenty shillings;' for Dryden, Locke, and Cocker, have said all this. A Punk is, 'a whore, a common prostitute;' and a Puppy is, 'a whelp, the progeny of a bitch, a name of contemptuous reproach to a man.' To _Mew_ is, 'to cry as a cat.' To Kaw is, 'to cry as a Raven, Crow, or Rook; and the cry of a Raven or Crow (and he might have added, of a Jack Daw too) is kaw.'

'There are men (says Dr Johnson) who claim the name of authors, merely to disgrace it, and fill the world with volumes, only to bury letters in their own rubbish. The traveller who tells, in a pompous Folio, that he saw the _Pantheon_ at _Rome_, and the _Medicean Venus_ at _Florence_; the natural historian, who, describing the productions of a narrow island, recounts all that it has in common with every other part of the world; the collector of antiquities, that accounts every thing a curiosity, which the ruins of Herculaneum happen to emit, though an instrument already shown in a thousand repositories, or a cup common to the antients, the moderns, and all mankind, may be justly censured as the persecutors of students, and the _thieves_ of that time, which never can be restored[151].'

The traveller who visits Rome and Florence, and gives an account of what he saw to the world, without describing the Pantheon and the Medicean Venus, will, very properly, be censured as an ignorant and tasteless wanderer. The historian who describes an island, whether wide or narrow, ought to begin by telling if it produces water, grass, wood, and corn. A sword, a bow, and a dagger, are common to the antients, the moderns, and almost all mankind; yet, if any Roman military weapon were discovered in the ruins of Herculaneum, it would deservedly be the object of curiosity, and a collector of antiquities might describe it without being censured, in Dr Johnson's polite style, as a _thief of time_. Of this passage, however, the leading idea is just; and, had the Doctor been able to express himself with precision, it would have served, in an admirable manner, to delineate the character of the author of those passages which we have just now been reading from his Dictionary.

A Puppy is said to be, 'the progeny of a bitch,' but so is the bitch herself. Repleviable is, 'what may be _replevined_.' Repair is, 'reparation;' and reparation is, 'the act of repairing.' A Republican is, 'one who thinks a commonwealth, without monarchy, the best government.' But this is only half a definition; for every subject of a republic, is a republican, whether he think it the best government or not. Republican, a. (from republic) is, 'placing the government in the people.' Is Venice under the government of the people? It is curious enough to hear such an author as Ben Johnson cited to prove what a republic is. The reader will compute what title the Doctor has to the character given him by a late writer, viz. that 'his great learning and genius render him one of the most _shining_ ornaments of the present age.' A Looking-glass is, 'a glass which shews forms reflected;' but so will a common glass bottle; though we never term it a looking-glass. He says it is compounded of _look_ and _glass_; but, if the reader happens to think it is derived from _looking_ and _glass_, the Doctor cannot confute him. A knave is, 'a petty rascal, a scoundrel.' A _Loon_ is, 'a sorry fellow, a scoundrel.' A _Looby_ is, 'a lubber, a clumsy clown.' A _Lubber_ is, 'a sturdy drone, an idle, fat, bulky _losel_, a booby.' A _Losel_ is, 'a scoundrel, a sorry worthless fellow.' A _Lubbard_ is, 'a lazy sturdy fellow.' A _Booby_ is--but you must know what it is, while you read, in these elegant definitions, the taste and genius of Dr Johnson. He says, that Bone is, 'the solid parts of the body of an animal.' Are not the fat and the muscles also solid? A Volume is, 'something rolled or convolved;' and so is a barrel, a foot-ball, and a blanket. But a volume is likewise '_as much as seems convolved at once_;' an expression hardly intelligible; and it is a book. A Book, we are told, is, 'a volume, in which we read or write;' and whether we read and write in it or not.

'V has two powers expressed in English by two characters, v, consonant, and u, vowel.' One would think these were two different letters, as much as any others in the alphabet. The same remark applies to letters I and J, which the Doctor has blended. It is remarkable that this _English_ Dictionary begins with a _Latin_ word; and the Doctor has inserted it without giving an authority.

A Ketch is, 'a _heavy_ ship;' and a Junk is, 'a _small_ ship of China.' A Sloop is, 'a small ship;' and a Brigantine is, 'a light vessel;' but, it would have required little learning or ingenuity to have said, that, in our marine, a sloop has only one mast, except sloops of war, which have three; and, that a brigantine is a merchant ship with two. A brig, a lugger, a hooker, a schooner, a galliot, a galleon, a proa, a punt, a xebeque, and a snow, are not inserted in this _compleat_ English Dictionary; but a Cutter is, 'a nimble boat that _cuts_ the water.' Did we ever hear of a boat that did not cut the water? This explanation, like that of at least twenty thousand others, is defective; because, besides a man of war's boat, the word Cutter is applied to a small vessel with one mast, rigged as a sloop, that sails very near the _wind_; from which peculiarity, its appellation is derived.

A Cannon is, 'a gun larger than can be managed by the hand.' Cannon-ball and Cannon shot are, 'the balls which are shot from great guns.' Mr Locke is cited to shew, that _cannot_ is compounded of _can_ and _not_. Menstruous is, 'having the catamenia;' and this last word is wanting, a frequent mode of _definition_ in this book. The Eye is, 'the organ of vision.' Eye-drop, (_eye_ and _drop_) 'tear.' See also Eye-ball, Eye-brow, Eye-glance, Eye-glass, Eyeless, Eye-lid, Eye-sight, Eye-sore, Eye-tooth, Eye-wink, Eye-witness. Eye-string is, 'the string of the eye[152].' The following names are cited to support the explanations: Dryden, Spencer, Newton, Milton, Garth, Bacon, Samuel, Peter, and Shakespeare four times. The man who can make such a pedantic parade of erudition, must be a mere quack in the business of book-building; and the reader who thinks himself edified by hearing, that an eye-wink is, 'a wink as a hint or token,' must be an object of pity. But there is no such reader. _Quere._ Do we never wink but as a hint or token? Achor is, 'a species of the _Herpes_;' and Hey, 'an expression of joy.' A Mocker is,'one who mocks;' and a Laughing-stock, (_laugh_ and _stock_) a 'butt, an object of ridicule.' Iron, a. is, 'made of iron;' and Iron, s. is said to be, 'a metal common to all parts of the world;' which is not the fact.

Numskull, _s._ (_numb_ and _skull_) 'a _Dullard_; a dunce; a dolt; a blockhead.' Numskulled, _a._ (from _Numskull_) 'dull; stupid; doltish.' Nun, _s._ 'a woman dedicated to the severer duties of religion, secluded in a cloister from the world.' The Nuns of London were _not_ employed in the severer duties of religion, which has nothing to do with severity. The institution of nunneries is the most atrocious insult upon human feelings, that ever disgraced the selfish and brutal policy of the Roman priesthood, and its consequences are the most shocking and criminal. The man who would palliate such an outrage on Christianity, deserves no quarter[153]. From this sample of his good sense and piety, one would hardly rank the Rambler above 'a domestic animal, that catches mice.'

Jack is, '1. The diminutive of John. 2. The name of _instruments_, which supply the place of a boy, _as an instrument_ to pull off boots.' Bronchocele, _s._ 'a tumor of that part of the _aspera tertia_, called the _Bronchos_,' and this last word is wanting. Broom is 'a shrub;' and Brogue 'a kind of shoe.' See also Broomstaff, Broomy, Broth, Brothel, and Brothelhouse. Bubo, 'the groin from the bending of the thigh to the _scrotum_;' but the _scrotum_ is not explained.

Snot. 'The mucus of the nose.' Nose. 'The prominence on the face, which is the organ of _scent_, and the emunctory of the brain.'

He should have said the organ of _smell_, for we do not say the sense of _scenting_. But from what he says of them, it appears that he is ignorant of the distinction between these two words. If the nose were the emunctory of the brain (which every surgeon's apprentice knows that it is _not_), in that case snot could not be the mucus of the nose, but the mucus of the brain. It belongs to neither. It is entirely, or principally formed in the glands of the throat, as we see every day in coughing. To contradict such inconsistencies, would be below the dignity of any writer, if they were found in a book less famous than the English Dictionary.

Rust. 'The red _Desquamation_ of old iron.' Desquamation. 'The act of scaling foul bones.' Sinew. '1. A tendon; the ligaments by which the joints are moved. 2. _Muscle_ or _nerve_!' Other metals rust as well as iron, and rust is not always red; that of copper for instance is blue or green. It is not quite clear why the word _Desquamation_ is introduced. But his account of _sinew_ exceeds every thing of the kind.